A/N: This is a reaction to the film proposal, not the book for once.
I can't make this any clearer the first 7 lines are based on the end of New Moon(Film) and the the rest is my interpretation of Eclipse... all I left out was the gasp!
I had just managed to stop Edward and Jacob from fighting, Jacob then returned to La Push unwillingly and very unhappy when he realized Edward and I were back together.
Edward asked me, to let him have five years before my change, but I refused, that would make me nearly twenty four to his seventeen so no, not gonna happen. He then offered three years and still I refused, telling him "It's too long to wait, Edward". Didn't he get it; it's not just the age thing, although it is important to me, but also the intimacy as well. Did he enjoy torturing me that much with chaste kisses and keeping me frustrated and making me feel rejected and unwanted physically all the time? That he'd do it for three more years.
Then he shocked and stunned me by turning it all around onto me, Edward said that he would only turn me into a vampire on one condition: I had to marry him first. I just stood there looking at him, did I hear that correctly? Marriage as an ultimatum! "Well how fucking romantic is that!" I thought sarcastically, I could not believe he could be so callous. Had the months apart done nothing to make him see this type of control tactic didn't work for us, for me and this time frankly was a step too far.
Did I really mean so little to him, that he felt he could dangle our future in front of me like a carrot on a stick? Could he not see how humiliating and degrading this was, it would make our future together, not a joint adventure, or a grand love affair but a bargain, a contract, no a treaty between disparate parties. Maybe I should just sign a contract and become his Sub, because he sure liked trying to act the Dom at times!
If I agreed, I would be stating loud and clear that I felt marriage to him was so irrelevant, that I would use it as a way of getting immortality and sex. By doing this he had made it impossible for me, if I refused I would have to stay human and age. Did he think I could live like that permanently, stay with him knowing I didn't, in his eyes deserve a real and proper proposal or marriage? 'Basically Damned if I do! Damned if I don't!'
I felt sick to my stomach, as I continued to stare at him. Thank god Jasper wasn't here, because my emotions were flying about all over the place, they would probably bring him to his knees. But by the look on Edward's face they were not showing outwardly, my face had obviously frozen into a blank mask. He started to shift from one foot to the other, a sure sign he was nervous. "Well you bloody well should be" I thought.
I just turned away and started down the path to the house, I hate this fucking path. It seems to be the place my life is ruined, no destroyed over and over. "Bella? say something please. Bella?" I heard him calling after me, but I could not, would not stop. As I reach the front door, all I could hear was phones ringing, my cell, Edward's too and also the house phone. I ignored everything and entered the house, shutting the door behind me.
"She's just got in Alice" I heard Charlie say as he held out the phone to me, but I just walk past up the stairs into my room. "She wouldn't take the phone! Sorry Alice. I'll get her to call you soon. Bye" Charlie said before he hung up. I sat on my bed staring at the window, seeing nothing. This wasn't like before, yes I was numb but my mind was spinning and I was trying to make sense of what had happened. Charlie knocked on the door asking if I was alright, I told him I was fine and was just changing before I made the dinner.
When we were eating I knew Charlie wanted me to talk to him about what was wrong, but I couldn't. "Sorry dad, I think I need a woman's point of view this time" I said "But I don't know who!" "Why don't you give your mother a call then" he replied and I snorted. "Yes well, maybe not" he said smiling. Just then the front door was knocked and I prayed it wasn't him.
Charlie got up to answer as I cleared up and I heard him say, "Hello, Esme. This is a surprise". Esme of course, I was out of the kitchen in a flash and nearly threw myself into her outstretched arms. "Oh sweetheart, I knew by the look on his face he'd put his foot in his mouth again!" she exclaimed. Charlie mumbled something about popping down to see Billy and high tailed it out of the house.
It took two cups of coffee and a lot of sobbing from me before she had the whole story. "He what? Oh dear god in heaven, what is wrong with that boy?" she demanded as I finished giving her my take on this mess. She pulled out her phone "Carlisle, you need to talk to that boy and don't take no for an answer! Make him tell you just how moronic he's been this time" she was barely controlling her anger and Carlisle must have been shocked. "Tell him he's banned from seeing Bella until he doe's and that an order from me, not her. I am so disgusted with him!" with that she hung up, not even saying goodbye.
