Arendelle ~ North Mountain Ice Palace ~ Day 363
'I never wanted this you know, to be in complete isolation. Hidden away from the world at a young age, away from Anna, my little sister, my best friend. But, I could have killed her. If it had been her heart I'd hit rather than her head...
No...
It just doesn't even bare thinking about...
I'm a monster, that's all there is too it. Born with a curse inside me that I can't control, and destined to remain alone in all aspects of my life, it had been that way for most of my life, and it would remain that way, it was much safer then. For everyone.
Doing something as drastic as ending it all wasn't an option, I did try once, but it didn't work, that obviously meant I I deserved this for some reason, I deserved to suffer this curse, but that didn't mean others should suffer at my hands, like my beloved parents had for so long, before...
Before they...were taken.
So, on the very night of my eighteenth birthday, of my coronation, when an argument with my sister - it was so silly! She wanted to marry some Prince she had only just met! - I accidentally lost control and revealed myself to all, now seen as a witch, as a monster, I only saw one other option.
To run.
So I did.
I ran. I ran all the way up the North mountain and that's where I have been ever since. Where I demonised all physically memory of my life back down in The Kingdom of Arendelle. If I was going to be alone, I didn't need to wear the gloves, the cape, that dress I couldn't even breathe in, or have my hair coiled so tightly, like a snake, against my skull. So I changed everything about my appearance, or everything I could anyway.
The curse has taken so much from me over the years.
My life.
My future.
My family.
My friends.
and even love...
Love?
What even was it to love? What did it feel like, to be loved?
Really love. to be held in the arms of someone and be the only one and only thing that mattered to that person, right there in that moment. To look into the eyes of that person and know your just, meant to be?
But like that would ever happen to me. Have a look in just about
every fairy tale and you'll see the witch or the monster never has the happy ending. Never. Who in their right mind would even love me anyway? It was a waste of time even dreaming about that.
That was another thing, I don't dream any more. Only nightmares, of black sky's making their way up the mountain to rain black sand over the palace, pulling me into total darkness, into the pitch black. Some nights I couldn't even sleep from the gripping fear. And I don't know which is worse. Laying paralysed to the bed with fear and having those images loop in my mind again and again and again till I screamed. Or having to cower in a corner in the dark because I was actually starting to see things...
So now, it's two days till I turn nineteen. That will mean it's been a whole year since all this happened. A whole year of hell. A year since I put my beautiful Arendelle, my beautiful home, under an eternal winter, a freezing blanket of snow and ice. I did try to fix things, I really did, but it only made matters worse.
I'm such a fool,
I can't be free,
No escape from the storm inside me,
I can't control the curse!
There is so much fear...