SPOILER WARNING for the first episode of the 2012 season. Please don't read it if you don't want to know what happens. This story is my response to Charlie's exit storyline in Home and Away. It won't be an easy story, due to the subject matter but I hope you enjoy it, if that isn't a completely inappropriate word. I'm not following my usual pattern with this one and writing anything in advance. I will just write each chapter in response to each episode until this story concludes. Love IJKS xxx

Waiting Room

Chapter One

All Charlie could see was colour. Reds, purples, blues and greys spun past her until she felt blind. She felt like she was flying. Everything was becoming out of control and yet she felt like she had some kind of direction. Then she stopped. Everything went white.

Ruby arrived home with Brax and Casey. Today was the day that they were going to start their lives all over again. After all the problems of the last year, the four of them were going to be a family. They were going to live in the city together and be happy.

Ruby's smile faded when she saw her mother, her sister, the most important person in her world, lying unconscious on the living room floor. Charlie was in uniform, having been ready for her final shift as Sergeant of Yabbie Creek Police Station. But now, she was just lying there, bleeding and lifeless on the floor.

Still feeling oddly weightless, Charlie blinked several times. The white was even more blinding than the colours had been and she didn't feel quite in touch with her body. She turned around slowly, seeming to be a place absent of all substance. Until she saw her, looking beautiful and angelic, waiting to approach.

Ruby felt like her heart was going to explode as she hung back with Brax and Casey, praying that the paramedics would be able to save Charlie's life. She wept with boy joy and fear when the ambulance crew succeeded in restarting her mother's heartbeat. All at once, she regretted every bad moment they'd shared and longed for every good memory there was. Watching Charlie being stretchered to the ambulance outside, Ruby felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Where are we?" Charlie asked.

Her voice sounded strange, almost like she was thinking rather than speaking aloud. She watched as the person she could only describe as an angel, approached her. If there were any footsteps, they couldn't be heard. It seemed like there was no floor and they were just suspended in the air.

"It has different names," the beautiful, dark haired girl said. "But it's a waiting room, really."

Charlie stared at her, uncomprehending. How had she got here? And how could she really be standing, face to face with Joey Collins, the love of her life?

"Charlie…" Joey said gently, catching hold of her hand.

Charlie looked down at their joined hands. The only part of her body that she could feel was connected to Joey. Everything else was just… absent.

"I don't understand," she said.

Joey nodded beneath them, through wisps of white. There most definitely wasn't a floor. Below, Charlie could see her body, lifeless and broken in the back of an ambulance while paramedics tried to keep her heart beating.

With her free hand, Charlie touched her chest but she felt empty, like she wasn't really there. She looked anxiously at Joey, feeling like she was trapped in some kind of dream.

"What's happening?" she asked,

Ruby waited outside the room Charlie had been taken into at the hospital with Casey by her side. Brax sat further along, against the other wall. She couldn't read his expression. Nothing made sense in her mind.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Joey asked softly, keeping hold of Charlie's hand.

Charlie swallowed. She couldn't get used to the strange sensations all around her. She was dizzy but secure, floating but grounded, broken but not in pain. Her entire experience was one of contradiction.

"I was getting ready for work," she replied, staring below her where Sid and his team were huddled round her body, trying to make it work again. "It was my last day. I was… But someone knocked and…"

She closed her eyes, picturing the moment she'd come face to face with Jake. There had been so much pain and then nothingness, then all the colour, followed by white where Joey had appeared. Everything felt too strange.

"Did I die?" she wondered.

"I'm afraid so," Joey said gently.

It wasn't the easiest thing to tell someone, no matter how much warning she had been given or how many rehearsals she had done.

Charlie continued to look down, not quite able to see herself. Her mouth hung open as she stared at Joey again.

"Why are we waiting?" she asked worriedly. "What for?"

Panic overwhelmed her at the thought that she might go to hell. But Joey's smile was reassuring.

"Again, it goes by different names," she said. "But I like to call it Heaven."

Charlie continued to stare at her.

"Why are you here?" she asked. "How…?"

Ruby leapt up and threw herself into Leah's arms the moment she arrived at the hospital with Elijah. Everyone was so desperately worried about Charlie. Ruby wondered if her mother even knew how much people loved her. Sitting back down, Ruby's head began to spin as the name 'Jake' was mentioned. She saw Brax become livid and march out of the hospital, ignoring Casey, who begged him to stay.

"I'm dead too," Joey informed her.

Charlie looked startled and then heartbroken.

"You died?" she whispered.

Joey nodded.

"June 2009," she explained. "I drowned."

Charlie wanted to sit down but she couldn't move her body. She just continued to stare and hold onto her.

