Title: Shit Happens
Word Count: 2,773
Summary: (Sequel to It Happened and What Happened) No matter how many times they fell apart, Dan and Phil just kept crawling back together. (Phan, mentions of domestic violence, naughty words)
Disclaimer: If I owned Dan and Phil, Phil would just admit he was drunk of his tits when he tweeted "ASs"
Author's Note: This is the last installment in the Happens Trilogy. I was going to add reactions of different Youtubers, but I didn't feel like I've watched anybody else long enough to know how to portray them, so I decided to focus still on Dan and Phil. I think this plotline is done after this story, but if you guys want me to write something else, leave suggestions in the comments! I have lots of free time since I'm always hurting myself. Also, I have a link on my profile to where I post my original fiction, so you guys should check that out. Alright, I think I mentioned everything I wanted to say. Enjoy!
Dan was starting to think of his life in three different phases.
There had been Life Before Phil, which he had spent a majority of his life in. It was the time when Phil wasn't a major part of his life, when he was still wondering what he would do with his life. Back then, he was miserable. He went through the motions of life, getting up and going through the day over and over again, purely because that was what was expected of him.
Then he met Phil, and Life With Phil began. Life With Phil was the best time up to this point and probably always would be. The moment he had met Phil, his entire life became better because he finally had someone who made him want to be better and keep going. Dan loved Phil with his everything and his entire world had revolved around the older man. He was always happy during Life With Phil.
But then Dan had gone and screwed it all up, so he was in Life After Phil now. He thought he should be just as miserable now as he was in Life Before Phil, but he felt just numb most of the time. He was back to drifting through his days, but it never hit him how much he hated his life until he'd laid down for the night; then everything would come rushing back to him and he's spend the rest of the night alternating between tears and sick restlessness.
He was living in a new apartment now. Once again, he was sharing with one other guy, but Dan didn't really know him that well. His name was Brian, and he was a friend-of-a-friend who had needed a flat mate. Brian was nice enough. He mostly kept to himself and slept at his girlfriend's house every couple nights.
When he was home, though, Brian was a pretty good friend when needed. One night, he'd come into Dan's room and randomly said, "Hey, man? Are you—like—okay?"
Dan was sitting, hunched over his desk, as he edited a video. He'd been shut away in his room for a few hours, during which he'd stared at his computer scream and wallowed in misery for a little while. He turned to look at Brian and tried to look cheery. "Yeah, I'm fantastic. Are you?"
He cringed inwardly, thinking of all the "phan-tastic" puns that sent arrows through his heart whenever he heard them now.
Brian shrugged. He leaned against the doorframe and said, "Yeah… Well, I just got back from Casey's"—Casey was his girlfriend—"and I was wondering how you've been."
"Fine." Dan moved to turn back to his editing. He was trying to hint for Brian to leave without being rude. "I've been fine."
"Oh, okay," Brian mumbled. He looked like he was going to walk away but then ended up moving farther into Dan's room.
Crap, Dan thought, Brian wants to talk about something. Brian was a nice guy, but he wasn't an emotional guy and he didn't usual approach Dan about anything, so Dan knew this had to be serious.
Brian sat down on Dan's bed. Dan sighed and saved his editing so far before turning toward his flat mate. "What?" Dan asked, a lot more rudely than he'd intended.
Brian played with his hands for a second then said, "Man, you just seem—like—sad a lot."
"'Like sad a lot'?" Dan repeated disbelieving. He rolled his eyes. "Listen, Brian, I need to finish this editing before six AM. Go… masturbate or something." He tried to go back to his editing again.
Looking anxious, Brian blurted out, "I just don't want to find you like dead in the bathroom or something."
That shocked Dan enough to actually pay attention to their conversation. He blinked a few times before trying to think of a response.
Did he really seem that sad? He thought he'd been able to cover it up well enough. Sure—fans had commented that he seemed a little sad, but they were always saying that. For someone as unemotional as Brian to notice, Dan must have been pretty bad.
"I'm not suicidal, Brian," Dan said honestly. "I'm just sad. I did something bad, and I lost someone important to me; I just need a little time to get over it. I'm not gonna kill myself. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Brian nodded and started to stand. "Okay, I was just wo—"
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," Brian said and awkwardly hustled out of Dan's room.
Dan knew that whoever was at the door probably wasn't for him, so he went back to his editing. He was just about to get back into the zone when Brian came back into his room. "What do you want now?" he snapped.
Brian fidgeted. "Some guy is here for you."
Dan pulled himself out of his chair, sighing. "What's he look like?"
"Black hair. Kinda tall."
No. It couldn't be… There was no way.
