Title: For the First Time
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters used in this story, and I don't claim to own them. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: One Shot RL/HG. Remus watched her watching him. This had become a part of his daily schedule. He would get up, eat breakfast, read the paper, and then watch her.
A/N: Okay guys, I love Sirius/Hermione, they are my 'ship, and Sirius is my favorite character. But, this fic doesn't portray Sirius as being the nice guy. He is a drunken jerk who needs to grow up in this fic. I felt the need to warn you, because a lot of my readers love him like I do.
In Enchanted Love, Sirius got the girl, so I figured I owed Remus something anyways.
It was hard to write Sirius in this story, but the plot bunny wouldn't let me go. I tried to kill it, but it kept coming back when I was trying to sleep. I locked it out of the house, but it came back in through the window, so I decided to write it down just to get rid of it. The end result was a fic I really liked, even though it wasn't a Sirius/Hermione fic, and Sirius wasn't the angel I normally write him as.
Give me an honest review please!
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Remus watched her watching him. This had become a part of his daily schedule. He would get up, eat breakfast, read the paper, and then watch her. She stood now at the small kitchen window. Her curly hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, a muggle sweatshirt two sizes to big was keeping her warm. Her eyes were glued to him; Remus didn't need to look out the window to know that.
If he did step up and look out the window, he would see Sirius Black, his best friend, out running and wrestling with Harry and Ron. They would be pushing each other around and throwing playful curses. It had become a tradition for the three of them to act like that this summer. Remus didn't blame Ron and Harry for wanting to relax, they had graduated under a month ago, despite the pending war and the power Voldemort was gaining. But Sirius was a grown man, not a teenager.
She sighed gently, bringing him back to the present situation. If he could see her eyes, he knew there would be a longing in them, deep and powerful, a desire that had yet to be quenched. Only Remus never looked into her eyes, because the longing and desire there was not for him.
A small smile flickered on her mouth, and Remus knew Sirius must have pulled one of his famous stunts, perhaps sending bats down on Ron. Her white teeth nibbled at her lower lip, and the jealously he felt daily flared up again.
Sirius, of course, didn't have a clue. He looked right past her, she was just one of the 'kids' as he referred to Harry and all his friends when they were not around. He didn't notice the glances, the hours spent watching, the longing looks, the blushed cheeks. No, Sirius was blind to what was being offered to him.
Remus was relieved Sirius couldn't see it. If he knew, he would play with her for awhile, before growing bored and tossing her aside with a few smoothing words and flowers, like a dozen or more girls before her.
Sirius meant well, Remus knew he never set out to hurt anyone, but it happened. It always happened. He was never content with one woman for very long, and then it was off to find the next one.
Hermione couldn't be one of those girls. She deserved so much more, and Remus knew Sirius could never give it to her, not like he could.
So this was the summer routine, watching her watch him. Wishing she would turn around and notice him, and her eyes would be on fire with the passion he knew was in her somewhere.
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Remus sat down on the couch, the new book warm in his hand. He studded the dark brown cover, but he wasn't sure what it said. His mind was wondering as usual, and he couldn't bring it back to concentrate on the book.
The sound of shouts and laughter filled his ears, and he gave up trying to read, setting the book down on the table in the library. Jumping up, he followed the sounds to the kitchen.
Ron and Harry were both covered in grass stains, their cheeks red and their faces sweaty. "I got him good Remus." Harry boasted, pointing at his godfather.
Sirius was leaning on the counter; laughing so hard his face was purple. Remus looked up and noticed Sirius' hair was bright pink. He had to chuckle at this. "Good hex Harry!" he said.
"You need to fix it Harry." Hermione's gentle voice said from the doorway.
Remus spun, noticing the despair in her voice, and the worry on her brow. Fortunately, neither Sirius nor the boys noticed.
"Stop being a stick in the mud Hermione!" Ron said, laughing still. "I think it's an improvement."
"You really need to loosen…. Up… Hermione…." Sirius choked out between fits of laughter. "Start… having…. Some…. Fun…more…than…. books…in…. life..."
She spun on her heels, curls flying behind her, and stomped from the room. Remus knew that there were probably tears in her eyes as she left.
"Was that necessary Padfoot?" he asked his friend.
