These first four chapters are from another story I decided I was unhappy with. If you read 'Dethklok through a Klokateer's eyes,' then you will basically already have read these chapters. They just don't have Katrina in them. I am not going to try very hard to capture their unique ways of talking, because right now I am trying to get a feel for what they would say. You can just imagine how they would say it.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Metalocalypse.
It was a lazy day at Mordhaus, and Dethklok was relaxing in the hot tub. "Just think, a million dollars to do whatever the f(guitar riff) you want to." Nathan started. He had seen a special on T.V. about people who won the lottery, mostly because the remote was too far away to change the channel."You could buy whatever you want!" In his own special brand of excitement, he accidentaly dipped the beer bottle in his hand below "I know what I'd do, if I had a million bucksch." Murderface jumped right in as Nathan threw his bottle of water and beer across the room. He grabbed another beer from a wasted Pickles. "I would schtart my own band! I even know what I'd call it." Gesturing in front of him, as if he was seeing the name in lights, he declared, "Planet Pissch." He went all starry-eyed, but his fantasy was interrupted by Skwisgaar. "Pfft, thats is dildos." Before he could say anymore, Murderface erupted, "Oh yeah? Well, maybe I'll just go kill myschelf! Would that be dildosch?" He pulled his knife out of nowhere, and started stabbing the floor outside the hot tub. "Yous already ins a bands. Whys you wants be's in 'nuver bands?" Toki asked, confused. He looked at Skwisgaar for an explanation, who merely started plucking the strings of his guitar. "Well, if you're scho schmart, why don't you tell usch what you would do with a million bucksch!" Murderface yelled, angry that no one really cared about his idea. "I woulds buy a turtles." Toki stated very matter-of-factly. "Um, Toki, sorry to break it to you, but turtles are just not very metal." Nathan said after taking a deep swing from his beer. "They ares toos. Theys are the onlys animalas that carries theirs homes with thems wherevers theys goes. Theys moves so slows, theys easy preys. Theys evens bites ifs theys mads." Toki defended his would-be pets, and Nathan answered after a little consideration. "Whoa, I guess they are pretty brutal after all. Maybe I'll get one too…" He trailed off and pulled out his ever-present tape recorder. "Song idea, turtle bursts out of shell, massacres everyone…has machine gun," he mumbled into it. The other band members ignored him, and Pickles grew aware enough of his surroundings to say something. "Dood, are we talking about what we'd do with a million dollars? I know what I'd do! I'd tour the world!" Just as the other guys were going to shoot down this idea, he continued. "Yeah, dood, I would try the different boozes all over the world!" He downed a full beer in one breath, before passing out.
A Klokateer took out of the hot tub, and made sure he was still alive. The other members didn't react to this, seeing as how it was a daily occurrence, and continued talking. "Well, ifs I hads a millions dollar, I would buys a strip clubs, which hases the old ladies." He looked dreamily up, until he noticed Toki had dozed off next to him, and his head was sinking forward into the water. "Heys, Toki, wakings ups now, it is nots nightie-nightie time." He nudged the Norwegian, but he didnt move. "Well, if I had a million dollars, I would buy my own country." Nathan paused for a moment after saying this, to let it sink in. "I would call it Explosion Nation. I would be able to do whatever the f(guitar riff) I wanted in it, and I would place strip clubs, and bars, and casinos, and I wouldn't have to pay s(guitar riff). It would all be free, but only for me. Everyone else would have to pay. Even you ass(guitar riff)." After a few seconds of silence, the members agreed that is what they would want. "I would let beautiful ladiesch in for free, but only if they..." Murderface trailed off, making suggestive grunts. "Did me a favor." He explained, and Pickles started giggling. "I don't think they would want ta go in Murderface." He said, earning a grin from Nathan. "They might do it, just so he would leave them alone." He added, ganging up on his bassist. "Hey, f(guitar riff) you guys! I'm outta here." Murderface clambered out of the hot tub, and everyone averted their eyes as he did so. Nobody wanted to go to bed with that image in their head. Murderface stalked off, and Skwisgaar sighed. "I better gets little babie kiddies to beds toos, odderwise he mights drowns." He pulled off his guitar, setting it carefully on a black towel laid out just for that reason. After getting out himself, he snapped in Toki's ear. "Hey, hello, little babie kiddies, it is times to go to the hays, to hit the beds!" Even though he mixed up the phrases, Toki's head snapped up. "Huhs, whats?" He asked groggily, looking up at the wet guitarist. "Oh, Skwisgaar, I hads de dreamings about yous." Skwisgaar crossed his arms over his bare chest, smirking. "I donts cares if yous dreamimgs abouts mes, because I dont cares abouts yous. Now, off to bed, little babie kiddie." Nathan looked away from the squabbling guitarists, to see Pickles had sunk into the hot tub. He grabbed a handfull of bright red dreadlocks, yanking the drummer's head out of the water. "Hey, uh, Pickles, everyone is going to bed. I think maybe its time we left too." It sounded suggestive, but neither one of them noticed. Pickles mumbled something, and crawled out of the hot tub, staggering towards his room. Skwisgaar and Toki had reverted to their native languages, but as far as Nathan could tell, neither one of them were angry. As he was dragging his ass out of the tub, Skwisgaar sighed. "Fine, little Tokis." Was all he said, reaching a hand down to Toki. The brunette grabbed it, and Skwisgaar helped him out of the tub. Nathan thought it was a little creepy how the two didn't even seem unsettled, even though they were both naked. Pushing this from his mind, passing it off as some people weren't homophobic, he exited through one door while the other two left out of another door. Eventually, they all made it back to their own bedrooms.
Elsewhere, Charles Ofdensen watched several monitors with one eye. He was relaxing in his room, unable to fall asleep. He watched, somewhat amused, as the Klokateers cleaned up after the boys. He watched as a Klokateer tried to take the knife out of a sleeping Murderface's hand so he wouldn't hurt himself, and getting his hand cut off. He watched as another removed the empty beer bottles and other drug leftovers from Pickle's bed, and watched, maybe for a bit too long, as the drummer dozed. Next, he watched as a Klokateer turned off Nathan's tape recorder and set it next to his clothes for tomorrow. This was another moment when he watched slightly unprofessional. His attention was captured as Toki slipped into his own room, with a Klokateer following to turn on Toki's nightlight and tuck him in. On the next monitor, he watched as one Klokateer had to to ensure that Skwisgaar's room was cleared of any GMILFs, and that he was asleep. Curiously, he also showed up late to his bedroom, and took a shower before going to bed alone. Charles sighed, feeling content that, for right now, his boys were all safe and asleep. As he studied their sleeping forms, he felt a sense of pride that he managed to bring them all together, to form the most powerful group in the world. It wasn't long until sleep came to him too, and he switched off the monitors, falling back into his pillows.
There you have it. I am feeling much better about this right now. Please review so I know if you feel the same. :P