Jonghyun's been in an accident.
Those are the last words that entered Key's mind before going completely blank. This was the last thing he needed to hear after only being awake for a full 12 minutes. He unconsciously tightened his grip on the small container of blackberries in this hands, the juices seeping from the container and streaming down his arms. His now frozen body spasmed slightly in response as he felt his heart drop two feet under his feet, heart aching instantaneously. He just stood, dead in his tracks, body entirely numb, feeling as if he completely forgot how to breathe.
Jinki's sudden touch snapped him out of it slightly, leaving him frazzled on just how long he'd been zoned out for, and he continued the rest of what must have been the spiel that Key hadn't heard whatsoever.
"…my first gig as an MC at ShimShimTapa, considering Shindong has the flu-"
"W-Wae?"Key interrupted, stuttering rather quietly to their leader, genuinely confused and still in a daze.
"Well I have my appointment for Shindong at the radio station, studio 445 in Hongdae at 8 and will only be able to see Jonghyun briefly…"
Key tuned out by then, automatically walking a few feet away from their dorm fridge to place the blackberries on the nearest counter, leaving a confused Jinki standing in the kitchen alone. He then looked up at their manager, mumbling something about leaving now to see him, while slipping on his shoes and fishing his phone out of his baggie black capris. The manager just shook his head, calling out to Jinki.
Key halfheartedly watched Jinki dash out of the room, disappearing into what looked like his dim room. So much was rushing through his head but he couldn't find the words to communicate to his manager, to ask him for any details, where Jong was, if Minho and Taemin knew, anything.
Dammit Kibum, Think. Talk. He thought, cursing his absentmindedness.
As if reading his thoughts directly, their manager stated that he hadn't told Minho or Taemin, who were already across town busy filming Minho's latest "Dream Team" episode.
"I didn't want to worry them." He continued solemnly. "Couldn't distract Minho from a competition so important to him and didn't want Taemin worried or having to travel back alone."
All Key could manage was a stiff nod, a billion questions flooding his already flustered head.
Jonghyun. Where was he? When did this happen? Was he in the ER? Did he break anything? Was he going to be okay?
He quickly shook his head, hoping to erase such questions and worries, his eyes glossing over in response. Blinking them quickly, he watched Jinki rush in with a change of clothes, hair neatly in place and a duffle bag slung over his shoulder with the remainder of the day's necessities.
The door silently opened as they exited, Key shuffling hurriedly behind the two elders. He heard Jinki ask their manager, in a calm yet urgent tone where Jonghyun was and his current state. Key tried to focus on the answer, his head far too clouded with worry and doubt to comprehend.
"Gangnam, right." Jinki repeated with a slight nod.
Key took in the information, realizing they weren't that far from the nearest hospital. His body relaxed slightly as he knew he would be able to see him soon. To be able to actually physically see him, touch him, make sure he was okay.
They were at the car now, and Key quickly scrambled into the backseat, Jinki filling the passenger's side, continuing his previous conversation with their manager about Jonghyun's standing. He could only manage a tangle of deep, echoing voices and bits of dialogue.
"…guard rails on the Dongho Bridge…supposed minor injury…treatment in the emergency room…"
Once again, Key tried ever so desperately to phone in on what they were saying but couldn't bring himself to focus completely. He knew he needed to get a grip, even though there was so much uncertainty about roughly everything.
"…early morning…parents apartment…drug tests…"
He reached into his pocket, automatically scoping out Jonghyun's number and stared at the blank text message screen before him. He was so fixated on the brightly lit screen it made his eyes squint and head twinge in pain. He then turned his attention to the window, figuring out exactly what he was going to say when he saw him.
Stupid dino. Stupid careless dino. Stupid careless, reckless dino. I thought you could go and see your family and then come back to us safe and sound. Why do you have to be so inconsiderate? Don't you know how many people you are going to worry? How many fans? What about your parents, or SongDam? What about hyung? Or Minho, or our maknae?
What about….me..?
