Shadowhunters || Balec || Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles – Being Alone Again || Balec || Shadowhunters

Title: Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles – Being Alone Again

Fandom: Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments

Disclaimer: All rights to the Shadowhunters show reserved to Ed Decter, the books the show is based off and its characters belong to Cassandra Clare. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Warnings: m/m, hurt/comfort, cuddles, fluff

Main Pairing: Bat/Alec

Side Pairing: Magnus/Jace

Shadowhunters Characters: Alexander Gideon 'Alec' Lightwood, Bartholomew 'Bat' Velasquez, Jonathan Christopher 'Jace' Wayland, Magnus Bane

Summary: Prompt: "I'm afraid to love you. I'm afraid that you'll leave and that I'll go back to being alone again. Only it will be a hundred times worse because I'll know what I'm missing." for Balec.

Bat and Alec haven't been dating long when Alec tries breaking up out of fear.

Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles

Being Alone Again

Bat frowned confused as he stared at his…

Ah. Right. Yeah, that was where the problem started. What exactly was Alec even? Aside from unfairly tall and unfairly handsome. But what was Alec even to him?

The two of them had met at a bookstore the other day. Bat had bumped into the tall man, which in itself was already ridiculous considering that Alec was way too tall to be overlooked. But Bat had. He had been distracted by a dog, which, really embarrassing. But ever since he became a werewolf, he had been more easily distracted by dogs? He tried to challenge them. It was so stupid and embarrassing. Also, he kept expecting to be able to understand them. Sadly, so far that part of being part-canine had not kicked in. Yet. Regardless of what Luke and Maia said, he remained hopeful.

So the handsome tower had come down hard after Bat had crashed into him. Bat had profoundly apologized and helped tall, dark and handsome to gather his books up. Just to realize that the other had weird reading taste. All that magic stuff and weird stuff that looked unreal.

What had really caught Bat's attention however had been the weird Z on the other man's neck (Bat had been staring intensely at the tempting neck). It was definitely one of the weird symbols on Simon's girlfriend. So Bat, having exactly zero tact, blurted out that the other was a Shadowhunter.

Alec had clasped a hand over Bat's mouth and glared in a way that made Bat feel kinda aroused and intimidated at the same time (really weird and confusing combination... Bat had started calling it the Alec Effect after a couple of times). Alec had continued glaring at him as he dragged Bat into a corner of the bookstore and chided him. Alec introduced himself as Alexander Lightwood, head of the Institute, and he scolded Bat for being so bad with keeping this on the down-low. Bat told Alec about being a werewolf from Luke's pack and in the end, Bat managed to use the puppy-dog eyes to convince Alec to get a coffee, because Bat really wanted to talk to a non-werewolf and non-Simon about the Downworld. The non-Simon part had gotten him the semi-date in the end.

Surprisingly enough, both of them had a lot of fun together, talked animatedly. Apparently, as Bat was about to learn later, Alec mostly just had his siblings to talk to.

They exchanged numbers and met again. And again. And again.

Then they started also professionally interacting because Bat forced himself onto Luke and Simon whenever the two went to help the Institute. Mixed teams, working together to kick Circle butt.

Leader Alec was really ridiculously hot.

They went out again. As an official date. And again. And again.

Bat liked to think of Alec as his boyfriend, but apparently, Alec didn't. Because what Alec had just said to Bat made absolutely no sense. At least not if they were on the same page feelings-wise.

"I'm afraid to love you. I'm afraid that you'll leave and that I'll go back to being alone again. Only it will be a hundred times worse because I'll know what I'm missing."

"What does that even mean?", asked Bat after a very long beat.

"It means-", started Alec just to falter when Bat snorted.

"No, that was a rhetoric question, Lightwood", grunted Bat with a glare. "I know what it means. It means that you're still not over your first love and your first date being together."

Alec gritted his teeth. "This has nothing to do with Jace and Magnus."

Bat raised both his eyebrows in disbelief at that. "Su—ure. You suddenly being afraid that I'm gonna leave has nothing to do with the guy you were in love with for years getting together with a warlock, who oh-so happened to flirt with you first just to give up because you weren't out of the closet anymore and Magnus only keeps a scary amount of clothes in his closets and no boyfriends."

"It's been months since the two started dating. I came out weeks ago. It's not about them", growled Alec defensively, glaring at Bat.

Bat continued to look unimpressed. "I got the invitation to their New Year's Party too, Alec. Their. They're doing this as a couple. And now you-"

"It's not about them! It's about you! All you!", exclaimed Alec, clearly frustrated. "Because I think I might love you, but I'm scared of that, okay? Jace got the bonus of being a Herondale and having the Inquisitor backing him up on his relationship with a male Downworlder, but me… I… Can I be the head of the Institute and be gay? Will being with you distract me too much from my duty…?"

