A/N: Okay, so I'm doing it again: I'm abandoning my other stories, but you have no idea how long and hard this plotbunny has been calling my name. So I decided to give it a shot, just to see how you would react.
Oh, and Jane and Lisbon have been on it for a few months prior to this story. Just saying.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Everything belongs to their respectful owners.
'I need you'
Jane sighed contently as he watched over the city. It seemed nobody was as happy as he was feeling right now. And, truth be told, he had never felt so happy either since his entire world had come crumbling down.
He knew they had to stop doing this. Not entirely stopping, that would mean his only beam of light would disappear. They had to stop being so secretive about it. He knew the purpose, he knew that it was meant for her to stay save. To not be hurt by Red John. But he couldn't stand it anymore.
He wanted to tell the world that Teresa Lisbon was his. Forever and ever.
As if she had heard him thinking about him – which was about always these days – she knocked on the door leading to his attic. He couldn't really see who was behind the door, but he knew it was Lisbon. It always was Lisbon.
He smiled. "Ye-e-es?"
The door opened and it did in fact show Lisbon.
"Well, hello there," Jane said, and walked over to Lisbon. She replied with a somewhat weak smile, which immediately let a lot of alarm bells ringing inside his head. There was something wrong.
"Nothing's wrong," Lisbon said, apparently suddenly having the ability to read his mind, and she sighed. She walked further into his attic, passing him, not giving him a look.
"It's just... I..." She was frantically searching for words and Jane knew it.
"Teresa-"
Lisbon cut him off by pulling him towards her and linking their lips. Jane immediately complied, like he always did – after all, he couldn't refuse anything she asked of him. It was like she had brainwashed him the moment they had confessed their feelings.
Lisbon pulled him with her towards the make-shift bed, and he immediately knew what she wanted. He was about to pull away, when she did.
"Please Patrick, I need this," she whispered, and her hands went to the buttons of his shirt. He knew in that moment that he was lost, and that whatever was bothering Lisbon wasn't going to stop them from doing this.
He made her step back the last few inches until the mattress hit the backs of her knees. She sank down and he was on her immediately, his fingers fumbling with the buttons of her blouse.
-YulianaHenderson-
The bed in the attic didn't provide that much space to lay on, especially not with two people, but neither of them had ever complained about being so close.
Jane looked down at Lisbon, who was making invisible circles on his chest. He sighed quietly, and then decided to confront her.
"What's bothering you, Teresa?"
"Nothing," she said, too quickly, and both of them almost came to believe the lie.
"Teresa," he said, this time a bit more insistent. She sighed, and cuddled herself into his side just a bit more.
"I'm scared," she whispered, almost inaudible.
And then, everything made sense to Jane.
Of course she was. He should've seen it already.
She was a cop, yes, but she was also a woman with feelings – feelings which he had tampered with way too much, leaving permanent damage. She was still a human, and being Red John's target made her super alert every minute of every day.
And of course she was scared. He couldn't blame her – he was scared as well.
"I won't let anything happen to you, Teresa," he whispered, and he could feel her swallowing.
"I know that. But you can't be sure of it."
"Of course I can."
"How?"
This made Jane pause. She was right. He couldn't be sure of his ability to keep her out of harm's way. He had told Angela and Charlotte that very same thing as well and everybody knew that that had failed miserably.
"I don't know," he whispered. She buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"We'll find something, Teresa. As long as we keep this a secret, you won't-"
"I don't want it to be a secret anymore, Patrick," she interrupted him, her voice still low, and Jane swallowed.
"Me neither. But you know that it's the best option for now."
They were silent again, and he took the moment to fondly run a hand up her spine to her neck and then back to the small of back.
It wasn't until he softly felt her body shaking that he realized she was crying.
His heart broke, and for the first time in years, he had no idea what to do, other than pull her closer and whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
Then, she pulled away. She wiped at her eyes, ridding them of her tears.
"I'm just tired of keeping us a secret. I don't want it to be a secret anymore, I love you," she said, her voice a bit shuddery but better than before. Jane nodded.
"I know, Teresa," he whispered, and pulled her to him again. She took in a deep breath, and wrapped her arms around him again. "I love you too."
Jane skillfully moved his legs so to move the thin sheets over their bodies.
Lisbon was already falling asleep anyways.
-YulianaHenderson-
When Jane awoke, Lisbon was gone.
He looked outside, and saw it was already light. He figured she must have dressed again and went downstairs.
He sighed, sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He ran a hand through his hair.
How was he going to take this worry away from her, while he was scared as hell too?
She was his only light in this world now, if Red John would take her away from him, he would surely lose his mind or kill himself. He wanted to keep her out of harm's way, but he knew that it was a fantasy. He knew it was not possible. Red John seemed to be everywhere, he knew everything, so it wouldn't even surprise Jane if Red John already knew.
He sighed again, and got up. That's when he spotted a letter placed on his desk.
He frowned, quickly put on his boxers and walked over to the letter.
He froze when he recognized the handwriting.
Dear Patrick,
I'm quite possibly the most selfish woman on this entire planet, but I can't live with it anymore.
I'm not killing myself, don't worry. I'm just... consider it leaving, for now. I need to get my thoughts straight and figured out. There is so much going on in my head, and I'm this close to breaking.
When you're reading this letter, I'm gone. Don't come looking for me, or ask the team where I am – they don't know either. Nobody knows where I am – and that's probably for the best since Red John won't know either where I am.
I'm not leaving because I don't love you, because you know I do. I won't ask you to keep waiting for me either. God only knows how long I will stay away – maybe for the rest of my life, which I don't hope – and I don't want you to stay alone forever.
I'm leaving because I'm scared. I'm such a coward, I know that, but I'm so scared. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life.
Please, Patrick, if I'm not coming back: move on. Find a woman to love and make her happy like you made me happy. I won't blame you – I only want you to be happy.
And catch Red John for me – hurt the son of a bitch.
I will always love you, don't forget that.
Teresa.
Jane stared at the letter for what seemed to be minutes, before the true meaning of the words on the paper dawned on him.
Lisbon was... gone? She just left?
He threw the letter on the desk, quickly put on his trousers and shirt, and ran downstairs.
The entire team was already present, installing themselves at their desks, ready for what they assumed to be a boring day.
Jane let out a frustrated sigh when he saw Lisbon was not in her office. Van Pelt was the first one to acknowledge him, and smiled at him.
"Morning, Jane. Have you seen Lisbon? She would be here most times when I arrive-"
"She's gone," Jane interrupted. Van Pelt frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"She's gone," he repeated. This earned him confused looks from the entire team. "She's not here anymore. She left."
A/N: I keep torturing Lisbon, I know. But I think this is more torturing Jane, and you'll find out why in future chaps - if you'll give me the chance to continue this story, of course.
Let me know if I should continue it!