I sat on the window seel , which was a delicate white accompanied by my green Turkish blouse that layed underneath my fragile body. I've been worrying too much , it's like my emotions overwhelmed me and they didn't fit In anymore. But that didn't surprise me any bit , I realized that I don't fit into any puzzles either . As a human I was useless , clumsy , awful and definetley far away from the perfection of beauty , and if I were a vampire , I'd crave to drink the blood of every innocent human passing by. Their death would be a piece of cake to me , no pain what so ever , but the satisfaction of their fresh and hot blood , watering my mouth and calming my burning throat.

That's everything that Jake despites me to become , he doesn't want me to be one of them. Every normal person would want what I could easily reach out for , Jacob and a civilized life , my personal sun , the only source of warmth that could keep me infinite. But I want Edward , he is my drug , I feel like there is no way to be without him , with him it's like ' To Be or not to be ' .

The dull day had gone fast , my mind was knotted in thoughts of my whole life and decisions I've made , considered and mostly hesitated about. Jake is gone , no one knows where to . The pack are just worried as I am , or I wish that someone was but I always exaggerate , according to some . But I can't forget someone that I care about , perhaps because I feel strongly about him and he feels even more passionate about me . I stumbled a couple of times before I reached the kitchen to see Charlie , reading the paper again , which exposed a bold title ' Seattle – enormous number of deaths increases again . '

He drawn his gaze at me , forgetting the piece of material in his big hands .

' Hey kid , you up to anything ? any news on Jake ? ' his voice sounded anxious towards the end of sentence.

' er , no . Billy would tell you anyway.' I spoke quietly , as I stood there pointless.

A sigh escaped his mouth and he concentrated on the newspaper again . ' I hope everything's alright , he's a good folk .'

' yeah , I can't imagine something happening to him . ' I shuttered at the words , and shook my head.

I didn't have any plans for today , Edward went hunting with Alice and Jasper for two days , so I'd have to endure the boredom . I've not spoken to Angela since the graduation and Jessica's company didn't seem to brighten up my day or make it a little bit more interesting. I ran my hand through my already messed up hair , and turned to Charlie.

' Im gonna go to La Push , maybe talk with the guys or something . Bye dad. ' My lips curved into a little forced smile , as I turned to the door and left the house .

' Bye bells ! ' I heard him call at last.

People stared at me in a bit of a suspicious way , maybe because I'm usually with Edward , if he'd be here , his arm would be tied around my waist or our hands would be in interwinded together . Either way , I'd be close to his perfectly shaped body and my heart would miss a few beats , my mind would be spinning around . In those moments I was his Bella. However to my surprise , my body longed for something else . Like a voice in my head was screaming at me to run away from those thoughts and find my Jacob to fill them with , it were his masculine arms that I fought to have wrapped around me , his dark chocolate eyes to loose me from time to time. I literally felt agony being flushed down my system.

As I stopped to find my location , I heard a loud roar travelling from the dark dense forest that was six meters away from me . I set my eyes on it , a million concepts squashed in my head . Ignoring the fear , I continued to take steps but this time in the other direction which was leading me into the forest. This was completely reckless , but my curiosity wouldn't just let me walk and erase these moments , so I shoved the strands of trees out of my pale face as I felt the rotten pieces of wood break under my weight.

The silence and I created the greatest atmosphere , my breathing was even and clear , somehow there was no need for me to stop walking or to check each corner for any intruders. A roar hit me again , further away but more intense and breath taking , I had an idea of what this could be , maybe the wolves hunting vampires ? I instantly grimaced a little at the thought.

Instead of having the creature pictured right in front of me , I felt a warm hand on my shoulder , which made me jump and my heart completely lost it's rhythm . I almost spinned around to see who it is , and nothing unexpected welcomed me.

' Bella , what are you doing here ? ' Sam's hand shook off straight away and he seemed to be furious with me .

I shrugged my shoulders , not really having an answer for him. ' I heard the wolves and I was stupid enough to believe that it could have been Jake..' I stared at the ground , feeling upset.

' Come on , we can go to La Push and talk there . It's dangerous here for you.' He pulled me along , sighing and we walked silently .

it wasn't long when I spotted Emily , the love of his life , riding a bike around their house. She immediately smiled , reveling her amazingly white teeth against the darker tone of her skin. I could imagine what his heart was saying , the feelings involved were very visible , at least to me . Sometimes I was jealous of their relationship , how easily they are together , loving eachother with as much passion and energy . But then I'd curse myself , 'easy ' was definitely not the right choice of words to describe what connected them , but it was unthinkable that Sam never wanted this , that Emily was not supposed to be the one , it didn't feel right to me .

' Hey there . ' she threw the words at Sam , enthusiastically and swang her arms around his neck , softly pecking his cheek.

Sam returned the kiss , not taking his eyes off of her as she switched her attention to me.

' Hi Bella , it's nice to see you . '

' Um hey , yeah you too . ' I said quietly , but politely .

Whilst I have been hanging out with Sam , which felt super odd but comforting at the same time , I couldn't say that I got the answers for my questions , because they knew as much as I did . But there was something , that now I was sure of . Jacob wasn't in any danger , as he didn't phase at all , otherwise the pack would have been able to read his mind. This meant that violence , was not accommodating him through these days. It made me relief a bit , I hated it when he put himself in danger and he wasn't even aware of the consequences.