Just something that hit me in the middle of the day. Character death?
Without You
X
Without you
The ground thaws
The rain falls
The grass grows
X
The skies are dark. The rain is whipping the windows, lashing the planks. My head is throbbing. My eyes burn. My heart aches. I can't breathe properly. I hear your voice in my ear. Breathe in through your nose and out Bo. Easy now... Deep breaths... Let it out slow.
I try. It doesn't help. Nothing helps without you.
I can't.
No one seems to understand. Or they do and they don't care. Not that I deserve their caring at this point. No one says it. But it's in their eyes.
It's my fault. All my fault.
The Una Mens.
Hale.
You.
X
Without you
The seeds root
The flowers bloom
The children play
X
I'm a horrible person. I know what you would want.
I can't
Without you I can't
I hear her. I haven't brought myself to see her.
They take care of her. My ex family.
They named her.
It's been weeks or maybe months. It's been 8 weeks since you.
I saved the world.
I destroyed the evil I brought into it.
I lost everything to make amends.
You're gone.
I'm gone.
Charlotte remains.
X
The stars gleam
The poets dream
The eagles fly
X
Kenzi moved back in today.
Its been 12 weeks. She's still mad. She still hates me. She doesn't say it.
It's in her eyes. She's disgusted with me. She plops the child in my arms and walks off.
The last I hear is her muttering in Russian and ending in English…"She's your kid, the least you could do is try! You owe her that much." The door slams.
My head still throbs from too much alcohol the night before. My eyes still burn from crying myself to sleep. I'm pathetic and she deserves better.
I'm not better.
But Kenzi has left and Charlotte remains.
Here in my arms I finally look at our daughter. My heart aches just a little bit less.
You're still gone.
So am I am.
But I breathe in her scent. I run a finger over her cheek, caress her soft brown hair. She has blond highlights. She has your eyes. She has your everything except for my dimples.
She's the stars.
The moon.
She's Light.
X
Without you
The earth turns
The sun burns
But I die without you
X
I lay the flowers down at your headstone. It's large and ornate. The best money can buy. I run my fingers over the transcript.
In loving memory, of Lauren Lewis. Doctor, Mother, Friend.
It should say Savior. You saved me. Every time I needed you and times when I thought I didn't. It hurts to be here now. My hand cradles the necklace you bought but never gave to me. It's a hollow reminder of my short comings.
I want to say I love. I want to say I'm so sorry. I want to say so many things. But the words die on my lips. Even now I can't bring myself to speak them out loud. I can't afford another breakdown.
Charlotte is turning one tomorrow.
My fractured family has finally pieced itself back together. Kenzi has finally forgiven me but I know Hale will always be between us. I left her alone, mistreated our friendship and when she needed me to come through I didn't.
Sound's like our relationship.
But she came back to me. Dyson came back but it not the same. Whatever friendship you two started has spilled over. He doesn't love me like he did before. Not that I blame him. He is however Charlotte's favorite Uncle.
Trick and I have bonded over our shared fuckedupness. Yes I know that's not a word. But it is the one thing we share. Tamsin, Vex, and Bruce, they are all here but its hollow without you. Life goes on but I'm gone.
Without you.
X
Without you X
The breeze warms
The girl smiles
The cloud moves
Her smile lights up the room. She is so smart. Everyone loves her.
She's just like you babe. She came home with a B on her spelling test and pouted about it all night. I smile thinking about how she rolls her eyes when she explains something she thinks I don't know.
Charlotte.
Tomorrow she has fishing trip with Dyson and Vex. God help us.
It's been 5 years.
I miss you
X
Without you
The tides change
The boys run
The oceans crash
X
She has a crush. On the neighbors son….
And daughter.
Kenzi thinks its hilarious. She's 10!
The boy gave her a valentines day card.
The girl sent chocolates.
Nice to see she's inherited some of my traits.
She ask about you all the time.
I tell her our story. I leave out the crushing bits.
She asks if this is why my eyes never shine.
Because I miss you.
She falls asleep with your picture under her pillow.
I fall asleep with picture of you in my head.
X
The world revives
(Colors renew)
But I know blue, only blue
Lonely blue
(Within me blue)
Without you
X
Kenzi, Dyson, Tamsin. They have all stopped trying. No more blind dates, no more hints. They've accepted what I've known all along.
Without you….I can't.
My Succubus doesn't seems to have faded to background since you. I feed. I fuck. I go home to our daughter.
I smile and a laugh and sometimes its genuine. But most times its for Charlotte. Everything is for Charlotte.
She's 11 now. She beautiful, tall and her highlights are lighten her brown hair. Her eyes sparkle when at ever new thing. She is care-free. She loved. I got something right. I owe you that much. She knows things. She has your wisdom. I try to be happy. I know she knows that's what I'm doing.
Trying.
It's hard….trying…without you.
X
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Without you
The eyes gaze
The legs walks
The lungs breathe
X
Trick is insisting that I come to the coronation of the new ash. Its ceremonial at best. One leader of Dark and Fae for appearance's sake. Its been 13 years since all hell broke loose literally. Thirteen years since Rainer, Hale, and You.
Charlotte begged me to go. She's says I keep being a hobbit. What kind of Succubus am I? How am I suppose to teach her if I always stay in the house. It was quite funny. I guess my ass kicking days have long been behind me. I've lost the will to find trouble. You would hardly believe it babe. I've been domesticated.
All it took was you dying.
Yes, I suppose I am still bitter. But here I am. Surrounded by people I hate and who hate me. Tamsin and Kenzi are drinking up all Tricks high end stuff while he's distracted. Dyson is smoozing with his latest fling. Good for him.
Evony appears. Smug as usual. She still rubs it in every chance she gets about your "special" relationship. How she's hung on to power this long I will never know. I'd kill her if she wasn't such a good guardian angel to Charlotte. As much as it pains me to say it, back when in the early weeks after your death it was her intervention that kept Kenzi and Charlotte safe. I was too far gone in my grief and guilt to be much use to anyone.
I'm still ashamed it took me near three months to see my own child.
I'm barely paying attention as she take the microphone and begins to drone on about the Fae entering a new phase of good fortune, bla bla bla. I take a long pull of the champagne from the flute I'm holding. She's carrying on about how a sign has been sent from Gods that we are on the right track.
I can't help but snort at that one. Yea ok. Where were the gods when Rainer was trying to open the equivalent of the HellMouth into our world to release my father!
I'm about to call it night. When I look up to the stage…..
X
The mind churns The heart yearns
X
My heart stops. A voice in my head…Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth Bo. Easy now. Deep breaths. That's it nice and slow.
"Lauren?"
The tears dry
Life goes on… but I'm gone
'Cause I die
Without you
FIN
Song-Without You (Rent)