Rated for strong language, crack, and some sexual references
Sarah Renee Lilly Belle opened her eyes, long dark lashes accentuating her perfect eyes. She was tied up with her hands behind her back, her chocolate locks splayed attractively across her shoulders. "Where…am I?" She groaned, realizing that she was wearing a lot of leather. It was very sexy. "Oh no!" She said. "Where's Edo-kun? Nani desu ka? Demo, my kokoro is in pain without his ai!"
Suddenly a black shape moved in the shadows. It was Envy. He smiled evuuullleee. "Hello, chibi-bitch. I'm going to rape you, kill you, and then turn you into a homunculus because Dante/Father/the military/George Bush/Regis Filbin/some random band of Ishballans ordered me to. Later I might fall in love, but it's highly improbable."
She shrank back as he touched her face in what was totally NOT an out of character gesture, and then said defiantly, "Do what you want! I'll never tell! Never never never!"
He frowned, and then slapped her hard across the face. "Look, I really don't want to do this. You're a whiny little freak who thinks she can speak Japanese. And you smell like cinnamon. I'm allergic to cinnamon."
"It displays my intelligence. And by the way, I don't think I can speak Japanese. I can speak it fluently."
Envy stared at her blankly. "Riiight." He paused somewhere between the 'rye' (AN: Mmm...Rye) and the 't,' making it sound very Dr. Evil like. "Look, the Fullmetal brat (whom I would also like to rape *gag*) is going to be here to rescue you along with everyone from Naruto, Harry Potter, and Ouran High School Host Club. I hope that's okay."
"Perfectly."
Envy sighed. He wished this were the manga version of Fullmetal Alchemist. He wouldn't have had to deal with this bullshit. There was a terrible crash…there was a terrible CRASH. Between her and the badge, she spilled her purse and her bag, and held a purse of a different kind. Along with the people inside, what a wonderful…caricature of intimacy.
Envy growled. And then facepalmed.
(Random Author's Note that interrupts the flow: Panic! At the Disco is awesome. I think they got rid of the !, though)
Anyway, there was a terrible crash. "What the Kami?" Sarah Renee Lilly Belle interjected.
Suddenly every person from every flipping fandom swarmed in, and they all tackled Envy and there was a totally awesome bitch fight. We're talking better than Greed vs. Ed. Better than Gaara vs. Rock Lee. Better than...
It was so brilliant, I'm too lazy to put it into words!!
Instead, I'm just going to describe Ed's point of view by switching to first person for absolutely no reason!! And here's a nifty little line break to help you out.
…
Any time now.
"Holy trash-can-sock-monkey-beetle-juice, Batman." I (Edward Elric) heard Robin say. I wasn't really paying attention to him, my focus was entirely on Sarah Renee Lilly Belle, who looked absolutely stunning wearing almost nothing at all, and I questioned why the hell she was dressed that way, all the while making a huge run-on sentence, which will finally reach its conclusion in the next few sentences, but firstly, I'd like to point out that L is always supposed to be dominant to Light, because I just can't imagine him being 'on bottom', and anyone who objects to that can kiss my ass, and by the way, the sentence is ending now.
"I'll save you!" I screamed into the night, charging forward like a football quarterback. I know nothing about football, and neither does the writer of this fic. Oh well. "SARAH RENEE LILLY BELLE!! You are my ice princess! I forgive you for betraying me, killing my closest friends and relatives, wearing tight leather and letting Envy violate you, and…what else?" I stopped mid-run amongst the clamor to scratch at my head thoughtfully.
Hellboy had just finished killing some random vampire-zombie-homunculi minion, and glanced over at us with a trademark cigar in his mouth. "Oh, gee. I don't know. I'm so frightened right now. I have a cigar in my mouth which makes me in-character, but golly-oh-my. Hey, Ed, I think she turned you into a hollow."
My face screwed up in confusion. "What the fuck is a hollow?"
Robin raised his rubber gloved hand. The other hand was surreptitiously attempting to sneak over Batman's unassuming groin. "Guys, we forgot the line break."
Ed scratched his chin thoughtfully, and ignored Robin along with the others. "You know? I think I was turned into a hollow."
Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing so that they could facepalm where appropriate. Facepalm is this authoress' favorite new word. It's brilliant. If you haven't noticed by now, I switched back to third person because first person was annoying me.
…But this chapter is getting pretty long. Suddenly there was a huge, tragic ending, in which everyone died and Sarah Renee Lilly Belle miraculously freed herself from her chains and pushed Edward out of the way just in time.
A line break fell out of the sky and crushed them. The end.
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For now.
AN: this is a continuation of tara's (Taranova) story The Starburst Alchemist. she wasn't gonna put it up but I made her, except now it's on this account. yay!!! basically it's a mary sue parody...i thought it was hysterical so there XP
Tara's Note: Sara made me put it up. Blame her. I didn't want to blatantly bash people...honestly, I do like some Mary Sue fics. But a recent influxion of them on the site has left me with a bad headache. Anyway, hope you all didn't gouge your eyes out reading it.
PSS: I'm not saying all are bad, i just thought this was funnay! evil spawn baby x3 hey you pretended to be me in the AN... you're really bad about writing in stuff from me when i didn't write it lol... e.s.b. x3... again.
Edited by Sara