Acceptance Chapter 1, a glee fanfic

Acceptance

She woke up that morning not looking forward to anything. She didn't want to go to school, she certainly didn't want to go to glee. Especially seeing as Brittany was going to be there with wheels. It had been a few weeks since she told Brittany how she felt, and since Brittany shot her down. She hadn't really spoken to anyone, or felt anything. She would go to school and come home again. She would sit at the back of the choir room and listen to them sing. And she just didn't want to do it any more. She could not bare to see the girl she loves in the hands of another person, especially a stupid boy. But she knew she had to, if only to stop her mum from yelling at her for skipping, pretending that she actually gave a damn. So she just sat through it all, in a trance, watching it pass her by.

She dragged herself out of bed and went to her wardrobe. Not having a cheerios uniform to put on every morning made choosing what to wear difficult. She hadn't bothered to try and look good for the past few days, jeans and a top was her new uniform. Unnoticeable, nothing fancy, blending in. She did not want any attention drawn to her, especially if it was Brittany related. Today was no exception, blue skinny jeans, a white top and converse. She then grabbed her bag off of the side and went to school. She hadn't been able to stomach breakfast much these days, in fact she didn't feel like eating much at all, she only made herself do it for survival.

She drove to school alone. Brittany got picked up by Artie and his dad most days now so Santana was left to go on her own. She didn't mind, it was nice to have the peace and quiet. Although that seemed like the norm for her nowadays. Brittany, and maybe Quinn, were here only real friends. But they both had their boyfriends and without cheerios they didn't spend that much time together. Santana had resorted to reading, and writing. She would go to the park and sit there until the sun went down just writing everything down, all her thoughts and all her feelings. Because she had no one to tell them to, not any more.

Pulling into the school car park, she was the first one there. She read the time on her watch and it said seven, she was two hours early for school. It wasn't the first time, she hardly kept track of things any more. It was better this way because she didn't have to run into Brittany. She could go to her locker and sort all her books out, and then hide somewhere until class started. She found that the janitor's closet was a good place, or there was a bench she liked on the other side of the school. And that was what she did. She got her books for History, Maths and Science so that she wouldn't have to visit her locker again until lunch time. The perfect plan for avoiding.

She was walking to her locker when she saw someone else at another locker. Who else would be stupid enough to get to school this early? She thought to herself. Berry, she should have known. 'Morning Santana,' She said, as the Latina walked up to her own locker.

'Morning.' She mumbled back.

'Why are you here this early?'

'Why are you, man-hands?' She spat back.

'Well, first I'm going to ignore that insult seeing as you are obviously sleep deprived, but I'm here to practice. No one comes in this early so the auditorium is free.'

'Right, well have fun.' Santana said, taking the three books out of her locker and slamming it shut.

'Thanks,' Rachel said, confused. 'Erm, Santana?'

'Yeah.' She said, turning around to face her.

'Are you okay? You've been acting strange lately.'

'I'm fine.' She said, and then walked back off down the hall. She could feel tears creeping out so she decided janitors closet toady. She sat there until the first bell rang, and after wiping away her tears, she walked to History, which she had with Brittany.

Lunch time rolled around slowly, as it always did. Santana sat on her bench picking at her sandwich, and she couldn't help but drift off into her thoughts. Why did I have to tell her I loved her? Everything was fine, why did I do it? She pushed me, she wanted me to figure it out, and I did. And what do I get out of it? A broken heart, that's what. She snapped back to reality when someone sat down beside her. 'Hey.' She said.

'Hey, yourself.' Quinn replied, 'Rachel told me that you were here early this morning.'

'So,' she said, swigging from her bottle of water.

'So, why? You hate school.' Quinn stole one of her crisps.

'Yeah, but I hate home even more so its kind of a toss up.' She stared at her sandwich, she noticed that she hadn't even taken a bite. 'Look, what do you want stretch?'

'Nice name, you know I had Beth almost a year ago.' Santana sat there in silence. 'Look S, I just want you to know that you can talk to me, if you need to.'

'Yeah, I don't, but thanks.' She smiled at her, 'Do you want this? I'm not hungry.'

'Sure, have you eaten anything today?' Quinn looked at her.

'What are you getting at Q?'

'Nothing, I just want to make sure your okay.' She took a bite of the untouched sandwich.

'Yeah, I'm just peachy. See you in glee.' She got up and walked off, she thought she would go to the football field. No one was there during lunch and she could hide under the bleachers.

She was walking around under the stands, thinking to herself again. Maybe it doesn't have to be this bad? I mean Brit is the only one who knows, knows about me. Maybe I should just act normal again and it will all be okay? She walked around in circles, thinking of a way to fix this. But I cant. I cant pretend that everything's okay when Brit isn't with me. I love her.' 'Damn it!' She shouted out loud, punching the wall in front of her ferociously. 'Shit!' she complained, gripping her left hand. That probably wasn't the smartest idea. She sat with her back against the wall, watching her knuckles bruise, looking out through the stands, watching people gather for various sporting activities as lunch came to an end. She really didn't want to move, she had glee next. Come on Lopez, suck it up. She got up and walked slowly to the choir room, she was late.