"I don't know what he was thinking, putting you in that position, I know men don't think like us, but Dear God. He's read enough women's minds to know better. He really was so confused when he arrived home, sweetheart, I don't think he actually thought it through properly. I think he saw a chance and jumped in feet first". She told me.
"Now what do you want to do about him dear?" I sort of laughed and said "Besides hitting him with a baseball bat, you mean". "Yes, although that might do him some good too". Esme nodded. So I told her I had no idea. As this whole thing made me feel small and worthless. Why he even wanted me to marry him eluded me as he has no respect or thought for my feelings or point of view.
"I need him to see that what he did was wrong, not just in my eyes, but if relayed to a complete stranger she would think so too" I said "But how do I do that?" Just then her phone rang and we both said "Alice" at the same time. Alice said that she and Rose were on their way over and all would be explained. When they arrived they both hugged me and that was a surprise, Rose was not normally a fan of mine. "Bella, even I can see he went too far this time" she said grimacing. "Alice only gave me the bare outline but, I'm here so I don't beat the crap out of him. Because if I would have had to listen to him explaining to Carlisle I'd probably do it" she told me.
Alice asked me to tell them word for word what happened, so I retold the whole sordid tale for them, with a lot less sobbing and much more righteous indignation. During the retell she was typing furiously on her laptop and I had to ask what she was doing. "I'm writing it out as a fan fiction story; there are loads of vampire sites out there. So tweaking it to be more 'Vampire Diaries' like we can get others take on it" she told us.
There was apparently a big demand for vampire stories and people reviewed them, also forums where they could discuss pros and cons with each other and even the author. So it turns out over the years Alice has written the odd story for fun and had a profile at present. Within half an hour she had it written and on-line. "Now we wait" she said. She sign into a forum site and mentioned a new story she'd written and desperately wanted peoples take on it as it was not her usual style and she was unsure how to finish it in the next chapter. A couple of women said they'd read it right away and then she started to get review hits.
"Cold and unfeeling, what a douche"
"Does he even understand he gave her no choice? That she can't accept and she can't refuse either, because either way she loses not him"
"Needs a baseball bat to the head"
"Forget the head, ram it up his butt!"
This was just a taste of some of the reviews. But the upshot was I was vindicated. I was happy to see this was not my warped way of looking at things but others saw how wrong and unacceptable this was.
"Talk about between a rock and a hard place"
"What a control freak, he needs to lighten up or lose the girl; she'll outgrow him emotionally, if he keeps her human much longer"
"Looks like it's started already, if he's pulling immature stunts like that, withholding sex is mean"
"She should dump his ass, vampire or not that's unacceptable"
"Dear heavens, why are men so stupid? What normal woman doesn't want sex with the man she loves, he's being cruel not careful. It feels like emotional abuse to me!"
The last one made me gasp; I know I thought that but to hear someone else say it was a shock. Alice said we would give it a couple of days and then I had to confront him. I felt a lot better when they all left; Esme said he would not be allowed to bother me tonight or even tomorrow. That they would come get me on Sunday and take me over to their house. Alice left the laptop so I could see what was happening on-line.
By the time Sunday came the reviews were mounting and the comments were becoming harsher.
"Read your story 3 times and I sorry it's just not realistic. No man/vampire could be that insensitive to their partner. It's as if he sees her as some kind of human Barbie. With no thoughts of her own, only there to do as he decides. Maybe he should just get himself a blow up doll who won't talk back!"
"Yeah I have to agree with the previous comment; he's just not believable as a character. If this guy was real, he would be so uptight that if you shoved a piece of coal up his ass, he could give you a diamond in short order. lol"
"This guy needs to get laid. Seriously not an endearing character"
"Sounds like he's never been in love before or even had a relationship, which wouldn't surprise me. He has no idea how to treat a woman; he treats her like a child. Does he have 'Daddy' fantasies?"
