Notes

Yeah, script format is frowned upon here, but this is a real script! If it gets deleted, I will face god and walk backwards into... I mean, if it gets deleted, oh well. It's just here for a round of feedback anyway. You are the test audience. Any jokes that fall flat? Anything cool you would do? What kind of settings do you imagine? We have access to a greenscreen, a Smash-stage-like structure, and multiple martial arts studios. If you're in the Philadelphia or Delaware area, or you can do better voices than we can, you could be in this video! No experience required! Send me a message! (Yeah, we have people in mind for the big parts, but they're not set in stone and you'd be welcome to take on several or expand a role you have a lot to bring to.)

Scene 1

Open on memorabilia on shelf. Pan out to more. Less 'house,' more 'video game museum.' Art on walls, nice fabric. Music, fading to banging on the door. PIT opens it. It's Waluigi.

PIT: Oh, hi, uh, Dark Luigi?

WALUIGI: WAAAluigi.

PIT: Right, sorry.

WALUIGI: (pause, expecting it to be obvious) I'm here for Smash Ultimate.

PIT: But, Waluigi, only the fighters show up early. (WALUIGI doesn't seem to consider this important) You're not in Smash Ultimate.

WALUIGI: Why not?

PIT: I don't know. (unwarrantedly smug) I guess not enough people know who you are.

WALUIGI: (indignant) Waa! (hatches an idea) Waa.

Scene 2

LUIGI is minding his own business. WALUIGI is sneaking up on him. He remembers what Pit said:

PIT: Hi, uh, Dark Luigi? ... I guess not enough people know who you are.

WALUIGI jumps Luigi, hits him in the head with a tennis racket, knocking him out, and takes his hat.

Scene 3

WALUIGI drags Luigi into a closet.

Scene 4

Banging on the door. LITTLE MAC answers it. It's Waluigi wearing Luigi's hat.

WALUIGI: I'm Luigi.

MAC: Luigi! (beat) Are you taller? ...What's your secret?

WALUIGI: Waa... shoe lifts.

MAC: Really!? (hiding excitement) Well, uh, good to see you too, Luigi.

WALUIGI: Waa. (shoulders past and casually pockets something from the shelf)

Scene 5

WALUIGI is relaxing in a chair by the pool. On the chair next to him is a nice hat and a neatly folded towel. LITTLE MAC puts on shoes, takes a few steps, stumbles, and catches himself, but it's too late - - he falls off the edge of the area [not the pool].

MAC: Hey! Luigi! Give me a hand here! Hey, it's not funny, all right? Luigi! Luigi! (continue during the following actions:) Hey! Luigi!

WALUIGI takes the hat from the other chair, throws it in the pool, holds the towel up, showing that it has Jigglypuff on it, dries his shins, dumps it on the floor, and leaves.

A voice from offscreen, like The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy or a Youtube commentator, adds: Well, it's official, Smash 5 sucks.

Scene 6

WALUIGI: What was that about me never being in Smash Ultimate?

DAISY: Oh, I said you wouldn't be in Smash Ultimate, and hey, look, you're not.

WALUIGI: Oh yeah? I'm here, aren't I?

DAISY: I'll believe it when I see you in a fight.

Scene 7

CAPTAIN FALCON is in a dining area, wearing his helmet and otherwise comically casual clothes, and has just finished filling his tray when WALUIGI approaches.

WALUIGI: I'm Luigi.

FALCON: Hello, Luigi!

WALUIGI: Let's fight.

FALCON: Ha! Don't you remember what happened last time? You've got a long way to go before you're ready to face me, Luigi. Anyway, can't you see I'm on break? (motions to the tray and his clothes)

WALUIGI: Waa.

FALCON: (sets tray down, takes a seat) Falcon lunch!

WALUIGI pushes the tray off the table and leaves.

FALCON: Hey! Luigi, what'd you do that for!?

Scene 8

WALUIGI: I'm Luigi.

SHEIK: That won't work on me. I'm a master of disguise. No one here even knows my two identities are the same person. It is a testament to my skill as a ninja that, when I must fight myself, I can appear to be in two places at once. Some people even think I'm a man. Next time, don't try to fool someone who has experience with secret identities.

Scene 9

WALUIGI: I'm Luigi.

LUCINA: Oh, hello, Luigi.

WALUIGI: Did you know Sheik's two identities are the same person.

LUCINA: Of course. Everyone knows that.

WALUIGI: Let's fight.

LUCINA: All right. What will the rules be?

WALUIGI: Wuh... (never paid much attention to that)

LUCINA: For fun or for glory?

WALUIGI: Waluigi likes glory!

LUCINA: (doesn't notice he just said "Waluigi") Very well, Luigi. You're on!

Scene 10

Fight. Open like Direct, only WALUIGI fights back. Sell that this is For Glory - - fast, lots of jumping, not too many special moves, defensive maneuvers. Quality over quantity. Speed parts up if needed. WALUIGI wins by cheating. Showcase him fighting, then, as soon as things aren't going his way, he pulls a bag full of pokeballs out of nowhere.

LUCINA: Huh? ... Aah! Oh! (emphatically) Oh, gods!

Scene 11

LUCINA: Why, he cheated! Why would anyone do such a thing? (melodramatically wrestling with the question) If I hope to compete, I must break the rules myself! I will master the forbidden art of... wavedashing.

SONIC: Hey, wasn't there something about that in the new rules? What is it?

LUCINA: (puts on mask) (deep voice) I'm Marth.

SONIC: Uh, okay.

LUCINA does something resembling a wavedash as SONIC zips away and back with a document.

SONIC: Yeah, here we go. It says, "Wavedashing is allowed now... because it sucks."

Scene 12

MASTER HAND: Luigi!

LUIGI: I'm sorry! I know I had a scheduled match, but I was attacked! Kidnapped! It was - -

HAND: I saw you cheating just now!

LUIGI: Huh?

HAND: In fact, I've heard all kinds of complaints about you. Dumping lunch trays on the floor? Stealing towels? Don't you have anything better to do?

LUIGI: I didn't do any of those things! It must have been some kind of crazy evil twin!

HAND: That's ridiculous! (beat) If you had a crazy evil twin, he would look completely different, like mine does. Let me guess, he has a generic, stupid name, too, right?

LUIGI: No! I mean, I don't know! Maybe it's the best name ever!

WALUIGI rises into view. Music starts: "Waluigi" to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus.

Scene 13

Music continues. Shelf with trophies. WALUIGI's hand reaches in and adds a Waluigi trophy, then, for good measure, knocks the others over.

END