"2009?" she said. "When you were away. I… Is that why…?"

"That's why I didn't come home," Joey revealed. "I couldn't. But I've been watching over you every day, Charlie. Not in a creepy way…"

She grinned, making Charlie laugh and remember exactly how they had fallen in love in the first place.

"I've been trying to keep you safe," Joey said. "I didn't want this time to be now. I didn't want you to have to see me again so soon."

Charlie felt tearful but nothing came. She continued to study Joey's perfect, beautiful face. She saw her soulful, earnest eyes and the shape of her soft mouth.

"I met your parents," Joey ventured. "They're eager to see you."

"When?" Charlie asked, bewildered.

"When the time's right," Joey replied.

"Are they happy?"

"Very happy."

"And you? Are you happy?"

"You can't not be when you're up here," Joey said. "Once you get used to it."

Charlie nodded and looked back down below her. Her body was travelling through the hospital as the doctors raced her towards surgery.

"If I'm dead, why are they doing all this?" she asked.

"Your heart's still beating," Joey explained. "They have to go with their own hope. But you died before you got to the hospital. There wasn't any oxygen getting to your brain."

Charlie nodded mutely. A lump ached in her throat as she gazed down at Ruby, waiting for news with Casey, Leah and Elijah.

"My poor Ruby," she said sadly. "Why did she have to find me?"

Joey moved and put her arm around her, catching hold of her hand again with her other one.

"I'm sorry," she said. "That's probably my fault."

Charlie looked startled and uncomprehending.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Joey gestured for them to sit on chair shaped air that had randomly appeared behind them. Everything felt so strange and yet nothing was very surprising. Charlie sat beside Joey, still holding onto her and keeping Ruby in her eye line below.

"You were meant to die a few months ago," Joey said softly and apologetically.

Charlie stared at her, startled and confused. Nothing in her head was making any sense at all.

"When you went out running and you got shot in the arm," Joey ventured.

Charlie nodded weakly. The memory of that day was etched in her memory.

"It was meant to be fatal," she confirmed. "Brax saved me."

Her eyes widened at the thought of her boyfriend. Why wasn't he in the waiting room with Ruby? Why wasn't he looking after her? What was so important that he wasn't hanging around to find out that she had died?

"I saved you," Joey said.

Her voice was different. Charlie sensed some indignation but nothing more than that. She certainly didn't sound angry.

"You saved me?" she asked.

"I begged to get you a second chance," Joey explained. "To make the right decisions."

"But I didn't?" Charlie asked.

"No," Joey said softly. "My heart's been breaking over you for such a long time, Charlie. I'm so sorry it had to turn out like this. For you. And for Ruby. And everyone else that loves you."

Charlie thought of Brax again. As if reading her mind, Joey nodded.

"Including Brax," she said.

Charlie continued to stare at her.

"I don't understand," she admitted.

Ruby stared at Sid as if he was talking some kind of unknown, ancient language. He wasn't making any sense and no matter how many time he explained that it was only the machines keeping Charlie alive, Ruby remained adamant that she was breathing. If she was breathing and her heart was beating, then how could she not be saved? Why was he telling her that it was over and that there was nothing more they could do for her?

"I don't want to sit here and tell you all the things you've done wrong, Charlie," Joey admitted.

They continued to look below them, where Ruby was weeping.

"It started when I cheated on you," Charlie said, her voice drained of emotion. "Then I tried to love Angelo but it didn't work. I couldn't get you out of my head and he was horrible to me. I could feel my dignity draining away and I refused to do anything about it. I let him dump me and make me feel like it was all my fault."

Joey nodded sadly, squeezing Charlie's hand gently.

"And then I fell for Brax and…"

She turned and looked deeply into Joey's eyes.

"He wasn't a mistake, Joey," she said. "He loves me."

"He does," Joey agreed. "But he still wasn't right for you. He's not… not the person you wanted him to be."

"What do you mean?"

"Look," Joey said.

Below them, the scene switched. Charlie was momentarily bereft that she could no longer see her daughter but something told her that it would all be okay again. Ruby would come back, even from this distance.

"He's trying to avenge my death," Charlie said, as she and Joey watched Brax attempt to run Jake off the road.

"That's why you never belonged together," Joey said softly, not wanting to sound judgemental.

Now wasn't the time for that.

"What do you mean?"

"His instinct should have been to stay at the hospital to wait for news of you, Charlie," Joey said. "He should be there, beside Ruby, comforting her and telling her that everything is going to be okay. But he's ruled by his blood lust. He's turning to violence."

She watched Charlie sigh.

