Frankie, A Dozen Short Stories

Table of Contents

1. The Runaway

2. Thankful

3. The Rat

4. The Bunny Trail

5. Mommy's Day

6. A Whale of a Tale

7. Halloween

8. The Gift

9. Protective Services

10. The Slaughterhouse of Love

11. Born Bad

12. Meet Loaf

Disclosure:

I am using JE's wonderful characters for fun, not profit. Frankie is my own invention.

Acknowledgements:

As always thank you to Maggie, my peerless content and copy editor.

To Bonnie, thank you for providing the central idea for and for acting as subject matter expert on A Whale of a Tale.

The Runaway

Frankie Manoso, just age three, packed up his favorite blankie, the one his Uncle Cal made for him, and Belfry, his Batman Teddy bear, and announced to his Mother that he was running away from home. It wasn't his fault. She was being mean.

oOoOoOo

Earlier that Day.

Stephanie Plum Manoso, Frankie's mom, was getting ready to go to shopping with her friends Lula and Connie, but she couldn't find her favorite pair of red shoes. She looked everywhere. She looked in her bedroom closet, in the hall closet, under the bed and in the bathroom. She walked around the seventh floor apartment of the Rangeman building that she shared with her husband and son, looking for her shoes but couldn't find them. She went into her son's bedroom and looked for her shoes there.

Frankie, who was playing with his set of jumbo legos, patiently watched his mom rummage around his room. "Mommy, what ya doin'?"

"Looking for my shoes."

Frankie giggled, "Mommy, you shoes not here."

Stephanie walked over to her son and placed a kiss on his nose. "I know, but I can't find my red shoes, so I'm looking everywhere."

"You red shoes! I find." Frankie took his Mother's hand and walked her to the kitchen and pointed to the dishwasher.

Frankie proudly said, "I putted you shoes here."

"Why would you do that?" asked Stephanie.

Frankie smiled. "They were sooo dirty."

Stephanie grimaced. He was right; she wore her red shoes a few days ago. She got caught in a sprinkler when she and Frankie going home from a play date at the park in Hamilton Township with her sister Valerie and her youngest daughter, Lisa. They had to walk through a long stretch of grounds to get to the parking lot. By the time they got to their car, her shoes were muddy. She remembered taking off her shoes and putting them in the trunk to dry and telling Frankie that her shoes were so dirty and that they would need to be cleaned.

When they got back to the apartment, Stephanie put her muddy shoes in the foyer. Frankie must have taken them from the foyer and put them in the dishwasher. He liked being helpful. Stephanie also remembered that she had run the dishwasher before she went to bed last night and as usual, she hadn't really looked inside before she filled the soap dispenser and turned it on.

Stephanie gingerly opened the dishwasher and found her red shoes. She pulled the shoes out of the dishwasher and inspected them. They were unwearable. She looked at her son and sighed. She hated to scold him, but she felt she needed to. Stephanie held up her ruined shoes in front of her son. "Francis Albert Plum Manoso, we don't put shoes in the dishwasher. We put dishes in the dishwasher."

"And glasses," added Frankie.

"And glasses, and pots and pans, but not shoes. Not shoes." Stephanie sighed. "You have a time out mister."

"No!" shrieked Frankie.

"Yes!" said Stephanie.

"No!" countered Frankie, "I was helpin'."

She took her son by the hand, sat him on the couch and made him endure a three-minute time out. After an eternity, the time out was finally over. Stephanie went to give her son a hug, but he didn't want one. Instead, he climbed off the couch, went into his bedroom and gathered up his favorite blanket and Belfry. Frankie walked into the living room; arms loaded with blanket and bear, and announced, "I'm runnin' 'way."

"Oh," said Stephanie evenly.

"You missed me bad."

"Are you really running away?" asked Stephanie.

Frankie nodded. "Uh huh!"

"Where you going?"

"Rangeman."

Frankie took his possessions to the front door of the apartment. He tried to open the door, but he struggled with his bundle and he couldn't quite reach the doorknob.

Stephanie walked up behind him and smiled. "Are you leaving?"

"Yep." Frankie said as he continued to strain to reach the doorknob. He looked over his shoulder at his mother and said, "I need help."

Stephanie opened the door and Frankie stomped out to the hallway. He looked at the elevator and frowned. Stephanie could see that the call buttons were too high, so she rang for the elevator. When the elevator arrived, Stephanie helped Frankie into the elevator and pressed the button, so he could run away to Rangeman on the fifth floor. Frankie refused Stephanie when she tried to give him a kiss good-bye, so she gave her boy a finger wave as the elevator doors closed. As soon as the doors kissed each other, Stephanie raced back into the apartment and dialed her husband's office.

"Yo," said Ranger.

Stephanie panted, "Go to the elevator and get Frankie."

"What?"

"He just ran away from home and he's going to Rangeman," explained Stephanie.

Ranger disconnected the call and walked from his office to the elevator. The doors yawned opened and he saw his son standing on the elevator holding his favorite blanket and Belfry. Ranger grinned. "Hey, Big Guy."

"Hi, Daddy."

"Come to work with me?" Ranger took Belfry and the blanket from his son's arms and helped him out of the elevator.

Frankie shook his head. "I runned 'way. Mommy's mean."

"Mommy's not mean."

"Is too," Frankie insisted.

"Mommy was mean?" asked Ranger.

"It's not my fault," said an exasperated Frankie.

Ranger gathered up his son in his arms, along with his blanket and bear, and took him to his office. Frankie told him about the shoes and how mean Mommy was. Ranger listened to Frankie's tale of woe and then called his wife. "Babe. I have the runaway," said Ranger

"Good. Is he okay?"

Ranger glanced at Frankie. "He seems fine."

"Ask him if he's coming home."

Ranger looked directly at Frank and asked, "Did you run away forever?"

Frankie rolled his eyes and then patiently explained, "I runned 'way 'til dinner."

Thankful

Frankie Manoso, age three, bounded up the walk to his Grandma Plum's house. It was Thanksgiving. He was looking forward to hanging out with his Grandpa Frank, and seeing his cousins, especially Lisa who was just three months older than Frankie.

oOoOoOo

Frankie spent the morning at his Tia Ella's apartment on the sixth floor of the Rangeman building. Frankie and his parents lived on the seventh floor.

He ate a breakfast of pancakes and bacon with Tio Louis and his adopted big boy cousins, Juan and Miguel, Ella and Louis' sons. He boxed with Juan and Miguel. And they watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade together. Frankie was impressed with it all, the balloons, the bands and especially Santa Claus.

"Lookit Tia Ella, lookit, it's Santy Claws," Frankie said excitedly.

"That's not Santa Claus, that's the Easter Bunny," Miguel teased.

Frankie giggled, "That's not the Easter Boonie. That's Santy Claws."

"Are you sure?" asked Juan.

Ella chided her sons. "Miguel and Juan, stop being so bad."

Frankie decided to help Tia Ella discipline his cousins. "Yeah! Stop bein' bad boys."

Ella smiled at Frankie. "Of course, that's Santa Claus."

"See," Frankie beamed, "it's Santy Claws. Tia Ella said so."

"Frankie, is Santa coming to visit you?" asked Miguel.

"Yep!"

Tio Louis put a stern look on his face and asked, "Have you been a good boy, Frankie? Santa only comes to visit good boys and girls."

Frankie nodded his head. "I'm a good boy."

Ella retorted, "Of course, he's been a good boy, Louis." Then she looked at Frankie and said, "You've been the best boy."

"Tia Ella, is Santy comin' to visit Miguel and Juan?"

"I don't know."

"Is that 'cause they be bad boys?"

"Maybe. Maybe, if they're good until Christmas, Santa might come and visit them."

Frankie shook a pointed finger at Miguel and Juan. "You gotta be good or Santy won't visit you."

The doorbell rang. Frankie ran to the door in front of Tio Louis, calling out "Who there?"

Ranger, Frankie's father, was at the other side of the door. He had come to collect his son to take him to his maternal grandparents for dinner. Frankie thanked his Tia Ella for breakfast. He and Ranger each gave Ella a kiss on the cheek and waved good-bye to Louis, Miguel and Juan. Frankie wished them all a Happy Tanksgibin'.

oOoOoOo

Helen Plum and her mother, Edna Mazur, as was their habit when they expected company, stood at the front door. Helen opened the door when she saw her only grandson hurry up the walk. Frankie hugged his Grandma Plum and Grandma Mazur and said, "Happy Tanksgibin'". Frankie ran to the living room singing out, "Happy Tanksgibin' Grampa".

Stephanie and Ranger, Frankie's parents, sighed as they greeted the family. They expected that their son would be in high spirits for the next month.

Helen Plum, whose orderliness was legendary, had a few inviolate rules. The house had to be tidy, whites had to be pre-soaked and holiday dinners were served exactly at two. Stephanie and her family arrived at one thirty. When they arrived, the table was set and the meal was in the final stages of preparation.

Ranger trailed his son into the living room to watch whatever game was on television. Stephanie followed her mother and grandmother into the kitchen.

Stephanie noticed that her sister, Valerie hadn't arrived. She asked, "Where's Valerie, Albert and the girls?

"I'm not sure," said Helen. "I'm sure they're on their way. It's not like Valerie to be late."

Stephanie looked at Grandma Mazur and rolled her eyes. "No Mom, it's not like Valerie to be late."

Grandma Mazur agreed. "Valerie's never late. She's known for her promptness."

"That's right. Valerie has always been known for her promptness."

Grandma Mazur whispered to Stephanie, "Except for her wedding to Albert. She was so late she missed the whole thing."

Stephanie smiled at Grandma Mazur and gently elbowed her.

Helen was busying herself with putting the finishing touches on the table and checking on the side dishes. She handed Stephanie a tray of her special holiday hors d'oeuvres, celery stalks filled with cream cheese, and sent Stephanie and Grandma Mazur to the living room.

She overheard her grandson ask about the celery. Helen then heard Frankie say, "I like this stuff, Mommy." Helen smiled. Frankie was just like his mother in his love for food.

Helen had put the turkey on the cutting board to set and was putting the roasting pan on the stovetop, when the telephone rang. Helen put the roaster on the burners, and wiped her hands on her apron. She picked up the receiver from the telephone and said, "Hello and Happy Thanksgiving."

"Mom."

"Valerie? Where are you? You should be here already."

"I know, Mom. Lisa was sick yesterday. I was hoping she'd be better, but she isn't. And now Angie and Mary Alice aren't feeling well. I think it might be the flu."

"Oh," Helen deadpanned.

"Albert's not looking good either," said Valerie.

Helen had to bite her tongue to keep from saying, Albert never looks good. But she didn't. Not every woman had a man as handsome as Frank. Stephanie did. Ranger was handsome in a Cuban way, but Frank, her Frank, was handsome in a hot Italian way.

"Mom?"

"Oh. Sorry. Yes Valerie."

"Since the girls are sick, we're going to stay home. Sorry to call you at the eleventh hour, but I was hoping that the girls would feel better."

"Valerie these things happen. Do you need anything?"

"No, we're fine. But-"

"I know," Helen said crisply, "we'll miss you too. Take care."

Helen slammed the handset onto its cradle. She went to the cupboard, found her contraband Jack Daniels behind the bottle of olive oil and took a swig directly from the bottle. She shuddered as the fiery liquid slid down her throat. She waited a few seconds and took another swig. Helen recapped the bottle and put it back in its place in the cabinet. Helen righted herself and went to the living room. "I just talked to Valerie. The girls have the flu so they're not coming."

"Not coming?" said Stephanie.

Frankie went up to his Mother and insistently pulled on her pant leg. "Who not comin'?"

"Aunt Valerie, Uncle Albert, Angie, Mary Alice and Lisa."

"Lisa Schmisa's not comin'?"

Helen said, "No. Lisa Schmi- . . . I mean Lisa, Angie and Mary Alice are sick."

"Phooey!" said Frankie as he stomped his foot.

All of the adults looked at Frankie.

"Phooey?" asked Grandma Mazur

"It's his new favorite word," replied Stephanie, "courtesy of Uncle Lester."

"Well ain't that something," said Grandma Mazur. "Phooey. Yep, phooey!"

Helen summoned Stephanie to help her redo the table since it was set for eleven and only six would be at dinner. They cleared the table, folded back the starched cloth, pulled out the extension leaves and laid the table. Once the table was ready for the second time, Helen went into the kitchen to check on the meal.

oOoOoOo

Frank Plum looked at his wristwatch. It was nearly two o'clock and he was ready for Thanksgiving dinner. There was a drumstick with his name on it. When Helen didn't call everyone to the table at exactly two, he was perplexed. He looked at his namesake who was sitting on the living room playing with a Tonka truck.

"Frankie, are you hungry?"

"I'm hungry Grampa. You hungry?"

"I am. I wonder where dinner is?"

"Me too," said Frankie.

Ranger watched and grinned.

"Frankie, should we find out where dinner is?"

Frankie nodded.

Frank motioned to his grandson to come near. He looked around the room furtively, then whispered, "Frankie, do you want to be a spy?"

"A spy!"

"Sure." Frank Plum looked around the room again and then saying quietly to Frankie, "Why don't you go see Grandma in the kitchen and ask her when we're going to eat. Then come back and tell Grandpa what Grandma says. Okay?"

"'kay."

Frankie toddled off to the kitchen. Ranger stared at his father-in-law and shook his head.

"What? I'm just teaching our boy to gather intel."

Ranger gave a knowing wink to his father-in-law and said, "Right".

oOoOoOo

When Frankie went into the kitchen, he saw his Grandma standing at the stove. He stood next to her and inhaled the aroma of the meal she was preparing. Frankie tugged at his Grandmother's skirt. "Gramma, I'm sooo hungry."

Helen Plum bent over so that she was eye to eye with her grandson. "You are?"

Frankie nodded his head. "Grampa's hungry too."

Helen looked at the clock and realized that it was past two o'clock. She looked around the kitchen. The food was still in pots and pans. Nothing was in serving plates and dishes. Helen sighed, assessed the situation and started giving Stephanie and her mother instructions.

Stephanie looked around and asked her mother about the gravy boat, since she couldn't find it. Thanksgiving is not really Thanksgiving without turkey and mashed potatoes smothered in gravy. Helen Plum directed her daughter to look in the cabinet above the refrigerator and then gasped. Oh, for heaven's sake! She hadn't made the gravy.

Helen took a second to calm herself. She looked at her grandson and said, "We'll eat when the gravy's ready".

Frankie eagerly went back to the living room to pass along his grandma's message.

oOoOoOo

Helen put a saucepan over a burner and carefully transferred the pan drippings and juices from the roasting pan. She ignited the burner to a low flame. Helen spooned a bit of the juices into a jar and added a small amount of flour. She put the lid on the jar and shook it until it turned into a slurry.

Helen added the slurry to the saucepan and stirred. She stirred and stirred, but the juices did not thicken. It's well-known kitchen lore, that a watched pot doesn't boil and that gravy thickens at its own pace. Such was the case today.

After a while, Frankie was dispatched to the kitchen again to do more spying. Helen realized that her husband was sending their grandson to check on the readiness of the meal. She instructed her grandson, "Tell Grandpa that we will eat when the gravy is ready and not one second sooner".

Frankie scurried off to deliver his latest bit of intel to his Grandpa.

Helen returned to her task and continued stirring. Finally, the drippings and juices turned into gravy. By the time, the food was on the table it was two fifteen. A disaster. Helen went to cupboard again and took another rather long slurp from the bottle of Jack.

oOoOoOo

The family assembled around the table. Frank and Helen Plum sat at the heads of the table. Frankie sat at his Grandpa's right side.

It was a Thanksgiving tradition in the Plum family, that grace was said and that each person at the table told what they were thankful for before they ate.

As was usual Frank said grace and was the first to offer what he was thankful for. Usually he said that he was thankful for his family and this year was no different. Then Helen, Grandma Mazur, Stephanie and Ranger recited their reasons for being thankful.

Finally, it was Frankie's turn. He waited a beat.

The family looked at him.

With a broad smile on his face, Frankie announced, "I'm tankful for the gravy".

The Rat

Stephanie looked at her only child, Francis Albert Plum Manoso, age three, and wondered what in the Sam Hill was up with him. He had been acting . . . what? She wasn't sure how to label it.

First, there was the issue with the clothes. All of a sudden, he wanted orange tops and socks. He said that orange was his favorite-ist color ever. This from a kid who had been saying since he could talk that red was his favorite-ist color ever. Suddenly orange was the happiest color and red was, well, red was discarded like an old girlfriend.

He begged that he had to have some orange clothes. The way that he acted, it was as if it was going to be the end of the world if he didn't have some orange stuff to wear. So, Stephanie took him shopping. Considering that it was December and they lived in Trenton, New Jersey, it was not easy finding orange clothes. After going through every kids' clothing store and department in Quaker Bridge Mall, they finally found some orange tops, a sweater and socks at Lord and Taylor's. He was so excited. Since he looked too cute in orange, she, of course, bought the stuff. Stephanie did draw the line at buying him a neon orange parka, but buckled and got him an orange scarf and mittens. Frankie seemed happy with his new stuff and wore something orange every day since. He was happy in the happiest color.

