I make no money with this story, nor am I planning to.

Seeds

Isabella valued simplicity, moderation and tranquility above all things. She had life, the universe and everything figured out. She knew everything's and everyone's place in her life, and she wouldn't have had it any other way. She was always polite, well-mannered and finely groomed, but never overly cheerful or over-dressed. She always obeyed her elders, respected her father's wishes and was generally thought of as an exemplary member of the community. And for this reason her eighteenth birthday was a big deal. Everybody was invited, that is, everybody who led the sort of lifestyle that was deemed appropriate by the very conservative Forks community. And so it was that on September thirteenth Forks' finest were gathered at the local church's garden, sitting meticulously arranged and waiting for Charlie Swan to say a toast in the honor of his perfect daughter. It was a rare day of sunshine in Forks. It seemed even the Lord was showing his appreciation for Isabella Swan, who was feeling perfectly content and happy (but not too happy, as that could easily have been interpreted by some as the start of vanity forming in her young soul). She was sure this day could bring her no surprises, that it would be a shining example of all the things she appreciated in life.

She could not have been more wrong.

It had been there from the start of summer, this heavy, unpleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. It had made her almost jumpy and any time it creeped up on her she became distracted. In the beginning it happened infrequently enough to be mostly ignored, but by then it was almost constantly bothering her and could be almost incapacitating at times. She had hoped her birthday would be an exception, and it had been until that point. She was having a lovely chat with Mike Newton about their family camping business when it started. Almost instantly Mike's voice became muted, unintelligible. She felt her hands begin shaking, her heart beating at an elevated pace and she knew she had to extract herself from the situation before her state became apparent to everyone around her.
"... then there are the trail shoes, but you wouldn't get very far in them in this climate, perhaps on a dry day like this, though you know how long it would take for the..." Isabella gently, but firmly touched Mike's shoulder as she started to stand.

"I'm sorry Mike, but we'll have to finish this later." She didn't wait for his answer before walking away at a fast pace. Once she was sitting safely concealed from the public behind the church she let go. Panic attack. She'd read that in one of her father's medical books when she was trying to figure out what was going on with her. Of course panic attacks usually had some underlying reason, they were just a symptom. But then that would have meant there was something wrong with her, and while sitting on her and Angela's favorite bench sweating and shaking from fear was certainly not normal, she didn't see anything that could've been the culprit of these strange feelings. She had a loving father and an unbreakable bond with God. She might not have had many friends but Angela would have been enough on her own. So what was going on? What set these attacks off? Dad. But why would her father make her feel bad? None of it made sense. He was a loving, God fearing man who guided her through life. Sure, he could be very firm and unyielding at times, but it was all for her own good and she understood that. Anyway, his father had always been like that, hadn't he? Nothing's changed. She never managed to get closer to understanding herself with this sort of contemplation, but at least it helped calm her down. She'd just managed to get her breathing under control when Angela appeared walked around the corner, waving at her.

"Thought you might be hiding here" Angela said, then sat beside her. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Is anyone looking for me?" she asked, hoping it wasn't the case.

"No. Well, Mike asked if you were all right. That's why I came looking for you."

Isabella forced a smile, but didn't lift her gaze from the ground. She sat uncharacteristically slumped, which made her friend worried.

"Sure you're okay?" she asked, bumping her shoulder lightly against hers. Isabella just nodded.

They sat silently for a few minutes, then Angela spoke up:

"Hey, you know that new family that was supposed to arrive like a week ago?"

"Yeah."

"Well, they just did." That got Isabella's attention. This family was the biggest news in Forks in years. It wasn't often they got new people. "They drove by in these obnoxiously loud cars. I'm surprised you didn't hear them."

"Hmm... I thought people in New York didn't have cars." Angela shrugged and Isabella decided it was time she made a reappearance at her own party.

When she spotted the refreshment table she realized how parched she really was so she approached it and took a bottle of water out of the cooler. While she was drinking she caught the end of something Mrs. Stanley was saying that made her curious, so she edged closer to the group of women standing a few feet from her.

"... shouldn't have even let them in, if you ask me!""Yes, well, I still think we should give them the benefit of the doubt, Linda."

"But you know how those big city people are! And New York!" Linda Stanley seemed livid, her voice turning louder with each word.

"Control yourself, please." Patricia Yorkie chided Mrs. Stanley, almost like one would a child.

"Oh, Isabella dear, did you want something?" Mrs. Crowley asked when she spotted her standing almost next to Andrea Newton.

"Oh, no. I just heard you talking about that new family and I became curious." Isabella was embarrassed and a little scared that she came off as nosy, but before she could say anything else Mrs. Stanley, eager to have someone interested in gossip, started dramatically whispering to her.

"We were just trying to guess what sort of people they could be. And if you ask me, not very virtuous! I mean just look at how they promised to be here for the start of school! They have two children, you know, and..."

"That will be enough, Linda" said Sharon Crowley. "I do not think it wise to pollute young Isabella's mind with that sort of gossip. They could be a perfectly nice family for all we know. And all we do know is that their cars are somewhat... unusual in this community. Isabella, why don't you go and talk to your father, I hear he has quite the surprise for you." She was smiling sweetly, but the dismissal was clear in her tone.

