D.A.H.P. II: Il Potterino

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The votes are in on my poll, and by a unanimous eight votes, it's official - I will be writing a sequel to my popular fanfic, "Don't Anger Harry Potter."

Chapter 1

"America, the land of opportunity, beckoned me and my family to its shores, Lord Potter. I raised my daughter here, teaching her that while I would allow her to have freedom, she must remember never to dishonor her family. She went out with an American boy. I didn't protest, even though I was sure he was ignorant of my family's culture. One night, she went out drinking with him and another one of his friends. She resisted their advances and she kept her honor. They beat her ..."

At this point in his story, the funeral director known as Mr. Bonnanotti started to cry. "They tried to cover it up with plastic surgery … they botched it … she will never be beautiful again ..."

Tommy handed him a glass of water. "Grazie. Like any good American, I went to the police. They arrested the boys. Much to my shock, the bastards did not get any jail time from the judge - he gave them a pittance of a fine - a slap on the wrist! Can you imagine my outrage? So I told my wife, 'For justice, we must go to see Lord Potter.' "

Lord Harry Potter was sitting in his seat, petting his cat Crookshanks. "Okay ... you saw the police and the judge. What do you want me to do?"

"May I approach, Signore?" Harry nodded his permission, and Mr. Bonnanotti whispered his request.

Harry shook his head. "No, that is out of the question. I cannot possibly do that."

"You're refusing me?"

"I'm refusing you this, Signor Bonnanotti. Even though Hermione is godmother to your daughter, what makes you think you can come barging in on the day of my daughter's wedding, asking me to kill these two bastards? Have I done something wrong for you to treat me with such disrespect? Is this the way that you are supposed to treat a friend?"

Bonnanotti quailed a bit under Harry's glare. "Forgive me, Signore, but I'm asking for some justice here!"

"No, Signore, this is not justice. Justice is a rebalancing of the scales. Seeing that your daughter is still alive - for which we thank God - killing these boys would be - if you will excuse the expression - overkill."

"I see your point ... maybe they should suffer as they have made her suffer."

"Ah, there we go ... that is a more reasonable offer, which I will be willing to grant you. Just know that one day, I will call upon you to grant me a service. Until the arrival of that day - accept this ... as a gift."

A relieved Bonnanotti kissed Harry's hand in homage. "Grazie."

"Prego." When he left, Harry turned to Tommy. "Tommy, let's give this job to somebody who won't get carried away and kill these boys. They may be bastards, but they don't deserve death. No need to give Bonnanotti any unnecessary business."

~DAHPII~

This sunny day was not just the day of Rose Potter's wedding, but it was also the day that Constantine Potter, her younger brother, was coming home from the war with his girlfriend, Diana.

For her part, Diana looked around the gathering with wide eyes. "So many people ... Constantine, how are you so used to it?"

"I grew up with all these people, Diana. We're all one big Family, after all."

"Hence all the uncles you have. Uncle Tommy, Uncle Neville, Uncle Seamus, Uncle Draco, Uncle Loki ... they don't look anything like your father ... or like each other."

"My father grew up an only child, so his brothers are those friends he trusts the most."

She gave the matter some more thought. "Uncle Loki ... wait, you know Loki Palmer?"

He laughed. "Know him? Who doesn't know him? Much to his annoyance, he has to do his best to avoid crowds of fans."

"Do you think he showed up to this?"

"I don't see why he would NOT show up. He loves showing up for big Family events like this, with all the free food. Yes, even here he would have to suffer a crowd of people, but such is the price of celebrity."

"I wonder where he is. He sounds like a fun guy."

"Oh, I'm sure the old dog's around here somewhere." At that moment, a St. Bernard came running by with linked sausages in its mouth. After it came Neville, saying, "Loki, give me back my sausages, you mangy mutt!"

She laughed at the sight. "That's Loki? He's adorable! He's the friendly type, right?"

Constantine nodded with a smile.

~DAHPII~

Benji O'Dolios was going through the parking lot when a cop stopped him. "May I see your I.D., pal?"

Before Benji could make a smartass response, he heard an aggressive voice say, "OY! THIS IS A PRIVATE GATHERING, YA FASCIST OINKER OF A JAGOFF! BEAT IT!"

The cop revealed his badge. The young man spit in it and glared at him. "Get out of here ..." here he smashed a camera another cop was holding, "and take your stinking journalist with you!"

As the cops ran, the young man turned around. "Good to see you here, Benji. These fascist pricks don't respect shite, do they?"

"You said it, Titan. Thanks for saving my ass."

Titan Potter smiled. "Eh, I'm sure you would have told those jagoffs to go shag themselves or something similar."

~DAHPII~

"Constantine Potter! It's good to see you back from the war, and just in time for your sister's wedding!"

"I couldn't miss such a big occasion like this, Uncle Loki. How's Dad?"

"He's okay as can be expected ... and since when did you get a girlfriend?"

"Oh, yes ... Uncle Loki, I would like you to meet Diana. Diana, Uncle Loki."

Loki gave her hand a chivalrous kiss. "A pleasure to make the acquaintance of a pretty young lady like you, Mademoiselle. Constantine, where did you pick up this one?"

"I met her when I was in college."

Titan came up to the table with a wide smile on his face. "Hey, Constantine, fratellito! It's been too long since we've seen you!"

"Titan! It's good to see you! Diana, this is my older brother, Titan Potter. Titan, this is my girlfriend, Diana."

"Wow, you're a pretty one!"

"Thank you, Titan. Constantine's told me quite a bit about you."

"All good things, I hope?"

"Well ... he did mention you were a psycho - and still single."

Titan laughed. "Well, if you can't laugh at yourself ... excuse me ... there's a certain hot little bridesmaid I have my eye on ... giggity, giggity, gig-gi-ty OH!"

"Constantine! How long has it been?"

"Uncle Tommy! It's been about a year, I think."

The two hugged. "Let me get a good look at you ... you're looking good, for someone who fought in a war. Did you kill off a lot of those Islamfascist pricks while you were at it?"

Constantine cleared his throat. "What? You have a problem with me using the word pr ... Oh, I'm sorry, you've got a young lady with you. How you doing? Name's Tommy Riddle."

Diana waved it off. "No need to apologize, Tommy. Military men tend to use more vulgar language than most people."

"Well, war is an ugly thing, so why the Hell should we try to sugarcoat it? Besides, I don't have any kind words for anybody that wants to kill me off. Loki Palmer, you don't seem to have aged a day since the night we first met you. It seems to me Olympus put nectar in your sippy cup or something. How in Tartarus or in the Nine Realms are you staying so young in spite of the years?"

Loki shrugged.

"I bet you're attracting a lot of broads, banging them left and right."

"Don't let Susan hear you say that."

"Oh, I'm just busting your balls a little, you know that."

"How would Ophelia react if she heard me saying the same thing to you, even if I was busting your balls?"

"Busting MY balls? Busting MY balls? You've got quite the attitude, Loki. You think you could bust my balls?"

"Shoot, if the occasion calls for it, I could bust your face so bad, I could stick it in the window as a Halloween jack-o-lantern." That statement brought a round of laughter to Constantine and Diana, as Loki licked his finger to mark a point.