Title: Handicrafts by Legion: Designer Handicrafts
Rating: K
Pairings: none
Summary: Sequel to Legion of Pizza. Have you ever wondered what would happen if the Legion of Superheroes worked at a handicraft store?
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. This piece of writing is not meant as infringement and LoSH belongs to its respective owners.
Author's Note: Bffl gave me this idea and I shook it up a little. I'm so sorry that my stories are losing it's PG/TW, I'll try to write some more of it soon. Also, Cosmic Boy's real name is Rokk (you'll get why I said that if you read the fic). Enjoy the story!
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"Ahem, legionnaires, may I have your attention please?" Cosmic Boy announced. All of the legionnaires turned to him. "After several failed attempts including a psychic hotline, a gym, a grocery store, and who could forget our pizzeria, Legion HQ is still not rebuilt."
"Do we have to get another job?" Phantom Girl complained. "Haven't we failed enough already?"
"Sadly, we have to get another job. Where is Superman?" Cosmic Boy asked aggravated. As soon as he said this, Superman walked in with a blue knit sweater that had his emblem and leg warmers.
Everyone burst into laughter. "I know, I know. I look ridiculous, but this could be our next job!" Superman said excitedly. "We could knit stuff!"
"Knitting? That's one ancient art," Timber Wolf whistled. "Not that I would know," he quickly added, ignoring the blush that was crawling up his neck.
"You knit! What can't you do," Phantom Girl said in mock awe. Timber Wolf rolled his eyes.
"Enough flirting you two," Cosmic Boy commanded. Phantom Girl smiled and Timber Wolf frowned. "I think we can go with Superman's idea," Cosmic Boy said smiling.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"I don't like where this is going, Cos" Lightning Lad commented as the legionnaires stepped into a store.
"Now, I want Kell, Superman, Bouncing Boy, Brainy Timber Wolf and Cham to furnish our new store. The girls will go out and buy the supplies and I have a special mission." Cosmic Boy explained.
"What sort of name is Handicrafts by Legion: Designer Handicrafts?" Cham asked as he held up a sign and uniform.
"That would be our name," Cosmic Boy snatched the stuff that Cham was holding and put it back into the box. After everyone finished their tasks, they met up in the lobby of Handicrafts by Legion: Designer Handicrafts.
"What tacky furniture!" Phantom Girl pinched her nose.
"I guess that's what you get when you have guys decorate a room!" Shrinking Violet laughed/snorted.
"So, what was your secret mission?" Saturn Girl asked.
Cosmic Boy held up some knitting needles and yarn. "We just have lay low and not use our legion names,"
"The name of the store is Handicrafts by Legion," Brainy reminded. "Doesn't that imply that the Legion makes them?"
"We just don't need to arouse the suspicion of the science police"
"Why not?" Triplicate Girl asked.
"I might have…you know…nothing much…just hijacked the history museum for these antique knitting needles," Cosmic Boy said innocently.
"What!?" They all said at the same time.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"So, this store specializes in handicrafts?" Brainy asked. Cosmic Boy nodded. "Who in grife would buy handicrafts?"
"You'd be surprised, Brainy" Cosmic Boy responded.T
The Legion wore metallic purple uniforms that had 'Handicrafts by Legion: Designer Handicrafts' on the back.
"This is the LAST time you get to pick the uniforms, Cos" Lightning Lad said angrily.
"We aren't designer handcrafters, isn't this false advertisement?" Superman asked unsurely.
"What people don't know won't hurt them," Kell said.
"Basically, we'll sell knitted items, jewelry, weavings and paper crafts. So split up!" Cosmic Boy ordered.
"Wait, what do you do?" Bouncing Boy asked.
"The hardest job of all," at his teammates' confusion he added "I work the front desk."
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Timber Wolf, Phantom Girl, Cham, Kell, Bouncing Boy and Triplicate Girl were going to knit.
In the beginning, Timber Wolf's claws got in the way of his knitting, but he found a way for them to work to his advantage.
"Knit one, pearl two," Timber Wolf whispered to himself. He was working on an orange scarf.
Phantom Girl was a whole 'nother story. She was working on a scarf too, but it looked more like a head full of unruly silver hair.
"Knit one, pearl two. Oh, wait is it knit two, pearl one? Argh!" Phantom Girl exclaimed. "I'm horrible at this!" She looked over to Timber Wolf who had just finished his scarf.
"What?" he asked. She looked at him with the saddest puppy dog eyes she could muster and he caved. "Fine, I'll show you. Pay close attention, Phantom Girl" she squealed.
Cham wasn't having trouble with the knitting itself, it was the yarn that bothered him. He tried to detangle it, but ended up getting it intertwined with him.
"Ohh!" he moaned "This is worse than the pizzeria!"
