Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: Aya

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

Bold italic words are stage directions.

==============================

"Konnichiwa!" Cali grinned widely, while others winced.

"My ears…!" Eve grumbled.

"If I remember correctly, you're louder than she is," Mill stated.

"Shush!" Eve bopped the other on the head rather hard.

"Hi, you peop--What are you doing?" Yin blinked down at Mill, who is clutching her head while crouching on the floor. Yin's lips twitched. "You got hit, didn't you?"

Mill's response was a long trail of incoherent curses.

"Guess what, guess what??" Yin exclaimed, excitedly.

"What?" the other 3 replied dully.

"Sound more excited and I'll tell you."

"Oh my god! What?!" came the forced-excited responses.

"We're gonna be in a play!"

Cali became excited for real, Eve blinked and Mill winced.

"What…play?" Mill asked, voice shaking.

"Romeo and Juliet."

This time, Cali blinked, Eve raised her eyebrows and Mill was ready to kill herself.

++++++++++

"Guess what? Guess what?" Omi bounced into the shop.

"What?" Yoji said, rather distracted.

"We're gonna be in a play."

Yoji blinked, Ken blinked and Aya was as unresponsive as ever.

"Why?" the soccer player asked.

"My school is making a play and they said other people can join, too. Like my friends and family. So I enrolled you guys!"

"What a good idea," Yoji smirked. "My face will be admire by all those females."

Omi gagged, while Ken hit Yoji upside the head.

"I'm not doing it," the redhead spoke. Just then, a certain someone hopped down the steps and made her way over to the redhead.

"Oniichan, you're gonna be in a play!" Aya-chan said, excitedly. "Isn't that great?"

"Uh…sure…" Aya winced, inwardly.

"Great!" Aya-chan clapped her hands together, excitedly. "Auditions for the roles is tomorrow. Be there!"

-- The Next Day at School --

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, quiet down please," a middle aged lady stepped up on stage. "Thank you all for your participation. The auditions will now begin."

++++++++++

"Would the narrators get ready?" the lady asked.

"I don't get why we can't audition for the narrator roles," Ken mumbled.

"Because they're afraid we'll mess it up," Eve said. "The senior class did it last year. They were making these funny noises during the actual performance. It was actually funny…if they weren't so retarded."

"Completely embarrassed us," Yin said.

"Shut up and would the damn narrators hurry it up?!" the lady screamed into the loudspeaker.

~*~*~*~*~

"Two households, both alike in dignity," begin the first narrator. "In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny."

"Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean," the second narrator continued. "From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventured piteous overthrows Do with their death bury their parents' strife."

"The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love," added the third narrator. "And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage."

"The which if you with patient ears attend," the first narrator finished. "What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend."

"Okay, good. Now, this is the beginning where Gregory and Sampson and Abraham fights," the lady (who will now known as Ms. White). "Ready? GO!"

Alan (the role of Sampson): Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.

Marco (the role of Gregory): No, for then we should be colliers.

Alan: I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.

"I hate Shakespeare," Cali said.

"Why?" Yin asked. "It's kinda cool."

"Because the language is hard."

"Everything's hard for you."

"That's 'coz she's stupid," a nasal voice said from the back. Everyone turned to find Schwarz standing there.

"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???" Cali screamed.

"SHUT UP!!" Ms. White hollered. Everything became silent once again.

Marco: Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.

"What's with this collar thing?" Brad asked.

Alan: I strike quickly, being moved.

Marco: But thou art not quickly moved to strike.

Alan: A dog of the house of Montague moves me.

Marco: To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand: therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.

Everyone in the audience went "no shit".

Alan: A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.

Marco: That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall.

Alan: True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall.

All women in the audience promptly went "YOU BASTARD!!" as well as "GET YOUR BONY ASS DOWN HERE COZ I'M GONNA MURDER YOU!!"

Marco: The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.

Alan: 'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the
maids, and cut off their heads.

Marco: The heads of the maids?

Alan: Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; take it in what sense thou wilt.

Once again, the women started their cursings.

Marco: They must take it in sense that feel it.

Alan: Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.

Everyone gagged loudly.

"He's a pretty piece of burnt flesh," Cali cracked her knuckles.

Marco: 'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool; here comes two of the house of the Montagues.

Everyone in the crowd went "Ooooh…fight, fight, fight, fight!!"

Alan: My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.

"We needed to know that!!!" Cali gagged.

"EW!" Yin said. "We don't wanna see your goddamn 'weapon'!!"

"Stuff it back in!!" Keiko added. "NOOO!!! The horror!!!"

Ms. White turned her head and fixed them with a death glare. They shuts up.

Marco: How! turn thy back and run?

Everyone in the room went "CHICKEN!!"

Alan: Fear me not.

Marco: No, marry; I fear thee!

"My gosh…he won't be scared of him…" Mill started. "But he'll MARRY him???"

"EEEWWW!!!" Eve groaned in disgust. "I like yaoi but this is disgusting!!"

Alan: Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin.

Marco: I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as they list.

Alan: Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them; which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.

Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR.

Alex (the role of Abraham): Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

Alan: I do bite my thumb, sir.

Alex: Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

"YES NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP???" everyone screamed in unison.

Alan: [Aside to Marco] Is the law of our side, if I say ay?

Marco: No.

Alan: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir.

Everyone screamed in frustration.

Marco: Do you quarrel, sir?

Alex: Quarrel sir! no, sir.

Alan: If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you.

Alex: No better.

Alan: Well, sir.

Marco: Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen.

The crowd goes "FIGHT!"