Next, he started talking funny. When he'd give her a kiss, he'd say there – that'll hold you 'til Sunday, then giggle. When they finished reading his bedtime story, he'd say, Endsville. And when he thought something was good, like the peanut butter and olive sandwich that she made him for lunch, he'd say, "Ring-a-ding-ding" instead of his usual, "Thank you, Mommy. This is the bestus sammich ever." Stephanie thought, what the fuck, but then didn't worry too much about it, since these phrases sounded adorable coming from his three-year old mouth. But the question was, where did he learn this stuff?

The capper happened when he came back from a play date with his cousin Lisa. Stephanie was fixing Frankie a snack and asked if he was thirsty. When he said yes, she brought him a bottle of water. He looked at her and said "Mommy, I'm thirsty, not dirty."

She looked at him in total astonishment. He liked water. He preferred water. When she asked him what he wanted to drink, Frankie said, "Two fingers gingy ale on rocks."

When she gave him his drink, he toasted her by saying, "Here's to the confoosion of our en-mees!" and drank the ginger ale in one gulp.

He handed her his empty sippy cup and said, "Hit me again, Mommy."

It wasn't until after she handed him his second drink that it occurred to her that her darling baby had just asked for a cocktail and she had served it to him, twice.

Who in the hell taught him this? Normally she would suspect Lester, her husband's cousin and employee, since he liked to teach Frankie how to be hip, in a badass sort of way. But Lester barely drank a beer a week, so he wouldn't have taught Frankie about "two fingers gingy ale on rocks", right? She needed help. She needed to talk to her Mom.

oOoOoOo

A few days later, Stephanie took Frankie over to her parents for lunch. As usual, her Mom, Helen Plum, was at the front door to greet them when they arrived. When Frankie took off his jacket revealing his new orange sweater, her Mom said, "Dig that sweater, Baby Blue Eyes." Frankie smiled.

Dig that sweater, Baby Blue Eyes? Her very prim Mother said, Dig that sweater, Baby Blue Eyes. Stephanie looked around. She was in her parents' home. Or was she? Maybe she and Frankie had been magically teleported to a parallel universe when they walked through the front door.

Helen picked up Frankie to give him a hug. She set him on her hip and he gave her a kiss on the cheek with sound effects. Helen looked at her only grandson and tapped his nose with her forefinger. "What did the Chairman of the Board always say?"

"Orange is the happiest color," Frankie and Helen said in unison.

"Are you thirsty?" ask Helen.

Frankie nodded. "Uh huh."

"Do you want a drink before lunch?"

Frankie nodded his head again.

"Do you want the usual?

Frank said, "Yep, two fingers gingy ale on rocks," as he held up his first two fingers.

"Frankie, go ask Grandpa if he wants the usual too?"

She put Frankie down and he scooted off to find his Grandpa Frank. Stephanie was even more amazed when her Mother asked if Stephanie would like to join them in a mid-day libation. The walked from the hall to the kitchen to make a round of the usual.

While Helen was making the cocktails, Stephanie asked, "Mom, what are you doing giving my son cocktails?"

"Stephanie, really. It's just the usual. Two fingers of ginger ale on the rocks."

"He asked for the usual at home yesterday."

"What did you do?"

"I made him one, actually two, because after he chugged the first one he said, 'Hit me again, Mommy', so I did."

"Good girl. But we need to talk to Frankie. He's supposed to sip the usual not chug it."

"Oh my God. When did you start serving my son the usual?"

"About a week ago. When your Dad's Rat Pack invited him to Frank Sinatra's birthday party."

"Daddy has a Rat Pack?"

"Of course your Father has a Rat Pack."

Stephanie shook her head in confusion. "Daddy has a Rat Pack?"

"Sure, it's the guys he plays cards with at the club."

"And how does Frankie know the Rat Pack?"

"Stephanie, surely your Father told you that he takes Frankie to the club with him sometimes."

"Yes?"

"Anywho, the guys have taken a liking to Frankie. They call him Baby Blue Eyes. They've been teaching him all about Old Blue Eyes."

"Frank Sinatra?"

Helen nodded. "Who else? The original Francis Albert."

"But Sinatra is so adult and Frankie's a baby."

"The guys are all fathers. Some are grandfathers. They water it down for Frankie. Really, Stephanie, if your father and I thought the Pack was a bad influence on our boy; your father wouldn't take him to the club, let alone to Frank Sinatra's birthday party."

Stephanie was taken aback. She leaned against a cabinet. "Oh my God, what is Ranger going to say?"

"Stephanie, Ranger's a good sport. He'll see it for what it is: good clean fun."

Stephanie was now convinced she was in not only a parallel universe, but in an alternate one. First, under normal conditions her Mother would never call Ranger a good sport. Second, even though Stephanie loved Ranger with an all-consuming passion, she'd never call him a good sport. Third, Ranger was only a good sport when everything was done his way.

Stephanie mentally closed her eyes, clicked her heels and repeated, "There's no place like home", three times. But it didn't work. She was still in a world, where her Mother said things like, "Dig that sweater, Baby Blue Eyes" and "Ranger's a good sport" and served her son two fingers of ginger ale on the rocks.

"Mom, may I have a double?"

"Only if you sip it."

oOoOoOo

Stephanie and Frankie spent the afternoon with her parents. She wanted to leave after lunch to go catch an FTA or two, but she was having such a good time with Frankie and her folks. It was all Sinatra this and all Frank that.

Her dad and Frankie were doing their homework for the big day, December twelfth. And her mother . . . her mother was an able and willing participant in this madness. They had watched On the Town, Anchors Aweigh and Robin and the Seven Hoods in the past week and were planning to watch Ocean's Eleven before the party.

They had rounds of the usual and toasted to the confusion of our enemies.

They crooned along to her dad's master mix of his favorite Sinatra tunes. Frankie really murdered the lyrics when he sang along. She had to hold back her giggles when he sang, Stranglers in the night instead of Strangers in the night.

Frankie even danced with his grandma, when her favorite song, Polka Dots and Moonbeams, was playing. It was kind of cute to see her mom holding Frankie on her hip, slow dancing with him. She even dipped him a few times, which he loved. It was good clean fun . . . Jersey style.

They had a round for the road and in a toast declared, "Don't get even, get mad!"

On their way out, Frank handed his grandson a CD and said, "Now you can swing it at home." He had burnt a disc of his favorite Frank tunes for Frankie.

Frankie hugged his grandfather and said, "You cool cat, Grampa."

After they spent the afternoon with her parents, Stephanie and Frankie went to Rangeman to pick up Ranger for dinner. They were going to Shorty's, Ranger's favorite pizza place. Frankie was equal opportunity eater when it came to pizza. If they went to Shorty's, then that was his favorite. When they went to Pino's, Stephanie's favorite pizza joint, it was Frankie's favorite, too.

They arrived at Rangeman early so that they could visit with the Merry Men, Ranger's employees. Or as Frankie called them, his Merry Uncles. They stopped in Ranger's office first to say hi and shed their outerwear. He was having a busy day and it was going to take him longer than he expected before he could leave. He suggested that they have something to drink and a snack. A snack in Ranger's world meant a piece of fruit. A snack in Stephanie and Frankie's world meant cookies.

Ranger looked at Frankie and asked, "Thirsty, Big Guy?"

When Frankie nodded, Ranger picked up his son and they walked with Stephanie to the break room. Ranger sat Frankie on the counter and pulled out three bottles of water from the refrigerator.

Frankie shook his head. "Daddy, I'm thirsty. I want the usual."

Stephanie just stood by and waited for the scenario to unfurl. She couldn't wait to see Ranger's reactions.

"The usual?" Ranger asked.

"Yeah, Daddy, the usual."

"The usual?"

Frankie sighed and held up his first two fingers. "You know, two fingers gingy ale on rocks."

Ranger shot Stephanie a look. She shrugged her shoulders and mouthed, "Your son."

"No ginger ale. Water."

"Phooey. Okay. Water on rocks."

"No rocks.

"Daddy, what kinda joint you runnin'?" asked Frankie.

Ranger worked hard to maintain a blank face. His mouth twitched a bit. "The type of joint that serves bottled water."

Frankie rolled his eyes and reluctantly accepted the bottle of water that his father handed him. Ranger looked at his wife, gave her the very slightest of grins and said, "Babe."

Dinner proved to be equally amusing, at least for Stephanie. While they were waiting for their pizza, double cheese and pepperoni for Frankie and his Mom, veggie for Ranger, they talked about the holiday season.

Ranger said, "I think we should go to the city on the twelfth and see the decorations and visit Santa."

"December twelve?" asked Frankie.

"Right."

"No can do, Daddio."

"What?"

It's Frank Snotra's birthday. I'm gonna hang with the rats.

Ranger looked at Stephanie. "Babe."

Stephanie smiled back at her husband. "It's true. The twelfth is Frank Sinatra's birthday and Frankie's invited to a party."

oOoOoOo

For the days leading up to the party, it was Sinatra this and Frank that at the Manoso household, too. Frankie asked to have his special Sinatra CD played repeatedly so he could swing it and sing along. Now that Stephanie understood what was going on, she found this phase adorable. Even Ranger seemed to enjoy it. Ranger really liked it when Frankie sang, Stranglers in the night and wouldn't let Stephanie correct him.

The day before the party, Frankie insisted that he and his Mom get his clothes ready. He was going to wear his orange sweater, of course, and a white shirt. When Stephanie suggested Frankie wear a pair of brown cords, she was not prepared for the lecture her toddler gave her. She was told that you don't wear brown to a party, EVER. He asked to wear his navy blue twill pants. They put the clothes on the bed to look at the outfit and Frankie gave his approval . . . almost.

"What's wrong? Isn't this what you wanted?" asked Stephanie.

Frankie pinched the leg of his pants. "My pants don't cut paper."

"Uh?"

"My pants don't cut paper," said Frankie. He pinched the leg of his pants again.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

Frankie rolled his eyes and sighed. "Gramma knows."

Stephanie picked up the telephone and called her Mom. She learned that Old Blue Eyes was a natty dresser and very well groomed. He was known for wearing pants with razor sharp creases. Creases so sharp they could cut paper. Her Mom thought about telling Stephanie how to iron Frankie's pants to get sharp creases, but knew that she was clueless. Helen told her daughter to have Ranger iron Frankie's pants. Ranger had been in the military. He would know how to press a pair of pants to pass inspection.

When Ranger came home that evening, he ironed his son's shirt and pants and shined his shoes. When he presented the shoes and pants to Frankie, he approved the shoes, but not the pants.

Frankie pinched the crease that Ranger had so carefully put in the pants. "It doesn't cut paper?"

"What?"

"My pants don't cut paper."

"I don't understand."

"Call Gramma," offered Frankie.

Ranger called his mother-in-law and learned what Stephanie had been told. He searched the apartment for spray starch, but they didn't have any. He called Ella, Rangeman's housekeeper, but she did have any spray starch either. So Ranger, put on his coat and went to the store to buy spray starch. When he returned, he pressed Frankie's pants and got his son's approval.

Ranger was pleased that Frankie was paying attention to details at a young age. He thought that it would make his boy a good soldier, no officer, no general someday.

oOoOoOo

It was nearly four when Frank Plum rang his daughter's doorbell.

The party was at Pino's and started at one, right after the lunch rush. Some of the Pack members were getting of an age where they didn't like to drive at night. Pino, himself, was part of the pack and the party was always at his restaurant. He played Sinatra on the sound system and Frank's movies on the television.

After they ate lunch, the Pack drank a toast in memory of Old Blue Eyes, the Chairman of the Board. The birthday cake was from Tasty Pastry and it was decorated with orange and white frosting. "Happy Birthday Francis Albert" was written on the cake in icing that was the same color as his famous eyes. Since this was Frankie's first time at the party, the Pack insisted that Baby Blue Eyes blow out the candle. Then they made him an official member of the Pack with a certificate and many hugs and pats on the back. The rest of the afternoon was spent singing songs, telling tales and playing Pin the Hi Ball glass on Dean Martin.

Frank was carrying Frankie who was sound asleep. When Stephanie opened the door, he asked her to get some packages out of his Buick.

On her way out, she noticed the pleasant aroma of lavender, bergamot and rosemary. Stephanie sniffed the air again and noticed that the scent was coming from her father and son. "You smell good."

"Agua Lavanda. Sinatra's favorite," answered Frank.

Stephanie sniffed the air again. "I like it."

Frankie opened his eyes and said, "Mommy, I'm a rat," and went back to sleep.

Stephanie looked at her dad and said, "What?"

"I'll tell you after I put him down."

Frank walked down the center corridor of Stephanie's home and turned left into the library. He put his grandson on the couch, took off his coat and shoes and covered him with an afghan. Frank went to the kitchen where Stephanie was waiting for him with the packages. He took off his coat, put it on the back of one of the chairs and sat.

"What's in the bags?" asked Stephanie.

"There's some leftover birthday cake in the big bag."

"For me?"

"For you . . . and Frankie. He's the only one that I know who likes birthday cake as much as you."

Stephanie took a white box out of the bag and opened it. There were four big pieces of cake; each was slathered with white and orange icing. Stephanie scooped up some icing with her finger and put the dollop in her mouth. "Tasty Pastry. The best."

"That's what Frankie said."

"What's in the other bag?

Frank motioned to Stephanie to open it. She opened the bag and pulled out the framed certificate. It read: On this day, December twelve, Francis Albert Plum Manoso is conferred the status of Official Member of the Chambersburg Rat Pack. Stephanie looked at the certificate and then held it to her chest. "Was he pleased?"

Frank smiled. "I think so. He smiled enough. He's the third Francis Albert in the Pack."

"Beside you, who's the other Francis Albert?"

"Frank Rossetti."

"Dr. Rossetti's brother? Trenton's singing plumber?"

"The one and the same."

"Mom still gets dewy eyed when tells how he sang New York, New York to her and Grandma when he installed the water heater."

"That Frank. He's been known to make a woman swoon while he croons and unclogs a drain."

"He's a good plumber."

"And plumbing's been good to him. It helped him send his brother and son to medical school," said Frank.

"Is his son an obstetrician and gynecologist too?" chuckled Stephanie.

"He is. You could say that that whole family is in plumbing."

"Daddy!"

"What? You're a grown woman. You had a child."

"But I'm still your daughter."

"You are. You're the daughter that gave me my wonderful grandson."

"So he had a good time?"

Frank pulled his digital camera out of his coat pocket and showed Stephanie pictures of Frankie at the party.

"He did," said Frank. "Put it on your calendar. Next year for Sinatra's birthday, the Pack is going to Hoboken and then to Patsy's in the city for Frank's favorite meal."

The Bunny Trail

It was the week before Easter and Frankie Manoso, age three, was sitting at the dinner table with his parents, Stephanie and Ranger. He was carefully twisting a few strands of spaghetti around his fork like Grandpa Frank taught him. The fork looked like a skein of yarn was wound around it. He put the ball of pasta in his mouth and slurped the straggling strands. Frankie thought spaghetti was as tasty as sandwiches made with extra crunchy peanut butter and grape jelly. He looked at his mom and said, "I lub ahsketti."

Frankie noticed that his father wasn't eating spaghetti. "Daddy, whatcha eatin'?"

Ranger smiled at his son. He usually ate grilled chicken or seafood with vegetables, while his wife and son ate things like spaghetti. He did make exceptions to his dietary rules for his mother-in-law's pot roast and anything that his Abuela Ana made.

"I'm having grilled chicken with broccoli and carrots."

"Broclee? I like broclee?"

"Yes."

"I do?"

"You ate some at Rangeman yesterday."

"I did?"

"It was on the veggie tray that Tia Ella made."

Ranger speared a tiny floret on to his fork and held it out for his son.

Frankie leaned forward and stared at the floret; then he pulled it off the fork and popped it in his mouth. He chewed. He made a disapproving face then spit the half-chewed broccoli into his hand. Frankie coughed. "Yucky! I no like today, Daddy." Frankie held out his hand, not knowing what to do with the icky goo.

Stephanie, who expected this, came over with damp paper towels to remove the offensive green matter. She said to Frankie, "Mommy thinks broccoli's yucky, too."

She made Frankie take a drink of water and had him eat a big bite of spaghetti to make the bad taste go away.

Ranger shook his head imperceptibly. He and Stephanie were not allies in the war to get Frankie to eat vegetables.

Once the drama of the broccoli was over and Frankie had gone back to twirling his spaghetti, Ranger looked at his wife and said, "Now?"

She nodded and said, "Now."

"Big Guy, We have a surprise for you."

Frankie stopped in mid twirl and looked up at his parents.

"A surprise! For me! Tell me, Daddy! Tell me!"

Ranger looked at Stephanie. "Babe. Should we tell him now or make him wait?"

"Now, Daddy. Pull-ease!"

"I don't know," said Stephanie. "He doesn't seem excited. Maybe we should wait."

Frankie got off his chair and scrambled over to his mother. He climbed onto her lap and held her face between his hands. "Pull-ease, Mommy. I'm cited." He gave her his biggest hug.

"Oh, okay." Stephanie winked at Ranger. "I think Frankie wants to know what the surprise is."