"What?", asked Bat confused, tilting his head.

"Not that long ago, I lost my parabatai. He died and I felt it", whispered Alec lowly, averting his gaze to stare out of the window. "You got… hurt, during the last mission. And I said screw it to all protocol and when you laid there… all still… I…" Alec's voice shook. "I remember the look on Magnus' face when I told him that Jace died and it broke something inside of him, something that Jace is still working on repairing. I… I think that… that you make me feel that way. That losing you might break something inside of me that I will never be able to repair again."

"Alec…", started Bat softly, reaching out for his boyfriend - yes, definitely boyfriend.

"I don't… I'm…", started Alec once more. "I have never been this happy. You make me happy, Bat. Being with you, talking with you… When… When you sneak into the Institute and I fall asleep with my own oversized, fluffy pillow? I don't even know if I can… if I can anymore, without you. It's stupid, ridiculously stupid, but when you were in the infirmary because of the injury, my bed was so large and empty and uncomfortable that I worked through the entire night to distract me. And you and I, we haven't been together that long yet. I don't know if I am already truly in love with you, but I'm afraid of just how much it's going to hurt when I actually get there."

Bat sighed and grabbed Alec's hand, interlacing their fingers. "Well, sucks for you because I am not going anywhere. You, I care about you so much. I like curling around you too and you give the best belly-rubs so that alone, totally a reason I can't let you go like that."

Alec didn't react vocally, but he did stare at their joined hands.

Bat smiled weakly. "Don't isolate yourself out of fear again, Alec. You don't deserve that. You deserve the world. You do so much, you sacrifice so much for everyone. You deserve to be happy too. And if I can make you happy, then I want to. Please. Don't deny this to either of us."

Alec opened his mouth to protest, but Bat was using the puppy-eyes. "We… I mean… we could…"

A bright smile lit up Bat's face as he leaned over the table to kiss Alec, earning him the most endearing blush possible. The two of them relaxed and finished their coffees to leave together.

"So", started Bat teasingly. "In the end, it was about Magnus and Jace after all and their epic Downworlder-Shadowhunter romance. Pf. You know what, our epic Downworlder-Shadowhunter romance is totally going to out-romance theirs."

"…Please spend more time with non-Simon people", requested Alec fondly as he leaned down to kiss Bat's temple, the werewolf gladly nuzzling into him.

/A Couple Weeks Later\

Alec was trying to do paperwork. Emphasis on 'trying', because it wasn't working. Frowning, he adjusted his reading-glasses – they were new and Isabelle assured him that they were directly related to people staring at him though he didn't quite know why.

"Stop nudging my ankle with your cold snout."

His werewolf-boyfriend under his desk whined and offered him the pleading-puppy eyes that were second only to Alec's parabatai. Eyes softening, Alec leaned down to pat his head gently.

"I'm nearly done and we can go to bed, Bat."

Fifteen minutes later and Alec had given up on doing paperwork because of the full weight of 200 pounds of fluffy wolf who had decided to gracelessly stretch out on Alec's desk. On top of Alec's paperwork. Very effectively stopping him from working. With a frustrated groan, he leaned forward and buried his face in the soft fur of Bat's underbelly.

"Okay, I give up. Let's go to bed and call it a day."

Bat whined very pleased, nudging the side of Alec's head with his snout and grinning at him as smugly as a wolf physically could. After all, Bat knew exactly what to do to make Alec actually stop working whenever his archer promised 'just five more minutes'.

/break\

Bat patted after his boyfriend into the spacious, luxurious bedroom of one of the two heads of the Institute. Co-leading with his parabatai, both Alec and Jace had gotten quite the room-upgrades. There was even a fire-place. Bat enjoyed curling together in front of said fire-place.

By the time Bat turned back to his human form, his Shadowhunter was already face-first on the bed, unmoving. Snorting fondly, Bat walked up to Alec and carefully rolled the archer over onto his back. Alec grumbled sleepily while Bat removed the reading glasses from Alec's face.

"Just lay down with me", requested Alec.

"I'm not letting you sleep in your combat boots and jeans", snorted Bat.

Slowly, he untied Alec's boots and pulled them off before also peeling the jeans off, revealing the long legs of his tall boyfriend. Discarding both, Bat stripped down to his boxers and then collapsed next to his lover. Alec curled together against Bat, wrapping his arms and legs around the werewolf.

"I'm sorry", sighed Alec, snuggling some closer.

"What for?", asked Bat confused.

