Epov

Normally when I was kissing Bella I was totally into it. Feeling everything she was doing to make sure she didn't cross the "line" but in this instance I was lost in thought. As she was molding her lips to mine all I could think of was the honeymoon. I could barely get through this without losing control, how could she expect me to stay calm while she was making love to me?

"Edward, what's wrong?" asked Bella

"Nothing love. Just thinking about you" I told her flashing her favorite crooked smile.

She seemed to believe this answer and went back to kissing my unresponsive lips. I wanted more than anything to marry Bella but was it worth the risk of killing her? I knew she wouldn't let me back out of the bet. I had made her a deal that if she would marry me first that on our honeymoon we would have sex. Or at least try.

I was so lost in my own mind that I didn't even notice when Bella's hands started running under my shirt along my bare skin. On any other day I would have stopped this and Bella knew that. Suddenly her hands stopped and she looked down at me with her chocolate brown eyes.

"Edward, what is up with you, normally you would have stopped that thirty seconds ago. What were you thinking about that made you so oblivious?

"I am sorry love, I was worrying about our honeymoon. Everyday it comes closer and my fears become more real."

"I know you won't hurt me Edward. You brain would never let you even come close to hurting me. You love me too much."

"Bella!" I said exasperated. "You don't know that. I don't know that. Nobody knows because no one was dumb enough to try!" I whisper-yelled.

I knew if I raised my voice that it would wake Charlie. I looked into her eyes and could see that I upset her. She looked as if she were about to cry.

"You're not dumb Edward, Your doing this because you love me" she managed to stutter out in a strained voice.

I could tell she was trying her hardest not to cry. I pulled her close to me and wrapped my arms around her shaking body. I couldn't tell if she was shaking because she was cold or she was trying not to cry but it didn't matter. I had to make this better.

"Shh baby, I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You are right I love you so much. You should get some sleep. It's almost mid-night.

Her body had stopped trembling and she laid her head against my chest. I stroked her hair while humming her lullaby. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before she was out.

As soon as she had started her first R.E.M cycle I slid out from underneath her and wrote her a note.

Dearest Bella,

I am so sorry for what I said. I have just gone to

talk with my brothers and Carlisle. I hope to be

back before you awake but if not know that I will

be soon. Once again I am so terribly sorry.

All my love,

Edward

I climbed out her window and ran home. I wanted to talk with my brothers and father to get there opinions on the whole honeymoon idea.

When I walked in Jasper was the first one I saw so I decided to talk to him first. He could since my nervousness and instinctively sent calming waves to my body. It helped, but only a little bit.

We ran to the woods far enough away so that no one else in the family could hear our conversation.

"Jasper, I wanted to talk to you about Bella. I promised her that on our honeymoon I would try to have sex with her and now I am starting to regret my decision. I am afraid that no matter how hard I try if I get lost in the moment for even a second I could kill her"

"Edward, I know you much you love her and how much she loves you. Every time you two walk in the house I immediately get love thrown at me. I'ts like a wall, as soon as you walk in the door it hits me. I believe that even if you do get lost in the moment you will always, somewhere in the back of your mind, know that you cannot hurt her."

"That's the same think Bella said" I responded

"Because it's the truth"

I was then filled with another question. One I didn't really want to ask.

"Edward, I can feel the nervousness radiating off you. Just ask.

"What does it feel like?"

"Well its different for everyone. Of course its pleasurable but for some people, such as Rosalie and Emmett, it's a physical connection. Physically showing the other person how much you love them. For me and Alice its more of a spiritual connection. Being able to feel the love shining off of her and send it right back to her. But like I said if fantastic and I am sure vampire senses only make it better"

"Thanks Jasper, you really helped me out a lot. I really appreciate it. Now I get to go talk to Emmett. Wahoo!" I said sarcastically.

When we got back to the house I thanked Jasper once again and went to go get Emmett. I knocked on his door.

"Come in"

"Hey Emmett. I was wondering if I could talk with you. You know…seriously?

"Sure bro, what's up?

"Well…….." I said awkwardly

"The honeymoon?" he asked

"How did you know"

"I didn't think Bella would agree to getting married so young, something she is totally against, without getting a little something in return. What you need to know Edward is that it is difficult for everyone in the beginning. Even Rose and I, when we first started out we had a lot of bumps in the road.

If I hadn't been able to read his mind I would have thought for sure he was joking considering how often they do it.

"After what her fiancé did to her it took her a long time to trust anyone again. We didn't have sex until five years after she changed me. Even after we had fallen in love she still was hesitant. I knew I would never do what he did to her but how was she supposed to know that? The first time we tried she had a vampire panic attack. Not gasping for air of course but freaking out, shaking, and almost crying. All we had done was taken our clothes off. It took her a year before we could actually enjoy sex. Now of course she trusts me impeccably but I don't think she would be able to do it with anyone else. Not that she wants to of course. The only advice I can really give you is what you already know. Take it easy and dont make her do anything she doesn't want to. And I know how she is the one who is begging for sex but when it comes down to that moment she will be more nervous and embarassed than she has ever been. Just let her know how beautiful she is and let her know that your nervous too, and not just about killing her"

"Wow Emmett. I never knew that about you and Rosalie. Thanks for the advice it really helped."

"No problem little bro!" he replied with a grin on his face.

It was only now that I realized what time it was. Almost seven. I said good-bye to Emmett and ran out the door. I would talk to Carlisle another day. When I got back into Bella's room she was still sleeping. I crumpled up the note and put it in my pocket. She didn't need to know that I had left. I slid next to her and bed and instinctively she rolled on top of me. I sighed. These were the moments I treasured. Her, sleeping on top of me, her heart beating slowly, I loved these moments. She started to fidget in her sleep and moan softly. Slowly the moaning got louder and she started to flail her arms.

"Edward, Edward save me" She mumbled.

"Bella, wake up, love, it was just a dream Bella, wake up"

She slowly opened her eyes and immediately wrapped her arms around me and started to weep into my chest. I hated seeing her cry. It tore me apart inside.

"Bella, what's wrong love?"