"Not sure I like this guy, he seems so far up himself that no one else is very important to him, even the woman he's supposed to love. What makes him so special? Sounds like he's a legend in his own lunchtime!"
"He's really selfish, wanting their relationship his way and ignoring anything she wants!"
"I'm sorry that's not love that's dominance!"
"Yeah maybe you should rewrite as a Dom/Sub story that would work better"
I was totally astounded by some of the comments. They were harsh and made Edward seem worse than he was. But some of the thoughts had crossed my mind I hated to admit. He was uptight and rigid and I was scared what he'd think of all this.
It was about ten o'clock Sunday morning when Esme pulled up in her car; she was smiling and looked relaxed. I hope this meant there was no tension at home. "Hello Bella dear, how are you today?" she enquired. "Nervous" I stated, "The reviews were getting a bit rough this morning". I told her I was worried how Edward would take this. "I know sweetheart, but I think he needs a dose of reality. He can't treat you like that and expect you not to revolt, you're not a machine, you're a human being" She said.
When we reach the Cullen's house Edward rushed out to meet the car and started apologising immediately. Apologising for upsetting me, telling me he loved me, apologising for being pushy about keeping me human, everything except what actually was the problem, did he not actually grasp what he did wrong. "It's not enough this time Edward, you're always sorry after the event. But nothing ever changes. Well that's not true I've changed, you leaving, changed me. But you, you haven't changed a thing about yourself. You're Arrogant, Overbearing, Condescending, Selfish, and Pompous. Everything has to be your way, as if you know best and we all know that's rubbish!" I told him quickly so I wouldn't lose my nerve.
"I don't think we should be discussing this in front of everyone" he said in his most patronizing tone. I laughed right in his face and he was taken aback. "Oh not only are we doing this in front of everyone, we're having a family meeting to discuss this and ascertain exactly what I should do about you!" I stomped up the stairs after telling him this and went straight into the dining room where everyone else was sitting. "I don't feel this is necessary Bella" he retorted. "Well I do Edward, or is my opinion not relevant to you?" I demanded.
"Of course your opinion is important to me , I always take your opinions into account" he said and everyone just stared at him with their mouths open and by the looks on their faces minds completely blank and then we all burst out laughing at the same time as if he'd told a joke. Edward looked confused and not very happy. "Sit down Edward" for the first time I actually ordered him to do something.
I turned to Carlisle and asked if he'd had a talk with Edward after Esme's phone call. He told me he had tried and Edward had refused to comply. "So you disregarded your mother's request Edward and you were also happy not to be able to see me as that was a stipulation? I see" I sighed sadly "That's good to know. Wow this is worse than I thought" I tried to stop my voice cracking on the last sentence but to no avail. "No, don't be so silly Bella, I was giving you time to calm down. I was going to come and see you later today, love" he said as if I should have known better. I was livid; he just didn't get it at all. Alice was next to me and she held out her arm to me. I grabbed her wrist and used her hand to slap him across the face as hard as I could.
He jumped back shocked; he didn't hear that coming that's for sure. "What the hell?" he shouted. "That was for being an insensitive jerk, you asshole" I roared at him, then spun round and apologised to Esme for my language. Edward turns as if to leave. "If you leave now Edward, keep going and don't ever come back" I said quietly. He froze in place then slumped down leaning against the wall.
I turned back to the family, told Jasper I was sorry if this was going to be too much for him. I then proceeded to tell them exactly what happened on Friday and what had been said. The guys were growling loudly at Edward now, including Carlisle. This was a surprise to Edward as he couldn't understand why they were so angry. Then I told them what I thought while I had stood there in the forest staring at him. His head shot up and he looked completely dumbfounded.
How I wondered if I'd heard that correctly. How could he use marriage as an ultimatum! My "Well how fucking romantic is that!" reflection.
Once again I apologised to Esme. She leaned across the table and took my hand smiling.