Ranger looked at his boy. "Do you really want to know?"

Frankie nodded his head vigorously.

"We're going to Miami for Easter."

Stephanie and Ranger looked at Frankie and waited. They expected to hear him shriek with delight. He loved going to Miami to see his big sister, Julie, and Abuela Ana and her friend, Irv Saperstein. But he looked dismayed, no, he looked downright worried, very worried.

"We're goin' to Your Ami?'

"Yes, we're going to Miami," said Ranger.

"For Easter?"

Stephanie said, "For Easter to see Julie and Abuela Ana and Abuelo Irv."

Ranger winced, well, what passed as a wince for him. To the rest of the known world, it looked like Ranger closed his eyes a millimeter. Ranger liked Irv a lot. Hell, he even loved him. And he was glad that he and his grandmother found each other. But Abuelo Irv? Really?

"Oh no!" said Frankie.

"Oh no?" asked Ranger.

"The Easter Boonie won't find me if I'm not home!"

oOoOoOo

The next few days were gloomy at the Manoso household. Frankie was genuinely worried that the Easter Bunny wouldn't know where to deliver his goodies because he wouldn't be at home. Stephanie tried to convince her youngster that the Easter Bunny would know that Frankie was in Miami and would bring his goodies there, but he wasn't convinced. Ranger told Frankie the same thing, but, again, he still wasn't convinced.

Frankie was relentless with his questions. He wanted to know how Mommy and Daddy knew that the Easter Bunny would find him in Daddy's Ami. They couldn't find an answer that satisfied. Ranger was ready to tell Frankie that the Easter Bunny didn't exist and to be a soldier and suck it up. Stephanie quashed that. She wasn't ready to let go of the Easter Bunny for Frankie. And to tell the truth, Ranger wasn't ready to let go of the Easter Bunny either. He liked some of the candy the Easter Bunny brought, especially dark chocolate eggs filled with coconut.

The day before the Manosos went to Miami, Stephanie took Frankie to visit her parents. Grandma and grandpa listened carefully to Frankie's concerns. They crossed their hearts and promised to tell the Easter Bunny that Frankie was in Miami. But again, Frankie just wasn't sure that the Easter Bunny would get the message.

After visiting his grandparents, Stephanie took her son to her workplace, Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, to visit his Aunt Connie and Auntie Lula. Frankie walked into Vinnie's with a pout that bordered on a frown. Usually when Frankie visited, he bounded into the office and gave hugs and kisses to his Aunts, but not today.

Lula took one look at her favorite hunk-in-progress and tsked. "My, my, Handsome Boy, what's the matter?"

"We're going to Daddy's Ami for Easter."

Stephanie mouthed to Lula, "Miami".

"You're going to Miami?"

"It's your Ami too?"

Lula worked very hard not to say damn skippy. "Uh huh. And what's wrong with going to Miami?"

"The Easter Boonie won't find me."

Connie said, "That is a problem."

Lula asked, "Did you tell the Easter Bunny that you're going to Miami?"

Frankie shook his head.

"I am so glad that you came to see your Auntie Lula, because I'm gonna help you."

"You are?"

"Sure. Auntie Lula and the Easter Bunny are friends. I'm gonna call him up right now and tell him that you're going to be in Miami for Easter. And then I'm going to ask him to deliver your goodies when he hops to Miami. Ok?"

Frankie smiled, the first smile he had in days, and nodded.

Lula walked to the file cabinet where she kept her purse. She opened a drawer and removed a purse as large as Rhode Island and put it on Connie's desk. She rummaged around and pulled her cell phone and address book out of the bag. She looked through her book, flipping back and forth through the pages. She stopped at one page and said, "There is it."

"What is?" asked Frankie.

"The Easter Bunny's cell phone number."

Lula brought her address book over to Frankie and pointed at the number. Frankie was in awe. She pretended to memorize the number and then pushed buttons on her cell phone. She was just calling her voice mail, but the little one didn't know that.

Lula then proceeded to have a conversation with the Easter Bunny. She said yes, uh huh and you don't say. Then she told her voice mail that Frankie Manoso would be visiting Miami for Easter and would he mind bringing Frankie's goodies to Miami. Then she yessed, uh huhed and said will do before disconnecting.

Lula bent down so that she was eye to eye with Frankie and gave him the news. "The Easter Bunny said you have to send him an e-mail to remind him that you'll be in Miami."

"Auntie Lula, I don't know how to send e-mail."

"Huh! Then I guess Auntie Lula will have to do it for you. Okay. Where are you going to stay in Miami?"

Frankie looked at his Mom for help.

Stephanie said, "At our apartment in the Rangeman Miami building."

"What's the address?"

"Why do we need the address?"

Lula rolled her eyes at that. "So the Easter Bunny will know where to deliver Handsome Boy's goodies."

"Yeah, Mommy."

Stephanie said, "I don't know the address."

Frankie's little face fell again.

"It's not my fault. Ranger handles everything when we're in Miami."

Lula shook her head. "Stephanie, you gotta be more aware of your surroundings. Um. Who would know the address? I know, let's call Uncle Tank."

"Uncle Tank?"

"I'm sure he knows. He knows lots of things."

Lula pushed a few buttons on her cell phone. Tank picked up after two rings. Lula told her husband that she needed the address for Rangeman Miami so she could tell the Easter Bunny where to deliver Frankie's candy. She grabbed a notepad and pen from Connie's desk and scribbled the address. She ended the call by saying, "Thanks, Baby."

Frankie giggled. The thought of Uncle Tank as a baby was silly.

Lula took Frankie by the hand and marched him over to Connie's desk. "Connie, we need your computer to send an important e-mail to the Easter Bunny."

Connie got up from her seat and motioned to Lula to take over. Lula sat down and looked at the computer; she clicked a few keys and brought up the program to send an e-mail.

While she was typing, she told Frankie what she was writing. She tapped the keys and said "To: The Easter Bunny", as she typed in Tank's e-mail address at Rangeman. "From: Lula Thibodaux. Subject: Special Request from Frankie Manoso."

Frankie patted Lula's arm. "Auntie Lula, whatsa quest?"

"A request is when you ask someone, like the Easter Bunny, to do something for you."

"Oh."

She looked at Frankie and said, "What do you want to say to the Easter Bunny?"

Frankie was suddenly shy so he whispered in his Aunt's ear.

She said, "Uh huh," and typed. When she was finished, she read the message aloud.

Dear Mr. Easter Bunny,

I will be visiting Daddy's Ami for Easter this year and I won't be home. Will you please deliver my goodies to Rangeman Miami? The address is (for security reasons the address cannot be divulged). We will ask the guard to let you into the building.

Thank you very much.

Your friend,

Frankie Manoso

Frankie liked it. Auntie Lula showed him how to click the mouse and he sent his message.

A few moments later, a new e-mail popped up on the screen. Lula looked at it and said, "Handsome Boy, the Easter Bunny done sent you a message." Lula opened the message and read it to Frankie. It said:

Dear Frankie,

I received your message. I will bring your Easter goodies to Rangeman Miami. Thank you for telling the guard that I will be making a delivery.

Your friend,

The Easter Bunny

Frankie gave his Auntie Lula his very biggest hug.

oOoOoOo

The day after Easter Lula received an e-mail. It read:

To: Lula Thibodeaux

From: The Easter Bunny

Re: Frankie Manoso

Dear Lula,

Thank you for telling me that Frankie Manoso was in Your-Ami for Easter.

The guards at Rangeman got Tank's message that I would be delivering Frankie's goodies and let me into the building without incident, which was a good thing because I was carrying concealed. Okay so it wasn't a Dan Wesson, it was a dark chocolate coconut egg for Ranger.

You and Tank helped to make Frankie's Easter in Florida special. That was nice. You and Tank are on my good list for life.

I have it on good authority from the Stork that next year I'll be hopping to your house with goodies for your baby, and no, I don't mean Tank.

Your Friend,

E. Bunny

Mommy's Day

It was a few days before Mother's Day. Frankie Manoso, age three, walked out of the elevator onto the fifth floor of the Rangeman building with his father, Ranger. Frankie was a handsome child. He was the image of his father, except that his skin was café latte, where his father's was mocha latte, and he had his mother's blue eyes. They had been shopping for a gift for Stephanie, Frankie's mom, and Ranger wanted to keep it in a safe place.

Frankie went straight ahead to the Rangeman lunchroom to visit his "Uncles", as his father's employees were known to him. Ranger watched until his boy reached the lunchroom, then turned into his office to store the gift.

Frankie ran into the lunchroom. There were a few tall men having bottles of water and talking about sports. The tallest of the men, Tank, Rangeman's second in command and Frankie's Godfather, saw the toddler and said, "Well, if it isn't Frankie "The Man" Manoso."

Frankie smiled broadly. "Hi, Uncle Tank." He stretched out his arms and motioned for Tank to pick him up.

Tank lifted the boy and they gave each other kisses on the cheek. Tank said, "What are you doing here today, my man?"

Frankie looked over his shoulder and said, "Daddy's hidin' Mommy's Mommy Day gift so she won't finded it."

"Hmmm. Did you go shopping with your Dad?" asked Hal, another of the Rangemen in the lunchroom.

"Uh huh," Frankie nodded. "I helped Daddy."

"I'm glad you helped your Father," said Bobby, yet another Rangeman, as he rolled his eyes. "He needed it. What did you get your Mom?"

"He got his mother ruby stud earrings," said Ranger as he entered the lunchroom.

"Ruby earrings. Sounds nice," said Bobby.

"Yep, ru-bee red earrings. For me," said Frankie.

"Ranger, you bought Frankie earrings? At his age? Isn't he a bit young? I didn't get my first earring until I was twelve." teased Tank.

Ranger stared evenly at Tank. "I got ruby earrings for Stephanie because A, she likes rubies and B, Frankie was born in July and the ruby is his birthstone."

Tank smiled and elbowed Ranger. He thought, The ruby is Frankie's birthstone. Ranger, you are one whipped puppy.

"See, Uncle Tank. I told you. Ru-bee red earrings for me." Frankie shook his head and put his forefinger in front of his mouth. "But don't tell Mommy. It's a secret."

Ranger looked at Tank, Bobby and Hal. They all promised not to tell Stephanie about her present.

"Francis Albert, I think you chose a fine Mother's Day gift for your mom."

"Uh huh. Guess what?"

Tank waited a beat. "I don't know. Tell me."

"I got sumpen else for Mommy for Mommy's Day."

"You do?" asked his father.

Frankie nodded. "I have a surprise. A big surprise." Frankie threw his arms out wide and nearly dislocated his Uncle Tank's nose in the process.

Tank felt his nose. It was fine. "Francis Albert, you are strong for someone in your height and weight class."

Frankie smiled and flexed his biceps.

"That's what I'm talking about." Tank squeezed one of Frankie's beginner biceps.

"I'm Rangeman strong."

"Yes you are, my man. Yes you are."

Ranger decided to interrupt this display of mutual affection and manliness before Tank walked Frankie around the office so that everyone on duty could admire his biceps. "You have a surprise for Mommy?"

"Uh huh. A big surprise. I'm gonna make Mommy breakfast."

"You're gonna make your mom breakfast?" asked Hal.

"Sure. I know how to make Mommy breakfast."

Tank grinned and looked at Ranger. "I'm sure you know how to make Stephanie's breakfast."

"I know how," answered Frankie

Ranger thought, what in the hell did I do to deserve this? He envisioned Frankie and the kitchen covered in gook. He also saw his wife beaming with delight. Ranger said, "Can I help, Big Guy?"

Frankie cast his eyes upward and thought for a beat. "Okay, Daddy. You can help me."

oOoOoOo

The day before Mother's Day, Ranger, Stephanie and Frankie drove to Newark to take Ranger's parents to an early dinner and the six p.m. all-Spanish mass at Our Lady of Good Counsel.

Ranger brought wristlets made of carnations for his mother, Maria, and Stephanie to wear to church. Grandma Mazur told him about an Eastern European tradition where women would wear carnations to honor their mothers. A woman would wear a red carnation if her mom was alive and a white carnation if her mom had passed. Since both Helen Plum and Rosa Perez were still very much with us, Ranger brought red carnations for Stephanie and his mom. Each woman teared up when Ranger gave her the wristlet and proudly wore it to mass.

Maria Manoso enjoyed showing off her handsome and successful son and his wife. She especially liked parading her darling youngest grandchild around after church to present him to her friends. Frankie would dutifully give each and every one of his Abuela's friends a hug and kiss like the perfect little Cuban-Italian-Hungarian-American grandson that he was.

Maria's friends oohed and ahhed over Frankie. They would tell her that Frankie was a wonderful little boy. They would say to her, "María, es tanbrillante, tanguapo, tanadorable." (Maria, he's so bright, so handsome, so adorable.) Maria had to agree. She couldn't pretend to be modest. Her baby boy's baby boy was wonderful and bright and handsome and adorable. It was what it was.

When they were leaving to go home, Abuela Maria gave Frankie a big kiss. "Gracias por hacer que mi Día de la Madre tan especial" (Thank you for making my Mother's Day so special.)

Frankie said, "Oh no!" and started to cry.

Stephanie brushed a tear from her son's cheek. "What's the matter, Angel?"

"I forgetted to give you you big Mommy's Day surprise."

Ranger said, "You didn't miss Mother's Day. Mother's Day is tomorrow."

Frankie hitched and said, "But-"

Maria Manoso picked up her baby grandson. As she rubbed his back, she said, "Francisco, que viniste aver tu abuela un día antes, para que pueda spasar el Día de la Madre con tu mami. Tu papi no de jaba que se te olvida tu sorpresa." (Francisco, you came to see your Abuela a day early so that you can spend Mother's Day with your mommy. Your daddy wouldn't let you forget your surprise.)

Frankie tears started to subside. "¿De veras, Abuelita?" (Really, Grandma?)

"Cruza mi corazón." (Cross my heart.) Abuela Maria crossed her heart and then she crossed Frankie's, just because. She winked at Ranger.

Ranger mouthed gracias to his mother. He transferred his son from his mother's arms to his. "Would I let you forget to give Mommy your surprise?"

Ranger wanted to forget the surprise. He wanted Frankie to forget it. During mass, Ranger asked, no, begged God to let Frankie forget the surprise. He promised to stop making fun of his cousin Lester. God didn't grant Ranger's request.

"Daddy wouldn't let you forget. I can't wait for my surprise." Stephanie said as she rubbed noses with Frankie.

"Big surprise, Mommy."

"My big surprise."

"When me give you you big surprise?"

Stephanie explained to Frankie that he had to go to sleep tonight and when he woke up it would be Mother's Day. Frankie asked his father to get him home soon so that he could go to sleep. He was so excited.

Ranger, on the other hand, couldn't wait for the big surprise to be a memory. He had already shopped for groceries, found the bed tray and got some cooking tips from his mother. Now he just had to help Frankie make the meal and hope that nothing burned or exploded.

oOoOoOo

Frankie ran to his parents' bedside and tapped his father's arm. "Daddy, Daddy. It's time for the big surprise."

The room was dark and still. Moonlight peaked through the sheer panels covering the windows, casting slivers of light here and there. Ranger looked at the clock on the nightstand by his side of the bed. It was one o'clock. He looked over to Stephanie. She was sleeping soundly. Ranger said, "Shhh. We don't want to wake Mommy."

"I no wake Mommy." Frankie tugged on Ranger's arm. "C'mon, Daddy, it's time to make Mommy's breakfast."

"Frankie. It's too early to make breakfast. Go back to sleep."

"But, Daddy, Mommy said I could give her surprise when I waked up."

"Frankie."

"Yes."

"It's too early to make breakfast."

"No, Daddy, we have to make breakfast now. Mommy said-"

"Francis Albert."

"But, Daddy-"

"Francis Albert Plum Manoso."

"Yes, Daddy?"

"It's too early to make breakfast."

"But, Daddy, Mommy said-"

"Young man."

Frankie looked at his father with large eyes.

"We'll make breakfast after the sun comes up." Ranger flipped back the covers and dragged himself out of bed. He led his son back to his room. Ranger repeated their bedtime ritual of tucking Frankie in and giving Frankie and Belfry, Frankie's Batman bear, kisses good night. Once Ranger was sure that his boy was settled in, he went back to the warmth of his bed and snuggled close to his wife.

oOoOoOo

At three a.m. Frankie ran into his parents room. He jostled his father and said, "Daddy, the sun waked up. Time for Mommy's surprise."

The sun wasn't up and neither were Ranger and Stephanie. Stephanie rustled under the covers. "What?"

Frankie ran over to Stephanie's side of the bed. "Hi, Mommy. You ready for you surprise?"

"No."

Frankie frowned.

"Not now, Angel. Mommy's still sleepy. It's very, very early. Are you still sleepy?"

Frankie shrugged.

"Do you want to sleep with Mommy and Daddy?"

"Babe."

Stephanie elbowed Ranger and muttered something about it being her day. She pulled back the covers and patted the mattress.

Frankie shifted from one foot to the other. "I hafta go."

Stephanie nudged Ranger. Ranger got out of bed. He took his son to the bathroom, got him a drink of water and helped into the large bed. Stephanie drew Frankie near and cuddled him. When Stephanie thought Frankie was ready to fall asleep, he became fussy.