'Nice of you to join us Santana.' Mr Schu said.

'Yeah sorry, lost track of time.' She walked past him and he saw her hand.

'Santana, what happened? Your hand is all bruised.'

'Don't worry about it.' She said, sitting in her usual spot at the back of the choir room. She got worried looks from both Rachel and Quinn. 'Okay,' Mr Schu continued, 'this weeks assignment is acceptance. I want us to be really comfortable in our own skins. So, I want you all to pick songs that define how you feel right now, about things that you need to accept about yourself.'

'Can you give us an example Mr Schu?' Mike asked.

'Yeah sure, like for me, I would sing about being unlucky in love, and I need to accept that it might take me a while to find the right person.'

'Yeah, your psycho ex!'

'Thank you Puck, but yeah. Now it doesn't have to be that personal if you don't feel comfortable but I do really want you to try. We're all a family here and we support each other. So give it your all guys.'

'Mr Schu, I have lots of ideas.' Rachel said.

'There's a shock.' Santana said.

'I just think, Santana, that we should all do a number together as well.'

'That sounds like a great idea Rachel, what did you have in mind?' Mr Schu questioned.

'I was thinking, Born This Way, Lady Gaga.'

'Yes, that is the perfect song for us. What do you think guys?' Mr Schu asked them all, and he was met by a huge round of applause and approval. The only person who didn't clap was Santana. 'Okay, so everybody put your thinking caps on and we will start expressing ourselves. See you next time.' He said as they all got up to leave. 'Santana, can I speak to you?' She walked over to him and crossed her arms over her chest. 'Santana are you alright? You didn't seem interested today, for the past few weeks you haven't really been here.'

'I'm fine. But just F.Y.I, I'm not taking part in this acceptance bull crap you're putting on us.'

'Hey Santana, where is this coming from?' He said, sounding bewildered.

'I just don't feel comfortable with it. Didn't you say it was our choice anyways?'

'I suppose, but that's not the point. This assignment can help you accept things, if you sing it out maybe you will feel better?'

'Thanks Mr Schu but I'm so not interested.' With that she walked out of the room, to finish the day and drive home.

She arrived home at four, taking the long route because she really didn't want to walk into her empty house again. He mother and father were away at some retreat for his work. She didn't really care. They only throw money at her and then set her off on her own anyway. She walked into the kitchen and forced down a microwave dinner before sitting on her bed and doing her homework. She was actually doing it as well. She thought that she would focus all her energy on passing with good grades, even though she hated school, just in the hopes of ditching this town and all it's people. She could run away forever. Her phone went off on the bed next to her. It was Brittany; hey S, want to come over for a movie? Artie and I are watching Beauty and the Beast. That was Brittany's favourite film, they had seen it together like a million times, Brit was still amazed when the teapot and candle started to sing. The memory made her smile, but she still couldn't bring herself to do it. So she replied; sorry B, homework. Another time. She would not sit there and have her heart break over and over again. So she just did her homework, went to bed early, and started the whole thing over in the morning.

The next day went pretty much the same, and all the glee girls had noticed the change in Santana so they thought they would do a little digging. 'So, Brit, do you have any idea what's going on with Santana?' Mercedes asked.

'Well, we haven't really hung out much lately.' Brittany said, putting her bag in her locker.

'How come?' Quinn asked.

'I think I upset her. Now when ever I text her she blows me off.' Brittany looked sad.

'What did you do to her?' Rachel asked.

'I cant tell you guys, sorry.' She said, walking over to Artie.

'What the hell, if she's blowing Brittany off it must be bad. I think they were somehow born attached to each other.' Quinn said.

'Yeah, but if neither of them will talk to us, how can we help?' Tina though out loud. They stood their pondering the situation for a while, and then the bell rang. 'Time for glee.' Rachel said, 'Lets see how they act.'

'Alright guys, who is up first?' Mr Schu said cheerfully, as he watched each of his glee kids sing their songs. Some more thought out than others, but still, it was a good effort all around. 'What about you Santana? Have anything for us?'

'No, I told you before Mr Schu.' She said, not looking up from studying her nails.

'Santana, it might help, whatever is wrong you can t…' She cut him off.

'Tell you people?' She questioned.

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?' Finn said.

'Never mind.'

'No come on Santana what is your problem? We are a family, or supposed to be.' Sam said.

'Yeah we're a family, that's great, whatever, but I'm not doing an assignment that will turn me into a hypocrite.' She picked up her bag and began to walk out of the room.

'San, wait.' It was Brittany.

'What is it Brit.' She turned around and looked at her, whatever Brittany did Santana always found it hard to resist her. 'Did I do something wrong? Is that why you're mad at me?' Santana sighed.

'It's not you Brit, well it's not all you, and I'm not mad.'

