Doubt

Disclaimer: I own nothing :0( (only what happens to be in my imagination) All characters belong to Chris carter.

He found her where he knew she would be, in her motel room, sitting on the edge of the neatly made bed. She was staring at the floor, avoiding him, and she was hurting. He knew that she was upset, he could see that she was upset, but what he didn't know was why she was upset and that was why he was here.

"Is it difficult?" Scully asked with quiet concern, tears tingeing the edges of the words, she kept her gaze low. She had anticipated his questions and wanted to get hers in first, before he said anything. When she did look upwards she could tell from Mulder's expression her question had him stumped. It wasn't that he knew what she meant but didn't know how to answer her but that he actually didn't understand what she was asking him. Keeping his gaze she re-worded her question and asked him again.

"Am I hard to love?" Scully's words hit him like a train. Where was she getting these crazy idea's from? He was shocked, but not at what she had asked him. He had never told her that he was in love with her, but then again neither had she… their romantic feelings for each other were always unspoken but always silently known. They had gone from being partners, to having a uniquely special friendship and finding a deep and spiritual connection, to falling in love with each other. Neither had expressed their love to the other but they both knew they were in love and they both knew their partnership was now in very different territory. Mulder loved her, Scully knew it and vice versa. Between them, they had the ability to silently converse, volumes of could be said with a single glance, so they didn't need to say "I love you" out loud because every look, every touch, every smile, just screamed out to the world how they felt about each other. Besides their partnership couldn't have been so intense and passionate, albeit platonic, without eventually turning romantic right?

"God no, … Scully… What makes you eve -" She cut him off, her voice quavering a little.

"I must be Mulder, because you obviously have something else going on…otherwise how would Gibson know about it and why would you "tell" him to keep quiet if you don't?"

"Its just that…" Scully paused, not for dramatic effect, but for her own need. She just wanted to make sure that what she was saying was right.

"…sometimes, I look at you… and I never want to see you again…"

"Why would you … Scully, why would you say that?" Mulder's hands messed with his hair in confusion and frustration. She's definitely crazier then I am! What the hell is going on here? Mulder was utterly bewildered, this whole situation was getting more and more bizarre.

"Because when I look at you… I see how you look at her. And that look…Mulder, it kills me…" Her words trembled with emotion as they left her lips. Oh shit! Everything was suddenly crystal clear. Shit! Shit! Shit! How can a single person cause so much destruction in one man's life? Mulder was starting to panic now… he was on the verge of losing the one person who he actually cared about, the one person he had truly ever loved.

"How can I prove that you're the only one I hold in my heart Scully? Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it, gladly. I'll do anything for you Scully… you know that!" There was a moment of silence between them, that Mulder likened to an eternity.

"…Kiss me?" She spoke quietly and with a desolate air, tears were now welling in her eyes. He knew what she meant with her request. Show me. Show me you love me. Not saying a word Mulder walked over to her and sat on the bed next her, closing the cavern between them. Gingerly her lifted her face upwards and slowly placed his lips on hers. The kiss between them was filled with the feelings, that had always been unspoken between them, until now. It started off slow, then gradually got deeper as years of simmering feelings and emotions bubbled to the surface. Scully placed her hands on Mulder's hips as he wrapped his arms around her. As she melted into Mulder's arms and into his kiss, Mulder could feel the tears she was silently weeping transfer onto his skin. He could taste the salt in her tears and they were bittersweet. They separated, but only for a moment to catch their breath. Mulder looked down into the tiny, conflicted face of his partner and felt his heart surge for her. He understood her worries and was going to everything humanly possible to put her fears to rest. Diana was not going to come between them and spoil what they had together. Noting her tear streaked face, Mulder smiled broadly.

"Come on Scully, it wasn't that bad!" He joked about her tears. Scully gave him a watery smile but she knew that he had meant every ounce of feeling that he showed her in that moment. Scully tilted her head and this time she kissed him, not as long as the first one but it was just as tender and love filled as the one he gave her.