Angry tears then proceeded to sting at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill. Goddammit. Aren't we there yet? He thought, roughly clenching his rather bulky hand phone, the empty text still on screen. He quickly closed out of it and returned it into its place in his pocket. Running his hand through his tasseled blonde hair and dabbing the corners with the end of his sleeve he quickly scanned outside, seeing the hospital entrance.
Sudden nerves struck, hitting stronger than before and his adrenaline kicked in, making his heart rate increase drastically. After what seemed like the most extensive car ride Key's ever taken part in, the trio finally departed the now parked vehicle.
Walking past the automatic doors, a wave of warm air hit Key like sunshine upon leaving a long day at hagwon. Normally this would in turn, lighten his mood but the current situation was still all too new and his uncertainty was getting the best of him.
I just want to see him, to make sure he's okay, to be with him, to see for myself that he's okay. To know.
This kept playing over and over in Keys head, bouncing off the walls and echoing through his entire figure. He hated not knowing. It was practically killing him, with every passing second, knowing he wasn't there with him. Not knowing what was going on or what was going through his head.
Their manager and Jinki then hastily bee lined over to the main counter in the center of the hospitals ER lobby as Key took in his bland yet bright surroundings. The receptionist then ushered them to the waiting room area where Key instantly slumped in his chair, feeling out of place and anxious as ever.
The manager walked slowly over to the collapsed figure, speaking in a rather hushed tone, "Jinki and I are going to have to leave soon for the radio show, so you can stay here and keep Jonghyun company, arraso?"
Key nodded in response, avoiding their respected manager's patient eyes, gleaming down towards his. Key was far too preoccupied and impatient as to when he was actually going to be able to see the injured elder to pay much mind, and barely noticed as he shuffled away into a nearby restroom.
He continued looked straight forward, rubbing his tired eyes as he felt a dip in the connected seat beside him. With his reaction to the sudden attendance came Jinki's trademark smile. Not as bright as usual, but still prominent. Key nodded softly in accordance and Jinki proceed to place a hand on the small of his back, a normally warm gesture that Key quite honestly felt like shrugging off.
Sensing Key's tense mindset a worried Jinki tried to coo encouraging words and thoughts to the younger, but not even Jinki's overall calming presence could penetrate Key's cold, yet desperate front.
"I know you're worried. We all are. And try to not keep this all too internalized, Jonghyun's going to make it out alright; he always manages too, right?"Jinki asked positively, prompting conversation on a silent Key.
He just looked down and muffled a discreet "yeah", while inside trying to sort out his thoughts and repeatedly reciting exactly what he would say upon seeing Jonghyun. He knew his image, and even though Jonghyun would be able to see through any mirage Key tried to present, he wanted to seem as calm and collected as possible.
He was the Almighty Key after all, the unique Diva Key, who was durable and independent and overcame all issues that came his way. SHINee's Umma, the glue that kept them together. The powerful, assertive Key: who was resilient and opinionated and strong.
He let out an inaudible sigh at this and as the passing seconds dragged on to what felt like days. Then, he left Jinki's hand trail up his back, until he was standing beside their manager. Key took this as a gesture to stand up too and automatically trailed behind the two as they were shown to what Key presumed to be Jonghyun's room.
Countless foreign patient rooms and various harsh lighting fixtures later, they finally reached the room. Looking back down the narrow hallway, Key noticed how everything seemed to be pointing to their destination, how everything was leading up to this particular moment.
Time stood still as Key counted his steps into the tiny room, equip with a simple white cot on wheels, hocked up to an IV machine, complete with an outdated monitor. A pale end table and single chair stood on the inner side, with a small television hanging in the opposing top corner.
He took a deep breath and remembered what Jinki had said, mere minutes ago. He looked up and his breathing hitched, relief flooding his entire being at the mere sight of Jonghyun's form upon the cot. A flood of sudden emotion hit Key like a ton of bricks upon seeing Jonghyun's tired eyes, bruised face and still slightly bloodied nose.
He was stunning.
Key's cheeks instantly warmed as he met the deep, dark, puppy-dog eyes of Jonghyun, the first time he had looked anyone straight in the face all day. He offered a small smile and Key took that as a silent message of reassurance.
Exactly what he'd been waiting for.