'Then why don't you tell us what's going on Santana? We can at least try to help you.' Mr Schu pleaded. 'No, it's my problem. You guys wouldn't understand.' She began to walk out again.

'Then please explain it to us.' Mr Schu shouted. 'Because I think I liked the old Santana. Sure she could be harsh but at least she was up front about everything. That's not what you're doing now.'

'Do you really want to know Mr Schu?' She said, turning back around.

'Yeah I do. We do.'

'Fine. Fine, I don't want to do this assignment because I cant accept it.'

'Accept what?' Lauren asked.

'Everything, just everything about myself. I don't want to accept the fact that I'm a whore and the fact that my mum and dad would rather throw cash at me, than actually want to have me around.' Her eyes were watering now, she was fighting every urge in her body not to run away down the hall and never come back. 'San, honey why didn't you talk to me?' Brittany said.

'You don't even get it do you Brit. Remember the conversation by the lockers?'

'Yeah, that was the last time you really talked to me.'

'And do you know why I haven't since?' she wiped a tear from her cheek, the rest of the glee club watching contently. 'Because you're mad at me.'

'No, god damn it Brittany, I'm not mad. I'm heartbroken.' She burst into tears and this time she did run. She ran as fast as her legs would go.

'Well, that was interesting.' Puck said. Tears were now rolling down Brittany's cheeks, never fully realising the extent of her best friends pain. 'Brittany what did you and Santana talk about?' Artie asked as she turned around to face them.

'Santana, she told me that she was in love with me.'

'What?' Artie said, and Brittany caught a slight laugh in the way he said it.

'It's not funny Artie. I love her to. The only reason I'm not with her is because I love you.'

'Wait, you love her?' Artie said accusingly, emphasis on the word her.

'Yeah of course I do, she's my best friend in the whole world.'

'Damn Artie, your standing, well sitting, in the way of some fine lady love!' Puck joked, and Artie continued, ignoring his comment.

'But she's, well, a bitch.' Artie said.

'Hey Artie that's not fair.' Mr Schu said.

'Well he has a point.' Puck and the guys agreed. The only people who seemed not to agree were Brittany, Rachel and Quinn. 'You have no right, Artie, to talk about her like that.' Quinn said,

'Why not? She rags on us all the time.' Tina said, Mercedes concurring.

'You have no idea what she does for me, even after all the crap she has to deal with.' Brittany said.

'Well Brit, could you enlighten us. Santana isn't the best at sharing.' Mr Schu asked.

'En..what?'

'Enlighten, just tell us about what she deals with.' Mr Schu smiled.

'Oh, well you know her mum and dad are never home and that they don't seem interested in her. That's because they aren't. They told her she was a mistake and that they never wanted her.'

'What, that's not true.' Sam said.

'Yes it is,' Quinn stood up and went next to Brittany. 'We were both there, and her parents said it. They were shouting at her about something and then this big argument happened. They wanted a son, who could play football, and instead they got her. And through complications at her birth they couldn't have any more kids.'

'Well that's horrible guys, but.' Mr Schu said.

'That's not even half of it Mr Schu.' Quinn said.

'Yeah, she's been living alone for about a month now, her mum and dad are away, she doesn't know for how long.' Brittany told them.

'And she told me once that she is terrified of being alone. But she does it anyway because she doesn't think anyone cares about her.' Quinn looked down; 'Brit and I have both tried to talk to her but she's Santana, stubborn as hell.'

'Well I'm sure she can find some guy at a party to keep her company.' Puck said spitefully.

'Hey, shut up Puck.' Brittany shouted, they had never heard her shout before.

'What, we all know she sleeps around.'

'But did you ever stop to think why?' Quinn said, and they all looked around, not knowing what to say. 'Exactly. She feels so alone that any random guy will do just so that she can feel something. So that she can fool herself into thinking someone actually wants her.'

'And did you guys also know that she calls me every time she sleeps with some guy. And with you Puck, she calls me and she cries, every single time because she is so ashamed.' Brittany continued; 'that's why she couldn't do this Mr Schu. She has so much crap going on and she cant deal.' Brittany looked down, feeling ashamed at her realisation. She only just saw that her best friend was drowning.

'And apparently unrequited love is also affecting her.' Rachel pointed out.

'Yeah Brit, she said she loved you,' Mercedes reminded them.

'She did, and I told her that I wouldn't be with her because of Artie, and now she wont even let me help her, because I broke her heart.' Quinn put her hand on the other blonde's shoulder.

'At least we know she has a heart to break.' Lauren said.

'Not funny, okay I think we should all, as a family and a team go and find her. We need to apologise and help her.' Mr Schu said, as they walked out.

'I think I know where she would go Mr Schu, even though she wont sing it for us, I know she's done your assignment.'

Santana found herself in the auditorium, she had to get it out. She was so pissed off and sad and she needed to scream. She put the CD in the player, grabbed a microphone and waited for the music to start. She didn't even notice the glee club sneak in the back and sit down. The base started to reverberate around the walls, and she began;

I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose it all in the blur of the start!
Seeing is deceiving,
dreaming is believing,
it's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing,
everybody's bruising,
just be true to who you are.

