You don't see me
By Joan Powers
A/N: I'm not crazy about the way the writers are handling Julia and Joel's problems. I want him to talk to Julia. Then I realized that he has. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
Rating: PG/K
Genre: Drama
Timeline: Season 5, Episode 21 "Fraud Alert"
Summary: Does Joel really want to end his marriage with Julia?
Joel tossed and turned in his bed, unable to settle down. The banging of unfamiliar pipes and faint strains of voices in other apartments didn't help. Frustrated, he punched his pillow then wedged it beneath his head. Not that it would make a difference. After his discussion with Julia that evening, he wouldn't be sleeping much.
"I feel like I haven't been able to talk to you. Like it's not allowed."
She'd looked so lost, so confused. As if she had no idea what the problem was.
And there was the issue.
How could she not know?
As usual Julia kept pushing and pushing. That's the way she was, like a tenacious dog fighting for a bone. She wouldn't let go until she got what she wanted. It was a quality he'd once found extremely attractive and had even admired. It made her an excellent lawyer.
Now he saw it for it was.
Selfishness
He had Julia's back for all those years and she couldn't keep it together on the homefront for a few months? He'd never barged in on her during a business meeting. He never would've done that to her. But she had no qualms about doing it to him, even yelling at him in front of his boss. She'd also been nitpicking his business decisions.
It was a hard transition – going from working full-time to staying at home as the primary parent. He'd done it. And, as a man, it had been even harder. He was an anomaly. People stared at him. On the playground, women were afraid to talk to him. And other men as primary caregivers? They were few and far between. It got lonely. It got boring. But he never complained. He did his part gladly, knowing his investment in their family was worth the sacrifice.
However, that wasn't when the trouble between he and Julia had started.
He hadn't wanted to have a second child. It wasn't part of their game plan. Not that he couldn't love another child. They'd agreed that once Sydney was in school, he'd go back to work, at least on a part-time basis. With another baby in the picture, that would never pan out. Still, Julia had insisted so he'd caved. After all, marriage was about compromise.
It had been a heart breaking process. Not that he blamed Julia. The circumstances hadn't been her fault. They were both devastated when Zoey kept the baby. And that rocky path had brought Victor into his life, the son whom he loved with all his heart.
Yet that's when he started noticing.
Julia no longer respected him.
Helping Victor adjust to their home had been difficult but well worth the effort. Yet Julia often insisted upon following her own way, ignoring any advice Joel might offer. Later when she quit her job without consulting him, he'd been flabbergasted. He would never have made such a life changing decision without her input.
It had only gotten worse after that.
Joel was equally worried about Victor's progress in school but he felt holding him back would be sending the wrong message. All it would do was knock down the boy's confidence even more. Still, Julia kept insisting that was the right course and she barreled ahead, talking with his teachers without him. Apparently she'd had more in depth discussions about this situation with Ed rather than her husband. Joel had merely been notified of her decision.
He didn't seem to exist as her partner anymore.
"I respect you more than anyone I've ever known."
He shook his head. If only that were true.
Although the kiss between Julia and Ed ultimately didn't matter to him, the damage had already been done. It wasn't about the kiss. Julia had formed an emotional attachment to another man. She'd discussed personal issues with him rather than with her husband. She'd allowed a door to open that had no business being open. He felt like a fool.
"I don't want to be in limbo. So are we trying to get back together or move on to date other people? You know, it's not fair - not knowing."
He nearly choked on the bile rising in his throat. He hated that Julia had pushed him into saying something definitive. He wasn't ready to address it.
He ached to have his family back. His wife – the one who used to love and support him. His old life. He longed for it. But he didn't know how to attain that. And he couldn't do it on his own.
All that rot about marriage counseling didn't matter. It was clearly evident that when Joel talked, Julia didn't listen.
He had no idea how to get his old life back.
He felt completely lost.
THE END