"What's the matter, Angel?"

"Where's Belfry?"

Ranger spoke over Stephanie, "In your room."

Frankie tried to climb out of the bed, but Stephanie held on to him. "I need to get Belfry."

Ranger said, "He's fine." Ranger could feel Stephanie's body tense.

"Nuh uh. Belfry's ascared without me."

Stephanie elbowed Ranger again and muttered, "Mother's Day."

Ranger was bone weary. He climbed out of bed, again. He went to Frankie's room, got Belfry and brought him to his son. Frankie held Belfry out to Ranger signaling that they needed a kiss good night.

"I kissed you and Belfry good night two times. You don't need another good night kiss."

Stephanie could feel Frankie pout. She hissed, "Ranger."

Ranger kissed Frankie and Belfry good night for the third time. He got into bed and draped his arm around his wife. The Manoso family, Ranger, Stephanie, Frankie and Belfry, were stacked together, back to front, in the large bed, like a set of measuring spoons.

Stephanie twisted her neck to look at Ranger. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For him."

Ranger drew Stephanie a bit closer.

oOoOoOo

When Ranger got up at five to do his daily run and workout, Stephanie, Frankie and Belfry were still huddled together and asleep. He had another conversation with God. He decided to sweeten the pot and promised to give a donation, a large donation, to Our Lady of Good Counsel if Frankie would forget about making breakfast for Stephanie.

Ranger found his wife and son sprawled across the bed when he walked through the room to take his shower after his workout. He had a bemused grin on his face when he looked at Frankie. It was amazing how much space one little kid could take up.

Ranger was walking out of the dressing room when Frankie ran over to him.

"Daddy, I waked up. The sun waked up. Time to make breakfast for Mommy."

Ranger mentally looked up to the heavens and sighed. He decided to send the donation to Our Lady of Good Counsel as a hedge against future requests. You just never know.

Ranger got Frankie washed up and dressed. They walked into the kitchen together. Frankie was so excited. Ranger was not.

The kitchen had been kitted with high-end clear maple cabinets and granite counter tops. The appliances were restaurant quality and kept spotlessly clean. The whole kitchen was kept spotlessly clean by Ella, housekeeper extraordinaire.

Ranger had visions of food everywhere and a fire on the stove top. He went to the utility closet and pulled out a small tarp and step stool. He carefully laid the tarp on the floor in front of the food prep and cooking area. He placed the step stool on the tarp in front of the space where he and his son would be working.

Frankie, who was wearing one of Ella's aprons, stood on the step stool. He quietly watched as his father gathered the ingredients, bowls, pans and cook's tools and arranged them on the counter top in a precise order. He never saw Gramma or Tia Ella do this when they were cooking. They just started to cook.

Ranger helped Frankie separate eggs, by cracking the shell and transferring the yolk from one half shell to the other and letting the white drip into a large bowl. Frankie thought this was great fun. They did this three times. Ranger wrapped his son's hand around a whisk and they frothed the egg whites.

Ranger scrambled the egg whites and toasted a bagel while Frankie supervised. When the eggs were cooked and the bagel toasted, Ranger plated the food and added a dollop of cream cheese. He had Frankie add some whole strawberries.

"What do you think, Big Guy?"

"Where's Mommy's breakfast?"

Ranger looked at the plate. It was perfect. "This is Mommy's breakfast."

"Nuh uh. This isn't Mommy's breakfast, this is you breakfast."

Ranger inhaled and looked at the plate again. It was his breakfast, not Stephanie's.

"I know how to make Mommy breakfast. I show you."

oOoOoOo

The bell on its frame tingled when Ranger opened the door to the Tasty Pastry bakery. Frankie walked ahead of his father into the shop. He inhaled deeply and allowed the heady aroma of pastries and bread and doughnuts to enhance his mood. He swooned a bit and inhaled again.

Ranger watched as his son soaked up the atmosphere and thought this apple didn't fall too far from his mother's tree.

"Hi, Frankie."

"Hi-"

"Al-bert-a," said the woman behind the counter reminding Frankie of her name.

"Hi, Berta."

"Where's your Mom?"

"Sleepin'."

"Who's this?"

"Daddy."

Alberta looked at Ranger. Damn! He was as scrumptious as anything in the shop.

Ranger was not surprised that a Tasty Pastry employee knew his son by name. Stephanie was a lifelong member of the Tasty Pastry's Icing on the Cake frequent buyer club and so was Frankie, courtesy of his mother. Membership had its rewards. Buy twelve, get one free.

Ranger bent over and whispered to Frankie.

"Happy Mommy's Day, Berta."

Alberta smiled. "Why, thank you. What are you gonna get today?"

"Doughnuts."

"How many?" Alberta asked Ranger.

"A dozen."

"Good. When you buy a dozen, you get one free. Will the extra one be for Frankie?"

Frankie smiled and nodded. "Me pick. Right, Daddy? Me pick Mommy's breakfast."

Alberta lined a white cardboard box with sheets of baker's tissue and waited for Frankie to make his choices. Frankie ordered a dozen doughnuts for Stephanie with a skill of a sniper zeroing in on his target. He quickly pointed to Boston Cream, jelly-filled, and iced sugar doughnuts to create a Mommy's Day dozen for Stephanie. He picked a cruller with chocolate icing and sprinkles as his baker's dozen.

Alberta wrapped the cruller in a sheet of tissue and handed it to her young customer. Frankie liked the cruller's squiggly shape. He quickly unwrapped his treat and began to eat it.

Alberta carefully arranged Frankie's other choices in the white cardboard box. Before she sealed the box, Ranger pulled a small box from one of the pockets on his black cargo pants. The box was wrapped in embossed pink paper and banded with a pink ribbon. He asked Alberta to put the gift box in with the doughnuts.

"Well, aren't you something," said Alberta, as she wrapped the pretty, little box in tissue and placed it in with the doughnuts. She stared as Ranger kind of shrugged and thought, I'll bet you're something. I'll bet your something else.

Ranger said to Frankie, "This will make it a real surprise."

"Big surprise, Daddy."

"Right, Big Guy, big surprise."

oOoOoOo

Stephanie woke up and found that she was alone in bed with Belfry. That was to be expected. Frankie and Ranger were probably just finishing up with the big surprise. She went to the bathroom, washed her face, combed her hair and brushed and flossed her teeth. She didn't want to overwhelm her guys, when they gave her a kiss. She went back to bed and propped herself up on the pillows. Stephanie called out, "I'm up." She heard nothing. She waited. She waited for over a half hour.

Stephanie thought, maybe they weren't going to give her breakfast in bed. Maybe they were in the dining room waiting for her. She got out of bed and went to the dining room. Frankie and Ranger weren't there. She wandered the apartment. They weren't anywhere. She and Belfry were home alone. Well, wasn't this a fine howdy do for Mother's Day?

Stephanie was pouting and pacing the apartment when she heard the front door open. She stood frozen for a few and decided to go back to the bedroom and pretend to be asleep.

Stephanie hurried to the bedroom and quickly got back into bed. She was panting as she pretended to be asleep. She worked on getting her breath back to normal before Frankie and Ranger found her.

Frankie stood at the side of the bed. He gently nudged Stephanie and said, "Mommy, Mommy, you up?"

Stephanie opened one eye. Then she opened the other. She smiled at her son, grabbed him and pulled him onto the bed with her. She tickled him and said. "I'm up."

Frankie giggled and wiggled. "Stop tigglin' me, Mommy. Stop tigglin' me." When Stephanie stopped, he said, "Tiggle me, Mommy. Tiggle me." And she did. When Frankie caught his breath he said, "Happy Mommy's Day, Mommy!"

"Is it Mother's Day?"

"Uh huh."

"It is? Did you promise me a big surprise?'

"I did."

"Where is it?"

"Lookit, Mommy." Frankie motioned to Ranger, who was holding the bed tray with a white cardboard box on it.

Stephanie thought, hmm. She sat up and straightened the covers. Ranger placed the bed tray over her lap.

"Open you surprise, Mommy."

"Hmm, I don't know. Will I like it?" Stephanie said as she winked to Frankie.

"Babe."

Stephanie opened the box and stared at its contents until her eyes glazed over. She reached for a Boston cream doughnut and found the little box. She took a bite of the doughnut and then opened her gift.

"Do you like them, Babe?"

Stephanie stared at the earrings. Rubies, my baby's birthstone. "I do. They're beautiful."

"Mommy, Mommy, do you like you breakfast?"

"I do. These are my favorite doughnuts."

"I picked 'em."

Stephanie leaned over and gave her boy a hug and a kiss. "It's the best breakfast ever."

Frankie smiled. "See, Daddy, I told you I know how to make Mommy breakfast."

A Whale of a Tale

One fine Saturday afternoon in June, Frankie Manoso, nearly age four, went to the bazaar at his church, Our Lady of the Angels, with his parents and his grandparents. Our Lady of the Angels was in the Chambersburg neighborhood of Trenton, New Jersey, on Butler Street.

The 'Burg, as Chambersburg was known, was a blue collar, working class, neighborhood that wore its rust belt with pride. If you walked through the neighborhood at dinnertime, you could smell the competing aromas of Italian, Cuban and Eastern European cooking and gain five pounds. Frankie's maternal grandparents lived in the 'Burg, in the house that they bought when they were newly married. And his mom, Stephanie, grew up there.

For years, Our Lady of the Angels was the Italian church. But as Trenton's demographics changed and there were more Hispanic families living in and around the 'Burg, it was now the Italian and Cuban church.

Stephanie was a holiday Catholic, which meant she went to Mass at Christmas and Easter and to church events like the spring bazaar. Frankie's Dad, Ranger, became a reformed Catholic when his son was born. He took his boy to Mass, the Spanish language Mass, every week. Ranger decided going to the all-Spanish Mass was a good way for his son to know God and to learn to speak his native tongue. Ranger and Stephanie argued over just what Frankie's native tongue was. Ranger knew it was Spanish. Stephanie knew it was Jersey. Both won, because when Frankie spoke Spanish, he did so with a slight New Jersey accent.

Frankie's cousins, Angie, Mary Alice and Lisa Schmisa were at the bazaar when he first got there, but they left soon after to go to dinner at their Bubbe Kloughn's. So Frankie was the only little kid in a group of adults . . . again.

Frankie wandered around from this booth to that booth with his family. He wasn't having much fun. There wasn't anyone to play with. The family circulated around the bazaar until they walked by a fishing pond, a fishing pond just for kids.

Frankie grabbed his father's arm and pointed to the pond. "Daddy, lookit."

The man behind the pond said to Frankie, "If you fish at this pond and catch five fishes, just one-two-three-four-five fishes," he put up his fingers as he counted, "you can win a prize." The man waved at a few shelves of cheesy toys and tiny stuffed animals.

"Can I, Daddy? Can I go fishin'?"

Ranger was ready to say no. He was sure that this was just a racket to get the parents to over pay for a cheap toy. He did a rough calculation and figured that by the time Frankie caught one, two, three, four, five fishes, he'd be paying twenty dollars for a toy that cost two.

The man behind the pond said, "It's for a good cause. A portion of the proceeds go to Our Lady."

Stephanie said, "Let him play. It looks like fun."

"It's for a good cause," said Helen Plum, Stephanie's mother. She pointed to the church. "It's for Our Lady."

"Can I, Daddy?"

Ranger looked at his son and said, "May I, Daddy."

"May I, Daddy?"

Ranger pulled a five-dollar bill from his pocket and handed it to the man. The man handed Frankie a fishing pole, told him how to play the game and reminded him that he had to catch five, one-two-three-four-five fishes, to win a prize.

The man set the timer and Frank started fishing. Twenty dollars later, Frankie had caught four fish, but he just couldn't nab that fifth fish. He tried and tried, but he just couldn't catch that damn fifth fish. Frankie was getting frustrated. Stephanie was getting frustrated. Stephanie's Dad was getting frustrated. It was nearly six o'clock and he was hungry.

Ranger summoned the man to the side of pond. He folded a five-dollar bill lengthwise. He held the fiver in front of the man's face and said in low and even tones, "This is the last you're getting from me. I don't care what you have to do to help him catch that fifth fish, but do it."

The man took Ranger's cash and within minutes, Frankie caught his fifth fish. The man pointed at the shelves of toys and said, "You caught five fishes, pick a prize."

Frankie looked at the prizes and then he looked at the fishes he caught. He picked up the fish that he liked the best and said, "I want this."

The man said, "That's not a prize. You need to pick one of the prizes from the shelves."

Frankie continued to hold onto the fish. "I want my fish. I caught it. I want it."

"Frankie."

"Yes, Daddy."

"Give the fish to the man and pick a prize."

"I want my fish. I caught it."

Stephanie whispered to Ranger. "Ask the man if he can have the fish. Offer him some money for it."

Ranger whispered back. "We've already sunk twenty-five dollars into this fishing expedition. I'm not giving that man one more penny. Frankie needs to learn that he can't get his way all the time."

"Ranger!"

"Stephanie, I will not let him become a spoiled brat."

Stephanie glowered, but knew that Ranger was right. Frankie was Stephanie's only child and he was the most wonderful child in her world and she, well, let's just face facts, she spoiled the boy. She forced herself to remember that he was not the most wonderful child in the world to everyone else.

"Young man."

Frankie pouted as he reluctantly gave back the fish and chose a prize.

"Frankie," said Frank Plum, "Tell you what we're going to do. We'll go fishing for real fish."

"Really, Grampa?"

"Sure. And when we go fishing, you can keep every fish you catch."

"Wow! Can I, Mommy?"

"May I, Mommy."

"May I Mommy? Can I go fishin' with Grampa? Can I? Can I, pull-ease?"

Stephanie nodded her head. "Sure you can go fishing with Grampa. Maybe Daddy can go with you."

"Stephanie, what a good idea," said Helen Plum. "I think that Frankie, Ranger and your father should go fishing on Father's Day."

oOoOoOo

Ranger held the elevator door open as Frankie, carrying a fishing pole, walked onto the fifth floor. They had been shopping for gear and he wanted to show his "Uncles", Ranger's employees, his new fishing pole. It was a Diego fishing pole and it had bright yellow and red floaters. Frankie thought it was swell.

Stephanie had taken Frankie shopping for fishing gear earlier in the week, but she bought cute stuff like camo print rain boots and a matching slicker. Ranger looked at the boots and matching slicker and knew he had to get Frankie some real gear.

Frankie walked down the corridor and looked around until he saw some of his uncles standing outside of their cubicles talking. Ranger went to his office knowing that Frankie was in good hands.

Lester Santos, one of the uncles, looked at Frankie walking down the hall in his gear and flashed a smile. "Yo, Frankie heard you're taking your Dad fishing."

Frankie nodded.

Hal, another of the uncles, who grew up in the Midwest and had that fresh off the farm look about him, said. "You're going to have to get up really early in the morning to go fishing."

Frankie, who was not a morning person, looked at Hal with large eyes. "Why? Do I hafta get up really early?"

"You have get up really, really early. You have to go real early while the fish are biting."

Frankie laughed as he said, "Fish don't bite." His mommy read One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish with him and he knew that fish don't bite.

Lester said, "Some fish bite. Some fish have big mouths with sharp teeth and they like to eat little kids."

"No, they don't," insisted Frankie.

Hal nodded. Frankie's eyes went wide.

"They like to eat little kids. They especially like to eat up boys named 'Frankie'." said Lester. He lunged at Frankie and made a grrrr-ing noise.

Frankie dropped his fishing pole and shrieked. "Daddy!" He took a few steps back, tripped on his feet and fell on his bottom. He got up and ran toward his father's office.

Ranger heard Frankie's cry and hurried out of his office to find his boy.

Frankie ran to his father and wrapped his arms around him. "I don't wanna, Daddy. I don't wanna," Frankie cried.

"Don't want to what?"

"Fishin'. I don't wanna go fishin'. I don't wanna go."

This was a one-eighty. Ranger wondered what happened. "Okay. Why don't you want to go fishing?"

Frankie panted for a few beats. "Fish bite. They eat little kids. They like to eat kids named 'Frankie'." The words spilled from Frankie's lips.

"Who told you that?"

"Uncle Lester. I don't wanna go fishin'. I don't wanna fish to eat me up."

Ranger squatted so that he and Frankie were eye to eye. "There are some fish that bite and they can hurt people. But they don't live where we're going to go fishing."

"Where we going?"

"Colonial Lake."

Frankie gasped as he spoke. "What if . . . What if some fish that eat kids moved there?"

"They didn't."

"But - but - but, they could have."

"They didn't. The fish that eat people are very large, too large to live in Colonial Lake."

"Really, Daddy?"

"Really."

It took Ranger a while, but he finally convinced Frankie that no fish would bite him when they went fishing.

The next day, when Lester arrived at work, he found a bottle of bleach on his desk. A toothbrush and a note were taped to the bottle. The note read, Latrine.

oOoOoOo

A little past six a.m. on Father's Day, Frankie was dressed and ready to go fishing with his dad and grampa. He was wearing his new camo print rain boots, a fishing vest, with lots of pockets and loops to store lures and hooks, khaki shorts, a baseball cap and about three bottles of bug repellant with sunscreen.