(…)

"What did she mean to you Mulder?" They were lay, fully clothed, on top of the bed, arms wrapped around each other. They still had yet to consummate their romantic relationship, so being in a situation, like this, where just cuddling was still fairly new, it was strange and yet strangely familiar. It was a nice situation. A comfortable situation and one that they no doubt would get more used to as time went on.

"Not as much as you mean to me" Mulder's eyes had lost their sparkle. He meant it. She was nothing to him, not like Scully was. He was devoted to Scully in every way possible. Scully smiled at him. He didn't return it. He reached over her and took her hand.

"Seriously, Mulder. What did she mean to you?" Scully wasn't looking for a fight, she just wanted to know about the woman who seemed to think she still had some sort of ownership on her partner. As she spoke she looked down and played, contentedly with their entwined hands. When she had finished talking she looked up at Mulder wanting an answer. Mulder hesitated before giving Scully what she wanted.

(…)

"Do I have to have to say it Scully?" Do I have to say I love you? Do I have to win you back? They were still on the bed, still wrapped up in each other and Mulder had disclosed to Scully his previous relationship with Diana. Scully had been quiet throughout his story, listening with her head on his chest. She just let him say what he had to say with no questions or interruptions, just silently absorbing what he was telling her. She thought for a moment, still keeping quiet, but keeping her grip on her partner. Then in quietly comfortable and confident way, she said… "No." Mulder felt the movement of her head cause static against his shoulder.

"No?" Her reaction was one that that he hadn't expected from her. For the second time, she shook her head against him. No. Scully then looked up, pensively.

"Mulder? Do you want me to say it?" She looked so adorable when she was worried, that Mulder's heart swelled to twice it size with pride and love. Oh! You're just too cute! You're scared that I'll be upset with you if you don't say it back to me! I know you love me…Oh Scully, you have no idea how much I love you! He couldn't help but grin widely at her and kiss the top her head. She was so much like a child, needing reassurance and well, love.

"No Scully, you don't have to say it."

"But…What if I want to?" There was a curiosity in her voice, that intrigued him. He smiled but Scully missed it. She was looking anxiously into her lap, then panic took over and she buried her face into his neck.

"Well, if you want to, then I have no objections to hearing it."

Scully didn't look at him, didn't move a muscle but she hesitated for a second, testing the waters, before saying words he had never heard come from her lips before. A mix of love and relief flooded into her voice. Mulder felt her breath hot on his cool skin as she mumbled into his neck.

"I love you Fox Mulder." Mulder realised then that Scully had needed to tell him how she felt, rather than the other way round. She had needed to re-establish that he was hers. He realised that Diana had played mind games with Scully and caused her to doubt just exactly what it was that they had together. He resisted the urge to return her sentiments as she had said that she didn't want to hear it. Instead he pulled her back into him, and held her as though he would never let go, resting Scully's copper coloured head against his shoulder. Scully held him just as tightly, as though he would disappear if she let him go. Scared that he would run away now that he had heard her admission.

"Gibson kept quiet for Diana's sake Scully, not yours. I was thinking of you Scully, and that's why I didn't want Gibson to say anything. I didn't want Diana to know that I was thinking of you because she would use it against us. She would use information like that to ruin us and to bring the X Files down for good. So you see, it was safer for you to let her think that I was thinking of her… I'm sorry if I hurt you with all of this, I never meant for you think what you were thinking, I was only trying to protect you, to keep you safe. But,… if you want me to Scully… I can still say it." Scully pulled back in his arms slightly, tilted her head to one side and looked deep into his eyes, reading into his soul. Satisfied with what she saw, she smiled sweetly at him, shaking her head and kissing him before burying herself back into his chest.

Scully was no longer in any doubt of Mulder's feelings for her. She didn't need to be told that he loved only her. She knew it.

"No, Mulder… Love me…but don't tell me so."

The End

I left out the "history lesson" because it's not a relationship that I like to think or talk about (Im all about MSR. If it isn't MSR isn't MSR then, frankly, I don't want to know! :P) So, I left that bit up to your imaginations, as mine is frazzled as of right now :) ... you can all make your own minds up about what Mulder told Scully about Diana...

Oh! and Cam...that last line is just for you :P