Announcer. Today on Judge Ruby, a poor victimized princess presses charges on the evil fairy that threatened her life. Not only does the fairy claim innocent to this charge, she also claims she was treated unjustly by the royal family who neglected to include her in the princess's christening.
Bailiff. All rise for the honorable Judge Ruby. (The judge enters and sits. Everyone else sits a moment later.) The prosecution may take the stand.
Sleeping Beauty. (stands) Your honor, I feel as though this fairy has robbed me of my life. Due to circumstances out of my control, she cursed me to die by pricking my finger on a spindle. A spindle! Could she at least have been a bit more practical? I am a princess after all. Then to make matters worse the only counter magic they could cast was to make me sleep for a hundred years. The cost of the magical face-lifts was phenomenal. I expect her to pay for them.
Judge. And what was the purpose of these facelifts?
Sleeping Beauty. Well, I'm a princess so I obviously couldn't go around looking like an hundred year old lady, especially with a husband as young as mine. Just take a look of how I looked when I woke up. (Sleeping Beauty gives a picture to the Bailiff who brings it to the judge. The judge glances at it briefly.)
Judge. Is there anything you'd like to add?
Sleeping Beauty. I think I've presented my case well enough so far. (sits)
Judge. Defense you may begin.
Evil Fairy. (Rises) Well, if I may first ask a question of the defense Your Honor?
Judge. You may.
Evil Fairy. She claims I tried to kill her with a spindle. Where is this alleged spindle?
Sleeping Beauty. (stands suddenly) It's been a hundred years since the magic worked its course. How can I know where a spindle disappeared to during the time I was asleep.
Evil Fairy. I believe this case should be dismissed due to lack of proper evidence, Your Honor. Also I feel that I am due a public apology form the royal family due to their failure to include me in the events of the christening and then for blaming me for events that occurred due to the fairy Flora.
Sleeping Beauty. How can you speak poorly of Flora? She saved my life.
Evil Fairy. I thought you felt as though she robbed you of it.
Sleeping Beauty. No, I feel like you robbed me of it when cursed me to die.
Evil Fairy. Everybody dies, including royalty. Besides I was being kind. I was going to let you die young and beautiful. If it hadn't been for the stupid counter curse, you could have spent a reasonably happy childhood without the fear of having to sleep for a hundred years.
Sleeping Beauty. But I would have had to fear my death!
Evil Fairy. Yet, you would have accepted the inevitability of it eventually, and then gotten down to enjoying life. Besides Flora only saved you so she could marry you off to that toad of a godson of hers.
Sleeping Beauty. I slept for a hundred years. How could she have known that she'd have a godson who she could marry me off to?
Evil Fairy. She's a fairy! Obviously, she foretold it. What sane person would have kissed someone who looked like a rotting corpse? I think it's safe to say that Flora got him too by making him aware of the fact that he would inherit a kingdom by doing so. After all, you're over a hundred. She knows you'll die soon.
Sleeping Beauty. That's a lie! Look at how young and beautiful I look!
Evil Fairy. But that's just a facade. Your innards know you're well over a hundred. Your honor, I propose that it is not me but the fairy Flora who should be charged for these facelifts.
Sleeping Beauty. (sobbing) She lies! Flora is innocent of everything she claims! Flora loves me! She raised me away from spinning wheels just in hopes of keeping me safe even longer than we expected!
Evil Fairy. But you weren't fated to b pricked until your birthday upon which she returned you to the palace where you could easily come across one. If you ask me, she's the one who should be paying for your facelifts, not me. Your Honor, can we just dismiss this case already? I have more important things to attend to at the matter. Such as a royal christening that the royal family actually remembered to invite me to.
Sleeping Beauty. We would have invited you, but we thought you were dead.
Evil Fairy. And what evidence did you have of that? Absolutely none. I think in honor of you I shall give this baby the gift of common sense. That way when she brings someone to trial or decides not to invite a person to a christening, she'll make sure she actually has proof! Now Judge, I ask you to dismiss this case on grounds of insubstantial evidence.
Judge. Motion approved. This trial shall only continue if the prosecution can give some form of actual evidence.
Sleeping Beauty. You can't do this! I'm a princess and she wronged me. Where's the justice?
Judge. Bailiff, please remove the prosecutor to a place where they can gather some composure. Case dismissed. (Evil Fairy gets up and leaves while the Bailiff struggles to remove a raving Sleeping Beauty from the courtroom.
Announcer. Since the time of filming the trial has not continued any further. Sleeping Beauty did, however, prosecute the fairy Flora in which case she won the money to pay for her magical facelifts.