He watched from the doorway, Jonghyun's minor expression change as he greeted his other two visitors and began answering Jinki's instant array of questions, assuring the elder that he was going to be alright. Their manager then chimed in, his deep voice vibrating off the hollow walls as Jonghyun repeated his short speech, apologizing multiple times.
A few seconds later, he was sitting up a little straighter and Key noticed Jinki briefly touch Jonghyun's arm and nod, as their manager uttered a few words of what seemed like a farewell, before Jonghyun bowed slightly and the two elders proceeded to exit the rather stale room, ushering Key further inside.
Key nodded and took three shallow steps towards Jonghyun, mind completely swept blank in an instant. He felt the slight breeze of the door being closed tightly behind him and realized he was alone in the concrete room with Jonghyun. He was at a sudden loss of words and couldn't muster his previous recited ones for the life of him.
He just stood there, shuffling his feet awkwardly and soon becoming exceedingly aware of everything around him, including his current frazzled state. He fussed with his hair and tugged at his oversized mint sweater until he heard a smooth voice just a few feet from him.
He held his breath as looked up again at the too, disheveled boy on the off-white bed set, meeting his familiar gaze.
Key then wondered how Jinki always acted so calm, in almost every situation. If anything he was the strongest of the group, considering the hardships he had to endure over the years, being the group's leader.
Quite frankly, all Key wanted to do was cry. To be able to breakdown and release the built up worry, apprehension, restlessness, uneasiness, and anxiety that had accumulated over the past few hours, burying his face into Jonghyun and letting him know exactly how much stress he caused him.
But he couldn't bring himself too.
The last thing he wanted to do was scold his elder for being so selfish and inconsiderate and just plain stupid, knowing for sure he would wipe the soft expression splashed on Jonghyun's still flawless face. (Even if Jonghyun did expect such an occurrence.)
Jonghyun couldn't stand the silence anymore and spoke directly to Key, ordering him to sit down, gently patting the single chair beside him. Hearing his sweet voice lingering in the air, vibrating off every surface in the rather hallow room was enough to send shivers down Keys spine.
Key obediently did as the elder asked without hesitation, surprising even himself at how easily Jonghyun could persuade his naturally stubborn attitude.
"Kibum…" Jonghyun started rather softy.
"Why, so, serious?" Jonghyun said in a mimicking tone to G-Dragons hit "Crayon". After waiting a few milliseconds for his mute friend to respond he burst out laughing at his own joke. "Oh c'mon, that was totally a good one." He urged Key, beaming one of his signature smiles.
Key just stared at his, glared more like, and Jonghyun reached over to touch the others hair playfully. In doing this, he tugged at the IV connected to his inner forearm and winched slightly, bring his arm back instinctively.
Key jumped up at this, a look of sudden fright and alarm etched across his face. He quickly reached over to position Jonghyun's arm back into place, looking to the needle and up to the IV, then over to check the monitor. Everything seemed in balance.
"Yah!-" Key yelled before Jonghyun had the chance to speak. "Are you crazy? Can you at least try to be more careful! You are injured!" He exclaimed with just as much anger as genuine concern.
A white smile streaked his rose lips, and without skipping a beat an airy "Gah Kibum you sure are cute when you're mad" was spewed. Jonghyun smiled again, anticipating his friend's soon-to-be-angered reaction.
Key's cheeks burned at this. "Don't pull that lame crap on me." He snapped instantly. "I'm being serious." He shot another fierce glare his way as proof.
"No I know." Jonghyun replied, voice softening. "You don't have to worry about me Bummie~" He teased innocently, now carefully reaching over with the opposite arm to reposition the youngers light blonde locks. Key flinched from the sudden contact while his heart ached at the familiar nickname.
It took a minute, but Key responded with a shaky "I-I was worried, you know that?" He paused to take a shallow breath and continued, voice cracking slightly, "You just about scared me half to death-"
Jonghyun saw the look in his eyes and instantly pulled him into his chest, quickly yet comfortingly. Key felt the tears sing his eyes and fought with all he had for them not to spill over onto Jonghyun's light blue shirt. This head throbbed from a mixture of frustration and pressure as he mentally scolded himself for showing this much emotion.