Bouncing Boy was doing well, he just kept on misplacing his needles. "AH!" he screamed as a needle lodged itself on his rear, deflating his ball-form to one of a shrunken balloon.
"Bouncy, are you okay?" Triplicate Girl asked him, concerned.
"Yeah, yeah, I hate this!" he muttered to himself. Triplicate Girl went back to her work, which was a sweater. She had divided herself into three parts and each was working on am arm. In no time, she was completed.
"Nice sweater, Triplicate Girl," Bouncing Boy complemented. "Where's the neck hole?" he asked as he examined the sweater. Instead of a neck hole, there was an extra arm hole.
"Oh no!" Triplicate Girl joined back into one and buried her face in her hands. Bouncing Boy put a comforting hand around her shoulder.
"AHHH!" Kell yelled as he threw his knitting needles into the wall. "This is SO STUPID!"
"What is wrong with you guys?" Cosmic Boy walked into the room. "Haven't you heard of indoor voices?"
"Sorry," everyone but Kell muttered.
"I am tired of this! The greatest heroes in the universe, reduced to menial labor!" Kell was angry.
"Don't let your ego run away or anything," Phantom Girl said sarcastically.
"Knitting is a woman's job, I refuse to do it!"
"What is this, the Stone Age?" Triplicate Girl scoffed.
"Calm down, everyone. Kell if you don't want to knit, what you do suggest you do?" Cosmic Boy asked, uncharacteristically calm and kind.
"Crocheting is much more manly," Kell told him. Bouncing Boy and Triplicate Girl smiled and joined Kell in crocheting. Timber Wolf, Phantom Girl and Cham continued to knit.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
'You have reached Handicrafts by Legion: Designer Handicrafts. We are unavailable to take your call. Please leave you name and a message and we'll get to as soon as possible. Thank you.' Tharok grunted. He reached the answering message again!
Tharok walked into the store and looked for someone to talk to.
"Tharok?" a young man with black hair was at the front desk. "I mean Mr. Tharok, I'm Rokk, is there anything I can do for you?"
"I'm looking for a gift… a green one," Tharok said.
"Hmm… Is Emerald Empress a sweater-person or a jewelry-person?"
"How do you know that it's for Emerald Empress?" Tharok asked nervously. Cosmic Boy (aka Rokk) laughed. "I think she'd appreciate a sweater"
"I'll see what I can find, Mr. Tharok," Cosmic Boy walked into the back room where the sweaters were being made. He came out with a hideous puce sweater, Cham's handiwork no doubt.
Tharok eyed it with disgust, then smiled. "She'll absolutely love it! Thanks, Rokk!" Tharok put money on the counter and then left, humming to himself.
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Saturn Girl, Shrinking Violet and Lightning Lad worked on jewelry.
"Wow! This is fun," Violet laughed with a snort. She shrunk to microscopic size and carried a string and walked into the beads. Then, Saturn Girl would tie the knots and attach the clasps. Lightning Lad would put price tags on the finished work. He was bored to tears.
"This is so boring," Lightning Lad complained. "Why did I agree to do this, again?"
"Because Saturn Girl's doing it," Shrinking Violet reminded.
"Oh, yeah," Lightning Lad agreed.
"Hey, why don't we play a game?" Shrinking Violet asked.
"I'm up for it," Saturn Girl agreed..
"So am I," Lightning Lad agreed. Shrinking Violet and Saturn Girl rolled their eyes.
"It's simple, just name a Legion member in alphabetic order," Vi explained. "I'll go first. Hmm…. Alchemist,"
"Bouncing Boy"
"Cosmic Boy"
"I hate this game," Lightning Lad complained.
"Stop being such a pessimist," Saturn Girl smacked him upside his head.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Brainy and Superman worked together on weaving a mat.
"Superman, you're not doing it right. There is clearly a discrepancy between the consistency of the lengths and space between the fibers!" Brainy told him.
Superman sighed. "Okay, sorry Brainy. Let me just…."
"AH! What are you doing, Superman!"
"Sorry, sorry!"
"Wait! Um…." Brainy thought about it. "Here…ah! Don't touch it!
"Sorry!"
"Keep it quiet, back there!" Cosmic Boy yelled from the lobby.
"Sorry," Superman apologized.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
At the end of the day, all of the legionnaires got together in the lobby to hear the daily review.
"Okay, everyone. Great job, today! And I'm serious," Cosmic Boy told them. "We could make some serious business. Timber Wolf's scarves were a hit, Kell's…whatever he made sold out, the jewelry was outstanding and the weaving turned out…well"
"But…" Timber Wolf anticipated.
"Legion HQ finished rebuilding about an hour ago, so-"
"NO MORE MENIAL LABOR!" Kell exclaimed
--fin--
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