They were just walking out of the door of their home, when Frankie stopped. He said, "Uh oh" and went back to his room. A few minutes later Frankie returned with Belfry, his Batman bear, in tow.

"I'm ready to go fishin', Mommy." Frankie puckered up and gave his mom a kiss good-bye. He held Belfry out so his mommy could give the bear a good-bye kiss.

Stephanie looked at Ranger and said, "Is Belfry going fishing?"

Frankie said, "Sure. Belfry likes fishin'. He goes all the time."

"He does?" asked Stephanie.

Frankie nodded. "He does. All the time."

"Where does he go fishing?" asked Ranger.

"Everywhere."

"Everywhere?" asked Ranger.

Belfry, who was a very shy bat bear, whispered to Frankie. "Not everywhere. Most everywhere." Frankie answered for Belfry.

"Does he go fishing at Colonial Lake?"

Frankie whispered in Belfry's ear to ask if he went fishing at Colonial Lake. Belfry whispered back to Frankie.

"Belfry's never been fishin' there. That's why he wants to go."

"Big Guy, Belfry can't go fishing at Colonial Lake." Ranger looked at Stephanie and arched an eyebrow.

"Why? He wants to go fishin' with us."

"Daddy's right," said Stephanie. "Belfry can't go. They don't allow bears to fish at Colonial Lake."

"Belfry's not a bear. He's a bat bear."

"They don't let bat bears fish at Colonial Lake either," said Ranger.

"Why?"

"That's the rules," said Ranger.

"Why?"

"Not sure. But that's how it is. Bears and bat bears aren't allowed to fish at Colonial Lake." Ranger paused for dramatic effect. "Do you want to stay home with Belfry, while Grandpa and I go fishing?"

Frankie frowned. He whispered something to Belfry. "Mommy, I hafta go with Daddy. Will you read One Fish, Two Fish to Belfry while I'm fishin'?"

"Sure."

Belfry whispered something to Frankie. "Belfry says thank you, Mommy." Frankie gave his bear a kiss on the forehead and handed him to his mother.

Frankie waved good-bye to his Mom and Belfry and, with his father, went to Colonial Lake to meet Grampa and go fishin'.

oOoOoOo

Fishing, real fishing was different than fishing at the pond at the church bazaar. Frankie was amazed at how big the lake was. He was amazed by the tall lush trees and the large rocks. The lake and the woods were noisy with chirping birds and rustling leaves. He pointed at everything he saw and asked "What's this, Daddy? Is that a Christmas tree, Grampa? What's that, Daddy?"

Once they found the fishing spot, Grampa Frank summoned Frankie to come by him. "Frankie, I'm going to show you how to catch fish, real fish."

He took Frankie's fishing pole, put a hook on the end of the line and pressed some sinkers on to the line. He went to his metal bait box, opened it and took out a container of night crawlers. He opened the container and pulled out a worm. "Frankie, when you want to catch a fish, you have to put a treat on the hook so that they will come to your fishing line. Fish think worms are real tasty."

Frankie scrunched his nose. "Yucky."

"Yucky to you, but not to the fish. Fish like worms as much as you like doughnuts."

"Nuh uh."

"Yes sireee Bob," said Grampa. "Now that we have the worm on the hook, we have to put this tasty treat in to the water so that the fish will want to eat it. When the fish goes to eat the worm, we'll catch the fish."

Grampa Frank showed Frankie how to cast his line into the lake. He showed his grandson how to tip the pole back over his shoulder and to snap it forward. Frank stood behind Frankie and did a few practice casts with him.

"I think you got the hang of it. Want to try it on your own?"

Frank nodded and proceeded to cast his fishing line. He flung his pole far back and the line hooked on a tree branch.

"Frankie," said Grampa Frank, "looks like you caught something."

"I did? What did I catch Grampa?"

"Looks like you caught yourself a tree." said Grampa Frank as he went and unhooked the line from the tree branch. He re-baited the hook and said to Frankie, "Try again."

Frankie flung the pole back again and the hook found another branch.

Frank Plum shook his head. "Caught another branch."

Frankie said, "Uh oh."

After he took the hook off the branch and re-baited the hook, Frank Plum asked his grandson, "Want me to help you cast your line into the water?"

"Nope. I can do it, Grampa." Frankie cast his line again.

"What in the–" This time, the hook got caught on Ranger's hip waders.

Frankie looked at his grandfather, his eyes wide with amazement. "Uh oh!"

Frank Plum looked at his son-in-law and laughed. "Looks like you're the big catch of the day."

Ranger grinned as he unhooked himself. "Guess I am. Frankie, come here."

"Why?"

"I'm going to show you how to cast your line."

"I know how Daddy."

"Come here anyway."

Frankie, fishing pole in hand, walked over to his father. Ranger baited the hook and showed Frankie how to cast his line. After a few tries, he told Frankie to cast his line solo. Frankie flung his pole back then forward. The hook caught on a rock. Ranger unhooked the line and re-baited the hook. After a few more tries, Frankie finally cast his line into the water.

Frankie, who was so like his mother, didn't like waiting. He thought casting his line was more fun than waiting for some fish to find his tasty worm treat, so Frankie kept casting his line. He liked flinging the pole to see how far the line would go. Sometimes it found a rock or a branch and his father or grandfather would untangle the line and re-bait the hook for him. Sometimes the line went in the water. When the line went in the water, Frankie'd wait about a minute before he'd cast the line again.

Frankie was having great fun casting his line. Each time he'd fling a bit harder until he flung so hard that when the pole snapped forward it flew out of his hand into the lake and Frankie fell backward. Frankie looked at the flying pole and went, "Uh oh!"

The pole landed in the lake. Ranger and Frank Plum looked at the pole floating on the water and cracked smiles.

Ranger trudged into the water to retrieve the pole.

Frankie sloshed in after his father. The water was past Frankie's knees and it gushed into his rain boots. A small frog landed in one of his boots. It tickled his leg as it tried to escape. Frankie shrieked, "Daddy! Help! A fish is biting me! Help, Daddy!" as he splashed around.

Ranger rushed over and picked up his boy. Frankie was frantically wiggling his left leg. Ranger pulled off the boot, turned it over and shook it. The frog poured out of the boot and dove back into the water.

Frankie's breathing hitched.

"No fish in your boot, but there was a frog." Ranger kissed the side of his son's head and said, "I think you scared the frog."

Frankie shook his head. "He scared me."

oOoOoOo

Frankie sat lakeside with his dad and grampa eating Gramma Helen's emergency homemade chocolate chip cookies. Gramma had sent a dozen with Grampa, for real emergencies, like when they wanted a cookie. Frankie needed three emergency cookies to recuperate from the frog trauma, but recuperate he did.

Ranger had gone back into the lake and retrieved the fishing pole. He held out the pole and asked, "Gonna try again Big Guy?"

Frankie bravely decided to fish again. He took the fishing pole from his father. This time he stayed close to his dad and was careful casting his line. After a while, something pulled at Frankie's line. It tugged and tugged.

Ranger spied his boy holding on to his fishing pole with all his might.

Grampa Frank noticed too and said, "I think you got a fish."

Ranger helped Frankie reel in his catch, a trout. It was a beaut. Grampa held out the net and Ranger helped his son drop the fish into it. The fish wiggled and flapped in the net.

"Can I keep it?"

"Sure thing," said Grampa Frank. "We'll have Gramma cook him and we'll eat it for lunch."

"No!" Frankie gasped. "I wanna keep it. I wanna take it home with me."

"Take it home?" asked Ranger. "We can't keep a fish like this at home."

"Uh huh. It can stay with me and Belfry."

"Frankie," said Grampa Frank, "fish need to live in water."

Frankie thought for a moment. "It can live in the bathtub."

"Big Guy, that's not good for the fish. It needs to be able to swim around. The bathtub isn't big enough."

"I wanna keep it. I caught it. It's my fish. Mine."

"Frankie, here's the deal. We either eat the fish for lunch or it goes back in the lake." said Ranger.

"I caught it. I want to keep it."

"Francis Albert, it's your choice. The fish is lunch or it goes back in the lake. Which one is it?"

"I wanna keep it."

"Young man. We can't keep the fish. Is it lunch or does it go back in the lake?"

"I don't wanna eat it."

"Then we'll put it back in the lake."

Ranger took photographs of Frankie holding the net with the trout. It was his boy's first catch. He also took pictures of Grampa Frank and Frankie putting the fish back in the lake.

On the way home, Ranger took Frankie to a toy store. As they were walking through the aisle with the stuffed animals, Ranger suddenly said, "Frankie catch," and gently lobbed a whale to his son.

Frankie caught the whale and hugged it.

Ranger said, "You caught a fish, Big Guy."

"Can I keep it Daddy?"

"May I keep it Daddy."

"May I keep it Daddy?"

Ranger smiled at his son. "Absolutely."

Halloween

Frankie Manoso, age four, clad in his firefighter's gear, looked longingly at the trick or treats that he gathered on his trail through his grandparents' neighborhood and along his new block.

Frankie leaned on the large table in his family's dining room with his elbows and held his face in his hands. He pouted at the stacks of candy on the table. There were Snickers and Twizzlers and M&Ms and Starbursts. There were gummies and Kit Kats and candy corn and jaw breakers. And it was all for him.

His mother, Stephanie, stood behind him, sighing. Ranger, Frankie's father, sat at the table examining the small packages of candy while his Grandpa Frank and Uncle Tank looked on.

Frankie looked at his father. "Can I have some?"

"May I have some?" said Ranger, as he continued to check the candy.

"May I have some?"

"Not now. Not until I check every piece and make sure it's safe."

Frankie reached out to his Mother and gently tugged on the short skirt of her French maid's costume.

Stephanie pursed her lips and gave her husband a hard look. "Ranger, is this necessary?"

"Has to be done."

"Not really. We know where he went. You took him. The candy's fine," said Stephanie. She rolled her eyes for dramatic effect.

"Babe, do we know everyone he went to?"

"Almost everyone."

Ranger looked up from his task. "That's my point. We don't know everyone. I want to be safe."

"Ranger, at this rate he won't get any candy until tomorrow." Stephanie was getting impatient with her husband's behavior.

"He won't get any candy until tomorrow. When I'm done sorting, I'm taking the good candy to St. Francis to be x-rayed."

"Aren't you taking this a bit far?"

"Babe," Ranger said, "don't you have any leftover candy to give him?"

"No, I gave out every single piece. Besides, that's not the point. The point is that Frankie wants to eat the treats that he collected. Right, Frankie?"

Frankie looked up at his mother and nodded.

"Big Guy," his father explained, "you're going to have to be patient and wait for your reward."

"Ranger, at his age, being patient is waiting for me to take the wrapper off the candy."

Ranger continued methodically inspecting and sorting the candy.

Stephanie walked around the table and stood behind her husband. She put her hands on his shoulders, leaned over and put her mouth near his right ear. "You're ruining his first Halloween in our new house. This is not the memory I want us to have," Stephanie whispered. "I'll bet no one ever ruined one of your Halloweens like this."

Stephanie was wrong about that. Many of Ranger's childhood Halloweens had been ruined by his older siblings stealing his treats. Terrorists. He put the thoughts of past Halloweens in the back of his mind and concentrated on the moment. "Babe, Cuban child-"

"Don't tell me that Cuban children don't go trick or treating. I happen to know that you dressed up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for Halloween for three years and cried when you outgrew the costume."

Ranger grinned. "Damn my Mother. That was classified information. She's in danger of losing her security clearance."

"Are you going to lighten up?"

"Babe, if anything happened to our boy, I'd hold myself responsible."

"Okay. Then hold yourself responsible for this." Stephanie turned and flounced off to the hallway. The crinolines underneath her flared skirt bobbed as she turned.

Ranger watched as his wife strode away. Stephanie had lovely legs and he liked watching her walk in a short skirt, especially when she was wearing black fishnet stockings with a seam up the back.

Stephanie's high heels made staccato clicks on the wooden floor as she walked the long corridor gathering things. She came back into the dining room with her purse hanging on her shoulder and her camera and Frankie's treat bag in her hand.

She surveyed the faces around the table. Frankie looked forlorn. Tank and her father were clearly bored. Ranger had his nose buried in his work. Stephanie canted her head. "Frankie, Daddy, Tank, come with me".

Ranger looked on as the trio assembled around his wife. Stephanie handed the camera to her father and the treat bag to Frankie. Then she marshaled her troops out of the back of the house, through the garden to the garage.

Stephanie quietly muttered to herself, "Damn that Ranger. Frankie's Halloween will not, I repeat, will not, be ruined. Not if I have anything to do with it and I do have something to do with it." She rummaged through her purse, found the key fob and beeped it to unlock the doors to their jet black metallic Porsche Cayenne.

Stephanie opened the back door of the SUV and Frankie scrambled to his safety seat and strapped himself in. Stephanie checked that he was secure. She handed the key fob to Tank and asked him to drive. Stephanie climbed into the back seat near her son, while her Father and Tank angled into the front seats.

Tank looked at Stephanie in the rearview mirror. "Where to?"

"The CVS at Hamilton Square."

"Why that CVS?"

"It's open twenty-four hours.

"Aren't there any closer?"

"It's only about seven miles away."

Frank Plum twisted in his seat to look at his daughter. "Why do we need to go to a store that's open twenty-four hours? It's only seven thirty."

"It's a larger store. More selection. That's the store I want to go to. Let's get going."

Tank put the keys in the ignition, turned on the engine and drove to Hamilton Square. He parked the car and they all climbed out of the Cayenne. Stephanie bent down to Frankie and gave him some instructions. Then she quietly said something to her Father and Tank. She handed her cell phone to Tank and hurried into the store before them.

Frankie walked into the CVS with his Grandfather and his Uncle Tank. Frank Plum guided his grandson to the aisle with the Halloween candy. Stephanie was standing in the aisle with a big smile on her face and a bag of M&M snack packs in her hands.

Frankie stood still for a moment, not knowing what to make of the situation. Tank patted Frankie on the shoulder and told him to go for it.

Frankie held out his treat bag and said, "Twick or Tweet".

Stephanie tore open the bag and poured the contents into Frankie's treat bag. Frank Plum snapped the camera and Tank took pictures with Stephanie's cell phone. They repeated Twick or Tweet with bags of bite sized Snickers and snack packs of gummi bears and Swedish fish.

Stephanie took the empty bags to the counter and paid for the candy.

They bundled back into the SUV. Stephanie asked Tank for her cell phone, which he handed to her. Stephanie took a small Snickers bar out of the treat bag, unwrapped it and handed it to Frankie. She smiled and said, "Happy Halloween, Angel" and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Frankie closed his eyes and hummed as he bit into the long awaited treat.

Stephanie snapped his picture with her cell phone. She reviewed the pictures that she and Tank took. Stephanie punched buttons and sent the photos to Ranger's cell phone. She whispered something in Frankie's ear and then she dialed her husband.

Ranger answered the phone after a few rings. "Yo."

"Yo yourself. Did you see the pictures?"

"Yes."

"Good. Frankie and I have something to say to you."

Stephanie held her phone between her and her son and they chanted "Twick or Tweet!"

The Gift

On a clear, bright, cool December day that was as crisp as the first bite from a Fuji apple, Frankie Manoso, age four, bolted out of his safety seat in the back of the family Porsche Cayenne and tramped up the steps and across the porch to the front door of his home. He tried to open the large wooden front door, but he was unable to open it. He fidgeted as he waited for his mother to open the door.

Frankie stomped into the hallway of his house with his mother, grandmother and great grandmother trailing behind. He took off his coat, scarf and mittens and threw them in a heap on the floor.

Frankie marched into the kitchen where his father and his grandfather were having coffee. He pulled a chair away from the table and flung himself on it. He crossed his arms over his chest and grimaced.

His grandmothers and mother walked into the kitchen soon after Frankie made his entrance. Stephanie, Frankie's mom, held a white garment shrouded in a transparent plastic bag. She hung the bag on the knob of an upper cabinet.

Frankie eyed the outfit and growled. The adults stared at each other. Frankie was usually sweet natured.

"Frankie, what is the matter?" Stephanie asked.

Frankie scowled.

Stephanie looked at her father and husband and asked, "Will you help us? He's been in a snit since his Catechism teacher told him that he's going to be an angel in the Christmas pageant."

Frankie spit out, "I don't wanna."

Stephanie asked her boy, "Don't want to what?"

"I don't wanna be an angel," he declared.

Frank Plum, Stephanie's father, beckoned his namesake to come over to him. Frankie went over to his Grandfather and climbed on his lap.

"So, you don't want to be an angel?"

"No!" replied Frankie.

"But you are an angel," his mother said reflexively.

The men glared at Stephanie as if to say, this is guy stuff, back off.

Stephanie softly murmured, "You're my angel."

"Mommy!" Frankie groaned.

Ranger, Frankie's Dad, asked his only child, "Big Guy, what's the problem?"

A very frustrated Frankie explained, "Angels are girls and I'm a boy."

Stephanie's mother, Helen, shook her head and said, "Not all angels are girls."

"Are too, Gramma," Frankie insisted.

