Note: I don't own anything. Especially not Naruto.
Deidara was in the kitchen getting a snack when he heard something shocking. "Oh my sweet. I love you so!"
"Zetsu? What's going on?" he asked, trying to get a better look. But Zetsu was in the pantry and the door was shut. So Deidara decided to hang around and listen to what was coming next. He ducked behind the trash can, hoping to avoid getting caught. Somehow he thought Zetsu wouldn't be very appreciative of his eavesdropping.
"You are the single most perfect thing I've seen in my life!" Zetsu said.
"Deidara, what are you doing?" Kisame asked. "You look like one of those creepy stalkers I saw on Court TV the other day, the way you're hiding behind that trash can. What's going on?"
"Shh!" Deidara hissed urgently. "Zetsu's confessing his love to some girl!" Kisame's eyes widened.
"I'm going to get the others!" he whispered back. "They've GOTTA listen to this."
"You're so beautiful, so delicious. My baby, my life, my love."
Outside the pantry, the rest of the Akatsuki was cracking up silently. "Who knew Zetsu was such a romantic?" Hidan choked out, trying hard not to bust a gut laughing.
"That's kind of... wrong," Itachi added. "I mean, Zetsu in love?"
"Don't be mean, Itachi-san!" Tobi said. "I'm very happy for Zetsu-san! He's finally found a lady who'll love him the way he deserves!" Of course, this earned him dumbfounded stares from the other Akatsuki members.
"Ahh spring. Such a wonderful time! The time when young lovers realize their feelings for each other-un," Deidara snorted.
"It's summer," Kakuzu replied.
"So?"
"You're so creamy, so smooth, you're pure beauty. And you're mine. All mine. I love you so much! You're so wonderful!" Zetsu cried, obviously overtaken by his love. "You're so hot! I want you! I'll take you now!"
"Ewww..." Hidan said.
"Yeah. Ewww," Itachi replied.
"I love you! My sexy, pure, beautiful HOT CHOCOLATE!" Zetsu yelled in triumph. Everyone sweat-dropped.
" Does he always monologue about how much he loves his food before he eats it?" Kisame asked.
"We should go... this is really embarrassing..." Itachi muttered.
In the pantry, Zetsu was laughing. "Wow... that actually worked! That's really funny!" Then he took a drink of his hot chocolate. "Yum."
The End
Omake- Author's Comments
I wrote this a while back and found it today when I was cleaning out my desk. I revised it a bit and decided I'd post it. I don't know, the idea of Zetsu talking to his food while the others listened in and thought it was something else made me laugh. Thank you for reading.
-GoesKaboom