They were staring at her in awe. She used the entire stage and filled the entire place with her soulful voice. They had never heard her sing like this before, really sing.

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould, yeah!
The more I try the less is working, yeah yeah yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the start!
Seeing is deceiving,
dreaming is believing,
it's okay not to be okay.

She clutched her chest, bending over to push out all of the notes, her voice straining in a good way, to let out all of the emotion she had been holding in for so long.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing,
everybody's bruising,
there's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like woah,
Just go and leave me alone!
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,
With a smile, that's my home!
that's my home, no...

They heard her voice crack, tears falling down her face, looking out into the seemingly deserted auditorium. Rachel was wondering how she had managed to get most of the solo's when Santana knew she could sing like this.

No, no, no, no, no...
don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving,
dreaming is believing,
it's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing,
everybody's bruising, J
ust be true to who you are.

The music faded and she was staring out into the audience. Breathing heavily she was met by a round of applause. They began to walk up towards the stage as Santana was on her way down. 'Santana,' Mr Schu said, 'that was amazing.'

'Thanks Mr Schu,' she smiled.

'San, can we talk?' Brittany asked quietly, appearing from behind Mr Schu.

'Not right now Brit.' She said, walking past her and the rest of the glee club.

'San come on.' Brittany ran after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around.

'Brittany don't you understand, what I said in the choir room, I cant be around you. I cant take it.' She tried to pull free of Brittany's grip but the dancer was surprisingly strong. 'Can we please talk, I miss you so much.'

'Yeah I miss you to,' She was starting to cry again, 'but I cannot be around you without feeling my damn heart break all over again. I told you everything Brit, my entire crappy sob story and you still liked me anyway. You were the one person I could count on not to reject me, and now you have.'

'San.. I'm sor….'

'Don't you dare apologise, I know it's not your fault Brit, you love Artie too, I get it. But it still kills me every time I'm near you. When you rejected me I felt everything that I am break apart. And I didn't have much left to break. So, I guess I'll just be the pathetic girl who cries all the damn time, over things that she cant change.' She managed to break out of her friends grip, and she walked out of the auditorium, leaving them in silence.

They didn't see her for the rest of the day. They figured she had just skipped and gone home for the day. After school Quinn and Rachel decided to go and see if she was alright, Brittany wanted to go too but they told her she should give Santana some space. Quinn pulled up onto Santana's drive and the girls went up to the front door. After three knocks they waited, and nothing happened. 'Maybe she's out?' Rachel said.

'Yeah but where?' Quinn wondered out loud. 'Rachel, I'm really worried. I don't think she's been eating much lately. She's been so alone. How can her parents just abandon her like this?' They walked back to the car and got in. 'I don't know Quinn but I think we should go and look for her. It's starting to rain.' Quinn agreed and then they sped off, looking everywhere.

Just when they were running out of ideas, Quinn had a thought. 'The park.'

'What? Why the park?'

'She always went there with Brit.' Quinn smiled and then headed straight for the park.

'I hope you're right, this rain is getting really bad.'

'I have to be right, otherwise I don't know where she is.' Rachel nodded and they sat in silence for the next ten minutes, until they reached the park gates. 'It's locked.' Rachel pointed out.

'You think that would stop Santana?' Quinn looked at her. 'Come on, get your coat on, I'll get the umbrella.'

'What are we doing?' Rachel asked, a confused look on her face.

'We are going over the fence and we are going to find her.' They eventually managed to haul themselves over the fence, Rachel practically falling over to the other side, and then they hurried on to find their friend.

About five minutes later, they came to the basketball court. The usually light grey tarmac had been dyed a dark shade of black by the rain. And then they saw her. She was sitting with her eyes closed, back up against on of the basketball hoops. They noticed that she was still only wearing her t-shirt, jeans and converse, all drenched so she must have been out there for a while. As they walked closer they could see she was shaking, from cold and from crying. Even though all of her tears had been lost in the rain. 'Santana?' Quinn said quietly.

'Hey stretch, man-hands.' She said it so matter of fact, like she was fine, just another day in her life.

'Santana what the hell?' Quinn looked at her.

'What? I come here to clear my head sometimes.' She sniffed.

'But S it's pouring, you don't have a jacket and you're shaking for Christ sake.' Quinn knelt down beside her, Rachel standing above them with the umbrella. 'Yeah well, at least I can feel it.' Her teeth were chattering, and her body was freezing as Quinn touched her arm. 'What happened?' Quinn said, noticing a washed out blood stain on her white top. 'Oh,' she lifted her right arm and turned it round. 'I scraped it climbing over the fence, no biggy.'

'San,' Quinn looked at her with sad eyes and then motioned towards Rachel. The girls sat, one on either side of Santana, Rachel keeping the umbrella above them, trying to stop her from shaking. 'How did you get here S?'

