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Tragedy

You were always the type of person to go with the flow, indifferent to the many things life throws at you. You never freaked out about a grade, never hid in your bedroom because a pimple littered your nose. And as James stands in front of you now, his scarlet robes making his eyes shine bright, you know this is yet one more thing you're going along with, another event your passive nature condemned you to.

You stare into James's eyes as you involuntarily smile at the sight of him. He was always handsome, always had that indescribable feature in his looks and smile that made him irresistible to you and he loves you, loves you so much. But you look at him now, walking slowly towards his giant figure, and you wonder, what is love? How do you know if what he feels is real, how does he?

You feel his arms wrap around you and you lean up and whisper good luck into his ear. Slowly your arms curve around his neck and you lean in and kiss him softly on the lips. And as he kisses you, you ask yourself, is that explosion I just felt love? Are the butterflies and singing birds? But as you look up into his hazel eyes they turn blue in the back of your mind and you realize now exactly what love is. You're in love, completely and fully.

He's the guy you don't want to love, the one who broke your heart, the one you need above all else. He's the one who gets you, who knows who you truly are. He knows everything about you and once loved everything about you and that's something James will never do. James could never love you like he did, know you like he did.

James's love changed you. It's a tragedy really because at one point in your life you were so free and so different. You were Lily Evans, your own person, the one girl who wasn't like anybody else. You were the girl who skipped quidditch games to sit under a tree and read and who mismatched socks because you thought it was cool and put colored streaks in your hair just so you would stand out. You were the girl with a mind of your own, the outspoken loud mouth you could make anything into a joke. You were a free spirit, an individual. He loved you then, you know he doesn't now.

You've become the type person you once looked down upon, one of the crowd. Your hair is its pure red, your face is made up with eye liner and lip gloss, and both of your socks are white and matching. You're always calm and collected and your passionate rants have become a memory of the past. You're a broken spirit now, a girl locked away in a cage without a key.

You're just another girl now. Just another girl with slightly above average looks and grades better than most of the people in your class. You're just another girl the jocks date who gets gossiped about on a daily basis, the one people hate for no good reason. Your life has become meaningless to you. It once meant something, you once had a purpose, a reason to live, and as you take your sit next to him at the quidditch stands to watch James play you look at him, he was you purpose. He was your reason to live and to breath and now you feel as if you're drowning in a crowded lake with no one there that cares enough to save you. You feel like your dying inside, suffocating in your own pain and as he smiles a small, careful smile at you the reason is finally clear. He no longer loves you.

It's a tragedy really, the way you lost yourself, the way a man changed everything about you. James loves you and you know that, but it's his love that will put you into your grave. James has taken everything you once loved about yourself, he once loved about you, and molded it into his vision of what you are. You're watching James fly now, watching James weave in and out of the players looking for the snitch, and as you feel his fingers touching yours you know this is how it will be forever. You can never go back. You can never become who you once were, never regain his love that has long since been gone. You've become a shell of someone you once were, a shadow of your past, and that's the true tragedy.

End (remus/lily/james)

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