A/N: An abstract is a short, descriptive summary of a longer report, included with many scientific journals. They are always written as a single paragraph, so I apologize for how hard it is to read. I have no interest in writing the entire research paper at this time. If anyone wants to, fine with me. Just let me know. This is my spoof on how hard some of them are for the layman to understand. I proofread these as part of my job, and authors seldom use one word when two or more will do. My thesaurus got a real workout, and I made up the word "senti-botlomics."
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, or A.D. Foster's characters in the prequel book Ghosts of Yesterday.
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Giant Sentient Mechanoid Battles Monster Worm on Alien Planet: A Scientific Abstract.
By Michael Avery, Ph.D.
Transcribed and edited by Patricia Mdnytryder
Machine sentience and alien life forms throughout the galaxy have long been the providence of science fiction writers. One expects the scientific community to focus on substantive issues, and the prospective of "senti-botlomics" and "bug eyed monsters" (BEM's) is an inadequate and fanciful science. The previous known galaxy fit into the stereotypic discipline of sciences, until the beyond atmospheric exploratory vessel, Ghost One, fabricated by Sector Seven Alpha Base Command from futuristic mechanics, fell into a gravity well of unprecedented dimensions, a swirling nexus of dark matter and other arcane fragments of physical reality. The eventuality of the preceding premise was incontestably ascertained by the crew of Ghost One, taking place Earth time era of approximately 1969.0716. Scientists and crewmen were able to observe and witness an assortment of discrete senti-bots, and primeval carnivorous invertebrate BEM's in the vast reaches of an unknown galaxy, reached through the gravity well of unprecedented dimensions. The consequential methodology of the fracas between one giant sentient mechanoid and a leviathan invertebrate awarded triumph to the mechanoid. Further systematic research is needed, but in the meantime, humanity should not be denied access to Sector Seven research. These advances can greatly diminish human suffering and provide substantial improvements in the human condition. Objectively speaking, both official reports and the literature afford substantive grounds for mechanoid sentience and that is unambiguously beneficial.
Editor's Notes: Dr. Michael Avery was the Chief Science Officer on the interstellar ship, Ghost One. He was lost in the far reaches of space, along with the entire crew, on July 16, 1969, approximately ten hours after liftoff from Earth. Dr. Avery transmitted this brief abstract shortly before the last recorded contact with the ship. The entire crew was presumed dead, and awarded posthumous medals.