Sirius held his sore stomach, looking at his friend. "What? It's true. She sits in here everyday why we go out and have fun. She never joins us, and yet she's the first to call us out for doing something wrong or not living up to her standards. She never smiles anymore. I didn't say anything that wasn't true."
Remus shook his head, leaving the room and heading for the garden, the sun was out, and he needed some fresh air.
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Hermione sat up slowly, looking around her small room. She must have cried herself to sleep. Looking at the clock, she saw it was after nine. She had missed dinner.
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stood up, smoothing her sweatshirt and fixing her ponytail.
Checking to make sure the hallway was empty, she slipped out of her room and headed for the library. She shut the door and slid over to the newest set of shelves, looking for something she hadn't read before. Sirius made fun of her because she loved books, but they brought her a sense of relaxation that nothing else could.
She wanted to give them up, maybe then he would notice her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She would just have to hide them instead, and only read when she was alone.
Time passed quickly as Hermione lost herself in the world of the muggle romances. She paused and closed her eyes, imagining it was herself on the cover, her neck thrown back, her eyes closed and lips pursed. A man's warm lips on her skin, his hands grasping her waist, his sandy hair tickling her skin. Wait, sandy hair? She paused, wondering when black hair had been replaced with sandy hair. A sudden noise in the library caused her to jump, reaching for her wand.
"Whoa! It's just me!" Sirius Black said, stumbling into the small light created by the reading lamp.
Hermione dropped her wand, and felt her face burn when she noticed him staring at her book.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier." Sirius apologized, his voice slurred.
Hermione looked up at him. His eyes were glazed over, his face red. "It's okay Sirius, don't worry about it." She mumbled, setting the book down on the table and standing up. "Goodnight."
"Where are you goin'?" He asked, stumbling towards her.
"To bed." She replied.
"You can sta' if you want." He said. "You was here first."
She shook her head at his slurred grammar, and bit her lip. "You are drunk." She said, knowing he couldn't ask her to spend time with him if he was sober.
Sirius grinned. "Yep. Dog drunk. Get it? Dog…" he started to laugh.
"Your hair is black again." She stated, wondering why she said it.
"The hex wore off. It's good though. I looked like bloody Tonks!" he said, still giggling. Sirius Black giggling, it was a strange yet pleasant sound.
"Goodnight Sirius." She said again.
Sirius reached out, stopping her with a hand on her arm. She felt her heartbeat quicken immediately, and her arm felt like it was on fire. She looked up to meet his eyes.
Sirius was drunk, severely drunk. His head was spinning, and his feet felt funny. He hadn't been drunk in awhile, and had forgotten how much fun it could be. Just like in school, get drunk, fall down, and then get a good woman and party all night.
He got drunk, he fell down earlier (Harry had to help him up), and now he needed a good woman. In his drunken state, he barely recognized Hermione Granger, but he did recognize that look in her eyes, it was a look many women had given him before. It was a look of desire.
"Good woman…" he muttered, before leaning down and kissing her, using his hands to pull her flush with his body.
Hermione could barely get her mouth to work. She had spent months thinking about and dreaming about this, with him, and now here he was, kissing her. She whimpered as a million feelings washed over her at once, and then she was gone, losing herself in the kiss, which tasted strongly of firewhiskey, and the strong arms, which were squeezing her way to tight, even as they pushed her towards the couch again.
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Remus gave up trying to sleep. The full moon was still a week away, but his body was restless. This happened a lot, and normally a good potion would knock him out. But Remus had run out of his potion last week, and he wasn't looking forward to asking Severus for another.
Slipping his sweatpants and t-shirt on, Remus made his way down to the kitchen. The house was silent, only the crackle of the kitchen fire making a noise. He quickly made himself a cup of hot chocolate; shuffling over to the window that Hermione spent so many hours looking out of.
He watched the night stars twinkle, and the breeze rustling the tops of the trees that grew behind the rented house they were all staying at for the summer.
Remus finished his hot chocolate, charming the cup and putting it away. He should go back upstairs and try to sleep again. He decided to stop by the library on his way up and pick up the book he had started earlier; he could read till he fell asleep.
Remus quietly opened the door, but quickly stopped in the doorway, his eyes taking in the scene before him even as his heart shattered on the floor.
