A/N: I've found it rather interesting to explore the darker corners of Italy's mind lately... Mostly because I'm very similar to Italy, and because I'm tired of seeing people abusing his character and making him out to be... I don't even know how to explain it. 5 year old in an adult body? Innocent and all about pasta? Pfft. Yeah, you guys need to go re-read Hetalia. I'm sorry, but Italy DOES have a deeper character. He's far from innocent. He's a bit stupid, yeah, but not brain-dead! Nuff ranting from my part.

As a final note, I want to inform you all that to be happy-go-lucky 24/7, means you lock away all pain in a special corner of your mind. Some days, that corner is unlocked, and you're CONSUMED in dark thoughts and emotions. It happens rarely, but it still happens. And Italy is having one of those days. Thank you, now enjoy reading~

The Corner Of His Mind

I act like an idiot, worthless and annoying, so that you will stay by my side. Because I'm clingy and need to be looked after, that's the role I'm forcing on you; my guardian. You see this as a job, babysitting a pathetic man who can't even tie his own shoelaces. You think I'm stupid. I know you do. Yet you stay, because I need you. I want you.

But what do you want? Why do you stay by my side even though I do things that will push you away? I will always be the happiest with you by my side, but I don't understand… Why do you stay, when you're obviously not happy? I've been thinking and thinking and thinking some more about this, and yet no answer is found. I stop thinking because it doesn't matter; you're by my side after all.

But then I'm alone, and I think again. I think of how I act, how you see me with those serious eyes. Those eyes are the same as his… Him, the boy I loved, the boy I couldn't have. You're so much like him, yet you're not. I know you can't be. He's dead. You're alive.

My thoughts take a scary turn and I start speculating, no… Wishing. I wish that you were him, that I would be allowed to love you like I used to. That if you're him, and what you said back then, that you'll always love me more than anyone else, is true… No, I dare not hope. Too many tears have been spilled in the darkness, so I dare not get those hopes up once again, to see them get crushed.

Because you are not that boy. You will never be, no matter how much I wish. You are you, and you're a man who is serious and strong. You're my opposite, really. I know that I'm a failure as a soldier, as a person, as a friend… I turned my back on you that time when you needed me.

But maybe I'm just hoping again. Have you ever needed me? I don't know. I doubt it. All I'm good at is running away when danger appears. Of what use am I to a man like you? Again I start wondering what you gain from staying by my side. Again I fail to understand it. Do you just think I'm so hopeless that you feel you have to constantly watch me?

In truth, I'm quite capable of taking care of myself. I've worked as a maid for God knows how long. But if I act like that, if I show you I can care for myself… Won't you leave me? I'm afraid. I'm so afraid, so I keep acting like the idiot you all see. I keep smiling, because I really do enjoy your company. But when no one sees, I'm lonely. I'm doubtful. I'm self-conscious. That's why I run to you in the middle of the night. I need you to cheer me up. And you do so without fail, because your mere presence is enough to sooth my worried soul.

I still don't understand why you stay. But I realise that it doesn't matter. You're here, after all. I will always do my best to make you stay, and I will always fear the day you leave, but until then I'll just enjoy your company. Up until now…

Thank you.