"Hey, it's Fred! And I'm home alone again." Six year old Fred stared at his mother's video camera and pouted. "She left last night like she does every Friday, but she never came back. And- and I'm scared! What if the cat with rabies ate her? Arr- ahh- waaaah!" Fred continued his screaming fit and flopped around on the floor for a while. But as he rolled over the carpet, he felt something lumpy...
"Hey, I know what this is! It's my mom stash of Josh Hutcherson DVD's! She thinks he has 'glorious abs,' or whatever. Yuck." Curiously, Fred stared at one of the covers. "Hehehe, this one has fire on it! That looks cool!" So Fred took out the movie and started it up.
"Okay, it's starting! This movie seems so cool!" Fred continued to speak into his camera at such a high pitch that all of the neighborhood squirrels cringed. "Woah, that guy has blue hair! I want hair just like his!" But unfortunately, by the Fred colored his hair in with an electric blue Sharpie, another inspiration for his makeover came up onscreen. Soon, Fred's hair had bubblegum pink streaks in his hair along with the blue. "Hey, that crazy cotton candy lady's makeup looks like my mom's! Maybe I can use a Sharpie for that, too! I'm going to do it! One, two, three!" There was another scream as Fred stabbed himself in the eye with the marker. But he focused, and eventually managed to get pink scribbles up to his eyebrows.
"Wow, this is the best movie ever!" Fred was ecstatic to see what happened next. "I don't know about you," he said into the camera, as if talking to a real person. "But my favorite character so far is that big blond guy! The one with all those cool, sharp toys!" Unfortunately, Fred got another idea from that character. " Hehe- haha- hheeeee- mwaaahhaa- hehhhh." Fred made weird noises as he sliced up the living room furniture with a set of huge kitchen knives, just like this character was doing to people right now. "This character is amazing!" Fred gushed. "I want to be just like him when I grow up!" He continued to destroy the room screaming and screeching in delight as he worked. "I love this movie so much! It's teaching me so much more than my mom ever did!
Fred continued to stare at the screen. He was absolutely mesmerized. Every once in a while, he would look away to imitate whatever his favorite characters were doing.
By the end of the movie, Fred had laughed more than he had in a while. His mommy and her weird friends used to cry while watching, but Fred didn't understand why. It was hilarious to him. Like that little girl who thought it was nap time in the middle of the forest. "Ha ha ha!" He continued to laugh at the very thought.
But there was one part that made Fred understand. His favorite character was eaten by a bunch of crazy, rabid, humongous squirrels.
"Rrrr- aaah- RAAAAGH!" Fred kept the screaming up until his weird neighbor, Claudio, came and locked him in The Cage of Doom again.
And there is the story of why Fred is banned from all television except the Backyardigans.