"There are boy angels," Stephanie stated definitively. Then looking at the family for help, she asked, "Aren't there?"

Before anyone could answer, Frankie hopped off his Grandfather's lap and went over to the white garment, an angel's costume, and tugged at it. "Angels wear dresses."

Great Grandma Mazur shrugged her shoulders and said, "The kid has a point."

Grandma Helen explained, "That's not a dress, it's a gown. Angels wear gowns."

Frankie, who knew his grandma didn't get it, repeated, "It's a dress. Boys don't wear dresses."

His mother, said, "It's not a dress, it's a . . . a-"

"It's a dress," Frankie interrupted. "I don't wanna be an angel. I wanna be a vice man."

Ranger looked at his son and said, "A vice man?"

"Yeah, Daddy, a vice man."

Grampa Frank asked, "What's a vice man?"

"You know, Grampa. The vicemen."

Frank Plum shook his head to tell his grandson that he hadn't a clue what the hell he was talking about.

Frankie patiently explained, "The vice men brought Baby Jesus the gifts."

Grampa Frank's internal light bulb switched on. He said, "Oh! The Wise Men."

"Yeah, the vice men. I wanna be a vice man."

Ranger asked his son, "Why do you want to be a vice man?"

"Because I wanna bring Baby Jesus my gift, Daddy," explained Frankie.

"Your gift?" asked his Mother.

Grandma Helen quizzed her grandson, "Frankie, you have a gift for Baby Jesus?"

Frankie, nodded his head eagerly, "Wanna see?"

Great Grandma Edna, who was watching the scene unfold, said, "Absolutely."

Frankie said, "Okay."

Frankie left the kitchen, went down the hallway and walked up the stairs. His family heard some noises above.

Frankie called from the top of the stairs, "Mommy, help."

Stephanie hurried out of the kitchen to go to help her son. Soon there were two sets of slow, deliberate steps on the stairs. Frankie reappeared in the kitchen with his mother. In his arms was a clear plastic piggy bank half filled with pennies.

Frankie walked over, placed the bank on the table and said, "See."

Grandma Helen looked at the bank and stated, "It's your piggy bank."

"No, Gramma, it's my gift for Baby Jesus." Frankie rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You're going to give Baby Jesus pennies?" asked his grandfather.

Frankie explained carefully, very carefully, "No, Grampa. These are Frankie Cents. I'm going to give Baby Jesus Frankie Cents. Teacher said the vice men gave Baby Jesus gold, Frankie Cents and, and . . . and sumpen else."

Ranger quickly understood. "Got it."

Stephanie said, "But you're too little to be a Wise Man. Some of the bigger boys are going to be the Wise Men."

Frankie started to cry. Between sobs and gasps he said, "I wanna be a vice man. I wanna bring Baby Jesus Frankie Cents."

Stephanie understood why Frankie was upset, he was accustomed to getting his way. She tried to comfort her boy and said, "Ah, Sweetie, maybe you can be a Wise Man next year."

Tears continued to stream down his little face. Frankie hitched, "I wanna be a vice man this year."

Stephanie knew that the teacher couldn't be convinced to allow Frankie to be a Wise Man in this year's pageant. Those roles were for the older boys. He was going to be an angel.

In her best upbeat manner, Stephanie said, "You're going to be an angel. Angels are very special. They're God's messengers."

Frankie sniffled, "Bu-, Bu-, But they're girls."

Frankie's Dad summoned his son to his side. "I happen to know that not all angels are girls," Ranger said, as he took his napkin from the table. He blotted his boy's tears and made him blow his nose.

"Really, Daddy? How do you know?"

"I know things," stated Ranger. "Did you know there's an angel who's a soldier?"

Frankie was amazed. "A soldier? Like Uncle Tank?"

Tank was Ranger's Army buddy and partner. He was also Frankie's Godfather. Uncle Tank often told his young Godson of his adventures in the Army and would play war with the tot. Frankie idolized his Godfather.

Ranger inhaled and thought, of course, Frankie would think of Tank as a warrior instead of his own father. "Right. Like Uncle Tank. His name was Michael and he was God's special soldier."

Frankie asked, "Was Mikey brave?" Mikey?

"Brave? He was fierce."

Frankie looked unconvinced.

Ranger continued, "He fought a dragon and won."

"Wow! And he wore dresses?" asked Frankie.

Ranger winked at his son and said, "Not dresses, robes. Boy angels wear robes. Got it?"

Frankie winked back, or at least he tried to, "Got it."

"So, Big Guy, do you think you could be a fierce soldier angel like Michael in the Christmas pageant?"

"Can I protect Baby Jesus? Someone might try to steal him." Frankie was negotiating.

Ranger shook his head and smiled. He was convinced that his son got his smarts from his side. He reassured his boy by saying, "Sure, you can protect Baby Jesus."

Frankie paused for a beat and then asked, "Can I carry a gun, like you, Daddy?"

Visions of an angel packing heat in church crowded Ranger's mind. He winced. Not quite the image of Christmas peace and love. "No," he said, "you wouldn't want to scare Baby Jesus."

"How can I protect Baby Jesus without a gun?" asked Frankie, presenting a logic that was uniquely his own.

Ranger scrambled for an answer. He found himself saying, "Um. You could carry concealed." Ranger always carried concealed. He could barely feel the two guns and a knife that he was wearing under his clothes. Wearing weaponry was a part of Ranger's daily routine, like brushing and flossing.

Ranger heard Stephanie gasp. He glanced at his wife. She returned a look that radiated her full disapproval of her youngster carrying a concealed weapon to protect Baby Jesus.

"What's carrying sealed, Daddy?"

Stephanie crossed her arms over her chest and waited for her husband's answer.

"Carrying concealed is when you hide your gun under your clothes," he answered truthfully.

"Daddy, show me how to carry sealed."

"Go get your pistol and I'll show you."

Frankie galloped off to the family room. The family heard him lift the lid on the toy box and rummage through its contents. Stephanie put her hand over her face and clenched her teeth.

Frankie came back into the kitchen, carrying the pistol. He handed the gun to his Father and said, "Show me, Daddy. Show me how to carry sealed."

Ranger turned Frankie so his back was to him. He lifted his son's sweater and stuck the pistol in his pants at the small of his back. He stretched the sweater a bit and smoothed it over the gun.

Frankie twisted around to look at his back. "Is it okay? Am I carryin' sealed?"

"Yep! No one can tell your packing?"

"Packin'? Packin' what?"

"Heat," said Ranger. Ranger looked at Stephanie. She was seething.

Frankie scrunched his face.

"When you're carrying concealed, sometimes they say you're packing heat," explained Ranger.

"Oh." Frankie wiggled a bit to get the pistol in position. "Does Uncle Tank carry sealed?" pressed Frankie.

"Sometimes."

Frankie grinned. He liked the idea of carrying concealed. "Okay! I'll carry sealed. I'll be a fierce angel and protect Baby Jesus."

Stephanie and Grandma Helen rolled their eyes and sighed. Grandpa Frank and Great Grandma Bessie beamed.

"What 'bout my gift for Baby Jesus?" asked Frankie.

"You could be a Wise Man at home," suggested Stephanie.

"A vice man at home?" Frankie cocked his head to the side. He wasn't sure that he could be a vice man at home.

Stephanie motioned for her son to come to her. "Mommy has an idea. But it's a secret. Come here and I'll tell you."

Frankie went to his Mother. As Stephanie whispered in his ear, Frankie nodded and his face lit up.

A few weeks later, when they were decorating the house for Christmas, Stephanie and her son set up the Crèche. There were Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph. There were shepherds and animals. There were angels on high. And there were the three vice men and a piggy bank filled with Frankie Cents.

Protective Services

One late January afternoon, Ranger and Stephanie walked out of the elevator to the fifth floor offices of Rangeman. They had just come from a parent teacher conference. They went down the corridor to the cubicle with the F. Manoso nameplate. The cubicle was the office of one Frankie Manoso, their four-year old son. Frankie came to his father's business so often that Ranger had converted a cubicle into a playroom. Stephanie plopped on the chair and twirled it around to get a three sixty view of the space. When she was done surveying the cubicle, Stephanie bent over and clunked her forehead on the counter a few times.

The cubicle had an old laptop and was filled with Rangeman approved toys, including soldiers and weapons. There was a place for the youngster to nap under one end of the counter that wrapped around half of the cubicle. On the wall, there were copies of the dust jackets of Sue Grafton's books to teach him the alphabet.

Stephanie pointed at the alphabet. "Whose idea was this?"

"Hal," said Ranger. "He's a Kinsey fan."

"Well that explains why Frankie answered "killer" when his teacher asked for a word that started with K." Stephanie continued to stare at the dust jackets. "You approved this?"

Ranger nodded. "It's working. He knows the alphabet."

"His teacher thinks we're raising a hit man," Stephanie growled.

"Babe."

Stephanie twirled around in the chair and surveyed the cubicle again. "Yeesh! Mrs. Ritzer may be right."

Mrs. Ritzer's words from their conference were replaying in Stephanie's head. Maybe she was right. Maybe they weren't doing right by their boy, as much as they loved him. Maybe they weren't fit to be the parents of such a wonderful child. She rubbed her forehead to ease an on-coming headache.

oOoOoOo

Mrs. Ritzer, Frankie's teacher, had called the Manosos to discuss concerns of an urgent nature regarding Frankie. They were astonished and worried to learn that were concerns of an urgent nature. Frankie loved pre-k. He came home every school day filled with stories of the day's events, his classmates, his new bestus friend Harry MacMillan and most of all, of his teacher. Frankie adored Mrs. Ritzer.

Mrs. Ritzer had given Frankie complimentary remarks for his first quarter evaluation. She said he was helpful, polite and paid attention. He was doing well academically; in fact, he was performing above the average for his age group. The only real criticism that Mrs. Ritzer had was that sometimes he talked too loudly. But really, overall, he was a good student and a wonderful little boy.

When Ranger and Stephanie got the call to come to after school to discuss concerns of an urgent nature, they were at Mrs. Ritzer's classroom door when the bell rang to end the school day. They saw Stephanie's father, Frank Plum, who was also waiting in the hallway. He was at the school that day to pick up his granddaughter Lisa. Lisa was just a few months older than her cousin, Frankie, and was in the same class. Since Lisa's parents both worked full time, Frank often picked his youngest granddaughter up afterschool.

Stephanie hugged her father hello and explained that Mrs. Ritzer had called them in to discuss an urgent matter regarding Frankie. Frank Plum, who was as surprised as Ranger and Stephanie about this, offered to take his grandson home with him. That way the cousins could play together while they waited for their parents to pick them up. Mr. Plum was happy that Frankie was coming to his house; he enjoyed spending time with his grandchildren, especially his only grandson.

Mrs. Ritzer was a woman of a certain age who had been teaching for most of her adult years. She was winding down her career by teaching pre-k after years of teaching middle school. Mrs. Ritzer found that she enjoyed teaching smalls, as she referred to her young students, and they in turn adored her. She ran an orderly classroom that also provided a creative and warm environment for her young minions to grow and flourish. Mrs. Ritzer was part grandmother and part drill sergeant.

Mrs. Ritzer met Ranger and Stephanie at the door and escorted them into the bright and airy classroom. The room was filled with five square blonde wood tables, each with chairs neatly tucked under each side. The perimeter of the room was shelved and held books, toys, craft supplies and the other paraphernalia required to encourage young imaginations. The walls were papered with the explosion of color and form that is children's art. Mrs. Ritzer pointed to one of the tables and asked the Manosos to take a seat. Ranger and Stephanie did as told, although they felt awkward sitting on the small chairs with their knees nearly under their chins.

Mrs. Ritzer went to her desk. She gathered a pen, a file folder and a large handmade envelope and then joined the Manosos at the table. She stacked the folder and envelope neatly on the table and placed the pen to the right of the stack. She interlaced her fingers, placed her hands on the folder and envelope, cleared her throat and stared at Ranger and Stephanie. Mrs. Ritzer was wearing her stern face.

Stephanie fidgeted in her undersized seat. Ranger sat perfectly still.

"Mr. and Mrs. Manoso, thank you for coming on such short notice. There was an incident that you need to be aware of."

Ranger and Stephanie looked at Mrs. Ritzer, then at each other and then at Mrs. Ritzer again.

"During gym class," Mrs. Ritzer continued, "Randy Vivio called Harry MacMillan a gimp."

Harry, who was Frankie's bestus friend, was born with a deformed left leg. He didn't have a lower calf or foot and he used crutches to get around.

Stephanie said, "Oh my."

"I know," said Mrs Ritzer. "Randy didn't want Harry to be on his relay team. I'll be talking with Randy's parents. I do not permit that type of behavior in my classroom. But that's not why I called you in. When Randy called Harry a gimp, Frankie wrestled Randy to the ground. He put Randy's right arm in a hold behind his back, held Randy's head to the ground and said . . ." Mrs. Ritzer opened the file folder and read from it. "And I quote. 'Say you're sorry or you'll be sorry, you-', please excuse me, but Frankie called Randy a-, a-, he called him a 'shithead'." Mrs. Ritzer looked at Ranger and Stephanie and shook her head.

Stephanie gasped and then murmured under her breath, "Damn that Lester." She looked at Mrs. Ritzer and weakly said, "Sorry."

"Mrs. Manoso, this behavior of Frankie's was . . . He's usually such a sweet-natured child."

A slight grin appeared on Ranger's face. Stephanie gave her husband her patented death glare.

Ranger looked at Stephanie, the small grin was still on his lips. "Babe. That was an interesting move on Frankie's part. He could have gone at least a dozen other ways to take that kid down."

"Ranger!"

"Mr. Manoso! Please tell me that you don't condone this type of behavior-"

Stephanie interrupted, "NO! I mean, no. We don't condone that type of behavior. It's just that I'm a bounty hunter and my husband's former military and has a security firm. We often talk about taking down bad guys."

"So, I take it that Randy was the bad guy when he called Harry a gimp?" asked Mrs. Ritzer.

"Randy was the bad guy," said Ranger.

"That's what Frankie said," explained Mrs. Ritzer.

"And Harry's Frankie's best friend. He's protective of Harry," offered Stephanie.

Mrs. Ritzer sighed quietly. "Yes, we need to talk about that, too. However, that doesn't give Frankie the permission or the right to wrestle another child to the ground and call him…" Mrs. Ritzer cleared her throat. "Inappropriate names."

Stephanie quietly said, "Randy was being a shithead."

"Frankie thought he was doing the right thing," said Ranger.

Mrs. Ritzer sat up straight in her chair. "Mr. Manoso!"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"In this classroom, I am the sheriff and I police the behavior of the students. I do not need a deputy."

"Yes, Ma'am," Ranger agreed.

Mrs. Ritzer looked evenly at both parents. "You will be discussing this matter with Frankie and you will tell him that this type of behavior is unacceptable in my classroom and at school."

Ranger said, "Yes, Ma'am."

"And you'll discuss this with him today?" pushed the teacher.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good. Tomorrow either you or Mrs. Manoso will need to meet with Frankie and me before school starts. I want to hear it from Frankie that he knows that physically attacking other children and name-calling is not acceptable in school."

"Mrs. Ritzer, is that necessary?" Stephanie asked. "He's just four."

Mrs. Ritzer gave Stephanie her version of the death glare. Stephanie shrank in her seat.

Ranger said, "Frankie has to man up or get out."

Mrs. Ritzer directed her gaze toward Ranger. "I see that you understand my point of view." She tapped her forefinger on the desk. "This type of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. Nipped. In. The. Bud."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Now in light of today's, ahem, events, there are some other things I want to discuss with you," said Mrs. Ritzer. "At first, I thought these things were the products of the imagination of a very intelligent and creative child, but now-"

Mrs. Ritzer opened the envelope and pulled out some drawings. She explained that Frankie had made these pictures. One was of Frankie carrying a pistol and protecting Harry. Another was a picture of the Manoso family all carrying heat. And another was a drawing of Frankie shooting a pistol at a body target. Stephanie looked at the pictures and grimaced. Ranger looked at them and grinned.

Mrs. Ritzer went on to mention that Frankie's classroom work used many references to crime and weaponry. For example, when she would ask for words that started with certain letters, Frankie's responses included "burglar" for B and "homicide" for H. He understood addition and subtraction by the number of bullets in a clip.

Stephanie was getting the picture. She put her head in her hands.

Mrs. Ritzer also explained that Frankie said that he's Harry's bodyguard. According to Mrs. Ritzer, Harry can't sit at their table until Frankie checks underneath and all around and gives the all clear. Stephanie and Ranger both smiled at that.

Then Mrs. Ritzer went to her desk and opened a drawer and pulled out a few items. She placed a toy pistol and knife on the table. "Mr. and Mrs. Manoso, do you know what these are?"

Stephanie meekly answered, "Toys?"

"According to Frankie, these are his weapons."

Ranger worked very hard to maintain a blank face, but he wanted to smile.

Mrs. Ritzer continued, "I took these from Frankie this morning, before the incident. I noticed a bulge at the back of his shirt. When I took him aside to ask him about it, he pulled out the pistol. He told me that he needed to carry concealed because he's Harry's bodyguard and needs weapons to protect him. Then he showed me the knife he had stowed in his sock. He said that his dad and the "Merry Men" had showed him how to carry concealed.

