I don't own degrassi.
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She's gone.
Your mom is still talking, but you can't hear anything besides dripdropdripdrop coming from the faucet.
You haven't seen her in years, but she's still your sister.
...was your sister.
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There was a riot in one of the villages.
It just happened to be the one she was in that day.
You kind of hate coincidences.
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"I'm sorry."
Jake is sitting on the edge of your bed, his hand on your ankle.
You don't say anything.
You haven't said anything since you found out.
Your brother stands up and leans down to kiss your forehead.
"I know it doesn't mean much, but if she was anything like you, I'm sure I would have loved to meet her."
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Ali comes by with red-rimmed eyes and immediately throws her arms around you.
You hug her back, remembering that you weren't the only one who loved her.
It's times like these when you're so grateful for Ali's constant chatter because she doesn't try to get you to talk. She just tells you about school and the rumors about Bianca and Drew getting back together. You think you would be happy for them if you weren't so busy being sad.
Before she leaves, she hugs you again and looks at you sadly.
"She wouldn't want you to suffer, Clare."
Your eyes narrow and turn cold. "Well, it's a good thing she isn't here to see it then, isn't it?"
::
The funeral is dark and it rains.
You think it fits the occasion.
You wear a black dress and refuse to meet anyone's eyes as you stare at the casket in front of you.
It's gray and simple.
Nothing like her.
A hand slips into yours and you can tell by the ring that it is Eli.
You love him a little more when he doesn't say a word and keeps listening to the preacher.
But you squeeze a little tighter anyway.
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You make it through the ceremony and to the cemetery before you break.
They're about to lower the casket and you just freeze, running away before you even realize you moved.
You run until your knees give out and curl into yourself on the ground.
Rain continues to fall on you and you know you look insane, but you can't bring yourself to care.
She didn't when she left you to go to Africa.
She always said they needed her.
But you needed her more.
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"Why?"
Peter is the one to find you and you're more than a little relieved because you know he gets it.
"Why what?"
"Why her?"
You hear him sigh and he pulls you to him, wrapping his arms around you, not caring that you're soaking wet.
He hugs you tight enough that you can feel his pulse against your cheek where it's pressed against his neck and you breathe in the familiar smell of him. He's always been like your big brother since he dated your sister.
"I don't know why. But I do know that everything happens for a reason. And Darcy wouldn't want you to be sad forever."
"People keep telling me that. But I just want to be sad for now."
::
It takes a few months, but eventually you start smiling again.
You and Peter meet every Thursday for coffee at the Dot and there's a picture of Darcy hanging in your room.
You're moving on and being happy again, but you'll never forget your sister.
Eli asks about her one day and you grin and tell him everything.
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