Title: Heaven and Hell
Synopsis: Even when everything turns out wrong and the world is against him, Kida will have Mikado to keep him going until tomorrow. Spoilers for episode 20!
Rating: T
A/N: I have no idea what names to use for anyone. It's so inconvenient being a stupid, ignorant American. Anyway, despite any of my name faux pas, I hope that you enjoy this.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Durarara!' because if I did, I would not let people ship Izaya and Shizou. Because it's obvious that Shizou wants Celty.
"I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living, so different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."
-'I Dreamed a Dream' from Les Miserables
Sometimes Kida wakes up screaming, not even realizing it until the people who live next to him start banging on the wall, telling him to shut up or they'll call the cops.
Other times he does not sleep at all; the nightmares begin with his eyes still open. And for hours he lies there, staring at the white walls of his bleak apartment, going over those terrible things in his mind over and over until he feels like he's insane and nothing matters anymore.
The computer dings, and there is a message from Mikado on it. He doesn't even have to look at the screen to know; the only person who messages him anymore is Mikado.
Mikado: Kida-kun, are you there?
The computer screen holds almost nothing for Kida, and yet it holds everything. He has no home, no family, and no friends. The only sanctuary he has is a friend who lives far away in a different, simpler world. Mikado does not know anything about the life that Kida truly lives; Mikado is Kida's only escape from the hell that he lives in.
Masaomi: Mikado~~! How have you been?
Every day he lies to his friend. Every day he tells him that things are okay and that he is happy as a clam. And every day Kida feels himself dying a little bit on the inside.
Mikado: You seem enthusiastic today, Kida-kun.
Masaomi: You know me, I'm always enthusiastic!
Her eyes would shine when he walked into the room. She would stand up and hug him and he would hold her and things were all right. Things were better than all right, they were great, fabulous, and wonderful. Each day was better than the last and it was almost like living a dream.
But then Kida remembers how those glittering eyes stayed closed in an industrial hospital room, and when they were open again, they may have hated him. Whatever she told anyone, he knows that she cannot forgive him. And if, by some chance, she were able to forgive him, he would never be able to forgive himself.
As he waits for Mikado to reply, he stares at the blank walls of his room, because that is better than staring at the images of hell that sat within his head at all times.
Mikado: You seem more so, today.
Kida typed with tears falling onto his keyboard.
Masaomi: Things couldn't possibly be better.
Mikado: I'm glad to hear that, Kida-kun. ^.^
This friend was all he had left in his dull, pathetic life. Was it wrong to keep him when he was so wrong and so bad? It was a sin to lie, it was a sin to lead Mikado on in thinking that he was just the same old Kida that he had been back when they had first known each other.
But.
Masaomi: You should come visit soon, Mikado.
Masaomi: And that smiley face makes you look kind of gay.
Even if her eyes no longer sparkled and even if Kida was the worst parasitic, pathetic person in the world, everyone deserved at least a little piece of happiness, didn't they? Even if that meant lying a little, he would keep this happiness and make it what keeps him moving. Without Mikado he had no hope, no love and nothing to propel him to live until tomorrow.
Without Mikado's attentions, Kida would probably be dead.
Mikado: I'll come as soon as I can. And there's nothing wrong with my emoticons!
Everything went to hell, but Mikado left a little bit of heaven for Kida to live in.
Fin