For my little TJ, hope you enjoy sis.

Trapjaw and Marshall (c) Autobot Trapjaw

Transformers (C) Hasbro

Shadow Stalker (C) Me

Rated for mentions of suicide, cutting, and severe depression.

It wasn't happening...

Shadow Stalker stood frozen, numb. Her spark flittered as she saw the metal casket being loaded off the C-17.

No... Her little TJ wasn't... She couldn't be...

But she was.

Shadow picked up Wildfire shooting forward at the casket from the edge of her vision, and shot after him. She tackled him down to the ground, pulling him tightly against her, as he had sobbed into the cape of his Aunt's neck, and Shadow hugged him tighter.

Hot Rod had knelt by her side, embracing the two in a hug. Shadow didn't care. She hadn't even noticed until Roddy's heat left her back. She slowly pulled her helm up, watching with a cold spark as her sister's frame was carried inside the base.

Trapjaw was dead. Shadow Stalker had lost her sister, and with that, a quarter of her spark. Wil had locked his steel grip around his Aunt's waist, refusing to let go. He had to know this was reality, and not just a dream.

Shadow gently scooped her nephew up, stumbling slightly under his weight.

"Shadow Stalker..." A gentle hand rested on her shoulder, " Let me take him."

Shadow had numbly handed over the burnt orange mech to his father, who gently guided him away. The black femme had stayed standing, rooted to her spot as the C-17 was maneuvered back into the holding dock.

It was only when the sun had set and her sparkmate had come looking for her that she moved. Optimus wrapped his arms around his mate's waist, and Shadow had turned around and collapsed into his arms, sobbing.

The Autobot Leader had picked her up bridal style and carried her inside to their room where he had comforted her through the entire night. The next morning Trapjaw's ceremony had been held, and Shadow Stalker had shot off her Blaster along with everyone else in remembrance.

But that had been a year ago.

Shadow sulked in the Autobot Base, avoiding every place she and Trapjaw had spent the most time at on a daily basis as she had been doing for a year. The black femme had become nothing but a shell since the fateful day.

No one had gotten use to the usually sarcastic, boisterous, and devious femme being a quiet and reclusive bot. Most bots were on edge, waiting for the day Shadow Stalker would crack and spiral into the pit of insanity.

Much like Red Alert had.

The Lambo Twins had been assigned by Ratchet to make sure she didn't do anything stupid and try to take her life again. Optimus had become increasingly worried about his sparkmate due to the ever present depression coming from her side of the bond. He hardly let Shadow out of his or the Twins' sights, and never sent her on missions anymore.

Prowl had ordered Shadow to stay on moniter duty now a days, as Ratchet had said she may have tried to attempt battlefield suicide had she been sent out, jump in front of a stray bullet to save another bot's life and end her own.

Shadow stayed silent through these conversations, curled up in the chair, in a corner, or under the table. The darkness had been her partner in the past, but it had now become more of a friend, a blanket from the cruel reality of the outside world.

Truthfully, she enjoyed feeling numb. She could claim all the cuts were from being a klutz, and running into the wall was because she hadn't been paying attention. All the truths she should never tell were safe with the tiny voice inside her helm.

Shadow was currently sprawled across the length of her berth, an arm draped over her gut as her helm resting on the other as she stared up blankly at the ceiling. The Twins were outside her door as normal, ready to jump in at the slightest sound that shouldn't be there. It annoyed her she had been banned from the shooting range, the armory, any place with weapons. Her own weapons had even been confiscated from her, which had really irked the femme, but she did not retaliate. Retaliation would get them even more worried and worked up, then they would have a reason to have taken her weapons.

Well, at least they thought they had all her weapons.

Shadow opened her mouth, picking behind her denta for a small blade she had hidden there. It was her only salvation now a days, besides her little Wildfire. Her nephew looked so much like his late mother, it hurt to see him. But in the days of TJ's passing, Shadow had become exceedingly overprotective of Wil, and Wil wouldn't leave Shadow's side.

Ah, good, innocent little Wil. How she missed the days when it was just her, Trapjaw, and TJ's twins. Wildfire had had a twin sister, a light grey femme by the name of Aurora. She had become an interstellar traveler, and perished one day when her ship malfunctioned and crashed in Russia. That had been the day their lives had been flipped upside down.

Shadow looked back to the small blade she was currently holding, before silently unhooking her forearm armor to reveal her protoform. It was scarred horribly from her time in the Gladiator Pits and from her recent way to rid herself of stress. She studied the blade, before making a quick incision in her forearm and snapping her helm towards the door.

Nothing. Alright, that was good.

Shadow quickly made a few more incisions, before placing the blade back between her denta as she watched her forearm drip Energon. The femme smirked slightly, glancing at the door before leaning forward and lapping up the Energon. The unfortunate and rather gruesome habit had formed in the Gladiator Pits, whenever the young Shadow Stalker could not get enough Energon, she'd drink the Energon from her slaughtered victims.

"I thought you had outgrown that habit, Shade."

Slag. She was busted.

Shadow looked up, her antennae flicked back and her optics narrowed as they focused on Sideswipe, the one who had addressed her, who was standing in her room, Sunstreaker behind him leaning against the door frame.

"There's a door to knock on for a reason," Shadow spat, clipping her armor back on as she hugged her knees to her chest, turning her helm away from the two mechs.

"Momma..."

"Sunstreaker, I've told you not to call me that, there are security cameras everywhere around my fragging prison," Shadow growled, her optics narrowing as she unsheathed her claws from her digits and dug them into herself.

"Momma, you shouldn't hurt yourself," Sunstreaker instructed more firmly, prying Shadow's hands away from her armor which now bore scratches. Shadow yanked her hands away, causing Sunstreaker to stumble back, stunned. He was unused to Shadow behaving like this with him around.

The Twins exchanged glances, before slowly moving forward to sit on either side of the unpredictable femme. The two exchanged a quick nod, before wrapping their arms around her. Shadow Stalker tensed under the touch, but soon softened up and snuggled into their frames.

"We know you're hurting, Shade. Why don't you just try and be normal, let time heal you?" Sunstreaker asked quietly.

"I don't want to be healed, I want her," Shadow mumbled, her voice muffled by Sideswipe's chest plates.

"We know, Shade, we know," Sideswipe cooed, hugging her gently.

"You two remember what I told you when you were younger?"

"Never put shiny things in our mouths?" Sunstreaker asked innocently. As a sparkling, he had chewed on anything, especially shiny objects.

"No, not that. The other thing," Shadow replied softly, peeking out from the red one's chest plates.

"We better learn not to get attached to things because we won't be able to deal with losing them?"

"Yeah, that. I couldn't have been more right," Shadow whispered, casting her optics down.

"No... Shadow Stalker... You were wrong. We need attachment, love, in our lives. Some bots deal with it harsher then others, like yourself for example," Sunstreaker whispered.

"I don't know love. I'm a monster created by hate and rage," Shadow mumbled.

"Shadow.." Sideswipe started.

"No, Sideswipe. She needs some time to herself. Let's leave, besides, Bluestreak and Hound are here to take over," Sunstreaker abruptly growled, standing and storming off.

Sideswipe gave Shadow another quick hug, before sprinting after his brother, leaving the moping femme more dumbfounded. Right as Sideswipe's form has disappeared, Shadow could have sworn she saw the familiar white shape of a wolf.

"Trapjaw... You don't know how much I need you right now."