AN:: Hello! It is September 1st 2017! and I have basically reworked all of this so that it flows and the tense isn't all over the effing place! I changed a few minor things here and there, but it's all pretty much the same! I thank you for taking your time and reading this, I hope it puts a smile on your face at least once, please enjoy!
Samantha Traynor stares in uncertain curiosity at the attached files on her omni-tool. When EDI's body walked towards her (she was almost certain EDI had actually sauntered , making her even more of a distraction than usual), Traynor's curiosity was already peaked. EDI usually spoke to her over the comm links, it was ever so rare the eye-pleasing body made an appearance around her (something she was both grateful and disappointed about).
"I have a few things that may interest you," EDI says. If the accented voice wasn't a distraction maybe she would have caught the underlying amusement, but she was on a ship full of beautiful women and sometimes she let her mind drift while they were in front of her.
Before she has any time to answer, EDI speaks again, "I've sent them to your omni-tool. Your discretion is of utmost importance. I would recommend the small area below engineering."
EDI walks away after that, Samantha's confusion clouding the fact that she knows she can talk to EDI without the body present to ask what the hell she was talking about.
So here she is, sitting on a dusty old cot that has undoubtedly seen better days. Her hand hovers over her omni-tool, unsure of what to open first. The file names give her no indication of what they might be, just a letter and a number. She can at least tell that most are pictures and a few seem to be vid files. It's a little worrying, if she's honest.
She scrolls down, passing the A's (a relatively large amount), two are titled C-1 and C-2. There are a few D's and her curiosity is getting the best of her at the dozen or so labeled ST, the only group of files with 2 letters. However, what breaks her is the vast amount of W's that take up over half of the files given to her, dwarfing the handful of Z's that follow.
Despite the overwhelming number of files in the W's, she decides to check out the ST ones first. Chewing on her lip, she nervously opens the first file then immediately slams her hand on the omni-tool to shut it down.
"Oh my god, holy shit. These are…" Samantha slowly lifts her hand back up, the file flickering to life once more and Sam is relieved that it isn't a vid file.
She tries to talk herself out of looking at it, out of looking at any of them for that matter, however the intensity of the photo gets the best of her and she can't help but stare at an intimate embrace between Shepard and Liara in the shuttle area when they were on Mars. Sam briefly wonders how EDI even acquired the moment, being told that only Vega and Williams had accompanied Shepard on that particular mission.
She hesitantly opens another, not entirely sure the point of being given these, and can't contain the smile that crosses her face.
EDI managed to capture a rare moment of Shepard and Liara relaxing along the Presidium's park grounds. Shepard's head was resting on Liara's lap while Liara was running a hand through Shepard's hair, a look of awe on her face.
A vid file suddenly starts playing and she can't contain the gasp that escapes her. Shepard, using her biotics, is pinning Liara to the wall of the Normandy's elevator, giving a searing kiss that leaves both Liara and Sam breathless. Shepard's low chuckle can be heard briefly as she walks out of the elevator, followed by Liara's ' by the goddess ' as she struggles to hold herself up.
Swallowing thickly, Sam stares wearily at the rest of the vid files with the ST label. Not wanting at all to see more, for fear of what her overactive imagination is already going to do from those ten seconds alone.
She scrolls back up to the A's, only needing a glance or two to deduce that they're all of Diana Allers and while Sam talks to her on a daily basis she's still a bit wary of the reporter's intentions and isn't really that interested in anything beside camaraderie.
The rest of the list takes her little time to figure out that the letters are a stand-in for the list of female crew aboard the Normandy. The few she can't figure out are established as she opens and closes them just as quickly. EDI was... kind enough to include former members of the crew.
She prays to whatever god that will listen to never let her meet Miranda Lawson or Jack. She does not want to be held responsible for whatever bumbling bull that will come out of her mouth in their presence.
Minutes pass as she stares blankly at the list, her emotions torn in different directions. The invasion of privacy was so powerful that she was drowning in guilt from the few that she had already opened, just to figure out how the list worked.
And while she knows it is terrible, and she would murder (ok not murder, she'd be terrible at that) anyone who gave these away without her knowing, there is still a part of her that is so insanely curious that she can't entirely convince herself to leave them be and delete them without looking at the rest.
