"We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes--
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile
And mouth with myriad subtleties."
-Paul Laurence Dunbar
xxxxx
Azula dreams of the same six people night after night. In her slumber she could tell that really they numbered twelve, but they seemed to share their bodies.
Mai always comes first, speaking of Azula's honor and the disgrace to the Fire Nation she has become. She wears a thin white robe that covers very little of her pale skin, a great departure from Mai's usual conservative black. It resembles traditional Agni Kai wear. Her clothing plunges between her breasts, leaving a clear view of the red starburst scar between them. As Mai lifts her head, Azula sees another comet-scar over her eye.
She knows it doesn't belong to Mai. It is her brother's scar. But in the dark room, the only thing that makes sense is her fear and the voice that Mai and Zuko now share. It is empty, like theirs, and it says, "I loved you. How could you lie to me? I loved you. Now I don't. Now you are alone." And the scarred body strokes her face with a warm hand. When it pulls away, Azula is left shivering as Mai-Zuko grins humorlessly.
The princess shakes uncontrollably until her brother-friend fades away. The first body is replaced by a boy in blue clothing. He wears garb of the Southern Water Tribe, but the face paint of a Kyoshi Warrior. It is smeared and dirty with little specks of blood across his forehead.
She knows that she has seen paint like that once before. Azula tortured the girl after she defeated her. She spat in her face, smearing her makeup, and stripped her of her clothing. And the boy, Sokka was his name, had pinned her against a wall on the Day of the Black Sun. She remembered his face.
He circles Azula's sitting form, letting little drops of blood fall from his fingertips- an outward sign of the bamboo that had been shoved beneath the nails. He and the girl mock, "Coward, coward, could you fight someone worthy? Defeating the weak and injured. What a mark of respect."
The painted warrior leans down, inches from her face, and shouts, "Where's Azula?!" And then disappears.
At this point she sees a tall, dark haired shape in the distance. It is a body reflected through a huge mirror; it turns when Azula stares too long. Her mother's angry face glares back.
It is not like Ursa to have such furious wrinkles, and that is how Azula realizes that it is her father's spirit inside, sharing the body. "A message from the Fire Lord," says the man-woman. Her mother's fingers trace a familiar pattern through the air. Blue lightening appears at their tips. The mirror shatters and Ursa-Ozai steps out.
The lightening whips forward, singeing the tips of Azula's hair. In her dream she crawls backwards as her attacker hisses, "Such a monstrous disappointment." Then they laugh, practically dripping fire from their teeth. And with another crack of lightening they too are gone.
The next apparition is the most frustrating to the deteriorating princess. It is the Waterbender, just as she remembered her on the day of Sozin's Comet. But this time her eyes glow bright and just beneath her hairline, Azula can see the tip of a white-hot Airbending arrow. She speaks in a voice that is hers, but with the deepness of hundreds of people combined. She speaks like the Avatar.
"Your spirit seeks solace," it says simply. And Azula, filled with rage, strikes out with a clawed hand to attack the girl that put her in prison.
Her target suddenly appears behind her, no visible emotion on her glowing face. "Try again. You will fail."
Azula swipes out, suddenly feeling an iron-strong weight around her wrists. It pulls her to the ground and the Avatar-girl says, "You cannot kill me. You cannot beat me. You can only fail." And she fades, allowing the dreamer to stand up again. She grits her teeth so hard they feel like cracking.
The next image would be comical if Azula were not so afraid of it. It is the blind Earthbender wearing her Uncle's war armor. It is too big for her small frame, but she still manages to hold a cup of steaming tea in her hands. She smiles at Azula, her sightless eyes staring right at her.
With the voice of a child and old man, she says, "You look like hell, niece." She chuckles, and gently sets down the cup before Azula. With a grim curiosity, she picks it up to see her reflection. It is filled with blackness and nothing can be seen.
The girl-uncle pats Azula's head, "Do you see yourself?" She holds the teacup, swirling the contents. Azula sees only the shadowy darkness.
Toph-Iroh says, "This is your insides. I would not put such evil to my lips." The cup fractures in the princess' hands and when she looks up no one is there.
It is the sixth visit that leaves the Firebender in tears. Suddenly, she is caught in a desperate embrace with her old friend, Ty Lee. The acrobat sobs against her, letting her emotions roll away. Her cries are the sound of a creature that wants to die. She moans, "So much pain. Why is it like this?" Her voice raises to a scream, "What happened?"
And when she pulls away, the princess glimpses her face. It is entirely the acrobat's, but her brown eyes are wrong. They are golden and cruel. Azula sees herself in them: Ty Lee has her eyes.
Just before she wakes, she hears, "I hate you."
It is spoken with venom and desperation to the princess. The words are the truth.
As her eyes open, Azula cannot bear the shame and ache she feels. She remembers the last words, and a fresh wave of nausea washes over her.
They are the most painful because she cannot tell if it was Ty Lee's voice or her own that said them.
And every night the pattern repeats.
xxxxx