1How The Martians Got Their "Ack"!
PhantomOfThePunjab is here again, with a new Oneshot! I love this movie, so when I was watching it I randomly got this idea! Here we go! Read on, Earth-Monkeys!
Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Don't think I do. I do not have anything against Earth, Mars, Irk, or Lifesavers. This is all randomness that came out of my head. That is all...
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It was a normal day for the Martian Commander. He destroyed a few planets here and there and gained new knowledge about the universe. Sadly, none of this mattered to him. There was one thing that DID matter: Lifesavers! His scouts had brought them back from the next planet on their hit list- Earth.
"My goodness, old chap," the Commander exclaimed (in perfect English), "what are these delightful Candies?!" He looked at his crew, waiting for an answer.
"Uhhh...," one Martian started to say, clearly thinking hard, "Earth Candies?"
"OF COURSE THEY ARE!!" the leader shouted, angry for some random reason. He knew that they were candy, of course. He just said it three seconds ago.
"I wonder what these colorful things taste like, anyway," the Commander...wondered. He decided to pop one in his mouth to see. His eyes lit up. These things were actually TASTY! He wanted more and more. He eventually had stuffed all of the candy that the Martian scouts had stolen in his mouth (somehow...). As everyone knows, that led to choking. EXTREME CHOKING!
"Commander!" all of the Martians screamed in unison, "Are you alright?!" They waited for their Supreme Commander to say something anything. The Commander slowly recovered. Everything seemed alright. Except for one thing. The Martian Commander could not talk...
"Ack! Ackack! Ack!" He screeched to no avail. All he could say was that sound. The other Martians were confused. They had no idea what their mighty leader was saying. So they did the only logical thing.
"Ack! Ackack! Ack!" they all screeched, mimicking their Commander to a T. Their Commander slapped his brain.
'They don't understand,' he thought mournfully. Their great civilization would be ruined if they could not communicate.
"Ack! Ack! (At last! I've got it!)," the Commander shouted in joy! He looked around for paper. Finding none, he settled for chrome-colored toilet paper. He began to write out his note. It read:
Fellow Martians,
It appears that those stupid Earth Candies have gotten stuck in my throat. So, in other words, I cannot talk. Please do not be alarmed, for certainly these Earth Candies will become un-stuck soon. And, I can still breathe. I guess that is what those holes in the center are for. Please talk in English. The End.
Love, Your Commander
As he read over his note, he decided that 'Love' was not very Commander-ish. He promptly crossed it out. He held up his note so all of his crew could read it. No one did. They were too busy watching Earth get bigger and bigger. That infuriated the Commander.
"Ack ack ack! Ackackack! (Look over here! I command you!)," the Commander shouted to his faithful(?) crew. Then he got a horrible, twisted idea. Those Earth-Monkeys were going to pay for what they did to him (even though it was his own fault).
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Just outside Earth's atmosphere, the Martian Leader was ready for his big television debut. The Lifesavers were still lodged in his throat. He would have to rely on Sign Language to communicate to the Earth-Monkeys. Hopefully they were intelligent enough to understand him. As he turned the camera on, he made a large circle-y motion with his finger. Somewhere off in Kansas, a boy recognized this motion.
"Wow, he just made the International Sign of the Doughnut!" Richie Norris screamed excitedly as he intently watched his T.V.
No. He didn't. The Martian Commander was trying to make the International Sign of the Lifesaver. Duh. The Martians landed off somewhere in the Nevada desert to meet with the Earthlings personally. Their Commander stepped off the spaceship and walked down to where an Army General was waiting for him. As he tried to Sign out that he had a Lifesaver stuck in his throat, the Earthlings just sat there and stupidly stared at him. That REALLY ticked off the Commander. He decided that he had given these pathetic creatures enough of a chance. He pulled out his Proton Laser and fired at a random Dove.
"Ack! Ackackackack! Ackack! Ack! ( Ha! Fried chicken! I hate your soap, anyway! Die!)," he screamed at the poor, innocent bird. His Troops decided to follow suit. Soon, they were firing at anything that moved. The Earth-Monkeys stood no chance against the Martians. As the Martians slowly took over Earth, there was almost no opposition to their plot. All except for Zim, an Irken Invader, that is. He tried to turn the Martians into Tacos, but it didn't work. They turned into Bean Burritos, instead. Little did the Martians know, their plans would soon be foiled.
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Richie Norris, the same one in Kansas, was trying to out-run a large Martian Robot. He was on his way to pick up his Grandmother from her Nursing home. He hoped she was alright. When He got there, he was relived to find his Grandmother safe. At least, as safe as she could be with a huge Proton Cannon pointed at her head. As she turned around to say hello, the headphone jack fell out of the plug. Her Horrible Music quickly filled the room, causing the Martians' heads to explode. Richie noticed this and formulated a plan...
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The Martian Commander had just finished off the American President. He was getting ready to take over the planet completely. However, his plans were suddenly interrupted. Horrible Music was blaring out of every building. His head hurt, so bad that he just couldn't take it any more. His head exploded.
A single Lifesaver rolled out of his severed neck.
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As the deceased President's daughter placed a Medal of Honor around Richie's neck, he thought about the week's events. First, he and his Grandmother hijacked a major radio station. They played that Horrible Music. Then the other stations picked up the Horrible Music and played it too. The people blasted the Horrible Music and the Martians' heads exploded. He had saved the Earth!
Richie hoped that nothing like this would never happen again.
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Zim had just finished sending a package to the Almighty Tallest. It contained a variety of Earth Candies. He knew that the Tallest would want more and Earth's defenses were still weak while they were recovering. It was the PERFECT time for an Invasion!
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Well? Not my best work, (SUGARHIGH! (Read it! And review it!)), but still worth the effort. REVIEW! PLEASE! Or I will never reveal how to keep Earth safe from the Almighty Tallest! Ha ha ha!
Thank You For Reading!
PhantomOfThePunjab...
P.S.- The Tallest are not planning to attack Earth anytime soon, but you should still review. It makes Chibi Erik (my Muse) and myself very happy. I ACCEPT ANONYMOUS REVIEWS!
...That little REVIEW BUTTON is waiting...!