Stephanie gave Ranger a sidelong glance and pursed her lips as she said, "Oh." She vividly recalled Ranger showing Frankie how to conceal a pistol in his pants so that he could protect Baby Jesus at the church's Christmas pageant.

"'Oh', is right," Mrs. Ritzer agreed. "He's four, he shouldn't know about carrying concealed until he's at least seven, maybe eight. I know he's an advanced child, but, really, this is too advanced. He can't carry concealed at school. He can't carry at all."

"I know," said Stephanie, "but they're just toys and he thinks he's protecting Harry."

"I don't doubt that Frankie thinks he's being helpful. As I said, he's usually a sweet natured child, but no packing heat or blades in my classroom, concealed or not."

Ranger promised Mrs. Ritzer that he would do a weapons check before Frankie came to school.

The conference continued for a few more minutes. After the Manosos agreed to all of Mrs. Ritzer's terms, she dismissed them.

oOoOoOo

Stephanie snapped back to the present when Tank entered the cubicle. Stephanie glared at Tank and Ranger. "I blame myself."

"Blame yourself for what?" Tank asked.

"For not being aware of my surroundings or Frankie's."

Tank said, "Say what?"

"I didn't realize that Frankie was attending the Rangeman Academy and Finishing School for Bodyguards and-"

"Babe."

Ranger told Tank about their discussion with Mr. Ritzer. Tank, who was Frankie's Godfather, beamed with pride when he heard that Frankie was carrying concealed and defended a friend in need.

"Where is the Little Recruit?" Tank asked. "I want to high five him for some good work."

Stephanie protested, "No! Do not high five him. This is not good work. I don't want him to be the most feared child in pre-k."

"Why not? He'd be walking in his Uncle Tank's footsteps."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You were the most feared child in your pre-k?" she asked incredulously.

"Not pre-k," said Tank. "They didn't have pre-k back in the day. But I was the most feared k through twelve," he boasted.

"Did you have any friends?" asked Stephanie.

"What's your point?" asked Tanked. He was amazed that she would even ask such a question.

"I want Frankie to have friends. I want him to have a normal childhood."

Ranger and Tank looked at Stephanie as if being the most feared k through twelve wasn't normal.

"So where is Frankie 'The Man' Manoso? I want to bump knuckles with him."

"Where is Frankie?" Ranger asked.

Stephanie and Ranger looked at each other.

"Oh my God! My Dad took him to his house. We forgot about him."

Tank stared down Ranger and Stephanie.

Ranger shook his head. "I know and we call ourselves parents."

The Slaughterhouse of Love

"Frankie and Hank sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g", sang Lisa, age five, from the back seat of the Cayenne to her cousin. Ranger looked in the rearview mirror and saw his son, Frankie, grimace.

"Did not!" snapped, Frankie Manoso, also age five.

"Did too! I saw it." Lisa continued singing, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage."

"No way!"

"Way," said Lisa. "Hank told me you're getting married 'cause you kissed her."

"Nuh uh. I didn't kiss her."

Lisa chirped a singsong fashion, "Did too, Frankie Blue."

"Did not!" said Frankie. "She's fibbin'. She kissed me."

She? Hank's a she? Hank's a she. Strange name for a girl, Ranger thought. He mentally sighed.

"Frankie and Hank sitting in a tre-"

"Lisa Schmisa, you better stop it or-"

"Or what?" taunted Lisa.

Frankie looked at his father in the rearview window. "Daddy, make her stop."

"Daddy, make her stop," mocked Lisa. "You. Are. Such. A. Bay-bee."

Ranger grinned at his son through the rearview mirror. "You're on your own with this one, Big Guy."

Ranger looked in the rearview mirror again and grinned, again. Frankie had crossed his arms over his chest and was pouting. He liked it that Lisa gave Frankie what for. She was the only one who did. Frankie was Ranger's only son and his wife's, Stephanie's, only child. She tended to coddle Frankie, as did everyone they knew, except Lisa and Ranger. When pressed, Ranger had to admit that he coddled his son, too.

Lisa was a few months older than Frankie and they went to school together. Ranger, along with Stephanie, her father, and Valerie, Lisa's Mom and Stephanie's sister, played tag team in to-ing and fro-ing the children to school.

Lisa was a wisp of a girl, with long straight blonde hair and big button brown eyes. As the youngest of three, Lisa learned early how to maneuver around her half-sisters to gain their Mother's attention. She took no guff from her sisters and she certainly didn't take it from her cousin. Ranger figured that hanging out with his cousin would toughen Frankie a bit.

Lisa continued to sing until Ranger delivered her to her doorstep in the little neighborhood of Chambersburg, known as the 'burg. As it was a cold February day and the snow that fell the night before had turned to slush, Ranger had his niece jump from the SUV into his arms. He carried her to the front door of the duplex where she lived with her family. Lisa pressed the doorbell. A few minutes later, the door was opened by Valerie. Ranger handed Lisa to Valerie, kissed them both on the cheek and returned to his vehicle.

Ranger slid behind the wheel of the Cayenne and beeped the ignition. He looked in the rearview mirror at Frankie, who was still frowning. Frankie's eyes were glistening. Ranger wondered if he allowed Lisa to tease his son too much today. If it were any other kid in the world, he would tell him to suck it up, but he just couldn't do that with his boy. Damn! He did coddle him.

Ranger asked Frankie what happened and the child told his father the story. It had been Frankie and Hank's turn to help put the art supplies away. After they did, Hank looked at him and said, "You're cute, Frankie Blue", and gave him a kiss full on the lips. Frankie was stunned. Then Hank told him, "Now that you kissed me, we have to get married." The whole class must have seen the kiss because some of the kids giggled. Frankie blushed and ran back to his seat. Their teacher, Ms. Mendoza, saw what happened and gave the class a hard look and the room went quiet. At the end of the day, Ms. Mendoza pulled Hank aside for a chat and Frankie ran to his Dad's SUV.

"What kind of name is Hank for a girl?" asked Ranger.

Frankie answered, "Her name's Harriet, but everyone calls her Hank."

"Good to know. Is she pretty?

"Kinda," said Frankie quietly.

"Do you like her?"

Frankie looked out the window. He had his eyes opened wide to hold back the tears. He was having a rough day. Frankie didn't answer his Dad's question.

"You do like her," said Ranger knowingly. "Are you going to marry her?"

Frankie was quiet and resigned when he answered. "She told me I had to."

"You don't have to marry someone because she told you to."

"I don't?"

"No."

"Did Mommy tell you to marry her?"

"No. I asked Mommy to marry me." Ranger did not go on to explain that he had asked Stephanie to marry him at least a zillion times before she said yes and that Frankie was on the way at the time. He decided to save that part of the story for a later date, a much later date.

"You asked Mommy?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

Ranger wanted to roll his eyes, but he wasn't sure if Frankie understood that Mommy and Daddy were married. After all, his Aunt Valerie and Uncle Albert weren't married and they lived together and had a family. "She said yes."

"Why?" asked Frankie.

"Because we love each other."

"Good to know."

Ranger had planned to take Frankie straight to Rangeman, but he made a detour to Starbucks and bought his son a hot chocolate with whipped cream. Ranger usually objected to giving Frankie sugary treats, but the kid had had a rough day.

oOoOoOo

The hot chocolate had a restorative effect on Frankie. He rolled into Rangeman in his usual good spirits. As he was walking to his office, the cubicle that his father had converted to a playroom for him, he saw two of his father's employees, Bobby and Lester. Frankie knew all of his father's employees since he was a baby. He called them uncle, as in Uncle this or Uncle that, except for Ella, the lone female Rangeman employee. He called her Tia Ella.

Just like always, Bobby and Lester went into Frankie's office and roughhoused with the Little Recruit, as they called the youngster. Most of the Merry Men, the Rangeman employees, were not fathers and had no interest in children. But they all seemed to genuinely like Frankie, and not because he was the boss's kid. Whenever Frankie was in his office, some of the Merry Men always came to visit with him.

Frankie's laughter could be heard throughout Rangeman. Most of the Merry Men were former military and mercenaries. Frankie's noise never interrupted them. He was quieter than warfare.

Pierre "Tank" Thibodeaux, Rangeman's second in command, walked into Frankie's office with Ranger. All of the Merry Men were tall and well muscled, like Ranger, but Tank was more so. Tank was Ranger's best friend and Frankie's Godfather. His imposing presence intimidated most, but to Frankie he was just Uncle Tank. Frankie ran up to Tank and gave him a hug. Tank gave his Godson a stern look.

"Francis Albert, I'm disappointed in you," said Tank as he put a stern looking expression on his face.

Frankie's mood turned from playful to serious in a snap.

"I understand from your father that a young lady kissed you in school today." Bobby and Lester made catcalls in the background.

Frankie looked at his father and rolled his big blue eyes and stomped his foot. "Daddy!" Frankie turned his gaze to his Godfather and said, "That wasn't a young lady. That was Hank."

"Is Hank a girl?" asked Tank.

"Yep."

"Did she kiss you?"

"Yep."

"And you didn't come and tell your Uncle Tank."

"Gee Uncle Pierre . . . do I have to tell you everything?"

There were whoops and coughs from Bobby and Lester when Frankie called Tank, Pierre.

Lester said, "Whoa, Little Recruit, don't go there."

Bobby said, "It was nice knowing you kiddo."

Ranger beamed.

Tank winked at Frankie and said, "When it comes to women, yes."

"She just came up and kissed you?" asked Lester.

"Yep."

"Is she pretty?" asked Bobby.

"Kinda."

Lester said, "You must be a smooth operator to have a girl come up and kiss you."

Frankie shrugged his shoulders.

"Frankie, like his Godfather, is the Gangsta of Love. He just up and stole that girl with the silly name's heart."

"Yeah, just like his Godfather," teased Lester. "Whose heart did you steal?"

"Lula's," said Tank. "I stole that woman's heart before she knew what was happening."

Ranger said, "The word on the street has it the other way around."

"Fools. You can never trust the street," said Tank.

"Frankie's a Latin Lover like his Uncle Lester."

"Lester, get a grip," said Bobby, "You're a Lothario, not a lover."

Tank looked at Frankie and said, "You are the Man. Stealing that sweet thing's heart."

"She's not sweet. She's Hank."

"Her name's Hank?" asked Bobby.

"It's Harriet, but we all call her Hank."

Lester said, "You gotta start calling her Harriet."

"Why?"

"She's your woman," said Lester. "Can't be calling her some boy name."

"She's not my woman."

"Once she planted her lips on yours, she became your woman," explained Lester.

Frankie rubbed his lips with the back of his hand.

"So, Frankie, are you in love with Harriet?" asked Bobby.

Frankie looked up at Bobby and shrugged his shoulders again.

"Hmmm," said Bobby. I'm Rangeman's Medic, maybe I can help. Let's see if you have the symptoms. When you see Harriet, does your mouth get dry and you forget how to talk?"

Frankie nodded.

"Does your tummy feel like it's doing flip-flops?"

Frankie nodded again.

"Does your skin feel warm and tingly?"

"Uh-huh."

Bobby felt Frankie's forehead. He had Frankie stick out his tongue and looked at his throat. He took the boy's pulse. Bobby patted Frankie on the back. "Either you're in love or you have cooties."

"Yuck! I don't have cooties."

"Then you're in love."

Tank said, "Frankie, I have an important question for you. What are you going to get Harriet for Valentine's Day?"

"A card," said Frankie. "We exchange Valentines at school."

"Is it a special card just for her?" asked Tank.

Frankie shook his head.

Tank said, "You need to get your woman a special card and a gift. Valentine's Day is on Monday and today's Friday. You only have a few days to get a gift and a special card."

Frankie looked up at his father with real concern. Ranger patted his son on the back and intervened.

"It was just one kiss," said Ranger. "Frankie doesn't have to get Hank a special card or gift."

Tank said to Ranger, "What do you know about romance? You got lucky when Stephanie took pity on your sorry self. As the boy's Godfather, I have to provide guidance where you so obviously fail."

Ranger could have killed Tank, right then and there, but he didn't think that would be good thing for Frankie to witness. Plus Tank often coached Ranger when he got into predicaments with Stephanie.

Tank, along with Bobby and Lester, took Frankie under their wing and to the mall. They went to Claire's and bought a tiara for Harriet, because, as Lester said, "Since she's the queen of your heart, she should have a crown." They had the gift wrapped in red paper with a big red bow. They got the special card and a gift bag for the gift and card. They took Frankie to McDonald's and over Big Macs, they taught him how to treat his woman right. By the time Tank delivered Frankie to his home, the kid was exhausted.

oOoOoOo

Frankie lay in his special napping place under the countertop in his office. It was like a cave. He laid there with the ice pack sitting on his right eye. If he was quiet, no one would know that he was there, except his father. His Dad put him in his nap station and brought him the ice pack.

Frankie tried to take a nap but the events of the day kept replaying in his head. Today was Valentine's Day and he had looked forward to giving Hank, his woman, her gift. He listened to what Uncle Tank, Uncle Bobby and Uncle Lester had told him and did like they said. But how was it that he was wearing a black eye instead of a smile?

He used the Bulgari gel when he took his shower this morning so that he could smell nice like his dad. His mom put some gunk in his hair and combed it like he was going to church. He even wore a red sweater and khakis so that he could look suave like Uncle Lester.

He went to school early to ask Ms. Mendoza if she would put his gift bag in a safe place because he was going to give Hank her stuff after school. Ms. Mendoza put the gift bag in the desk drawer where she kept her purse.

When Hank came to school, he took her aside, kissed her hand and said, "Good Morning, Querida". But she pulled her hand back and huffed, "I'm not queer. You are."

He pulled out the chair to her desk when she went to sit down, but he pulled it out too far and she fell. When he said, "I'm sorry, Mi Amore", and offered her his hand to help her up, she pushed it out of the way.

At lunch when he called her Corazon and offered her his dessert she looked at it like it had cooties and said, "Ew, I don't like that".

The worst happened after school while they were waiting for their parents by the kiss and ride.

Frankie handed the gift bag to Hank and said, "For you, Amante."

Hank grabbed the gift bag from Frankie's hands. "Stop talking funny to me. What's this?"

"It's for you," said Frankie proudly.

"I know it's for me," said Hank, "But what it is?"

"Open it, my Darling, and find out."

"I am not 'your Darling'," snapped Hank.

Hank took the package out of the bag and tore the bow and the wrapping off the box in two seconds flat. She hadn't even looked at how pretty it was. Frankie was a little disappointed but he knew she would like her gift. Hank pulled the tiara from the box and looked at it. She looked at it from all sides. "What is it?"

Frankie said, "It's a ti-, ti-, it's a ti-"

"Yeah I know, it's a tiara, but what is it?"

Frankie beamed. "I got you a crown since you're the queen of my heart."

Hank just stared at Frankie. She was not a tiara-type of girl.

"Open the card, Dearest," said Frankie.

Hank sighed heavily. She dug into the bag and found the card. Hank looked at the envelope. Her name, Harriet was written on the front on the envelope. She grimaced. Only her grandmother called her Harriet. She removed the card from its envelope and opened it.

The front of the card had a drawing of a bunny staring at a bunny slipper with love in its eyes; the inscription said, Love is Blind. The inside of the card read "But glasses can help." He signed it, Love, Frankie Manoso. Uncle Bobby helped Frankie pick it out special for Hank. He even helped Frankie stuff the card in the envelope and wrote "Harriet" on the front of the envelope. Frankie smiled at Hank as she looked at the card.

Hank pointed at the card. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means-"

Frankie didn't get to tell her what it meant because Hank's fist had landed on his right eye. He bent over and put his hands over his eye. He bit down on his tongue to keep from screaming. He heard noises around him.

He heard Hank say, "Frankie Manoso, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last boy in the world. I'm taking back my kiss."

He heard himself say, "You can have your stinky old kiss back. I didn't want it in the first place."

Ms. Mendoza saw the ruckus. She and her Teacher's Aide rushed up to stop the fight. Mrs. Mendoza guided Frankie back into the school and took him to the office. He held back his tears until they were inside. Ms. Mendoza sat Frankie on a desk and asked him to wait. She called Frankie's dad to apprise him of the situation and to ask him to come and get Frankie. Ms. Mendoza went to the nurse's office to get an ice pack and a wad of tissues. When she returned to Frankie, she gently blotted Frankie's tears with the tissues and put an ice pack on his eye. Ms. Mendoza gave Frankie a hug and waited with him until his father came.

Hank was taken aside by the Teacher's Aide who waited with her until her mother arrived. Hank would have detention for a week for decking Frankie.

Ranger stopped what he was doing to go get his son. He rushed into the school and immediately found the office. Ranger was glad that he had memorized the school's floor plan for emergency situations. He pulled the office door open and saw his boy sitting on a desk and holding something on his eye. After a conversation with Ms. Mendoza, Ranger took Frankie to Rangeman.

Ranger settled Frankie in his nap station in his cubicle with an ice pack and a blanket. He brushed his son's dark brown hair from his brow and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Then, in his best military fashion, he ordered his son to take a nap.

