The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own anything of Invader Zim is in the principal's office. Just some strange teacher torture that hit my mind the other day!
Just Another Day In The Principal's Office
"Well boys, here we are again," Principal Edgars of the Skool gave both Dib and Zim hard looks as they sat in seats in front of his desks. He was an average looking man with a head of slightly balding brown hair. "You know boys the point of detention is for you to learn your lesson about the things you did wrong."
"Really? I thought the point of it all was to waste an hour of our lives," Zim muttered under his breath.
If Principal Edgars heard that he didn't respond. Instead he said. "You two were put in detention for your fights in the cafeteria, and on the playground, and in gym class…And the Janitor's broom closet. And now you go and blow up the detention room with another one of your fights?"
"We didn't blow it up!" Zim snorted. "It's still there. Well except for that wall and a couple of windows."
"How did you destroy it in the first place?" Principal Edgars asked.
"Zim used one of his dumb alien gadgets…" Dib began.
"Dib used one of his stupid pary-normal thingamabobs…" Zim said at the same time.
"Stop it!" Principal Edgars silenced them. "You realize boys that I am going to have to call your parents?"
"Why?" Zim asked.
"To tell them what you did!" Principal Edgars snapped.
"Why do they need to know that?" Zim blinked.
"Worried Zim?" Dib smirked.
"Well…Aren't you worried?" Zim did a double take.
"Honestly…not really," Dib sighed, knowing what was going to happen when the Principal called his home.
"Yes I'd like to speak to Dr. Membrane," Principal Edgars began.
"This is Dr. Membrane…I'm not home now. I'm currently doing something scientific and important!" The voice mail spoke cheerfully. "Too important to talk to people on the phone. If this is about some deliveries to my lab, press one. If this is a newspaper or some other media outlet calling to talk to me about my latest scientific theory, press two. If you're just some crank complaining about those defective robot subs I made, the judiciary committee cleared my name in that debacle months ago so don't bother pressing anything at all!"
"Oh boy…" Principal Edgars was starting to suspect that contacting Dib's father would be harder than he realized.
"If you want to leave a message for anything else please enter your security password now," Dr. Membrane said cheerfully. "Otherwise this call will be disconnected in three seconds since I have no time for cranks. Bye…"
"Dr. Membrane! Wait…" Principal Edgars shouted in frustration as the phone disconnected. "Security call?"
"Well my Dad does get a lot of fan letters and stuff and some hackers always try to…" Dib explained.
"Never mind," Principal Edgars sighed as he put in another number. "I'll get back to your father. Zim, I'm calling your parents next!"
"Uh…." Zim remembered that his robot parents had been taken offline temporarily for more repairs. "That may not be a good idea."
"I'll be the judge of that," Principal Edgars called.
The phone rang back at the house. Gir was happily watching TV. He noticed the phone ringing. With a curious shrug he picked it up. "Howdy!"
"Is this Zim's father?" Principal Edgars asked. "Hello?"
"Is the TV talking to me?" Gir blinked as he watched the Scary Monkey show on the couch. "Hello TV!" He waved to the television.
"This is Principal Edgars calling about your son, Zim," The principal went on. "I'm afraid he's caused a bit of trouble."
"I want tacos!" Gir said cheerfully.
"What?" Principal Edgars blinked.
"You called for the tacos right? I want tacos and pizza and bacon!" Gir said cheerfully.
"Excuse me…" Principal Edgars began.
"MORE BACON!" Gir called out.
"But…"
"I WANT BACON! OOH! Scary monkey!" Gir laughed manically as he watched the show. "Bye now!" He hung up the phone. Then went back to watching his show.
"Zim are your parents on any sort of medication?" Principal Edgars asked as he hung up the phone.
"Depends, is medication good?" Zim blinked.
"In your case, yes…" Principal Edgars groaned. "All right. Obviously I'm going to have to make an appointment to talk to your parents. Now since I can't give you detention and I'm not so sure that suspending you boys is a good thing for now…Although your teacher Miss Bitters has asked me repeatedly to move you to another classroom. I think you should spend some time fixing up the mess you made!"
"Can we use power tools?" Dib raised his hand.
"No! I don't want to tempt fate!" Principal Edgars snapped. "In fact I don't want any more incidents today!"
"Uh Sir, we have a bit of a situation," Mr. Eliot walked in with Gaz. "Gaz here acted quite inappropriately to some of her fellow students."
"It was only a couple of idiot bimbo sixth graders," Gaz rolled her eyes. "And I didn't use that much pig's blood!"
"Those girls are traumatized! I don't think anyone will ever use that bathroom again!" Mr. Eliot gasped. "We have to call your father."
Gaz snorted in amusement. "Good luck with that. He hasn't checked his answering machine in three months. And that's only because the old one exploded."
"I really should think of looking for another line of work," Principal Edgars moaned.