Style Empathy-a Mary Sue Story
A/N: A shameless parody of Mary-Sue, clichés, and the people who write them, with a certain twist.
It was the first day of September or whatever day school starts and Harry, Ron and Hermione had just entered a conveniently empty compartment, and were making themselves comfortable, ready to start their seventh year. Obviously, they had made a reservation, since celebrities like them could neither show up early-and miss the opportunity to make an entrance- or lower themselves to sitting with the mere mortals that were the rest of their Hogwarts classmates.
Hermione was straightening her hair, fixing her make-up, doing pilates and reading " Hogwarts:A History" for the gazzilionth time because that's what Hermione does, cuz she's like not a simple dork anymore, she's a totally HAWT dork ever since her American Cousin gave her a makeover.
Harry was sitting by the window, looking at the rain drops on the glass(again, very conveniently it had just started raining), thinking how they reminded him of teardrops, his own teardrops, those bits of liquid sorrow that kept emerging from his eyes, cause the author decided that emos are cool and everyone should be one-including Harry.
Ron was sitting opposite of Harry, stuffing food in his mouth and talking Quidditch. Cuz that's what Ron does. Period. Problem is, he didn't take the time to swallow before speaking which resulted in two things: one, Hermione had to rescue him from choking every five seconds with her awesome magical skills and a random spell called "Anti-Chokius" and two: Harry was covered in pieces of half-chewed food, to the point you couldn't tell if the things on his face were teardrops or bits of chicken.
And then it happened: the reason why the author took time to type the paragraphs up to here, showed up. The door opened and the air seemed to vibrate from the tension, as a girl walked in. That girl was slender but not skinny and with a luscious quality to her body, she was tall yet she look petite and fragile although there was an air of dominance about her, her magnificent blue-no wait, black, no wait..oh whatever, she had mood eyes!- eyes sparkling with the ghosts of her past-erm, that's what Harry's eyes do, but again, WHUTEVA I m writing the story and I m thirteen and wished I had a boyfriend to make out with and my like best friend just ditched me, so yeah-, err..where was I? Oh, yeah, and her hair was long and white blond, cascading down her back and around her alabaster shoulders which were showing from the neckline of her white linen dress, which was down to her feet, which feet were wrapped in a pair of brown sandals.
She walked in timidly, a pure image of err..purity, looking so pure and timid and innocent with her white blond hair and white linen dress, etc etc.
"Hello" she whispered timidly. "Can I sit with you?"
"Liek, sure, you can sit with us, you 're totally not dorky like the rest of our classmates that we don't allow to sit with us!" Hermione said.
Harry didn't say anything cuz he was being all emo about how the sunlight played on her blonde head and how sad it made him that something so pure was thrown in this world of darkness.
Ron didn't say anything because he was obviously drooling. He had even forgotten to continue chewing, and a still alive chicken with feathers and all was hanging from his mouth.
The girl was called Moonchild(for some reason this is a very common Sue name) Alvis Rwalliancika Yeltsina Sorrowa Urmihha Elferina, but she told them they could call her Dendroliban. And she had a tragic past, which took all of the trip to Hogwarts to tell. As she spoke of it, her hair changed to the deepest black, her eyes to a sorrowful grey, so transparent you could see her soul through it, and even her make-up changed: black eyeliner mysteriously appeared around her eyes to create a smoky effect. Nevertheless it was soon smudged by tears that were swelling from her pain-filled eyes, tears that got her black shirt with the stamp "I 'm a goth, piss off", and even her black hotpants and fishnet stockings wet.
By the time she finished Harry was in a crying fit, Hermione was being all sympathetic and understanding and Ron was still drooling cuz he had not heard a word from her story, being to busy staring at her ample bosom .(A/N:I just HAD to used that)
Then there was the feast, yada yada, she was sorted in Gryffindor and walked towards the Gryffindor table, looking striking in her red and gold gown, with matching gold and ruby earings. Everyone stared at her in awe etc etc.
That same night, Harry cornered Dendroliban in a..corner. For a moment he just stood admiring her hair which was now a flaming red, her intriguing green eyes and full lips. She looked so beautiful in her light blue pyjamas.
He poured his soul to her, and when he finished she leapt on him and started snogging his lips off, cuz guys who are not afraid to admit they 're sensitive are soooo hawt!
Harry quickly took off her short black satin nightgown and fucked her brains out. She had kept herself for him but she was great the whole thing cause she was a natural. They both finished 2222464646,8787 times before they went to their dormitories and fell exhausted on their beds, not really needing a shower, since she was a Mary Sue and he was a fanfiction Harry Potter.
A/N: Wtf?? What is wrong with this story..you ll soon find out in the next chapter. PLEASE review! Oh and as I think is obvious, I am in desperate need of a beta.