'I walked.' She was staring straight ahead.

'No, I mean here, in this state of mind, it's not you.' Quinn held her hand, and to her surprise she didn't pull away. 'It is me Q, don't worry about it.'

'How can we not worry Santana, you're our friend.' Rachel said.

'Hardly, but thanks. It's not your problem anyways, this is how I deal.'

'By catching pneumonia and cutting yourself off from everything? That's not healthy Santana.'

'Yeah well, it's better than putting on a smile and acting like I'm okay. I'm so far from fucking okay I don't even know what to do any more.' They could hear the tears in her voice.

'Then let us help you. We can be there for you Santana, you don't have to go through this alone.'

'Maybe Q, I just don't know anymore.'

'Don't know what?' Rachel was curious.

'Don't know if it's worth it. Maybe I should just cut my losses and bail now. I would never have to see my parents or Brittany again. Cut all the pain away right now and never look back.'

'No way S, Santana Lopez is not a quitter. You're a fighter. Why are you giving up?' Quinn was tearing up now too, seeing the strongest person she knew crumble before her eyes. 'Because I cant do it anymore Q. I'm so damn tired.' There was a short pause and then Santana went to get up, stumbling as her vision clouded.

'Woah, hey, are you okay?' Rachel said catching her arm.

'Yeah don't worry about it.' She pulled free from the smaller girls grip.

'You need to eat Santana, you have to start taking care of yourself.' Quinn said, almost pleading with her. 'Why Q? it's not like anybody cares.' She smiled at them and then walked away, back out into the rain.

'God, Quinn. I've never seen this side of her.' Rachel said as they walked back to Quinn's car.

'I have.'

'What? When?' Rachel said, hauling herself back over the fence.

'Right after that fight with her parents, she went off the radar for a few days and we found her here, under the climbing frame. She hadn't eaten and she was all alone.'

'That's so sad. How did she recover that time?' They got back into the car and Quinn started it up.

'Well for one she had Brittany, but now she's part of the problem so I have no idea how we can help her. I guess if we keep trying to talk to her, maybe see if we can get Brittany back in her life? I think we need to tell the rest of the glee club too, and Mr Schu, so they know what's going on.

'Yeah okay, we'll do it tomorrow.'

The next day, just as Quinn had expected, Santana never showed up. She and Rachel told the glee club what had happened and they all promised to be there for her when she came back. 'If she comes back.' Puck said.

'Hey, she will come back.' Brittany protested.

'Why? I mean she has no reason to really. You turning her down was the last straw for her man.'

'Hey Puckerman, don't you dare put this on Brit.' They turned to the doorway and saw Santana, she looked tired and her eyes were red, she had been crying again. 'San, you're here.'

'Yeah Brit,' She smiled weakly, and then walked over to her chair at the back of the room and sat down, away from Brittany. 'Santana are you alright?' Mr Schu asked.

'Yeah I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you guys the other day.'

'It's okay, we forgive you. And we're all here for you, if you need anything.' Finn smiled at her.

'Thanks Frankenteen.' She smiled back. 'And Mr Schu, I'm going to try, I promise. I just want things to go back to normal.'

'Okay, well then, lets get started shall we. New assignment. I want you guys to just pick a song, and sing it.'

'Really? Anything we want?' Rachel said.

'You bet, I want to know what you guys like and maybe we'll find something to incorporate into our next competition.' The bell rang, and they all got up to go to their next lessons. 'Santana, a word.' She stayed behind after everyone had left. 'Look Mr Schu, I am sorry, I just…' He handed her a piece of paper. 'What's this?'

'That is my address and my mobile and home phone numbers. If you ever need anything I want you to call me. I know about your parents being away a lot so just come over if you need me.' Santana smiled. 'Thanks Mr Schu.'

'Sure, now get out of here and pick a really good song to sing tomorrow.'

She walked out of the classroom, feeling a slight twitch of happiness, and then she saw Brittany by her locker. 'Look Brit, I told you.'

'I know, San, I just want you to know that I do love you. I meant it. You're my best friend and I'm always here. Please talk to me if you need someone. But I promise I will leave you alone. If that's what you want.' She walked away, leaving the Latina at her locker as she slumped her back against it. 'S.' She heard Quinn call.

'Hey Q, look I wanted to thank you, and Rachel for coming to look for me the other day. You didn't have to.'

'Of course we did, and don't mention it. How aren't you sick by the way? You were out there for hours with hardly any clothes on.' Santana smiled.

'Yeah well, practice makes perfect. And I like the rain. I just keep thinking that one of these days it will wash all of my crap away and I'll get a clean slate. You know?'

'Yeah, anyway I was thinking maybe we could work on the assignment together, help each other pick songs?'

'That sounds really great Q, want to come over to mine? No one else is there.' She joked and Quinn nodded. 'See you after school then.'

'So', Quinn said sitting on Santana's couch, 'what do you want to sing about?'

'I don't know, everything really. Maybe a song that might help Brit understand what I need from her. She doesn't understand really.'

