Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Kingdom Hearts, or I would use that influence to kill Kairi off. Mwaha.
Other than that, enjoy!
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Never Enough
My death, your freedom. That was the way it was always meant to be, wasn't it? You never knew, I couldn't tell you. Fate plays a cruel hand.
"Hey!"
Turning around, I felt my heart jump to see you standing there, that perfect smile on your face as usual. I smiled that little smirk that seemed to drive you crazy, but I knew any smile of mine could never equal to yours. For a moment I stood there stupidly, though my heart dropped as always to see only friendship in your blue eyes. Even further still, to see she was there. My aloof mask slipped into place, allowing me to reply.
"Hey yourself." Mentally kicking myself for such a stupid remark, I made sure not to show any of my inner feelings behind that smirk. Of course, you didn't notice the moment that my eyes showed how I felt for you that first second I turned around, but she did. She always did. And understandably, she hated me for it.
I always supported your relationship with her only to stay close to you, though I wouldn't have changed a thing because I knew how happy she made you. I saw the love in your eyes for each other, the smiles she made you smile, and I knew I could never give you that. I always stayed on the sidelines like a good friend, there but not included, the third wheel.
"We're going to see a movie, you know, the one that just came out?" The one that just came out. That was really helpful, but I wanted to go anyway, just to be near you. I remembered the old days when it was just you and me going to see the 'movies that just came out' together, and I felt pain restricting my chest at knowing it would never be me that you went to first anymore.
You loved going to the movies, and getting popcorn with so much butter I thought you only ordered a little popcorn with your butter. "Do you want to come with us?" Jerking myself out of my thoughts, I hesitated a moment as you looked down at her. I loved how she made your eyes light up, but it killed me to see it for her. Never me. I was 'just the old friend'.
Once you looked back up, I shook my head despite wanting to go, knowing it would be better for your time together if I didn't. You never admitted it, but you and her never could be really comfortable being a couple with me around. Irritatingly, I could almost see the understanding approval on her face, in those violet eyes. "No, thanks, I've got homework I need to get done." I replied, my voice sounding hollow to myself.
You didn't understand, I could see it as you shrugged, putting your arm around her. I resented for her for that, that you would touch her like that, and had your affections. "Okay, see you later!" You gave me one of those goofy grins that I had so fallen in love with, and my spirits lifted just to see it aimed at me. I didn't let it show, though, and shouldered my bag with my school crap in it. I waved and called out a similar goodbye. Such a brief conversation, yet one with more meaning than your wonderful, stupid head could comprehend. I was in the way.
I watched you leave, and wondered yet again what she had that I didn't. Looks, maybe? She was gorgeous, but not like you. Her figure? It was flawless, but not like yours. Personality? She was great, but you were perfect. I was none of those, she knew it, I knew it. I was no threat to her.
I started to walk home, the seconds dragging by like hours, it was agony to be away from you. I was never good enough, never good looking enough, never worth your time. You were right to choose her, I thought. Never enough, and I couldn't handle the crushing loneliness anymore. It had to end.
I guess my train of thought lasted for all of ten seconds, ten hours, ten years, for as I made up my mind and threw myself in front of that car, you were still close with her. For as the car screeched in a vain attempt to stop in time, the horn blowing, and my limp body thudding to the ground, you were the first one there beside me. I could see the pain and sorrow in your blue eyes, but not the way I wanted.
My green ones were glazing over, I had only a few moments left, even as the panicked driver stepped out of the car, his frantic jabberings were silent and lost to me. I wanted to reach up and wipe the tears from your cheeks, though I wasn't aware of my own flooding down my face. I looked up to meet her eyes for a split second, but it was enough, all that was needed. She understood, she promised in that second that she would take care of you.
"Riku!" Jolted out of my silent plea, I turned my gaze back to you, but you were getting so fuzzy. I tried to hold onto the image of your blue eyes staring into mine, the blue eyes and soft brown hair that I had fallen in love with. I couldn't understand why it was getting so hard to breathe, or why it was rattling in my chest. Was I choking on my own blood? It didn't hurt at all.
I had to let him know the secret I had kept all this time, it didn't matter now, I was dying, and I knew it. "…S-Sora," I gasped out, though it was barely a whisper, my own blood rising up as I struggled to say those three little words. I coughed instead, frustrated with myself in my last moments, but I saw you listening intently, hanging on my every word, I saw your heart breaking.
Now. "…I…I-" I couldn't breathe, I had no breath to tell him how I felt. Why was it so hard to move? I couldn't even form the words with my mouth anymore, I couldn't tell you, I wanted to so badly. Maybe it was for the better, you're free my love, my light, my life. Your fuzzy form began to fade away, and distantly I could feel you shaking me violently to try to keep me awake, but you knew it wouldn't work, and so did I.
And then, you saw my eyes turn lifeless, staring up at you still in death, full of my love for you. But you'd never know, you only saw the love of a friend from me. I didn't notice anymore when you hugged my body, bloody from freeing myself of the pain of loving you. All in a few seconds. You never knew, I never told you, and you never knew I had freed us both.