There she was, hair wild, body shinning with sweat, naked, in his arms. They were on the couch, Sirius above her. Her eyes were closed, a look of pain on her face, Sirius was thrusting roughly, and his own eyes were tightly shut.
Remus quickly shut the door, leaning against the door to catch his breath. The image burned into his mind, replaying over and over. What had she been thinking? What had Sirius been thinking?
He heard Sirius grunt, and he pulled away from the door, almost running down the hallway and back to his room.
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Streams of sunlight trickled in through the two windows in the library, landing across her face. Hermione slowly opened her eyes, blinking as the sun hit her. She stretched out, and felt the weight against her back. Turning around slowly, she saw Sirius asleep behind her on the couch. They had both been lying on their sides, he was spooning her. The old blanket from the back of the couch was wrapped around them. She closed her eyes for a moment, stuck between wanting to cry and smile.
She had dreamt for so long of making love to him, waiting for him to notice, and finally he did. Only it hadn't been what she wanted at all. He had tasted of alcohol and smoke. He had barely kissed her. There was none of those romantic moments she had read about, no caresses, no kisses on the rest of her body. Just a few sloppy drunken kisses and then he was in her, and it hurt. She knew her first time would hurt a bit, Ginny had told her that, but it continued to hurt the whole time. The worst part was that there were no mind-blowing moments like Ginny and Lavender described.
She sighed before slipping out of his embrace and reaching for her clothes. There was blood down her leg, along with other stuff she didn't want to think about. She knew it was probably on Sirius to. Closing her eyes, Hermione took her wand out and cast a quick cleaning charm on both her and him, tears prickling her eyes. She dressed quickly, moving over by the windows to look out over the garden. She was just wondering if she should wake him up when he snorted, raising a hand to cover his eyes. "Damn sun.." he muttered.
"Sirius?" she asked, her voice timid.
He slowly raised his hand from his face and turned in her direction.
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Remus would have done anything for a bottle of his potion. The clock now said it was after eight in the morning, and Remus ran a hand through his hair, moving away from his bed and looking out at the sunrise. There hadn't been a moment of sleep last night, as he lay awake, thinking of the couple downstairs.
He quickly showered, throwing on some clothing before he made his way downstairs. He stopped at the library door, wondering if they were still in there. In the stillness of the morning, he could hear the voices coming from behind the door.
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"Hermione?" Sirius croaked, his voice dry. "What time is it?"
"After eight. Are you okay?" she asked.
"Fine.. What are you doing in here?" he muttered.
"I…" she whispered. "I…. I was just…." Didn't he remember anything?
"Am I in the library?" he asked, sitting up. "Why am I sleeping in the library?"
"Don't you remember anything?" She asked, her voice breaking up.
"From last night?" his brow furrowed. "No, why? I must have been drunk."
"You were." She bit her lip.
"So how did I end up in here." He asked again, lifting up the blanket. "And why am I naked under this damn thing?" He looked up at her again, before his eyes grew wide with horror. "We didn't….. I mean…..?" he asked.
Hermione noticed the look of horror and disgust all over his face. She drew a breath and lied to him. "Of course not Sirius!" she put her hands on her hips. "You passed out in the kitchen and I got you back here so you could sleep it off. I don't know how you got naked, and I don't want to know. I just came in here to see if you were awake and okay."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you." Sirius muttered.
"You didn't and don't worry about it." She replied, scrambling out of the room as the tears ran down her face. She didn't notice Remus leaning up against the wall outside the door, a look of pain and anger on his face.
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Remus pushed away from the wall, looking back into the library. Sirius had fallen back against the couch, and Remus could hear the snores coming from his friend almost instantly. Shaking his head, he resisted the urge to strangle him in his sleep.
Instead, Remus slowly walked up the staircase, reaching Hermione's room at the end of the hallway. He raised his hand to knock, before lowering it, then raising it once again.
Finally, he lowered his hand and returned to his own room. What could he say to her? 'I know you have been in love with my best friend for months and finally slept with him last night. Sorry he doesn't remember. Oh, by the way, I am in love with you.'
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"Have you seen Hermione?" Ron asked, his mouth full of mashed potatoes.