'Yeah I know, that must suck, have you thought of any songs?'

'Well I have two but I think I want to surprise you with which one I choose.' She smiled.

'Tease!' Quinn joked.

'You know it, how about you? What song do you have in mind?'

'I don't know something happy. I think you're going to cover depressing.'

'True, do you just want to watch a movie instead. I'm kind of in the mood for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' Santana said, walking over to the dvd player.

'Of course you are, but my mother is not going to be happy if I have nightmares again.'

'Oh calm down you big baby. It's the original, the effects are really weak.'

'Fine, but I'm holding this pillow anyway, in case I need to hide.' Santana pressed play on the remote and they watched together, laughing practically the whole way through, which was what Santana needed.

The next day everyone came in prepared with their songs. Rachel and Kurt did Broadway, shock, Puck and Finn did some rock song while Artie rapped. Santana was up next and she just wanted to get it over with. 'So this is what I'm feeling right now. I love the song, and it's just going to be me and the piano. I hope that's okay Mr Schu?'

'Sure, it will make a nice change to keep things old school. Whenever you're ready.'

'And Brit, I really want you to listen to the words. It might help you understand where I am right now.' Brittany nodded, and Santana sat down behind the piano.

'I didn't know she played?' Artie whispered.

'Yeah, since she was four I think, she's really good.' Brittany complemented. And then Santana began:

I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how
sweet it can beIf you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

Everyone was thinking how perfect this song was for her. It explained to them all about her and who she really was. They saw this side of her for the second time in a week and they were impressed. They also knew that she was mainly singing it to Brittany, especially the next part;

Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's OK to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me,
you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how
sweet it can beIf you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world
without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

Brittany was listening and watching contently, she knew that all of Santana's words were true, and she couldn't even imagine how hurt and confused she was feeling. But the lyrics of this song really proved to her, that all Santana wanted was someone to lover her, she wanted her to love her back. Santana looked her right in the eyes.

One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me,
you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you'll love me,
you'll love me then

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you
and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

She stood up to a round of applause, and walked over to Brittany. 'I love you, everyone knows it. But it hurts me,' she started to cry, 'it hurts me to be near you when you don't love me back.' She went to walk away, but Brittany grabbed her hand. 'I do love you San, I do.' Artie was watching them both, the other glee kids not sure what to do in this situation. 'Clearly not enough.' She looked at Artie. 'You better take good care of her wheels, or you'll be dealing with me.'

'Of course I will Santana,' They smiled at each other.

'Brit, please let me go.' She sobbed, and Brittany released the grip she had on the Latina's arm. 'Mr Schu, I'm just going to go home, I'll see you guys tomorrow.' She wiped her eyes and picked up her bag, walking silently out of the room. 'I'm sorry,' Brittany whispered, crying as well.

Santana arrived home that afternoon at about four. She didn't want to go to the afternoon classes so she went back to the park. She walked along the river and cried, simple as. She never thought she would be here, in this mindset, but Brittany changed all that. Brittany made her feel good and happy and nobody else would ever be able to compare to her. She was everything Santana wanted. She slumped down on the couch in the living room when she heard something in the kitchen. She got up and went to have a look, and to her surprise, her parents were back. Well her mum was anyway, she was sighing and rummaging through the fridge and cupboards. 'Mum?'

'Santana, where is all the food?' She sounded angry.

'Where is all the food? That's all you have to say to me?' She looked at her mother in shock.

'Well you're father will be hungry when he gets in after work and now I have nothing to feed him. We gave you money for food, the least you could have done is got the shopping before we got home.'

'Mum, I had no idea when you were coming home! You've been gone for a fucking month!'

'Don't you use that language in this house young lady.' She walked over to her daughter, 'we'll talk about this when your father gets home.' She walked past Santana and went into the other room, to the liquor cabinet. 'Oh yeah, on the booze already huh mum?' She turned around and followed her mother into the living room. 'Why are you even here Santana? I cant remember an afternoon when you weren't with that ditz friend of yours, Brittany is it?'

'She's not a ditz mum, how dare you..'

'Santana! Come on, the girl thought we had a family of elves living under the house. Remember she sat on the porch fucking talking to them.' She shouted, popping the cork off of a bottle of wine.

'She has an imagination mum, that's a good thing.'

'No, she's an idiot, it's probably a good idea that you're not around her so much.'

'No, it's horrible, I hate not being around her. She was the only person who didn't make me feel like shit.'

'Language, again Santana.' She just looked at her mother. How dare she insult Brittany, how dare she waltz back in here like nothing's changed. 'Everything's changed….' She whispered out loud.

'Stop mumbling Santana, speak up!' Her mother ordered, and it was now or never.

'I have something to tell you mum.'

'Well? Spit it out, I don't have all day.' Santana laughed. 'What?' Her mother shouted again.

'I'm in love with Brittany mum, I'm gay.' Her mother's shocked face was enough for her, and she walked out of the room. 'Santana, come back here we need to sort this out!'