They were all fighting for their lives, well she wasn't actually fighting, but she was helping and it was beyond stressful. Exhausting too, for that matter, and she doesn't have a steady chess partner to help her wind down, there was only so much fun she could get out of an AI. So if looking at incredibly beautiful women, who just happened to be people she knew instead of faceless people, was there harm in that? Yeah, yeah there totally was.
"Honestly, I might as well just compare myself to a dirty old man right now," Sam shudders, "and take about fifty showers." For various reasons , she thinks. "This does not sit well with me, why would EDI give this to me?"
"Is there something wrong, Specialist?"
"Bloody hell!" Samantha shrieks, her head hitting the pipe behind her.
"I apologize for frightening you," EDI's voice cuts into her panic.
"It's— it's alright, no harm done… much," Samantha mumbles, gingerly poking and prodding the back of her head, feeling for the bump she knows is slowly forming. "I— I don't feel right looking at these, but thanks for… uh… what exactly is the point of these?"
"I was given permission to release them to you, so there is no need to feel bad."
"Permission? Someone gave you— me— permission? Why in the hell would anyone do that?"
"Commander Shepard believes you could use a distraction, and it was to reward your hard work. She suggested that maybe it would make up for the toothbrush you didn't get to bring." There's a pause and Sam has been too caught off-guard to respond, "that was a joke."
"Of— of course. She- Shepard approved of me being a crazy voyeur of the crew and herself?" Sam asks, disbelief lacing her tone.
"I believe it was Doctor T'soni who suggested it, as she provided most of the content. Shepard was convinced shortly after."
"I'm sure she was," Sam mumbles with humor. It hadn't taken Liara more than a day to catch the massive crush she was sporting for Shepard and barely five minutes for Sam to trip over her own tongue and stutter in front of Liara.
Liara had, surprisingly, taken it all in good humor. Teasing Samantha with the knowledge as well as taking to some mild flirting. Which was just odd and no one believed her because it was something Liara hadn't done before, according to everyone else on the Normandy. She realized then that there was a hell of a lot more to Liara T'soni than anyone gave her credit for.
There's a lull in the conversation; Sam realizes it strange to think of it that way. EDI has been getting better at the courtesy of saying goodbye despite her being the actual ship, leaving wasn't really a thing she did. She probably had her lesser processors monitoring everything even conversations or actions that were no doubt, personal. Actually, thinking along those lines was starting to further entice her overactive imagination and add to her growing headache.
"Doctor T'Soni has inquired if you have looked at the 'W' files. She wishes to know if you would like the rest of them."
Samantha glances at the large list, assuming they're of Ashley Williams, and looks around incredulously, as if she can see them lying around, "there's more!?"
"Yes," is all that EDI says.
She continues to gape at the list, there were over thirty files and from what she can tell, at least 6 of them are vids. Sam can't fathom how it would compare to Shepard and Liara. She can't even decide if she wants them to be similar or of utterly mundane things that won't evoke any kind of response from her person.
She manages to squeak out, "Just— I—," she clears her throat, "no, uh thanks EDI. I'll— um, I'll let her know if I need… the rest."
"I will inform her of your decision, have a good evening, Specialist."
Samantha sputters after that, EDI's phrasing leaving her feeling even more flustered than she already is.
"Liara and EDI should never share the same space; they're far too dangerous together." Sam hesitates over what Liara wants her to view the most, and instead scrolls up and opens the two labeled C. The only one she hasn't figured out yet.
Both images show the eldest female member of the crew, Doctor Chakwas, somehow showing off her best assets that Sam has not at all noticed before. "Holy shit," she rasps out. Doctor Chakwas hadn't even crossed her mind when trying to come up with possible candidates on the list, and now she's certain she'll never enter the medbay, or to even open up any of the pictures. This was ridiculous.
She goes to close her omni-tool but it appears EDI has more access than Sam knows about, because a video starts playing and Samantha Traynor knows she's forever doomed— and blessed— with the image of Ashley Williams working out.
Samantha hasn't moved from her spot in the mess since she arrived forty-five minutes earlier. Various members of the crew have come and gone, giving her strange looks after failing to catch her attention with their riveting morning conversations. They were met with silence, Sam's eyes glazed over and a mug of tea that had grown cold was cradled in front of her face.