Ranger went to his office and made a series of telephone calls. He called his wife to give her the four-one-one and to ask her to get Frankie's favorite foods for dinner. He called Frankie's school and arranged for Robert Brown, Lester Santos and Pierre Thibodeaux to provide chaperone and security detail for every school event and field trip for the remainder of the school year including the seniors tea dance in the spring.

He then called Tank, Bobby and Lester and asked them to meet him in the conference room, stat. At the meeting, Ranger reported on the St. Valentine's Day Massacre of Frankie Manoso and their roles as accessories to the crime. He also advised them of their extra-curricular duties for the remainder of the school year. Ranger adjourned the meeting and took his son to a safe place, home.

Born Bad?

On the day I was born,

The nurses all gathered 'round,

It was July fifteen and it was Frankie Manoso's fifth birthday. Family and friends were gathered at the Manosos' for a cook out and birthday party.

The women were in the house, sitting in the library in air-conditioned comfort. They were oohing and ahhing over Tallie, Lula and Tank's fifteen-month old daughter. Not only was Tallie an adorable child, she was precocious as all get out. When she was nine-months old she started talking and walking and had been aflutter ever since. Her parents looked forward to bedtime for precious bits of calm and stillness.

The men were in the backyard watching Frankie and the other young guests run back and forth through the sprinklers that typically irrigated the lawn. The Manosos' yard was big enough for a pool and they had the fInancial resources to have one installed, but they staunchly refused to do so after learning that more children die annually due do accidental drowning in residential pools than from wounds from finding the family gun. They opted instead to belong to a community pool where there was a trained lifeguard on duty at all times. But since it was summer and since it was a hot and humid day, the children were being irrigated by the sprinklers.

Lester Santos, who sas a member of the extended Manoso tribe, looked at Frankie and thought, huh, Frankie's five. He'll be going to kindergarten in the fall. Time to start training him to be aware of his surroundings and to be in control of his surroundings. Time to train him to be a certified Badass like his father and his Uncle Lester.

oOoOoOo

And they gazed in wide wonder,

At the joy they had found,

Frankie often visited Rangeman, his father's security business. He was usually there after school or when his Mom, Stephanie, needed a girly afternoon. He visited so often, that Ranger, Frankie's father, had converted an empty cubicle into a playroom for him. Ranger even installed a Frankie Manoso nameplate outside the cubicle. Frankie called it his office.

The summer before he went to kindergarten, Frankie was in his Rangeman office more than usual. He was going to a day camp and he came to the office after camp. When Frankie was in office, his father's employees, the Merry Men, as Stephanie referred to them, would usually stop by to visit with him. Lester decided that Frankie's afternoon visits to Rangeman would be the perfect time for Badass training.

One afternoon while Frankie was creating Lego buildings, Lester decide that it could be a good time to do a Badass diagnostic assessment. After all, no man should become a Badass before his time.

Lester said, "Yo Frank-EE"

Frankie looked up from his task and smiled. "Yo Uncle Les-TER." The bumped knuckles and hugged. Lester sat on the floor and Frankie showed him how to help construct the buildings for his Lego city. Lester thought, this is the perfect time to give the kid the Badass quiz, and did.

"Yo Frankie, what's your favorite movie?"

Frankie stopped playing with his Legos to ponder this most important question. "Toy Story."

Lester was disappointed. He expected Frankie to answer The Godfather or Gladiator. "Interesting. Who's your favorite action star? Bruce Willis? Chuck Norris? Clint Eastwood?"

Frankie looked at Lester quizzically. Lester was amazed that Ranger was not schooling his son in the classics.

"If you were an animal, what type of animal would you be?"

Frankie said, "A puppy!"

"A ferocious puppy like a German Shepherd or a Doberman?"

Frankie shook his head. "No. A fluffy puppy."

Lester looked at Frankie. Was this really Ranger's kid? If Frankie didn't look exactly like his Dad, he'd seriously question it. But then again, Frankie did take down Randy Vivio in Pre-k. He knew there had to be some Badass genes in there . . . somewhere.

oOoOoOo

The head nurse spoke up,

Said, "Leave this one alone",

Later that evening, Lester sat in his apartment and reviewed the Badass Code of Behavior posted on the wall. He knew Frankie had it in him to be a Badass even if his favorite movie was Toy Story and he didn't know who Clint Eastwood was. Frankie descended from a long line of Badasses. Lester figured with some coaching, Frankie's inner Badass would make an appearance.

Lester glanced at the Code again. It read:

Badass Code of Behavior

1. Follow orders and respect those in charge, unless the person is in charge is a fool, then oust.

2. Protect the little guy, even if it is a girl, especially if it is a girl.

3. Family and those you make your family are very important and should be protected at all costs.

4. Be polite but firm.

5. Violence is only used as a last resort. Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate!

As all things worth doing, being a Badass was simple and pure in doctrine, but a bitch to execute. Lester decided that the first thing to do was teach Frankie to think Badass.

oOoOoOo

She could tell right away,

That I was bad to the bone.

On Monday when Frankie came to Rangeman after day camp, Lester was ready to begin his tutelage. He walked into Frankie's office with bottles of chilled water so they could have a late afternoon hydration break. He handed a bottle to Frankie. Lester opened his bottle and waited while Frankie struggled with his. Frankie handed his bottle to Lester to open it for him. Lester hesitated. A teaching opportunity just presented itself.

"You can do this," said Lester. "You're strong."

"It's slippy."

"What if you were out in the field and this bottle was the only clean water for miles, what would you do?"

"Wait 'til I'm real thirsty."

Lester rubbed his chin with his hand, as if he was stroking a phantom goatee. "Good point. But when you get very thirsty, how would you open the bottle?"

Frankie shrugged. Lester had Frankie put the bottle on a solid surface, hold the bottle firmly with one hand and twist the top with the other. The bottle tipped and some of the water spilled on the floor, but the kid had opened the bottle. Lester thought, he took direction well, which meant he could follow orders. Check. They clinked bottles and took swigs.

"When you go to school, you can open your own bottles. You can even help kids who can't open their own bottles."

"I can do that."

Hmm, Lester thought, he's willing to help the little guy or the little gal. "You ready for kindergarten?"

"Uh Huh. I know my letters. I can count to a hundred."

"Anything else?"

"Yep. I can write my name and read some stuff."

Lester nodded. That was not what he meant. He wanted to know if Frankie was ready to go into new terrain, uncharted territory. Was he ready to protect himself and anyone who needed it? Was he ready to own the playground? "Are you ready to go to a new school?"

"Uh huh."

"Scared?"

Frankie shook his head. "Nope."

"Worried?"

"Mommy told me that school will be fun and everybody will be nice. And Harry and Lisa Schmisa will be there."

"What if someone isn't nice too you?"

"Not nice?" Frankie considered this for a few beats. "But I'll be nice to them."

Lester thought, what in hell is Stephanie teaching the kid? Love will lead the way? Give peace a chance? Doormat one-o-one? Does Ranger know about this? Regroup. New tactic.

"What if someone's not nice to Harry?"

"Harry's nice. Why wouldn't someone be nice to Harry?" Harry, Frankie's friend, was handicapped. He was born without his lower left leg and got around on crutches or by using a prosthesis.

"What if someone made fun of Harry and hurt his feelings? What would you do?"

"I'd ask them to be nice to Harry."

Lester thought, ah hah! This will work. I'll just lead him down the path and see where he goes. "And what if they weren't nice to Harry after you asked them."

"I'd tell him to be nice to Harry."

"And what if they still didn't listen to you?" Lester goaded.

"I'll tell 'em to be nice to Harry like Daddy does." Frankie narrowed his eyes and did an imitation of Clint Eastwood. "Be nice to Harry, punk."

Lester sighed. So Ranger was doing some training. Frankie showed that he would protect a friend, be polite, but firm and be intimidating. Check, check and check. Lester pushed on. "And what if they were still mean to Harry?"

"I'd take 'em down like Randy Vivio."

Lester beamed. Force as a last resort. Check! He was a Badass. The family tradition was going to live on. He was so happy he grabbed Frankie and gave him a big hug.

"Uncle Lester, why you huggin' so tight?"

Lester teared up. "Proud of you."

Meet Loaf

Frankie Manoso, age five, like many children, played soccer. He was quite good for his age. His Merry Uncles, his father's employees, taught him to play the game and they practiced with him every time he went to Rangeman, his father's business, which was quite often.

This year he was on a new team, the Antelopes. It was a silly name for a team, but all of the other good team names had been taken. His new coach wanted the team and their parents to meet each other before the season, so he arranged a get together at his house. At sign-up and orientation, he gave each team member a flyer inviting the team and their parents to dinner. Frankie handed his invitation to his Mother, Stephanie, as they were walking to their Cayenne. Stephanie stopped by the SUV, unfolded the flyer and read it.

"Mommy, what's it say?"

Stephanie held out the flyer so they both could see it. "It says Coach has invited the team and their parents to dinner at his house on Friday. It's a cook out."

Frankie smiled. "Can we go, Mommy?

Stephanie said, "Sure," as she refolded the flyer and put in her purse.

"Can Daddy go, too?"

"Absolutely."

"Yes!" said Frankie.

They drove over to the Rangeman building to tell Ranger, Frankie's father, about the team and the dinner. They parked in the garage in the lower level of the building and rode the elevator to the fifth floor, where Ranger's office was located. Frankie sprinted off the elevator down the corridor to his Father's office. Stephanie trailed behind. Frankie ran up to his father's desk and peered over the top.

Ranger looked up from his paperwork to acknowledge his only son. "Hey, Big Guy." He grabbed his boy, pulled him near and gave him a bear hug and a kiss on the head."

Frankie laughed as his father tickled him. "Hi, Daddy! Guess what?"

"What?"

Frankie broke from his father's hold so that he could talk to him man to man. "I'm on a new soccer team."

Ranger crossed his arms and listened. "What's the name of the team?"

Frankie carefully said, "The Ant-ee-lopes."

Ranger looked at Stephanie, who was leaning on the doorjamb of his office, and mouthed "The Antelopes?"

Stephanie held up her hands and shrugged.

Ranger looked at Frankie and said, "Good to know."

"Daddy, Daddy, guess what else?" said Frankie as he bounced up and down.

"What?"

"We're going to Coach's house for dinner. 'kay?"

Ranger looked at Stephanie again. She pulled the flyer out of her purse. She held it up, pointed at it and nodded.

"Babe?"

Stephanie walked into the office. She went to Frankie and said, "Do you think that Uncle Tank and your other Uncles want to hear about your new team?"

Frankie nodded. He scooted out of the office and down the corridor to his Uncle Tank's office and announced his presence by saying, "Uncle Tank, guess what?"

Stephanie walked over to her husband. She leaned her hip into the lip of desk's edge and crossed her arms. "That's right, Batman. Dinner. Friday. At Coach's.

"But-"

"But what?"

"That's in four days," said Ranger "That won't give me, us enough time to do a thorough background check on his new coach and to check security around his house."

"Do the best that you can. Your son is excited about this and I want him to have fun . . . for once."

"Babe, what are you saying?"

"Need I remind you about last Halloween?"

"Babe."

"And the Christmas pageant?"

"Babe."

"All I'm saying is that it would be nice if he could have a normal experience at Coach's meet and greet. Please don't make it a Rangeman infiltrated escapade."

"Just trying to keep him safe."

Stephanie motioned to Ranger to push his chair back. Stephanie sat across her husband's lap and put her arms around his neck to continue their conversation. "He's a five-year-old going to a cook out at his soccer coach's house with the rest of his team and their parents. Not an operative going into enemy territory."

"Babe."

Stephanie nuzzled Ranger's neck and gave him a quick kiss. "Ranger, just this once. Please."

"Not playing fair, Babe."

Stephanie smiled and gave Ranger another kiss. "I know."

"You owe me."

Stephanie winked at Ranger and licked his neck. "I know."

They heard loud noises and activity down the hallway and went to investigate. They walked into Rangeman's lunchroom where they saw Frankie and some of his Merry Uncles playing a pickup game of soccer with a ball much smaller than regulation use. They saw Frankie kick the ball into his opponents' goal.

Tank said, "Score for the Little Recruit. Frankie 'the Man' Manoso wins the game for his team."

Frankie squealed with delight as his Uncle Hal put him on his shoulders and his other teammate/Uncle, Lester, chanted, "Go Frankie! Go Frankie!"

Hal saw Ranger and passed the Little Recruit over to him. Ranger put Frankie on his shoulders.

Frankie leaned over to see his dad's face. "We won, Daddy!"

"Good for you. How about a treat for the champions."

Frankie was so happy. He punched his fists into the air. "Yea! A treat."

"I'm going to make you a protein smoothie with extra wheat grass."

"Oh,"

Ranger said, "It's a treat for champions. It'll keep you strong."

"And taste icky," stated Frankie.

The Merry Uncles chimed in that the protein drink would, in fact, taste icky. Ranger looked around at the long faces, especially those of Stephanie and Tank. He took Frankie off his shoulders and put him down. He looked at his son's face, whose was the longest of all.

Frankie looked up at the sea of adults. "Are milkshakes smoothies?"

Stephanie smiled and said, "I think so."

"Absolutely," said Tank. "Especially McDonald's milkshakes."

Ranger said, "I don't think-"

Tank waved Ranger off. "I happen to have it on good authority that McDonald's milkshakes are smoothies."

"Who in their right mind would tell you that?" asked Ranger.

"Lula."

"Well, if Lula says so, it must be so," said Ranger, with more than a tinge of sarcasm.

Frankie said, "Damn Skippy."

They all began to laugh, even Ranger. Stephanie would have a chat with Frankie later, much later, about language after they had their smoothies.

Frankie spent the next few days in a state of excitement about his new team and the dinner at Coach's house. When you're five these types of things are very big deals. He told everyone he encountered about his new team. He told his cousin Lisa-Schmisa when she came over to play. Lisa, who was on her own soccer team, the Flying Artichokes, was underwhelmed. He told the neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Skomski, who were in their retirement years. They always listened to Frankie's stories and enjoyed his adventures. He told Lula and Connie when he went with his mom to the bond office. He even told Vinnie, his mom's boss and cousin, who was polite enough to almost listen.

On Thursday, Ranger was called away to Boston. There were some issues at Rangeman's Boston office that only he could tend to. Frankie pouted when they drove Ranger to the airport. He was so excited about dinner at Coach's and he wanted his Daddy to meet the other fathers. Ranger promised that he would do everything that he could to be at Coach's for dinner. Frankie made sure that his Father had the address just in case he should have to come straight from the plane.

On Friday, Stephanie took Frankie to spend the afternoon with his Grandpa and Grandma Plum. Stephanie had some skips to catch and Frankie had some catching up to do. When Stephanie left him off she promised that she would be back by four thirty so they could get to Coach's on time.

Frankie spent a pleasant afternoon with his grandparents. He played soccer in the alley behind the house with his Grandpa. He helped his Grandma bake cookies and acted as her official taster. And he drew and colored some new art for the refrigerator. When the telephone rang at four fifteen, Grandma Plum had Frankie answer it.

"Hello, the Plum res-ee-dense."

"Frankie, it's Mommy."

"Hi, Mommy! When ya coming?"

"There's a problem. Actually, there are two problems."

Frankie was crestfallen. "Oh."

"Angel, I'm so sorry. There is bad weather in Boston and Daddy's stuck. And he can't come home today."

"Oh."

"And Mommy's stuck at work and I can't take you to Coach's."

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry, Angel."

"That's okay," Frankie said dejectedly.

"I have an idea. Do you think that Grandpa could take you to Coach's?"

"No," said Frankie. "It's for the team and their parents."

"Grandpa's a parent. He's Mommy's parent."

"But he's not my parent," Frankie pouted.

"He is, too. He's your parent today since Mommy and Daddy can't come to Coach's dinner."

"Do you think he could? Do you think he could take me?"

"I do. Go ask him. I'll wait."

Frankie put down the receiver and went to find his Grandfather. Stephanie heard murmuring and footsteps.

Frank Plum picked up the telephone receiver and said, "Stephanie, what's this about a meat loaf dinner?"

"A meat loaf dinner?"

"Frankie said something about a meat loaf dinner at his Coach's house. You and Ranger can't go and he wants me to take him. You know I'll take him, but the only meat loaf I eat is your mother's."

Stephanie mentally clunked her forehead, "Don't worry, Dad, it's not a meat loaf dinner."

"That's not what Frankie said. He asked me to take him to a meat loaf dinner at Coach's."

"Not meat loaf, Dad," said Stephanie. "It's a Meet the 'Lopes dinner. The name of his team is the Antelopes, but they're called the 'Lopes."

"Stupid name for a team."

Stephanie said, "I agree, but that's who they are, the Antelopes, aka the 'Lopes."

"I'll take him, just as long as I don't have to eat meat loaf."

"It's a cook out. You'll be fine and it'll make Frankie happy."

"Okay, I'll take him. If it would make the kid happy, I'd even eat meat loaf."

Stephanie gave her father directions and the Franks went to the Meet the 'Lopes dinner. Frankie had a great time with his new teammates and Frank didn't have to eat meat loaf since it wasn't on the menu.