WOOHOO FOR CRACKFICS.

-o-o-o-

"Hi," said Jak to his penis. It said, "*SQUIRT*" back. "Hmmm," Jak hummed to his hand. "You would love to jerk, wouldn't you?" He moaned Daxter's name repeatedly. He thought about asking Daxter to marry him, but there could only be two bushes in a relationship as Keira once said.

This wasn't going very badly. Like Samos usually retorted, "BAH." Jak had wet himself thinking about the joys of being gay. He zipped down his zipper to release his penis so he could enjoy his time better. Soon, Daxter would arrive and Keira would film everything. Samos was stuck up.

After a long time, Jak had a boner again. Soon, Keira asked him if he would like to be friends. Jak denied her angrily. He only wanted to be a pimp so that Keira would fuck him. However, Daxter soon came to his house and saw them screwing. He cursed them eternally with his powerful penis. They were terrified of his penis. It was pronged and spiky, but it looked like it was yummy.

Daxter dominated Keira, but Jak dominated Daxter. Keira was enjoying not being killed by penises. Jak decided to try out something he had not heard of before. He thought about trying to do Samos. Keira was mortified, to say the least. Eventually, Jak saw the green sage in the store. He looked at him and cried.

The rest of the day, Samos sobbed like a rock. He was upset that Jak wouldn't do him. Keira was happy and Daxter was uncaring. Before lunch began, Ashelin and Torn came up to them and asked to have a threesome. They were extremely excited.

That night, Torn showed his giant fingernail. It was very blue and green. It also scared everyone and that was when they brought pickles to cure boredom. The best remedy for sex is bananas, because they are smelly and nasty. Pickles were no better, but they were like heaven to the Satan.

Daxter seemed pregnant and Jak was horrified. Keira asked Torn, "How does that happen?" He replied, "How can I help?" Keira shouted, "YOU CAN!"

Samos argued with the dumb stick, "You are worthless and annoying." It didn't sob like a rock. However, it did cry like a bitch. Samos moaned and cried because he couldn't break it. Jak knew that it would affect the situation if the stick continued to bother Samos. Daxter thought about destroying it with his armpit, but the pit was too weak to withstand the stick.

Ashelin pulled Sig from his hellhole and fuckd his bear. Poor little thing; it didn't cry, but it did try to kill her. Sig cried but Ashelin told him about how the stick destroyed Daxter's knee since Samos wouldn't run away. Sig gasped and decided to help Jak masturbate.

Jak didn't fight him but Sig saw through the thin stick. He was planning to eat the stick, but in Heaven, sticks were considered angels. How could he destroy the branch without harming its babies? He was ugly.

Torn died then Ashelin screwed Daxter while Sig fuckd Torn's mouth even wider than it would normally allow. Jak watched miserably, but enjoyed fapping to the necrophilia that was happening. Torn's dead fingernail remained solid, but it was scary to kill. That was when Sig happened to show his ginormous toenail. It looked lustfully at Torn's fingernail and the two decided to die together. Ashelin cried and Jak shaved her butt to remove her moles. The fish in the moon came to the beach and saw the situation. The leader of the stick also saw the situation. They united their power and devised a plan to color Jak's coloring book.

Little did they know, Jak had no coloring book! Instead, he had a bowl of poop that stank like eggs. He watched as the army of fish and sticks formed an armada of tanks in the sky. He helplessly hoped for Tess to save him and his shoulder from the looming death in the sky. Tess knew about Sig, but his toenail ceased to bring happiness to her or Krew so she remodeled the toenail into a weapon of mass destruction. The weapon was forged from penises of past lovers and fuck. It resembled a bee.

Keira saw Daxter and Sig and Jak peeing on the carcass of Torn and sticks. One day, a boy named Jak came back to kill the Jak. Jak was Jak, but also Jak. Damas longed to touch penis, but his son was not a homo penis yet. Tess had no feelings for Damas or Jak or Sig or Keira or Torn or Ashelin or Naughty Dog or Samos or Krew or Jinx or vagina or wallets or purses or anything but guns. So she then delivered the weapon of mass destruction to Torn and he gratefully revived, just in time to eat and poop out the death of piss.

The weapon killed Keira and it also killed the army of sticks and fish in the sky. Torn looked worried about Keira, but he noticed a disturbance in the force. Jak came to Torn's side and fuckd him silly. Keira's father died in her arms also. He was revived too because he is still dead. Daxter ate Keira out while Samos died again. Sig cried for the millionth of December because Piccolo ran away. Soon Ashelin rejoiced when Torn lived again. However, Torn sobbed like a rock.

THE END.

Shrek heard knocking at the door and slammed the diary shut. Fiona's father walked in and asked what was wrong.

Shrek replied, "I was just reading…a scary book."