"Don't talk with your mouth full." Remus muttered from the other end of the table.
"Sorry mom." Ron smirked.
"I haven't seen her all day." Harry said, frowning. "She hasn't been out of her room to eat or anything, I wonder if she is okay."
"Probably a flu bug." Sirius muttered, taking another bite of his steak, oblivious to the deathly looks Remus was giving him.
"I hope she's okay, maybe I'll go check on." Harry said.
"Right now? We were going to play pin the tail on the bat!" Sirius whined.
Remus threw his napkin on the table, pushing his chair back. "I'm tired, I'll see you guys in the morning." He muttered, stalking out of the room.
"What is his problem?" Sirius asked Harry.
Harry shrugged, "No clue." He muttered.
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Remus couldn't sleep again. This was the second night in a row. All he could do was think about Hermione. He played it like a bad movie in his mind, over and over again. The way she watched Sirius everyday, the way her hair sparkles in the sunlight, the two of them on the couch last night, the look of pain across her face, the tears in her eyes when she fled the library this morning.
Sighing, he sat up and dressed again in his sweatpants and t-shirt. Another cup of hot chocolate was needed if he wanted any sleep tonight.
He sat in the kitchen, sipping his chocolate and thinking about the witch he had come to love, and the best friend he was learning to hate. Sighing, he finished his cup and put it away, his new nightly tradition.
As he shuffled past the library, the recognizable sounds of crying drifted out. He paused, listening closer. He could hear gentle sobs, and his heart broke again for her. He slowly opened the library door. The fire had gone out and there were no lights on. She was sitting in the darkness. He could hear her crying from the couch.
She gasped softly when the door opened, and she heard it shut again. She could hear the breathing of someone in the room with her, and gentle sounds as that person shuffled over to where she was. There was the feeling of a weight settling on the couch beside her, and then she had collapsed into the pair of warm arms that she felt wrapping around her.
"You don't understand, do you…" she whispered between sobs. "You do remember last night, and yet you don't understand. I have spent the last three months loving you Sirius, loving you!" she cried out the last part.
Remus stiffened, his arms still holding her tight to his body. She thought he was Sirius. He opened his mouth to correct her, but before he could, she spoke again.
"I have wasted my whole summer loving you, and for what? You are not who I thought you were. The dashing, handsome Sirius Black, romantic at heart. Everyone else in my class had already had sex, and here I was Hermione Granger, bookworm AND virgin. I was waiting, waiting for someone who would be soft, gentle, romantic, loving, my prince charming." She paused and drew a deep breath. "After the graduation ceremony, you and Remus came up to us, both of you looking so handsome in such different ways. I had a crush on both of you. You never knew it, and nether did Remus. I use to dream of what it would be like to kiss one of you. I never had dreams about someone my own age."
"Remus politely hugged me, but you picked me up, spinning me around with that stupid grin on your face, and that was it, I was in love. I knew you were going to be romantic and gentle, and I knew you would whisper how much you loved me the whole time we made love."
Remus didn't know what to say now, he didn't want to hurt her by letting her go on thinking she was talking to Sirius, but he wanted to know what she was going to say.
"I have waited for you to notice, for you to see me and then last night…." Her voice trailed off. "It hurt Sirius. You didn't touch me, you didn't caress me, and you barely kissed me. I was nothing but a drunken moment to you, one you forgot with ease the next morning. I spent all day crying for my lost virginity, crying for my lost dignity, and crying for my lost Sirius Black, but you know what? I was stupid to believe in you for one moment."
Remus held her tightly, his heart breaking for this girl, who had given his friend everything and gotten burned in return.
"I watch you from the window all the time Sirius, I watch you laugh and play, and I long to join in, but I can't because I can't be that near you. I spent more and more time reading, or playing chess with Remus. We have spent a lot of time together this summer, Remus and I. You know what? Right before you came in here last night and screwed me, I had begun to think maybe I had been wishing for the wrong Marauder to notice me. I realized how much Remus and I had in common, and I pictured him kissing me, caressing me, needing me. Then you came in and you wanted me, bloody hell Sirius, I'm a mess." She sobbed.
Remus couldn't move, his heart had stopped. She had been thinking about him? He really needed to tell her who he was.