Her father was standing near the church doors, conversing with pastor Weber quietly when Isabella approached them. When they saw her they stopped talking, but greeted her warmly.

"Isabella! I almost thought you had forgotten about your dear old father in the midst of all this attention" his tone was light, but it carried a warning: do not give into pride.

"I could never!" joked Isabella, all the while saying: I heed your warning.

"But, I am glad you're here. There's something I want to discuss with you." Pastor Weber shook her father's hand, said a polite goodbye to Isabella then left.

"I was thinking about colleges." That wasn't very surprising. It seemed colleges were all Chief Swan had been thinking about lately. "You have plenty enough extracurricular activates, but you are lacking in the altruism department."

"Oh."

"Yes. That is why I've decided that you will volunteer at the Children's Center in Port Angles." He must have noticed the slightly overwhelmed expression on his daughter's face, as he instantly clarified: "It's all arranged. You start next week, Wednesday's and Friday's, from five to eight."

He was smiling at Isabella, like he had given her the best gift anyone could ever ask for. Frankly, she just felt powerless. Then something occurred to her and she frowned.

"How will i get there? The bus only comes twice in a day." Not that she was allowed to take a bus alone, but what other option was there? Apparently, her father had thought of everything, because he just kept on smiling.

"Well, with your birthday present of course" he said while he handed Isabella a car key. She was speechless.

"So... that was why you let me get a license?" She had never thought she'd be allowed to utilize it until leaving for college. "This is so cool!" she said with enthusiasm, jumping up and down. Her father cleared his throat after a few seconds and she composed herself.

"Thank you so much, this is a great gift (more like AWESOME) and I will use it wisely."

"Yes, you will. For now you have my permission to drive anywhere where you were previously allowed to go without needing to ask. Any additional trips need to be discussed beforehand, the same way it was until now. Understood?" Isabella nodded, too happy to speak. But when her father's gaze wouldn't leave her face, she realized that wouldn't be enough.

"Yes sir."

It was dark by the time the party was coming to a close and Isabella was sitting with Angela on their bench again. They hated the ending of parties. All that small talk before it was finally polite to say goodbye was very exhausting, no to mention boring.

"So what kind of car is it?"

"Dunno yet. But who cares? It's a car..." Isabella's voice trailed of with a happy sigh, while Angela giggled at her dramatics. They drifted into a comfortable silence then, the kind that only comes with great friendship.

"So, how's Ben doing at uni?" Isabella spoke up. Ben Cheney and Angela were engaged, set to be married the following summer. They'd been together forever.

"Okay I think. It's weird that he's not around all the time." They shares a small laugh at that. Ben and Angela were notoriously inseperable. "It will be fun to visit him though. See the college life."

"Maybe you'll even sleep in the same bed" Isabella teased lightly.

"Co-ed dorms: the wonders of a secular college" Angela said, grinning. "It would be nice though. All this true love waits stuff is hard."

"Ang! When did you turn into such a Jezebel?" Truth be told, it was pretty shocking to hear Angela speak in such a way. Although, you know what they say about preacher's kids...

"I don't even know. Maybe somewhere between turning seventeen, Jess giving me that issue of Cosmo in April and Ben moving away just to make me miss him more."

Isabella thought this over for a while. Of course, she didn't have a boyfriend, but nevertheless, she couldn't imagine herself having those cravings. The more she thought about it the more nervous she got.

"You're not actually gonna do it though, right?" Please say no.

"No way! You know me, good christian and all." Angela was a bit incongruent in this respect. She was very religious and took her faith seriously, but she wasn't shy, not even about topics like sex. Isabella however was extremely shy. She wasn't allowed to date so she had no first hand experience about anything and had been living vicariously through others.

"Doesn't he want to? Like didn't Cosmo say guys are always 'in the mood' or something?" she asked, gnawing on her lip nervously.

"I wouldn't believe everything that magazine says, Bella. And anyway, you know Ben. He's like us."

"Aren't you worried college will change him? Sometimes people change. Like Emmett."

"I guess. But he is not without blame. Rosalie is not some sort of witch or whatever other loony things people say."

"I know that!"

"I know you do. But others don't seem to realise how powerful love can be sometimes. That's why it's dangerous. It can sort of take the control away from you."

"Yeah. I wouldn't know much about that."

"How could you? It's not something you can learn from reading about it."

"A shame, really" Isabella lamented. She was an avid reader and didn't like things she could not understand intellectually.

About an hour later Isabella was sitting in her new truck, completely exhausted and confused. How could Angela be so put-together and wise when she was having panic attacks or something for no good reason? Why was Angela not terrified of the idea of sex when it was a real possibility for her, while it was nothing more than a thought experiment for her? Why was she suddenly unsure about everything when only a few short months ago she had been perfectly certain about all things in life? Had she somehow angered the Lord and was now being punished? Or was He testing her, and all she had to do was show unwavering devotion in the face of these hurdle? Or perhaps these feeling were all a part of growing up? But then, why wasn't Angela experiencing the same doubts as she was?

Isabella sat in that car for another hour. It didn't help. She fell asleep more confused than ever.

Feedback is never expected and always appreciated.

The place where Isabella and Angela talk:

http: / / tinyurl . com/ 3zjnm2m