How I couldn't believe he could be so callous. The, had the months apart done nothing to make him see this type of control tactic didn't work for us, for me, contemplation. And then the, This time frankly was a step too far thought. How I wondered did I really mean so little to him, that he felt he could dangle our future in front of me like a carrot on a stick. Why could he not see how humiliating and degrading this was. How it would make our future together be, or a grand love affair but a treaty between disparate parties Then the, I should just sign a contract and become his Sub, because he sure acted liked a Dom! notion.
Edward was rocking back and forward shaking his head. "How could you think that?" he demanded. "How could I not Edward? Your intent was clear!" I replied. I then continued with my thoughts, to the rest of the family.
If I agreed, I would be giving a loud and clear message that I felt marriage to him was so irrelevant, that I would use it as a way of getting immortality and sex. How by doing this he had made it impossible for me, if I refused I would have to age and die and leave him. How I didn't think I could live like that permanently, staying with him knowing I didn't, in his eyes deserve a real or proper proposal and marriage. Feeling as if I was basically' Damned if I do! Damned if I don't!' That I felt sick to my stomach, as I stared at him.
Edward sat with his head in his hands, sobbing. "How could you think all that?" he begged of me. "Because Edward, you never want to discuss the future. My change, anything that is important to me is swept aside as immaterial by you, every time. So I have to draw my own conclusions be they right or wrong!" I tell him honestly. "Dear god you're just back and you seem to be going to continue down the same path, to our annihilation by your own hand".
"Do you want to know why I insisted everyone was present for this?" I asked and he nodded his head. "Because if we had done it alone you would have started telling me what I thought and wanted without actually letting me tell you myself and God Damn It Edward! I would have let you dazzle me into submission, just like every other time".
I gasped in a breath and carried on, "I love you, you know, but sometimes I don't really like you at all. You seem to want to forget that I'm different now! Seven months of heartache changed me Edward. I will not lie down like a doormat for you anymore. This is my life and I will have my say in how it plays out!" I was in tears now; they were silently rolling down my face.
I explained that I had wanted a way to prove to him that what he'd done on Friday was beyond wrong. But now thought it was probably cruel and redundant as our problems were bigger than just that fiasco. He asked what I had done so we explained it, how to get other woman's opinions we had written the fan fiction. "And did you get any reactions?" Carlisle asked. I nodded and whispered "Lots".
Edward asked to see them, I begged him not to take them all to heart as some were pretty mean, to remember they just thought it was a made up story. Esme suggested I clean up and get some lunch. Everyone scattered to give him some privacy and Jasper and Emmett to other computers to see the comments themselves. About fifteen minutes later we heard an almighty crash. "You owe me an new laptop" shouted Alice.
I hovered in the doorway, watching him pace back and forward. He had a terrible look of pain on his beautiful face. I could barely stand it, so stepped into his path. Gripping him tightly as he went to pull away. "Don't Edward; I didn't say that was how I felt totally. Just that I wanted to see if other woman agreed that it was an unacceptable ultimatum you gave me. That's all I wanted to prove, but they took it beyond that" I told him.
"Do you think I'm rigid and inflexible?" he asked, "About something's, Yes Edward you are. You're like a kid who says they don't like eating greens, when they have never even tried them. How do you know unless you try? Baby steps are all I'm asking for, but I need you to try Edward" I said softly.
"I also want you to stop saying what I'd miss if I wasn't human. Because even if you leave me again, I will Never marry if it's not you, Never have children who are not yours or move on, how can you move on from your Soul Mate to just some guy? It will Never happen accept that" I told him firmly. He crushed me to his chest tightly "I'll try, I promise" he whispered in my ear. "I do Love you, Want you, Need you Forever" he sighed quietly.
We spent the rest of the day just talking and for once telling each other our wants and fears. The others helped by giving Edward their own memories of when they met and how they felt confused but together got through it. That was the key, sharing everything; Edward just had to grasp that. I may be physically weak as a human, but I was not emotionally weak because of it. I felt we were actually getting somewhere at last and for the first time together. The future didn't look so bleak anymore. Maybe one day I would get a real proposal after all, but I was in no hurry.