Summary: It's painful to watch her spiral out of control. It's like witnessing two trains about to collide and not being able to stop it.
Disclaimer: Don't own Degrassi. 'Nuff said.
Author's Note: So, this kind of popped into my head yesterday after watching the new promo and reading some more 12C predictions. I hope you enjoy.
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Road to Recovery
By: Lady Azura
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"You're quiet. Is something wrong?"
He looks up to see his mother standing over him, concern etched across her face. Tearing his gaze away, Zig Novak resumes his shelf-stocking duties and gives a noncommittal shrug.
"No. Everything's fine." He answers monotonously.
It's a lie and they both know it. Everything is not fine. In fact, everything is kind of fucked up and he can't help but blame himself for it.
A hand on his shoulder jars him from his thoughts.
"I heard about your friend, Zigmund. Your Principal told me." His mother says.
In an instant, he's on his feet, fists clenched angrily.
"He wasn't my friend!" Zig snaps, causing his mother to quickly withdraw her hand like she'd been burned. He feels like the biggest asshole for yelling at her, and drops his gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
"My poor son." She responds, reaching out and cradling his face. "I know you're hurting, but it'll get better. I promise."
oOo
It's been almost a month since Cam threw himself off the school roof, and Zig hasn't seen Maya cry once.
Then again, Maya's always been good at pretending – good at pretending that living in Katie's shadow doesn't bother her; good at pretending that nothing changed that day they kissed; and good at pretending that she's perfectly okay when she's really not. But he knows better. Girls don't just make out with random guys weeks after their boyfriends commit suicide.
It's painful to watch her spiral out of control. It's like witnessing two trains about to collide and not being able to stop it. Romantic feelings aside, Maya's still his friend, and he cares about her. She's so obviously hurting, but instead of crying it out, she's drowning her sorrows with alcohol and partying into all hours of the night. He can't remember the last time she came to class not hungover.
Maya Matlin is a wreck.
oOo
He can't stand it anymore.
He confronts her in the music room after class, when everyone else has left.
"You have to stop." He warns her.
"Stop what?" Maya feigns innocence, leaning back against a nearby desk.
"You know what!" Zig hisses, gesturing to her new wardrobe. "This! All of this!"
Maya cocks her head to the side before pushing herself off the desk and sidling up to him. She runs her fingertips up his arm, causing him to stiffen. "What? Don't you like it? Isn't it sexy?"
Zig clenches his jaw. "It's not you."
"I told you. This is the new me." Maya declares.
"This isn't…" Zig breaks off with a sigh, running a hand through his hair in frustration before meeting her gaze once more. "This isn't what Cam would –"
"Don't!" Maya cuts him off, her eyes blazing. "Don't you dare use him against me, Zig! I am so sick and tired of hearing about Cam this and Cam that and Cam, Cam, Cam! Cam's dead, Zig! He's dead and his opinion means nothing to me!" She takes a deep breath, trying to regain her composure, before looking up at him once more. "Besides, I thought you'd be thrilled. With Cam out of the picture, you're free to make your move. Isn't that what you wanted?" She steps closer, placing her hands on his chest. "Don't you want me, Zig?"
Yes. God, yes. The voice in the back of his mind cries, but Zig just shakes his head.
"Not like this."
Maya frowns, looking dejected, and he almost feels bad about turning her down. Then her expression changes, and her lips twist into a small smirk.
"I think I can change your mind…" she drawls, and before Zig can even register what's happening, Maya's unbuckling his belt and sliding to her knees.
oOo
He's scum.
That's the only thing he can think when he gets home. He doesn't even bother greeting his mom, and instead just heads upstairs and locks himself in his room.
No.
He's less than scum, because even scum wouldn't do what he just did. Scum wouldn't let their best friend, who just lost her boyfriend and clearly isn't in a right state of mind, give them a blowjob in an empty classroom and enjoy it. Collapsing on his bed, Zig glares up at the ceiling and tries not to think about what just happened but to no avail. He can still feel her warm mouth surrounding him, bringing him to heights he'd never known even existed.
And when it was all over, she…
His stomach lurches, and Zig makes a beeline for the trash, retching violently as disgust washes over him.
He's the worst kind of scum there is.
oOo
He avoids her like the plague.
He can't even look at her without reliving what happened in his mind, and every time he does, the guilt festering in the pit of his stomach only gets worse. He blames Cam for it. If Cam hadn't gone and killed himself, Maya wouldn't be so fucked up right now. She wouldn't be throwing away her self-respect and hooking up with random guys and drinking until she blacked out.
She'd still be Maya.
His Maya.
His friend.
oOo
He's sitting outside, lost in his thoughts, when Maya approaches him. Not the fake Maya that's been strutting the halls in short skirts and flirting with every guy who glanced her way, but the real Maya. Zig makes sure to keep his guard up though, not sure what to expect. Maya Matlin is, after all, a good pretender.
"Hey." She greets, a hint of uncertainty laced in her voice.
"Hey." Zig nods at her.
"Mind if I sit down?" She asks.
Zig shakes his head and scoots over, letting Maya plop down next to him. She draws her knees to her chest.
"I don't know who I am anymore." She confesses quietly, staring at the grass. "I thought that if I just… pretended like everything was okay, it would stop hurting so much. But it only made things worse and I don't like who I've become. I don't like it at all." Her voice begins to waver, and he can tell that she's trying to hold it together. "My, uh… my parents saw that video… they're making me go to counseling… I guess I… I just wanted to… apologize for how I acted…"
"Maya… no. You don't have to apologize for anything." Zig assures her. "If anything, I should be the one apologizing."
Maya stares at him for a moment, before looking away.
Zig reaches over and takes her hand in his, giving it a firm squeeze. "Do me a favor and stop blaming yourself, okay?"
Maya eyes their laced fingers for a moment before mustering a weak smile.
"I'll try."
Zig smiles back at her, before the sound of a car honking shatters the moment. Maya looks over and sighs.
"That's my dad." She murmurs, reluctantly letting go of his hand and standing up. "I'll, um, see you next year. I guess."
Zig nods. "Have a good summer."
"You too."
Zig watches until her dad's car drives off before leaning back against the school building, feeling a sense of relief.
At last, things were finally starting to look up.
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FIN
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And that's the end of that. So, this was my first time writing Zig. I hope I didn't butcher him too much. He was a lot harder to write than I thought he'd be. Also, past-tense is really hard to write in. Sigh. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please