"You came here with Magnus. And Magnus got to instantly take his Shadowhunter home with him. You spent three more hours waiting in my office with me and now I'm too exhausted to even do anything with you", muttered Alec frustrated.

"Jace is a slacker", grinned Bat teasingly while tracing Alec's runes. "Sure, he's your co-head, but I know you do most of the paperwork because he's more… field than office. So you have a lot of things to do. You're a super important, super busy boss-man. And I'm very proud of my super important, super busy boss-man boyfriend. I knew you take your responsibilities seriously when we got together, so I'm not going to fault you. Besides, I still got my cuddles so I'm fine."

Alec snorted before burying his face in Bat's neck. "…I love you."

Bat smiled pleased as he grabbed the blanket from the foot-end of the bed and wrapped it around them both, pressing a gentle kiss against Alec's temple.

Alec was asleep within moments and not even five minutes later did the door open and a certain blonde slip into the bedroom. Bat wasn't bothered by it; he knew Jace could feel when his parabatai fell asleep and finally let go of all the tenseness. Jace often came to visit when Alec was asleep.

"Against my warlock's protests, I'll take the early morning meetings tomorrow, so Alec can sleep in. Go and take him out for breakfast - he hasn't eaten a warm meal in two days because he's been burying himself in his work while you were on your pack-run", informed Jace.

Bat grinned at him. He really liked Jace by now. Yes, in the beginning Bat had been very jealous, knowing he had been Alec's first love. Jace also worried a lot about Alec and he made sure to tell Bat important stuff like this, when Bat didn't notice. Bat had been on a pack-run with the others over the weekend and he had been really happy when Magnus Bane welcomed them to talk Downworlder business with Luke and had afterward offered Bat to bring him to the Institute. Portals were handy. And while Magnus had instantly been able to lure Jace out of the large office, Bat had been content turning into a wolf and soaking up all the warmth and attention of his mate. Because while Alec thought he didn't spend enough time with Bat, he didn't realize that just being close to Alec and having Alec run his fingers through Bat's fur was already enough.

"Thanks, Jace", whispered Bat. "I'll take care of my Alec."

Jace snorted amused, but he nodded, because he knew Bat was telling the truth. Bat knew Jace hated early mornings, but still whenever Alec pulled a half-nighter, Jace would usually volunteer to get up early and handle the early meetings and get things started before Alec came in.

"Bartholomew", stated a sharp voice as the bedroom door opened again.

The sharpness however was not aimed at Bat, because Magnus was staring displeased at Jace. Jace blinked as he turned to look at the warlock, knowing exactly that Magnus meant him.

"Let me guess: Your puppy ran away and you came to get him back?", offered Bat cheerfully, amusement in his eyes as he looked at the couple.

"Exactly", grunted Magnus as he just walked straight up to Jace and picked him up bridal-style, carefully cradling him against Magnus' chest. "One day, I will be forced to get you a collar to remind you that you're not a stray anymore who can just wander off."

"I didn't wander off-", protested Jace flustered.

"You sure as hell weren't in bed anymore when I came out of the bathroom to have my wicked ways with you", countered Magnus unimpressed. "Good night, Bat. Do make sure that Alexander gets more than coffee for breakfast and that he gets a good night's sleep."

"Night, Magnus, Jace! Have… fun", called Bat with a teasing grin.

Jace flushed darker as Magnus carried him out of the room, the door magically closing behind the warlock. Bat settled in deeper in his bed, pulling Alec closer. The still sleeping archer - and really, sleeping through all of that only confirmed that Alec really needed to rest. Stupid workaholic Shadowhunter. Well, now Bat was back from his trip and he was going to make sure Alec took better care of himself. And if not, then Bat was going to take good care of Alec for him.

/break\

Alec frowned when he woke up to cold sheets. Alone. Just like the past two days. He sighed frustrated. Somehow, he had hoped to wake up with his boyfriend, not for Bat to leave again.

"Morning, sleepy head. I went and got us breakfast", whispered Bat as he snuck back into the room.

A fond smile found its way onto Alec's lips as he watched his werewolf walk over to the bed. Bat sat down next to Alec and kissed him softly while placing the tray between them. Perfect morning.

~*~ The End ~*~

Author's note: Oooh. Shiny, new pairing. Test-drive. The original prompt was born out of a "Heeey, Phoe, I wanna see you write something drunk!" and then I ended up piecing it together with two other scenes I wrote separated from this.

And while this too is a tumblr drabble (come visit me for more prompts and maybe leaving one yourself when I post my next prompt-list! takaraphoenix), I figured shiny, new pairing deserved to be posted separately. ;)