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A Day In The Life
a severely retarded crackfic by dapplefoot
"Tinky-Winky!"
"Dipsy!"
"Laa-Laa!"
"HO!"
"CUT!"
An exasperated man ran onto the set. You know, the land of fluffy bunnies and that creepy sun.
"How many times do I have to tell you? You are PO, not HO." he cried, throwing a ragged script into the red teletubby's hands.
Po skimmed over it, carefully analyzing it...what deep literature...what subliminal, yet so effective, morals and values...the sheer brilliance brought tears to Po's eyes as she recognized the greatness that was her character.
"Po see no difference."
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"Time for Tubby-Toast!"
"Yeah, Tubby-Toast!"
"Hell yeah! Crank dat Tubby-Toast!"
Dipsy indeed cranked dat Tubby-Toast, sending little smiley-face pancake-things to every neat little plate. He hurriedly sat back down and picked up his own piece, carefully examining it.
"...What the hell is this, plastic?"
Laa-Laa leaned over to urgently whisper in his ear, "Just go along with it, Dipsy. We don't actually have to eat this crap, just...you know, nibble at it."
Dipsy snorted in indignation. "Why...? That shitty Tubby-Custard we sold to Burger King was a flop, so why do we need to keep this up, too?"
Laa-Laa shrugged, turning to innocently nibble at her 'toast'.
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"Time to dance!"
The rather flamboyant teletubby danced around in his beautiful, ever-so-sparkly pink ballet tutu as he happily waved his arms in the air.
"Tinky be soulja boy!"
Tinky-Winky immediately got funky with it.
"Tinky be emo rock boy with tight pants!"
Tinky-Winky began sobbing, something about his girlfriend telling him he wore more make-up than she did.
Dipsy raised an eyebrow as he walked through the doorway. "Dude...could you be any gayer?" He abruptly turned around and exited.
Tinky-Winky licked his lips as he watched him leave, hiking up his tutu. "Come to think of it..."
He rushed off in Dipsy's direction.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
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"Time to HOLD HANDS!"
"...Do we have to?"
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"Well hey there, little boy!"
Tinky-Winky grinned up at the man, who evidently bore gifts. A colorfully wrapped box laid in his arms.
"Eh-oh, nice man! Present for Tinky-Winky?"
The man grinned ear to ear. "Why, of course, young man! Enjoy your present!" He dumped the box into his arms and darted off. Tinky shrugged, but returned his attention to the box.
"Ooh, present! Present!" He hurriedly ripped off the paper, then opened the ratty cardboard box. Inside lay various types of bongs, a complementary bag of pot included.
"Ooh, neat! Tinky-Winky bet his friends will like this!"
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"Time for Tubby-Bye-Bye...Time for Tubby-Bye-Bye..."
"Noooo!" The teletubbies cried, their eyes unusually bright.
"Bye bye, Tinky-Winky!"
"Bye-Bye!" Tinky-Winky slurred, dipping back under the hill. Smoke rose from underneath it.
"Bye-Bye, Dipsy!"
"Bye-Bye!" Dipsy slunk back into the rabbit hole, coughing violently.
"Bye-Bye, Laa-Laa!"
"Bye-Bye!" She giggled uncontrollably, falling to the ground in a fit of hysterical tears.
"Bye-Bye, Po!"
"Bye-Bye!" Po lost her balance and slumped to the ground.
"The sun is setting in the sky...Teletubbies, say good-bye!"
One by one, the four teletubbies teetered into their house, giving a last good-bye to their young patrons.
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"Hey, guys, that was great, that ending!" The director nodded approvingly. "What made you actually want to follow the script this time?"
Tinky-Winky said nothing, but stripped naked and jumped onto his bed, throwing that sheet of aluminum foil he called a blanket over him.
Dipsy hadn't gotten over his coughing fit just yet. He hacked wildly, pounding at his chest until his little face turned blue. After a brief silence, he dropped into a snoring sleep.
"S-Se-Seee?" Laa-Laa laughed, slapping her knees. "Foo don't know how to take 'is we-weee-WEED!" She laughed and ran out, yelling something about a pony.
Po stayed silent, staring at the slightly unnerved director.
"Those cameras...turn them off."
"Wha-What are you DOING?!"
"Livin' up to my name, baby."