I found him on my sofa, bound once again to another book.
"You need to have a long conversation with these people." I said as I tugged my cell phone out of my pocket and started dialing.
Loki didn't even glance up from his newest book, World Domination for Dummies. "I don't think so…" was his reply.
"Too late, I already dialed the number." I pressed the phone to his ear. I had the volume loud enough that if standing nearby, I could hear the voice on the other side, while, at the same time, didn't make Loki deaf.
- Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline… -
Loki glanced up at me with a 'you're kidding!' look upon his face. The voice on the other side continued:
- If you are Obsessive Compulsive, please press one repeatedly… -
He scowled. That one didn't necessarily apply to him.
- If you are Co-Dependent, ask someone to press two for you… -
Loki shook his head, but pulled the phone out from my grasp so that he could hold it to his ear himself.
- If you have Multiple Personalities, press three, four, five, six… -
"Go ahead" I whispered. Loki hissed at me.
- If you are Paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call… -
His eyes widened. "S.H.I.E.L.D.? Is this you? Oh NOO!"
I hushed him and motioned him to keep listening.
- If you're Delusional, press seven and your call will be transferred to the Mothership…-
"That one! You need to have a long talk with your daddy to help you with all your problems!" I yelled.
"NO!"
- "If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press…-
"Three, four, five, six, seven…" I whispered just loud enough for him to hear.
He Ignored me. Damn.
- If you are Depressive, It doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you… -
Loki looked hurt. "What good does that do?!"
- If you are Dyslexic, press six, nine, six, nine, six, nine, six, nine…-
He giggled at that one. That mischievous, perverted giggle.
- If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep…after the beep. Please wait for the beep…-
Loki was immediately panic-stricken. "WHICH ONE IS THE HASH KEY!?" he screamed at me.
I pretended not to know. Eheheheh.
- If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later…-
He glanced up at me, his panic forgotten. I was kind of forgetful…
- And if you have Low Self-Esteem, hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you…-
-CLICK!-
In a moment of utter rage, he crushed my poor phone in his grasp and threw the pieces across the room.
"Hey!" I yelled. "My phone! I still had three more months on that plan!"
"What good does this Tepid wire going to do?"
"It's Hotline."
"It does not matter what it's called! I must go and find its headquarters to destroy it!"
"Loki…" I said calmly.
He whirled around to face me. He had already materialized his armor with the cape, spear, and the infamous helmet.
"What?!" He was impatient, and eager to kill people.
"You've just been Loki'd!"
"Son of a…-!
There you go, another product of my brain goo concocted early this morning. Now, review. Hate or Love, I don't mind. I apologize if Loki is acting kind of like Thor, but I'm no good with writing genius-like characters.
LOKI – 'Genius-like?'
You know what I mean! Now let me finish!
LOKI - No.
-Ignores Loki- AAANNND as I was saying…um, oh! Constructive criticism and warm comfort food is accepted! –Is stabbed by Loki-
LOKI – In which I will consume! Particularly pudding!