"Was he…" Dan trailed off and started looking around for something he could do to improve his appearance. "Was he really pale?"
"Yeah, I guess." Brian looked uncomfortable. "Should I tell him to leave? You look really freaked out."
Dan snapped his head around to look at Brian. "No!" he shouted, pulling his shirt off to put on a clean one. "Let him in and tell him I'll be out in a few minutes." Brian nodded and went back out to the living room. Dan could faintly hear him talking and the door closing.
Shaking with anticipation, Dan rushed pointlessly around his room. He didn't know what he was looking for exactly, but he felt like he didn't look good enough to see Phil. He hadn't bothered to straighten his hair in almost a week and—oh God—when was the last time he did laundry? The "clean" shirt he'd thrown wasn't actually that clean.
Fixing his hair as much as he could as he stared in the mirror, Dan muttered to himself, "Why is Phil here? What if he wants me back? Should I…?"
Alright, that would have to do, Dan decided. Phil had seen him worse.
He walked out into the living room and instantly had his breath stolen when he saw Phil sitting awkwardly on the couch. Brian had obviously tried to engage him in an awkward conversation, but Phil didn't seem like he was paying much attention. He kept glancing over his shoulder toward the hallway. When Dan stepped out, he immediately stood.
It hit Dan that Phil looked a little less put together than he usually did. His roots were showing, and he looked a little thinner.
"H-hi," Dan stuttered out.
His heart was hammering against his chest; it seemed like it was trying to shout at him, 'Hey! Hey! I love that guy! We haven't seen him in forever! Go kiss him!' Could he kiss Phil? Or would Phil push him away?
Phil gave him a shy smile that made Dan's heart go even crazier. "Um, hey."
Brian stood as well. He shuffled from foot to foot awkwardly before he said, "Should I give you guys privacy or—"
"Yes," Dan said immediately, so Brian scuttled out.
Phil walked around the couch to come closer to Dan. He stared at his ex-boyfriend for a few moments before he finally said, "Please—come home." His voice broke and he sounded weak. "I miss you so much."
Dan couldn't help himself; he reached his hand out and touched Phil's cheek. He couldn't believe that Phil was there. It seemed so surreal.
"Phil…" Dan started, but then he realized he didn't know how to finish. Did he want to go home? He missed Phil so much it hurt, but he didn't want to hurt him again. His conscience said to stay while everything else was telling him to go back to Phil.
It seemed that Phil could read his mind. "Please. I need you to come back. I know you won't do it again."
Phil was so close, and Dan wanted to be with him so much. He had to give in. Launching himself forward, Dan whispered, "Yes. Yes," and captured Phil's lips with his own.
.~.
Dan went home, and all was well for the first month or so. The fans seemed happy for them—though the ones who'd figured out what happened were increasingly concerned about it—and everything was starting to fall back into place for Dan.
His life had purpose again and he had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. He laughed more, he smiled more, and he put more of himself into everything he did.
Life was good.
Until he had to go and screw it all up again.
This time, Dan remembers exactly what had started the fight. Phil had been talking to an old school friend that he got on with really well. He seemed to enjoy this guy's company, so Dan had been glad they were hanging out. It bothered him a little bit, but he was jealous easily so he tried not to let it get to him.
One night, Dan was invited to a party. He turned on his straightener and jogged out to the living room. "Phil!" he shouted. "Let's go to a party!"
Phil was in his internet position on the couch. He looked up from his laptop and grimaced. "Can't. I'm going to dinner with Andrew." He looked apologetic.
Dan froze. Andrew again? It seemed like Phil was hanging out with him more than he was hanging out with Dan these days.
"Oh," Dan said, trying not to sound irritated. "Andrew."
Phil looked uncertain for a moment. He set his laptop on the couch beside him and said, "What's wrong?"
Dan shook his head. He started to walk back into his room to turn his straightener off; he wasn't going to the party if he had to go alone. "Nothing," he grumbled. "Have fun with Andrew."
Phil stood up from the couch and followed Dan into his room. "Dan, babe, what's wrong? Seriously. Talk to me." He started ringing his hands in each other.
Pulling out the plug of his straightener, Dan grumbled out, "I just don't like you seeing that Andrew guy all the time." There, he'd said it; now Phil would let him wallow in misery by himself.
"Is that all?" Phil asked, sounding relieved. He laughed as he leaned against the doorframe of Dan's room. "I'm not cheating on you, Dan."
Dan wasn't sure why, but he suddenly felt angry. Phil had this amused look on his face, looking like it was funny that Dan was concerned about that. It wasn't funny! It was a legitimate concern that he had and he didn't want his boyfriend laughing at him for it!
