Some people say that watching your loved ones get hurt is the hardest thing, but they never became the cause of the pain.

Alex popped in another painkiller and swallowed. She knew that she needed to stop but why? These were only thing keeping all the pain away. "Alex we need you in operations right away," she heard Nikita say from her earpiece.

Alex closed the bottle she didn't have time to put it anywhere else so she just shoved it in her pocket. She started to head to communications, but started to get a little drowsy. Her vission was starting to get blurry. She leaned on the wall and shook her head. She couldn't believe that it had come to this, but it didn't matter she needed them more than anything right now. With no Sean, no mother, and being wanted by the Russians; she needed some way to forget all about it.

When she got to communications Nikita, Michael, Owen, Fletcher, and Birkoff were talking about the new mission. "We found Amanda", Nikita told Alex, "she's hiding out in a mansion in Berlin, Germany. We're going to head out there and take her out". Nikita briefed everyone on the mission, the mansions blueprints, and each of their assignments. "This might be our only time we have the element of surprise, we cannot let this slip through our fingers.

They all suited up. While Nikita and Michael prepared their firearms, Alex slipped another pill and put the bottle in her bag. She went to prepare her electronic 9mm Birkoff prepared for her, when her eyes started to get blurry again. She felt a little faint. Nikita looked over, "Are you okay?" she asked Alex

"I'm Fine".

"Are you sure you're going to be able to go on this mission".

"Nothing is going to stop me from putting a bullet in the back of Amanda's head", Alex said.

Nikita saw the rage in Alex's eyes. It reminded her of before when nothing meant more to her then putting a bullet in Percy's head. Alex almost fainted and fell back onto a chair. Her vision was fading and she began to sweat. She was starting to lose feeling in her feet. Nikita was trying to help her, "Alex I think you should stay here for this mission".

Alex slapped her hand away. "NO! You're not going to keep me off this mission. I have just as much right to be on this mission as you do"!

"You need to stay here. You can barely stand. Stay here, we don't have time to argue. While were gone let the doctors see what's going on with you".

Alex said nothing and walked away. She knew there was no point in arguing with Nikita. Once Nikita had her mind set there was no way anyone was going to change it, everyone did say Alex was the next Nikita, so nothing was going to change her mind on going on this mission.

As the team began to board the jet that would take them to Berlin, Alex snuck on the jet and hid behind some crates. The jet began to take off, "Wait, Alex isn't her yet," said Owen.

"She's staying behind."

Owen was confused. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah... She's just fine."

Owen could tell she was lying. For some strange reason he began to worry. He didn't like knowing that something might be wrong with Alex. "Once we land I need you to take Alex's job" she explained to Owen.

"Yeah I got it".

The plane landed and the mission began. Alex peaked out from behind the crates and saw everyone run off the jet. Now was her time to act. She got up and snuck off the plane. She saw Nikita and the group was trying to sneak into the mansion, so she snuck to the other side of the mansion. She saw a camera and shot it with a bugged bullet. Birkoff designed it to hack into the security system once shot into a camera. She saw what every camera saw, so she was able to maneuver through the mansion without being seen by the security.

Once she got inside she saw Nikita was just in the next room. She got worried. What would Nikita do if she found out she was here to. All of a sudden she saw a guard about to walk into the room Nikita was in. Alex knew this was her chance to get ahead of Nikita. While Nikita was taking out the guard Alex snuck past and headed to the elevator for the basement. She saw some guards rush out of the elevator. She hid and waited for them to pass. He knew that if they were in hurry that meant they knew Nikita was here. As the elevator was closing Alex hurried in. She pressed the button to bring the elevator to the lowest level. She was shaking again she knew she shouldn't take another pill but she needed it. So she took another one. As she swallowed it, she only had one left. At that point she could tell she was almost as bad as she was before.

She arrived at the lowest level. She had her gun ready and was prepared for the worst. She went through the house shooting at every guard that came her way. She arrived at what she was sure was the room Amanda was in. She prepared herself for whatever Amanda might do to trick her.

Alex slammed the door open "Amanda!"

"Hello Alex," Amanda sat there at her desk, as proper as she always is.

"It's time you paid for everything you've done".

"I don't think so Alex. You see, you're probably using an electronic weapon. This room emits an electric current that cancels any electric weapons".

Alex tried to fire her gun but nothing happened. She started to get worried, but she knew she didn't need a weapon to take out Amanda. Alex threw down the gun. She ran towards Amanda and tried to punch her but Amanda just dodged it like it was nothing. Amanda punched Alex in the face. "I thought Michael taught you better."

This just Alex even more enraged. Alex kicked Amanda as hard as she could, but it was nothing for Amanda. Alex was starting to feel faint again. She fell to her knees. Her body was beginning to shake. She took the pills out of her bag with the little strength she had. "What's this," Amanda took the bottle, "I knew with Nikita doing her goodie goodie act you would eventually fall off the wagon. But if you suffering caused Nikita to suffer then who would am I to deny that".

Amanda tossed the bottle on the floor in front of Alex. Crawled to the bottle and took the last two pills with her hands shaking. She took a deep breath and her body began to calm down. "I'm surprised you didn't notice, I guess I shouldn't be considering you're a druggy again."

"Notice what" Alex questioned.

"You took an extra pill."

Alex started to worry what was going to happen to her if the pills didn't mix well

"Don't worry it wasn't a drug. It was much worse it's a small capsule filled with poison. By now it's attached itself to your stomachs wall. It will only go off if I simply press this button." She showed a small switch.

"Go ahead, there's no way I would ever help you. I'd rather die right here."

"O I know. But your life isn't the only one on the line."

Alex was confused. Amanda walked over to her desk and made a huge screen behind her turn on. Alex's heart dropped. She didn't know what to do. The screen showed Sean, how could she fight against her if she would kill the only man that loved the real her. "You would be suspired how off guard he is at some points," Amanda gloated. "So are you going to do what I say or watch the one you love die".