'Nothing to sort out,' she called back and, as she reached the bottom of the stairs, her mother spun her around and slapped her across the face. Stunned, she put her hand to her cheek and resisted the urge to cry. All her mother said was; 'We'll talk about this when your father gets home.' And she went back to her bottle of wine.

That was it, Santana thought as she ran up to her room. She slammed the door and locked it, tears streaming down her face. They never wanted a daughter, fine. They wont have one any more. And she got her old cheerios bag out from under the bed and started packing. She opened her window, and stepped out onto the first floor roof of her house. She walked along until she reached one of the large trees at the back of their garden and climbed down. Then when she was far enough away from her house, she pulled out her phone and a piece of paper, dialling the first number. 'Hello?'

'Hi,' she sniffed, 'Can I come over?'

She knocked on the door to Mr Schu's apartment about an hour later, where he met her with a sad smile. Bur before he could say anything she flung herself into his arms, and cried. After she calmed down, Mr Schu showed her to the spare room and told her she could stay for as long as she needed. 'Thanks for doing this Mr Schu.' She smiled, as they sat at his dining room table, flicking peas across her plate. 'Of course Santana, now tell me what happened.' He noticed the red mark on her face and brushed it with his hand. 'Oh, that was my mum, right after I told her I was gay.' She looked down at her plate. 'I'm so sorry Santana, is there anything else I can do? Maybe if I talk to your parents?'

'No, Mr Schu, thank you but no. My dad will know by now and he will be severely pissed. Sorry.' Embarrassed for swearing in front of him. 'Don't worry, so you think your dad will be violent too?'

'If he's been drinking, yeah, so I cant go home Mr Schu.' And he saw a tear roll down her cheek.

'Okay, it's okay. Do you want me to call anyone from glee, so that you can have someone to talk to? How about Brittany?'

'No, Quinn, not Brit, I cant deal with her right now.'

'Okay, I'll go call her, eat your peas, they're good for you!' He laughed, causing a smile to creep onto her face. 'Right, Quinn knows what's going on, she said she would come and walk to school with you tomorrow, I would but I have to go in early.'

'Thanks Mr Schu.' She smiled, and ate her peas.

The next morning there was a knock on the door. Quinn had arrived and Mr Schu showed her into the guest room where Santana was getting ready for school. 'Thanks Mr Schu.' Quinn smiled.

'Okay, I'm off now but call, or come find me at school when you get there. If you need me.'

'Bye,' the girls said in unison, and then Quinn sat on the bed next to the brunette.

'You look tired, did you sleep?'

'No, I just kept thinking about yesterday.' Santana said, brushing her hair.

'What happened S?'

'Mum was home.' She put the brush down and looked at Quinn. 'It was bad Q. She started ragging on Brit and I just, I don't know why I even told her.'

'You told her you were gay.' Quinn caught on, getting a nod from Santana. 'Well it's their loss S, you know that.' She smiled.

'Yeah, can we just go to school now, avoid the rush?'

'Sure, whatever you want, we can hang out in the choir room and wait for everyone.' She went to get up off of the bed, but Santana caught her hand. 'What? The blonde asked.

'Just, thanks for doing this. You didn't have to.' She smiled.

'Sure, now come on get your skinny ass up. I'm going to force feed you breakfast on the way if I have to.' She smiled, and Santana laughed as they walked out the door.

The bell rang for the start of school which meant, glee club. Santana and Quinn had been sitting in the choir room talking for almost an hour when everyone started to file in. Brittany and Artie came in together, followed by the rest of the glee kids, all chatting away. 'Oh god, Santana what happened?' Brittany said, walking to stand in front of her friend, inspecting the mark on her cheek. The rest of the kids were all silent now, taking their seats and waiting for a response. 'Don't worry about it Brit, I'm fine okay.' She smiled up to her, and she reluctantly went and sat with her boyfriend. 'So,' they heard Mr Schu come in, 'Who wants to kick us off today?' Shockingly, Rachel didn't put her hand up, so Santana thought she would go. 'Can I, Mr Schu?'

'Sure Santana, come on up.'

'So, Quinn will get why I picked this song, and Mr Schu. I just really, really need to vent.' She laughed, 'is that okay Mr Schu?'

'Of course Santana, let everything out, we're here for you.' He winked at her, and then the music began;

Tonight the sunset means so much
The one thing that you know you'll never touch
Like the feeling, the real thing
I reach out for that sweet dream

Almost reaching for Brittany, Santana stopped herself.

But somehow the darkness wakes me up
I've felt this emptiness before
But all the times that I've been broken
I still run right back for more

Quinn looked down, knowing her friends pain, and just listened to her sing. It was an odd song for her too chose, it was a mans song, but somehow she made it work.

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame

She out her hand on her cheek, it still felt warm from the power of her mother's slap.