He told himself that he wasn't going to cry, that Jonghyun wasn't going to see him like this. But here he was; weak and vulnerable, the two things Key wasn't known for being.
Jonghyun then felt the light sob of a flustered Key and knew how hard he was trying to keep them silent. Though he would never reveal it to Key, he could read the boy like an open book. He knew how hard he tried in putting up such a protective front, disguising pain with boldness and suffering with indifference.
He wrapped his free arm around Key's small frame and traced small comforting circles on his shoulder with his thumb. He watched him inhale each unstable breath and soon lost himself in his own thoughts…
It's not that he pitted him; he truly admired the boy's inner strength and commitment to keeping up his "image". It was just the fact that he hated how with each passing day, it became more obvious how much harder the act was to keep up for the younger. It was almost as though he was waiting for Key to crumble under the combination of pressure and strain, and that truly killed him. Jonghyun knew the constant struggle of having to retain his strong, diva-like personality at all times wasn't an easy task, especially paired up with the constant filming and those around simply waiting for a mistake, how one simple slip-up could singe all Key's hard work.
Jonghyun also recognized this burden as more than one person should have to endure; at the same time, though, he knew it was almost inevitable. It was all part of the performance, part of the job. They could truly be themselves behind closed doors, but to the public, they were a completely different person with a nearly artificial personality. One created and then thrust onto them, a forced imitation. One that would soon become so familiar that they can project it without thought, it becoming like second nature.
He wanted to help Key, wanted to be there for him, 100% of the time. Jonghyun longed to be the person he turned to, his best friend, but most importantly, he wanted Key to know that he wasn't going anywhere, that he was indeed his.
"I-I'm sorry…" Key whispered suddenly in between muffled sobs, interrupting Jonghyun's train of thought altogether. He looked up innocently at Jonghyun, eyes pink and swollen.
He was stunning.
That was all Jonghyun could think, and simply didn't know how to even respond. At a loss for words, he brought a stiff hand up to rub his face, in hopes that it would snap him out of his sudden trance.
Key blinked twice, waiting for Jonghyun to say something, but when nothing was projected, continued on explaining himself further. Looking down, he pursed on, flustered, "I didn't mean to…it's just, I was so-"
"-Kibum." Jonghyun interrupted gently.
Key just looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the second time.
"You don't need to explain yourself to me. It's okay to show your emotions, if it's really something that important to you; even when you don't plan or mean too. I don't want you to apologize for feeling Bummie." He stated calmly and wholeheartedly.
There it was again, the nickname and the instant blush across Key's cheeks as he soaked in the words that wavered in the air before dissipating. He just sat there, savoring the elder's voice and meaning of his words, as it was now Jonghyun's eyes turn to gloss over. Key hadn't noticed at first, but it became more apparent as he continued, "I don't want you to cry anymore, on my behalf. Instead, I want to be the one who helps you through, the one who you can turn to and feel comfortable with, the one who can be more than your best friend…" He trailed off and roughly wiped a lingering tear with the back of his hand, before it had the chance to fall.
First, Key looked rather concerned as to why he was almost crying, but then with each word hitting him harder than the last, his eyes widened slightly in anticipation as he held his breath.
Jonghyun's face turned a faint shade darker as he let out a distressed breath and looked up, straight at the latter.
"I love you, Kim Kibum."
Hearing those words alone was enough to make Key's head spin. He shook his head faintly, in part disbelief and the other complete and utter shock. He had never been so content in hearing a single sentence in his life, and then realized that was,
exactly what he'd been waiting for.
In recognizing this, he couldn't contain the smile from spreading across his face, the first actual one in months. It wasn't a fake, staged, artificial happiness, but one that was 100% real, 100% Kibum, 100% happiness.
"And I love you too, Jonghyun." Key added passionately, surprised at how stable his voice sounded, after not speaking for a while. Without notice, Jonghyun pulled Key into him again and they just laid there, basking in the moment, listening to the sounds of the confession linger in the air until their ears rang from the silence.
Key wasn't entirely sure what this feeling was, but he did know his heart ached a little more with each prominent word, the kind of ache that showed he meant every syllable.