"How am I supposed to know that?" Dan snapped. He needed to do something with his hands, so he started organizing his desk, avoiding Phil's eyes.
Phil sighed. "You just have to trust that I'm not gonna do that to you."
Dan had been moving to put a pencil into his pencil cup, but he just ended up slamming it down onto his desk. Phil jumped back a step, a look in his eyes that Dan hadn't seen in a while.
"I can't, Phil!" Dan shouted, ignoring the uncertainty playing across Phil's face. "I mean—if you cheated on me, I wouldn't be surprised! You're so perfect, and I'm over here, and I can't do anything right and I can never look good and I can never treat you right! You deserve so much better than me, so go fuck this Andrew guy for all I care!"
"I'm not cheating on you!" Phil shouted. He shakily moved closer to Dan. "Andrew's not even gay!"
"Oh, sure." Dan curled up his fists.
"Would you stop being so stupid for once?" Phil shouted.
That's when it happened. Dan couldn't think straight enough to stop himself as he spun around and threw his already clenched fist around. He hit Phil hard enough to make him stumble. Phil caught his balance on the side of Dan's bed, but he quivered and allowed himself to continue falling a few moments later.
He hit the carpet and kept his face down.
Looking back, Dan would always wish Phil had looked up at him. Those eyes were always the wakeup call for him, but Phil stared down this time, and Dan couldn't stop himself. He kicked Phil's stomach, sending Phil hitting against the side of the bed.
The tiny gasp that escaped from Phil's mouth went unnoticed.
Dan went to kick him again, but Phil hurriedly scrambled to his feet and started to walk away. Feeling a hit of anger again, Dan shoved him hard enough to slam him against the wall by the door.
There was an ominous thump as Phil's head knocked the wall forcefully. He groaned and slid down to the floor. He put his hands up to protect his head, curling up into the smallest form he could. It seemed like he was trying to disappear into the wall.
Dan started stalking over, but something stopped him. The part of the wall where Phil's head had hit had red on it. Blood. Dan's stomach flipped and he suddenly wasn't angry anymore. He hurriedly walked over to where Phil was curled up and crouched down. "Phil?"
Phil jerked away even though he couldn't go anywhere with his back to the wall. "Please," he choked out, sending Dan's stomach plummeting.
"I'm so sorry, Phil," Dan whispered.
He put his hand on the side of Phil's head, ignoring the subsequent flinch, and turned it toward him. Part of Phil's hair was matted with blood; it wasn't too bad, but it was enough to scare Dan out of his anger. "Oh, fuck," Dan muttered. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
Phil had his eyes clenched shut. His entire body was tensed up as Dan continued to inspect the damage. "What?" he asked cautiously, quietly. "What's wrong?"
"You're bleeding," Dan whispered back. The remorse and sadness was obvious in his voice. Phil didn't respond, so he said, "I don't know what to do."
Phil slowly worked his way out of Dan's grip and stood. Before Dan could even clamber to his feet, Phil had already left the room and gone into his own. When Dan finally caught up with him, he realized that Phil was throwing things in a duffel bag.
Dan found himself tensing up. "W—what are you doing?"
"I'm leaving." Phil's voice was so dead, so flat, so not Phil. His hair fell over his face dejectedly, and everything about him just screamed Damaged.
Dan took a step into the room. "Ph—"
Phil cut him off in an angry voice, "Don't come any closer to me."
Surprised, Dan moved back to the doorway and ducked his head. He was so ashamed of what he'd done that he couldn't even bring himself to be upset about Phil telling him what to do. He just obeyed because he knew that he deserved Phil being mad at him.
"Where are you going?" Dan asked.
Phil shrugged. "I'll have Andrew take me to see a doctor, and then I'll figure it out from there."
He zipped up the bag and flung one strap over his shoulder. He moved to walk out of the room but froze when he realized that Dan was blocking the doorway. Indecision and fear flashed across his eyes. Seeing this, Dan moved out of the way, and Phil rushed out.
As he was almost to the door, Dan started to rush after him. "Phil, please don't go," he begged. Phil was his life; he couldn't just let everything he loved walk out that door. "Please. I'll do anything. I can be better. It won't happy again. Please."
Phil stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He gulped then looked up at Dan. "Oh, Dan," he said, almost laughing but still looking quite sad, "stop begging. We both know I'll be back. Then we can start all this shit over again. Just like always."
Phil walked out, slamming the door behind him. Dan stared at the door for a long time after Phil had gone, miserable. He had driven the man he loved away again. Why did he keep messing everything up?
But Phil had been right. They'd be together again, and he'd find another way to screw it all up again. Because this was just a shitty cycle, and it would have to begin again soon.