Alan: Yes, better, sir.

Alex: You lie.

Alan: Draw, if you be men. Marco, remember thy swashing blow.

[They fight.]

Everyone cheers loudly.

Enter Christina

Christina (the role of Benvolio): Part, fools! Put up your swords; you know not what you do.

"Little do-gooder!" came a shout from the crowd.

"YEAH!" came the agreement.

"SHUT UP!!" came the shout from Ms. White. Everything became silent once again.

[Beats down their swords.]

Enter Kevin.

Kevin (role of Tybalt): What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds? Turn thee, Christina, look upon thy death.

"YEAH! Kill him!!" Farfarello cheered. Everyone turned to look at him. "What? I like hurting. Hurting is good."

Everybody sweatdropped.

Christina: I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword, Or manage it to part these men with me.

Kevin: What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word, As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee: Have at thee, coward!

"I hate God," Farfarello said, licking yet another one of his knives.

"I have a sudden urge for a lollipop…" Omi said.

[They fight.]

Enter several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs.

First Citizen: Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down! Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues!

"What side ARE you people on???" Ken asked.

"None, you dimwit," Yoji replied. Ken bopped him on the head.

Enter Boris in his gown, and Ronald.

Boris (role of Lord Capulet): What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

Everyone turns green.

"My gosh, you people all perverts!!" Christina cried from the stage.

Ronald (role of Lady Capulet): A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword?

"I KNEW they're both gay!!" Eve declared.

Boris: My sword, I say! Old Montague is come, And flourishes his blade in spite of me.

Enter Takatori Reiji and Persia.

Everyone tries to hold Aya down.

"TAKATORI!! SHI-NE!!"

Takatori Reiji (role of Lord Montague): Thou villain Capulet,--Hold me not, let me go.

Persia (role of Lady Montague): Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.

"HE'S Lady Montague???" came the surprised yet disgusted question.

"SHUT UP!!" Persia said from the stage. "I didn't want to be in this either but the writer is demented!!"

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Mill laughed out loud.

"She has a deathwish of some sort," Keiko sweatdropped.

Enter Gourry, with Attendants.

"What's SLAYERS doing in here??" Schurderich exclaimed.

"It's my ficcie, I can put anyone in here!!" Mill replied.

Gourry (role of Prince): Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,--Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts, That quench the fire of your pernicious rage, With purple fountains issuing from your veins, On pain of torture, from those bloody hands
Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground, And hear the sentence of your moved prince.
Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word, By thee, old Capulet, and Montague, Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets, And made Verona's ancient citizens Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments, To wield old partisans, in hands as old, Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:
If ever you disturb our streets again, Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace. For this time, all the rest depart away: You Capulet, shall go along with me: And, Montague, come you this afternoon,
To know our further pleasure in this case, To old Free-town, our common judgment-place. Once more, on pain of death, all men depart.

"PHEW!" Yoji blew out a breath.

"That was the longest thing he had said without messing up the line one bit!!" Lina Inverse exclaimed.

"Back there…" Xellos pointed. Lina and everyone else turned and immediately sweatdropped.

"Cue cards…how nice," Zelgadis said.

[Exeunt all but Takatori Reiji, Persia, and Christina.]

Takatori Reiji: Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach? Speak, nephew, were you by when it began?

Christina: Here were the servants of your adversary, And yours, close fighting ere I did approach: I drew to part them: in the instant came The fiery Kevin, with his sword prepared, Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears, He swung about his head and cut the winds, Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn: While we were interchanging thrusts and blows, Came more and more and fought on part and part, Till the prince came, who parted either part.

Persia: O, where is Yoji? saw you him to-day? Right glad I am he was not at this fray.

"Persia should have a higher voice…" Eve said, thoughtfully. Persia turned and shot her a death glare.

Christina: Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,
A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad; Where, underneath the grove of sycamore That westward rooteth from the city's side, So early walking did I see your son: Towards him I made, but he was ware of me And stole into the covert of the wood: I, measuring his affections by my own, That most are busied when they're most alone, Pursued my humour not pursuing his, And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me.

Takatori Reiji: Many a morning hath he there been seen, With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew. Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs; But all so soon as the all-cheering sun
Should in the furthest east begin to draw The shady curtains from Aurora's bed, Away from light steals home my heavy son, And private in his chamber pens himself, Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out And makes himself an artificial night: Black and portentous must this humour prove,
Unless good counsel may the cause remove.

"My god, stop talking so much!!!" Cali complained.

"They can't," Nagi said.

"Why?" Aya-chan asked.

"It's Shakespeare."

Christina: My noble uncle, do you know the cause?

"HA! Noble my ass!!" Cali said.

"How's Aya-kun doing?" Omi peered over the seat at the all tied up Aya.

"Mmmrf mmf," came the irritated response.

"Must you have added Takatori Reiji in this? Why not Persia with Manx?"

"I don't know…I have deathwish. ^_~"

Everyone sweatdropped.

Takatori Reiji: I neither know it nor can learn of him.

Christina: Have you importuned him by any means?

"Ooh…big words!!" Yin said.

Takatori Reiji: Both by myself and many other friends: But he, his own affections' counsellor, Is to himself--I will not say how true-- But to himself so secret and so close, So far from sounding and discovery, As is the bud bit with an envious worm, Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,
Or dedicate his beauty to the sun. Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow. We would as willingly give cure as know.

Enter Yoji.

Christina: See, where he comes: so please you, step aside; I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.

Takatori Reiji: I would thou wert so happy by thy stay, To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away.

[Exeunt Takatori Reiji and Persia.]