You think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out,
I haven't learned a thing

Sometimes I think I'm better off
To turn out the lights and close up shop
And give up the longing, believing in belonging
Just hold down my head and take the loss

She finished the second verse and looked to Mr Schu, he had tears in his eyes. He never thought that any of his students could hold so much pain inside for so long.

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame
You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out,
I haven't learned a thing

The music faded, she was finished but she wasn't crying. Everyone else seemed to be feeling some sort of emotion for her, but she didn't feel anything. She knew that she could never go home, not without her mother and father trying to 'fix' her and her dad completely flipping out, but she also knew she had great friends here, so she couldn't leave them. 'Wow, that was an interesting song Santana, really unexpected choice.' Mr Schu said, nodding at her as she took her seat. But before he could continue Brittany said something. 'It was your mum wasn't it?' She asked, through a few tears, all the heads of the glee kids turning to look at her. 'Yeah it was Brit, but I'm okay.' She smiled.

'They can't keep doing this to you Santana, you can't let them keep doing it!' She was out of her seat heading for the door. 'Brit, what are you doing?' Santana said, chasing after her, grabbing her arm before she could leave the room. 'What the hell are you doing!' She smiled at her.

'They need to stop, someone needs to tell them that it's not okay to hit their kid!' There were a few murmurs from around the room, now they knew. 'Brit, I appreciate that, I really do, but I left, okay?'

'You left? For good?' Brittany was letting Santana lead her back to their chairs. 'Yeah Brit, I think so. I'm staying with Mr Schu at the moment.'

'So, you're okay?'

'Yes Brittany I'm okay,' She laughed, and gave Brittany a hug. The first one in weeks, and Santana didn't want to let go.

'Hey Brit.' Artie said, rolling up next to her as she unpacked her bag in her locker.

'Hey, what's up?' She asked, smiling down at him.

'I think we need to break up.' He said quietly.

'What, why? Is it because I thought you were a robot, I apologised for that!' She was nearly in tears.

'No, Brit,' he smiled at her, 'you're amazing.'

'Then what is it?'

'We're not soul mates. I know how much you care about Santana, and I know she cares about you. You two are soul mates.' He smiled, taking her hand. 'You need to be with her, even more so now. She's kind of a mess without you.'

'I know, but what about you, I love you too.'

'I know Brit, and I'll always love you but she is the person you're meant to be with. Okay?'

'Thanks Artie.' She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She then skipped off to the choir room, she had the perfect song she wanted to sing to Santana, and it had to be perfect.

The next day in glee, all of the kids were sitting down as Mr Schu walked out from his office. 'Today, I have had a special request from someone who wants to start. They have a very special song to sing. So, Brittany, take it away.' She bounced out of her chair and took the floor, looking directly at Santana. 'So, S. First I think I need to say that Artie and I have broken up.' He smiled at her. 'And I wanted to say I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, it wasn't something I ever, ever wanted to do.'

'Brit it's okay, you don….'

'Let me finish, okay.' Santana nodded, and then Brittany walked over and picked up her hands. 'I love you Santana Lopez, and you need to realise how amazing you are. So, this song is for you. Hit it.' She spun away from a smiling Santana and began to sing;

You're beautiful, but you don't know,
Cant see what's there inside your soul.
Always feeling like you're not good enough.
You wish you could be someone else,
Sometimes you just cant see yourself,
But I can see just who you are, who you are.

You're exceptional, the way you are.
Don't need to change for nobody.
You're incredible, anyone can see that,
When will you believe that, you are.
Nothing but exceptional.

Santana was smiling, along with everyone else in the room.

You never think you measure up,
Never smart or cool, or pretty enough.
Always feeling different from all the rest.
You feel so out of place, you think you don't fit in,
I think you're perfect in the skin you're in.
You're just perfect, just how you are,
Just how you are.

You're exceptional, the way you are.
Don't need to change for nobody.
You're incredible, anyone can see that,
When will you believe that, you are.
Nothing but exceptional.
If you could see the one I see when I see you,
You'd know how lucky you are to be you.
I see through into you,
You are.

Rachel and Quinn had joined in with the backing vocals and Brittany was kneeling in front of Santana. Belting out the last verse.

You're exceptional, the way you are.
Don't need to change for nobody.
You're incredible, anyone can see that,
When will you believe that, you are.
Nothing but exceptional.

The song finished and Santana wiped a tear away from her cheek as the rest of the kids were cheering and clapping. 'Santana, I'm so sorry, and will you please be my girlfriend.' Santana sniffed and laughed at the same time, 'of course I will you weirdo.' They both laughed and stood up, embracing each other.

'That's what I'm talking about!' Puck shouted after he whistled.

'Shut it Puckerman!' Santana shouted over her girlfriends shoulder.

'And she's back, ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez!' Mercedes joked. And just for that moment, Santana felt alive again, she felt like nothing could go wrong as long as she had the beautiful blonde in her arms. But you know what they say, What goes up, must come down. And boy did it come down, hard.

So... I think I know where I'm going with this, but I want to do it right so It might take some time!

Reviews welcome! :)