Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to ABC and Lost
Authors note:
I'm probably going to go down the whole 'pregnancy storyline'
route, but if I do Kate and Sawyer haven't found out that pregnant
women die yet. This is my first fic so please review.
The walk back to the beach took longer than expected, everyone was exhausted, muddy and pissed off. The radio Naomi had said would work didn't, hope was gone. They were still on the island.
Kate walked just
ahead of the group, she was eager to get back. Jack was walking just
behind her, she could hear him panting as they climbed the steep
slope back down the hillside. Perhaps she should walk with him, talk
to him? At least say a few words. But all she could think of was
Sawyer. What the hell was his problem, she'd offered to go with him
and he'd said no…he never said no, he was always eager for her to
help, to come with him, they were a team.
The pregnancy. It had
to be, there was no other reason for his strange behaviour. She had
told him about the possible pregnancy as they stopped to fill up
their water bottles, he'd walked away from the group and she had
followed.
He was so distant, and she was worried, she confronted
him, splashed him with water and still…nothing, he was so out of
it.
Part of her was ashamed to admit she thought he might be
happy, but she quickly dismissed that thought, he was Sawyer, she
told herself, he kept no attachments, he needed nothing or no one. A
baby wasn't what he wanted, a voice in the back of her head taunted
her, perhaps he didn't want her either.
She used to be like
that, always running, she needed nothing either, she was free, she
walked her own path and she walked it alone. Well that was before the
island, she was attached now whether she liked it or not. She hated
to admit to herself that she needed him, he was unreliable and a
complete jerk sometimes...but she needed him, like he'd said; they
were a team. The conman and the fugitive, it was ironic but it
worked.
And now she contained the small life buried deep within
her, there were no more pregnancy tests on the island, but she didn't
two blue lines to tell her, she could feel it, a small warm glow that
pulsed in the tombs of her body. As much as it scared her, it was a
comfort, a constant companion. And a part of him, that was always
with her.
He felt numb, he kept replaying the
shooting over and over in his mind. His soul felt burned and charred,
the mindless hate was returning, his self destruction was back,
stalking him. Zeke deserved to die, he told himself over again like a
mantra hoping that some small part of his being would believe it, and
it could spare him just little of the pain, of the guilt.
Bernard
and Jin were sat further down from him, drinking their dharma beer,
the mood of the beach was solemn, that after a great victory when
time is needed just to retreat back and repair broken souls from
within, but they were also optimistic, they had won this battle with
no loss to life. Jin and Bernard had fought to protect their women,
the women they loved. But who had he fought for, for Kate? Had he
fought to protect her? No. He'd done it for himself as he always
did. He took another long drink of the beer.
He wondered where
she was, he hoped she was safe, that she was with Jack, he would look
after her. He'd protect her, he was the better man. Even as he told
himself that he knew he didn't believe it, Kate was meant for him,
there would be no other after her, she was 'the one'. And the
thought of losing her ripped his heart to tiny shreds.
She had
mentioned the pregnancy, he knew she would in time, they had being
avoiding it for far too long. In another place, another time, he
would have being glad she was pregnant, that he and the woman he
lived for had created a tiny new life together, that Kate's body
would contain two heartbeats and one of them he had help make, but it
would never work here, alone, with no hospitals.
He could see
Juliet working on her tent, trying to repair some of the tarp, he
remembered Hurley telling him she was some sort of fertility doctor,
did she know how to deliver a baby? There was no way on earth he
would let Jackass do it, hell.. He would let damn Desmond deliver it
before he ever would Jack. He scolded himself for even thinking of
it, he didn't know for certain she was pregnant, there was no point
imagining it. He took another gulp of the stale beer.
"Whoa, dude. Steady on the beer." Hurley walked up to him, looking remarkably cheerful.
Sawyer just drank ever more.
"I was just talking to Jack on the walky-talkies, everyone's ok, they're coming back now."
"I guess that's it then, we're getting rescued," more drink, "Great."
"Err. Well, not exactly man."
"…What you mean not exactly?" Please God don't say there's only enough room for five of us on the rescue boat, Sawyer thought.
"Well, the radio from the English chick, it didn't work. Sooo, we're all still screwed." Hurley laughed at Sawyer's expression.
"Son of a bitch." he said, shaking his head.
It was dark when
Kate and the rest of the castaways finally got back to the beach,
they were hungry and exhausted. But happy and pleased to be back. Sun
and Jin shared and emotional reunion, he pulled her into a tight
embrace then knelt down and whispered something in Korean while
stroking Sun's small stomach.
Jack met up with Sayid and they
shared knowing looks, each knowing that victory had come at a price,
Naomi's body rested in one of the unused tents.
Claire sat with
Hurley, holding baby Aaron to her chest and murmuring soothing words
to try and get him to settle, there was no sign on Desmond and
Charlie, she hoped they were both ok.
Kate scanned the beach
looking for Sawyer, there was no sign of him, she decided she would
ask Hurley, who was now counting food supplies in the island
kitchen.
"Where'd you get the ride?" She smiled, turning her head towards the blue dharma van
"Oh, that old thing. I found it in the jungle a few weeks ago. Me, Charlie, Jin and Sawyer…oh and Vincent took it for a spin."
"..Sawyer?" She curled her nose, "He never mentioned it."
There was a small pause, and Hurley looked at her.
"Do you know where he is…I…I haven't seen him, yet."
"Sawyer? I think he's in his tent."
"Ok." She took a deep breath and started
her walk to his tent, she could feel butterflies twisting in her
stomach, it was ridiculous to be so nervous, maybe she wasn't
nervous, maybe it was the baby. She didn't even like thinking about
the baby when she was near Sawyer, he seemed to be able to tell what
she was thinking and feeling, he knew her so well. If that was the
case they he would of already suspected that she might be pregnant,
then why was his reaction as it was, couldn't he of at least had
time to plan a reaction, at least pretend not to act so cold, so
cruel.
She walked up to his tent, she had the ridiculous notion
that perhaps she should knock first, but she dismissed the thought,
how do you knock on a tent, and she doubted that he had company, and
if he happened to be naked…well it wasn't like she hadn't seen
him in that state before. She could feel her heart beat starting to
race just thinking about the times she had seen him naked, of all the
things he did to her. The way he thoughts were racing, talking would
be the last thing on her mind.
She gathered her courage, pulled open the tarp and…
…the tent was empty.
