Gone Campin'

By Akari Van Halen

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: HA HA! You don't own the characters or the rights—wait. Neither do I. Darn.
And by the way, Rent does NOT stink on ice! AT ALL! So in other words, that's not my opinion.
Summary: The L&O characters go camping...

.......................................................

Jack, Lennie, Ed, Abbie, Adam, Serena, Mike and Anita arrived at the campground for a trip. Though it was a holiday weekend, they wondered why they were the only people there.

"Reminds you of Scooby-Doo, doesn't it?" asked Ed.

"We can certainly do without a Shaggy," said Abbie, nudging him in the ribs. He whispered a "shaggy" remark into her ear as she lapsed into a very vociferous fit of giggles.

Everyone else: [sweatdrop]

She stopped laughing, though everyone was still staring at her. They moved on towards the site.

"Hey, it's four," said Serena. "Why is it so dark already?"

Just then, the Beast came out, grabbed Serena, and ran away.

"What was that all about?" Lennie asked.

"Some random plot twist to get Serena out of the fic, I guess," Jack replied. "After all, this has to be a good fic."

"Shouldn't we do something?" asked Abbie.

"Hello! It's the Beast!" said Lennie. They stood in silence for ten whole seconds and then moved on again.

"Why are we here anyway?" Adam grumbled.

"Some teamwork crap they sent us on," Lennie replied.

Moments later, they found their site. They pitched their tents and settled in. Two hours later, they built a campfire and sat around it.

"I just hope no one brought a guitar," said Lennie.

"Oh—you mean, THIS?" said Jack, taking the guitar from his nearby tent. Everyone groaned.

"Marshmallows, anyone?" Abbie asked in hopes of redeeming herself for earlier.

"Of all the things to eat, why does it have to be sugar and gelatin rolled into cylinders?" Adam griped.

"It's one of the two only foods we brought," Abbie said, beginning to get angry for some reason. Everyone took a marshmallow and began roasting them. Adam's caught on fire, causing him to scream like a little girl as he stomped on it in an attempt to put out the one-inch fire. When the fire had been put out, everyone was staring at him, desperately trying to keep from laughing, but starting with Jack, one by one, everyone began laughing at him.

"Hey maestro," Lennie said to Jack. "While we're on the subject of 'dinner and a show', why don't you play us something?"

"Yeah!" Ed exclaimed. "Play something from Rent!"

"Hell no!" said Lennie. "That play stank on ice! How about something from The Fantasticks?"

"That's any better?"

"It takes time to understand it!"

"How about...Annie?" Abbie asked.

"NOO!!!" everyone cried.

"You know nothing about musicals, do you Abbie?" Ed asked her. Abbie gave him the "You're not getting any tonight" look. He turned away.

"Camelot!" said Anita.

"A Funny Thing Happened!" said Adam.

"Chicago!" said Mike.

"THAT'S DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE AND YOU KNOW IT, LOGAN!" Jack yelled. "No guitar! You've convinced me!"

Everyone else looked at each other, each with a devilish grin, even Adam, who was struggling to grin. After two hours and tips from an inbred crazy man who claimed to be Smokey the Bear (that later ran away), everyone grew tired. They said their goodnights and each went into their tents.

Later that night, Abbie and Ed were awakened by awkward noises coming from Lennie and Anita's shared tent.

"Ewww!!!" Abbie squealed. "The humanity!

"The positions!" Ed replied. Their eyes both widened.

"THE MENTAL PICTURE!!!" they screamed.

Akari, the great goddess of her fic universe, realized that this was NOT supposed to happen. She, reaching her hand from her fictional sky, turned over the tent, causing Anita and Lennie to fall out.

"You got some 'splaining to do," said Akari.

"Well...we were simply dressing for bed, and Anita fell on top of me; we weren't completely dressed—" Lennie began to say.

"So your LIPS broke her fall and coincidentally, both of you were naked. Is that correct?" Akari asked.

"Uh...yeah," he said. "Exactly what happened—"

"Even for a detective, you're a bad liar!"

"He didn't mean it!" Anita cried. "Praise Akari—"

"NOOOO!!!!" Akari screamed. "Whatever you do, PLEASE put some clothes on before you bow to me!

Taking her magic pencil, she drew pajamas on the two. "If I see you—" she said to Lennie and Anita— "or any of you—" she said to the rest—"doing anything to screw up my fic, BAM!" she said, zapping a tree, sending it into an infinite abyss. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Akari maniacally laughed into the night as she disappeared.

"WHY? WHY MUST YOU MAKE AKARI WANT TO SEND US TO OUR DOOM???WHYYYYY????" Mike cried.

"Must you always whine dramatically like that?" Ed asked.

"Akari made me," Mike replied.

"Damn straight," said a voice from above. Mike grinned.

"Well, lieu, Lennie, because of Akari's threat, we—" Ed said as he put his handcuffs on the two— "must ruin your mind with very bad mental pictures. I'll start." He walked over to Lennie.

"Bunnies," he said.

"NO! NOT THE BUNNIES! NOT THE BUNNIES! BUNNIES!!!" Lennie screamed in response, kicking as well. (reference to other fic Akari wrote)

"Your turn," Ed said to Mike. Mike put on a twisted devilish grin.

"Greevey. Speedo. Very small Speedo," said Mike to Anita. She froze.

"N--n--n--," was her reply.

"Your turn, Abbie," said Mike. Abbie walked over to Lennie with a deranged look on her face.

"Your predecessor, Cerreta, just called. He said he finished his bubble bath and is toweling off right now."

Lennie fainted.

"Stone and Robinette. Vibrating showerhead. Need I say more?" asked Adam to Anita.

Anita: [silence]

"Alright. I guess we're finished... since Lennie is officially a wreck and Anita's mind is now ruined. Good job, everyone!" said Ed. grins insanely

"Now let's get some sleep," said Adam.

"But what about them?" asked Abbie.

"They stay there 'til morning," Ed replied.

So they went off to bed, leaving Lennie and Anita tied to the tree. In that time afterward, some bunnies came along and surrounded said tree. Lennie recovered from the fainting and saw their cute little faces, ears and teeth.

"BUNNIES!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed.

The End—?