Stray Kitten

London is still as what I remembered during the days of my being a policewoman.

It had been always this crowded as people go about their businesses at daytime. One can get lost in the sea of the crowd—-your identity does not matter, whether you are rich or poor, married or single, man or woman, adult or child. One is merely a part of the daily noise and bustle of life.

I set out to lose myself in the crowd to conceal two things-—my investigation and my true identity.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Not a soul in the Hellsing Institute knew of this little excursion I was about to take. Although, there were two people in the mansion who had an inkling of what I was up to.

Master had not said a word but I suspected he knew of my planned disobedience. He did not try to stop me but I could sense that he was amused with my attempt of rebelliousness. Nonetheless, I was grateful to him for letting me be. As I was to sneak out of the mansion, his deep amused voice rang clearly in my head.

"Playing hooky, police girl?"

I had not responded but I had felt my cheeks go pink.

"Well then, try to be careful, police girl. Curiousity kills, even for stray kittens like you."

Walter is another story. He had caught me skulking when I was about to sneak out to the foyer. Just when I was about to run to the door, thinking the coast was clear, I felt before heard him call out my name.

"Miss Victoria!"

I blanched as I turned around and faced him guiltily. He had asked too many incessant questions as to why and where I was heading out despite the time of the day. I had concocted a lot of excuses and pouted prettily but he remained adamant.

"Miss Victoria, being a vampire, you know the risks of going out in broad daylight. As it is, you require your rest after the clean-up mission last night."

"But Walter," I had protested as the imperious retainer and once Angel of Death in the Hellsing manor stood, barring the front entrance. "I don't feel tired, see?" To demonstrate, I had dropped on the floor and did ten push-ups before him. Seeing him unmoved, I had stood up again and pleaded, "Please, Walter. I am well aware of the risks I am taking but I had taken precautions. I can take care of myself and I know better not to do anything foolish." When Walter had still looked undecided, I threw in my last ace as a stab of truth to placate him if ever my little indiscretion is discovered. At least there was a little truth in what I am about to do. I stumbled on my words but I looked up at him beseechingly. "I only wish to visit my old apartment to do some arrangements and-- to get some personal belongings. I can't just disappear without any notice, can I?"

I had held my breath as he studied me with his piercing stare for a long time. I knew the kindly retainer of the Hellsing manor meant well-- he knew I have no more wish to incur Lord Integral's ire if she learns this forbidden jaunt after my initial blunders. But my policeman's hunch told me that the abandoned apartment we had raided concealed answers to the nagging questions at the back of my head. How did the captain know about the scuffle upstairs? And the cameras? What are they doing there? Are they related with the snuff films featuring Hellsing soldiers? My resolve must had shown on my face for he stared at me intently then shrugged resignedly. "If that is what you wish, Miss Victoria, be it so." He had finally stepped away and opened the door. I had to curb my wild impulse to kiss his parchment cheek as I stepped out in the sunlight. "I would just want to remind you that you have to be back before dinner, Miss Victoria," he had called after me. I had waved at him to reassure him that I understood.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It had been a long time since I was out in the daylight—- it felt a little strange since my body had adjusted with my nocturnal life. However, far from the usual conventions and myths that vampires die and turn into ash when the sun shines upon us, sunlight does not really affect us except weakening us considerably. Vampires, like human beings who sleep in the night, need our rest from hunting in the darkness. My preternatural abilities and reflexes were not that sharp but it would have to do with my cover-up as part of the normal humanity.

In spite of my assurance to Walter, being among the crowd of the living made me feel vulnerable and conspicuous since becoming one with the Undead. Being out in the open now put me constantly on my guard. Someone might get too close and notice something strange about me, my marks as a vampire-- my unnatural paleness (although there's not much tan you could get in England); the wicked glint of my fangs and the startling blood-red eyes.

Being a part of the Hellsing Institute, I had not let my being an Undead bother me. The human units had started to respect me although I could still sense their fear. Except for the new captain who always seem to enjoy in making it a point to make me feel like some sort of a freak or monster, I still feel no different from any of them. In spite of my blood, my human mind and feeling remain intact.

I guess I was worried over nothing. Pretending to be a normal human being is not really hard. Ambling almost leisurely, with my hands in my pocket and shoulders hunched, in a bad part of London, it is almost a usual thing a human do. Albeit, also a foolish thing to do as I began to realize later. My clothes, gender, youth and aloneness in this particular part of the city had drawn the curious and leering onlookers' attention. In the heat of the day, I was wearing a dark long-sleeved jacket and dark pants hugging closely against my frame and sturdy boots. A pork man's cap shielded my eyes, but not against the sun. Another oddity in a muggy day like this.

Seeing that I've arrived at the place, I lowered the visor of my cap to shield my eyes as a passerby curiously stared at me. Londoners were not that friendly but they could be inquisitive even they pretend aloofness. Perhaps the passerby noted my reluctance to make eye contact that he went on his way with another curious glance then finally deciding to ignore me. I was just another Londoner in his eyes—minding my own business and not caring whether the people around me live or die.

Yet there must be something about me that told them to avoid me. Soon, any sign of life in the alleyway I am trudging showed no signs of activity. Shutters and doors are closed but I could feel their eyes watching me. The sudden stillness of the neighborhood should unnerve me but at last, I was prepared to do what I've come here to do.

I stepped inside the shadows.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Back in the crowd again.

While investigating, I was again caught red-handed by a pair of men from the investigating team. They had looked at me curiously but one of them immediately noted me for what I really am and my purpose for coming. I had expected him to draw away but he merely surveyed me, as if sizing me up. Then he reprimanded me as if I were a child meddling with adults' affairs. I had to bite down the retort at the tip of my tongue but I knew they were right. The case is already out of my hands, I am merely one of the clean-up gang and have no business of coming back in the scene.

I did not realize that I was back in the crowd until I almost crashed into a hurrying young man carrying a briefcase. Cap and briefcase flew, the briefcase burst open, scattering papers. Instinctively, I knelt down to help him pick up his stuff as he grumbled about klutzes and people not minding their way. I hid a smile at his mutterings as I handed him the papers I had gathered in a neat pile. He then looked up and to my horror, I realized that I had forgotten to jam the cap in my hands back to my head to hide my eyes. Thankfully, his eyes were on the paper I had extended to him. I let a small breath of relief. "Here," I said gently. He didn't seem to notice anything strange about me. And I only saw his impatience to get going.

He mumbled his grudging thanks and quickly stuffed the papers inside his briefcase. Without a backward glance, he strode on his way, leaving me still on my knees.

I stood, still watching him disappear in the crowd, then carefully fitted the cap back on my head as the cool breeze suddenly sprang up from nowhere, ruffling my blonde hair.

Crowds give an illusion to make you seem like you belong. No matter what differences you may have, you are only part of the noise, movement and life. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Out in the crowd, lost in the crush of anonymity, I am safe.

-fin