"I genuinely believe he was telling you the truth when he said he wanted to change," she continued. "His heart was there and he was committed to moving away and starting a new life with you. But you can't change who a person is, right down deep inside. He's a violent criminal and he's capable of so much more than he ever confessed to you."

"Is that why I died?" Charlie asked. "Because I was with him?"

"It looked like things were going to be okay for a while," Joey said. "When you and Ruby were going to go to the city together and start again. But when you got back with him and told so many lies, especially about Liam's accident…"

Charlie swallowed the lump in her throat. Tears continued to sting but not fall.

"You didn't quite manage to steer your life the way you were meant to," Joey said gravely. "So I lost my battle and I couldn't save you. I'm sorry."

Charlie visibly deflated, sinking against Joey who held her close and kissed the top of her head, apologising again and again. This time, Charlie's tears began to flow.

They watched in silence as the police caught up with Jake and Brax and struggled to pull them apart. They watched them drive them both to the police station and sling them in separate cells.

"Can I please see Ruby again?" Charlie asked.

Ruby climbed onto the hospital bed, careful of all the wires her mother was hooked up to. Sid had told her that they needed to think about turning the ventilator off and allowing Charlie to die with dignity. She wept, calling her 'Mummy' for the first time.

Charlie rubbed her eyes. Joey continued to hold her close.

"That's the first time she's ever called me 'Mum'," Charlie said sadly. "I never knew that that's how she really saw me. I…"

She looked helplessly at the woman she still loved so much.

"Please can I talk to her?" she begged. "Please? Just one more time?"

"I'm sorry, Charlie, "Joey said gently. "I wish it was possible. But you're in a different world now. You can spend the rest of her life looking after her and over her, the way I have with you, but you can't communicate with her. You can't connect."

Charlie wept as hard as Ruby did, clutching Joey the way Ruby clung onto her lifeless form.

"How can it all just be over?" she asked.

Without any comforting words to share, Joey just continued to hold her close.

It was a good, long while before Ruby emerged from Charlie's room. She immediately fell into Casey's arms and then Leah's. She was vaguely aware of Casey heading off to find Brax while Leah organised to take her home. Sid had told her that as an adult and Charlie's next of kin, it was up to her whether to turn the machines off or not. The decision was too big. She just couldn't make it on her own.

"Nobody wants to die, Charlie," Joey said softly.

Her ex-girlfriend leaned heavily against her and allowed her to play with her hair.

"I certainly didn't," she added. "I was devastated when I realised it was too late for me and that I was never going to get the chance to be happy with you on earth."

Charlie gazed uncertainly at her.

"Would you have come back?" she wondered.

Joey nodded.

"I was already on my way home," she confessed. "As soon as I left you, I knew that I loved and missed you too much to stay away. So I did my minimum duty and tried to come home. But there was a storm and…"

She trailed off sadly.

"But I got to be near you, even if you didn't know about it," she said in a brighter tone. "And I got to be here for you when you arrived today. Normally it would have been your parents and I know they wanted to come. But I've spent a lot of time with them up here and they know how much I love you."

Charlie looked surprised.

"You still love me?" she asked. "Even after everything?"

"I can't say I've been thrilled with some of the choices you've made but yes, I still love you, Charlie," Joey confirmed. "I always will."

Charlie smiled, happy for the first time since she'd been blinded by all the colour. Feeling bold, she leant in and kissed her tenderly on the lips.

Ruby wished she had never asked Casey to find Brax. In deep denial about the situation, he had been demanding second opinions and accusing her of giving up on Charlie. The last thing she ever wanted to do was give up on her mother. But she also didn't want to keep her heart beating if there was no hope. Charlie wouldn't have wanted that. She would have wanted her dignity. But just because turning the machines off was the right thing to do, it didn't mean it wasn't the most difficult decision she would ever have to make.

"Why is he behaving like that?" Charlie wondered.

She and Joey were still close together, looking down on Charlie's living room, the same one in which she had died. Someone had cleared it up from what Charlie knew would have been treated as a crime scene. And her loved ones were crammed into the room, debating turning Charlie's ventilator off.

"He's in denial," Joey told her. "And there's probably a lot of guilt thrown in there too."

Charlie nodded. She felt bad for him, knowing how much he had loved her. Even Joey had confirmed that it was true. But things had gone rapidly wrong as soon as they'd got involved with each other. He had dragged into a world she hadn't belonged to and forced her to live on the wrong side of the law.

"What do we do now?" Charlie asked when Brax and Elijah left and the others decided to go to bed.

"What would you like to do?"

"Keep watch over Ruby," Charlie said.

"Then that's what we'll do," Joey decided.

The scene below them shifted to Ruby's room. Charlie wept in Joey's arms as she watched her daughter do the same in the embrace of her boyfriend.