A motion across the deck finally catches her attention as she hones in on the figure of Ashley Williams, who stumbles along the hallway, the wall holding her up every now and then. It was obvious that she has just woken up and is in desperate need to drown herself in a cup of crappy coffee, or five.
Sam inhales quickly, her thoughts never having strayed far from the video that had played out and the subsequent pictures that had popped up alongside it. Her gaze follows Ashley as she finally manages to drag herself to the coffee and quickly downs a cup with a grimace and then pours herself another. She let's out a sigh of satisfaction and Sam whimpers.
She was going to kill Liara and EDI, and Shepard too. Ok, threaten probably because there's no way she would manage even a hit on any of them, she's sure. She'd probably curl into a ball and cry if any of them had any hostile intention towards her.
Ashley is grabbing one of the fresh fruits they managed to snag up earlier that week, throwing a slight nod in Samantha's direction before she heads back to the lounge, not at all noticing how Sam's face reddens and her eyes gloss over again as she follows Ashley's departure.
"Something on your mind, Specialist Traynor?" Liara's voice rips her out of her current state and somehow manages to remind her of the rippling muscles in Ashley's back back while she was helping James move around some boxes in the cargo bay. She doesn't even notice the tea that freed itself from her mug when she starts in surprise at the vocal intrusion.
"I hate you, I hate you so, so very much," Sam mutters as her lip curls in distaste as she finally notices her tea is cold.
"Oh I am sure the sentiment is quite the opposite," Liara manages a smirk that is delightfully sensual and yet Sam thinks it's downright evil.
Before Sam can deny everything, Shepard strolls up and drops a kiss on Liara's head before setting down a plate overflowing with breakfast foods. "Mornin'" she mumbles, her mouth already full of food.
Liara gives Shepard an affectionate glance as Traynor's thoughts stray to the rare occasion Shepard blurted out something entirely random about her time with Cerberus. It was a few weeks ago, she thinks. Some of them were enjoying a late meal, half the crew scattered around the mess and Sam had yet to touch her food, more focused on the heaping plate of food in front of the Commander. Shepard had grinned, not caring that she hadn't fully finished what was in her mouth (something Sam was coming to understand was certainly an unfortunate habit), and blamed the newly found appetite on the crazy amount of biotics she now possessed, something she delighted in displaying at random and the most inopportune moments. Garrus chimed in seconds later that Shepard always ate like that, earning him a jolt of blue.
Sam manages a smile as Liara rests her head on Shepard's shoulder, her hand resting on the arm Shepard wasn't using to shove food into her mouth, before glaring at them, "I hate you both," she hisses, "you both suck and I have half a mind to do… to do something awful!"
Shepard chokes, coughing a few times before she lets out a laugh, Liara rubbing her back in soothing circles, "I take it EDI and Liara gave you whatever it was they'd been working on."
"Wh— whatever it was!?" she whispers harshly. "Are you insane? I cannot—" her words catch in her throat, the woman she can't get off her mind for the last six hours strolls back into the room, in their direction.
"Hey Skipper, plan on letting anyone else eat?" Ashley steals a couple pieces of the crappy fake bacon that adorns Shepard's plate and props down in the seat next to Sam.
Samantha is keenly aware that she should not be staring, and she is indeed breaking so many rules she set for herself in the workplace. The conversation around her simmers to a buzz as the sight of Ashley fills her vision. She doesn't hear Shepard jokingly reprimand Ashley, forcing her to add ma'am to her previous statement. She's too caught up in the movement of Ashley's long hair moving across her face, the urge to move it behind her ear is great and Sam finds herself speaking, "I really hate all of you."
"You alright, Specialist?" Ashley's worry filters through Sam's haze.
"F— fine! I'm fine," she manages to get out and stands quickly. Cursing aloud as the rest of her tea spills all over her and the table. She scrambles away from Ashley, who tries to assist in cleaning and takes off towards the elevators. Hoping to lose herself in the work she knows is waiting for her.
"The hell was that about?" she hears Ashley say, followed by Liara's laughter before the elevator doors close and she's rescued from further embarrassment.