"You are being awful quiet Sirius. What had you been hoping? That you could come in here and get another round from me? Well give it up, you are not the man I thought you were, and I could never bring myself to love you, I don't know that I will ever like you again. I wish last night had never happened." Her voice was bitter.
Remus reached his hand up, rubbing her hair gently, rocking her body.
"Maybe you did me a favor, I had been spending so much time wanting you, I had forgotten how to live. I'm saying this to get it off my chest; I know you probably don't care. I'm pretty sure I am over you, but I need to make sure…"
Before Remus could react, she had leaned up pressed her lips against his. His body ignited as she rubbed her lips across mouth, soft and sweet. He didn't stop to think as he kissed her back.
Hermione melted immediately. His kiss was gentle, not rough like last night. His lips were caressing hers, not bruising them, his hands were in her hair, holding it gently. She moaned against his mouth when she felt his tongue trace her lips. She knew she needed to stop, or it would be just like last night, but the gentleness of his kiss made her open her mouth to him, letting his tongue taste her.
She moaned again as his hands fell from her hair and cupped her face, his thumbs tracing her cheeks. Hermione tenderly used her own tongue to taste him. She was expecting the taste of firewhiskey, bitter against her mouth, but was surprised to taste chocolate instead.
Chocolate?
She quickly pulled away, her heart beating faster. "Remus?" she croaked out.
Remus felt like he had been dashed with cold water. "Hermione…" he trailed off.
"I…. I … I thought you were Sirius…." She gasped.
"I know, I'm sorry, I should have stopped you when I first came in. I saw what happened last night and this morning. When I heard you crying I thought you could use a friend, but you started talking before I could tell you I wasn't him…" Remus tried to explain, his body still trembling.
"I…. I am so embarrassed." She whispered. "You know what happened? Oh god, and I just said I had pictured you kissing me… and …." She sounded like she had begun to cry again. "I kissed you…."
He gently put his finger to her lips. "Don't be embarrassed Hermione, it's okay."
"I am sorry Remus."
"I'm the one who should be apologizing, I shouldn't have let you go on thinking I was Sirius."
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, I needed to get what I said off my chest, and I feel better for it."
Remus realized she hadn't pulled away from him, and was still in his embrace. "Hermione…" his voice was husky. "I am sorry for the way Sirius…"
"Don't apologize for him Remus, it's not your fault." She interrupted.
"I just wish he had treated you better, it was your…. first…." he stuttered. "You deserved better."
She sighed. "I wanted him to kiss me like he wanted me, like he needed me, like he loved me. I wanted him to kiss me like you just…." Her voice trailed off as realization hit her.
She looked up at him, and although the room was completely dark, he could feel the weight of her stare. "Like you just did…" she finished.
"I…" Remus tried to say something, but he couldn't think of anything.
"Lumos" he heard her whisper, and a gentle light filled the room.
Before he could think of something to say, Hermione leaned up, pressing her lips against his once again.
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"Take me to your room, please." She whispered against his neck, her breath moist as she licked his skin.
"No." he muttered, his head back and his heart pounding.
She stopped, raising her head to look at him. "I want you Remus, and you want me."
He grabbed her arms, pulling her against him tight. "I have wanted you for awhile Hermione. I fell in love with you months ago, that is why I will not take you to my room tonight. I want to know that you really want me and this isn't a rebound from being hurt. This isn't like Sirius was Hermione. I want something real, I want you to have something real, something you deserve. I want to show you I love you before I make love to you."
She fell into his embrace, feeling his heart beat against her chest. "So what now?" she asked softly.
"You are going to go to bed and catch up on some sleep, and so am I. Tomorrow I am going to pack us a wonderful picnic lunch, and we are going to walk down to Lake Logan for the afternoon, just the two of us." Remus replied.
Hermione smiled. "That sounds wonderful."
"We don't need to rush this Hermione, I want to do this right." Remus replied, kissing the tip of her nose.
"I wish I hadn't been so foolish last night, I wish you were going to be my first." She whispered.
He kissed her lips softly this time. "I will be Hermione, I'll be the first man to make love to you, and it will be something you remember for the rest of your life."
She smiled before standing up. "Then I guess we better get to bed so we are rested up for this picnic tomorrow."
Fin