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Dedicated to all my incredible twittah friends; I wouldn't be half the fangirl I am today without you all! ^-^ Happy Valentine's Day, guys! ~Jess
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Of all the people currently residing in Stark Tower, Clint Barton was by far the most reserved. It was normally a tie between him and Natasha, but even she had her moments where she couldn't help but join in group activities.
That being said, if there was one thing Clint hated, it was holidays. Being dragged out of his "nest" to socialize? Not his cup of tea, by a long shot. Christmas was too cheerful. New Year's Eve had too many drunken party goers (and Tony could count for at least ten of once he got enough drinks in his system). Saint Patrick's Day was pointless, Halloween was just an excuse for people to pretend to be something they're not (and not lie about it), and don't even get him started on Thanksgiving. What with his codename being Hawkeye, the turkey jokes were simply unbearable… you get the idea.
But, there was one holiday Clint didn't absolutely despise. Valentine's Day. It was a day that let you see people for who they truly were, and how they truly felt. The happy people went out of their way to share their happiness, and the miserable, lonely people tend to break off into small groups to complain about their love lives together.
Plus, this year was bound to be interesting. Pepper was supposed to be planning some kind of party, and as long as there was plenty of chocolate and somewhere quiet for him to retreat to, Clint was more than willing to attend.
The only problem was, Tony didn't know. Because if there was one, and only one, holiday Tony Stark hated, it was Valentine's Day. Being forced to spend good money on meaningless cards and trinkets, and the strongest alcohol available was champagne? Yeah; he'd pass. There was no way in hell he'd let Potts plan a party to be held in his tower, so… she might have just accidentally failed to mention it to him.
"You have to help me," she had finally said, hurrying into the kitchen just as Clint was about to leave. Raising an eyebrow, he glanced around, expecting her to be talking to someone else. But no; Pepper Potts was truly in need of his aid.
"I do?" he asked, and she nodded, biting her lip in that way she only did when she was nervous about something.
"I was going to tell him. I really was, but… I just… didn't. Now he's going to lose it when people start showing up to a party he had no idea about, for a holiday he hates…"
Clint was skeptical. "Isn't dealing with Tony's tantrums usually your area of expertise?"
"This is different… I don't have time to deal with his tantrums today. The party is in an hour! There's only so much even I can handle at once…"
She looked about ready to start ripping her vibrant hair out so, with a sigh, Clint nodded. He'd deal with Stark. He had no idea how, but he'd do it…
Arrows, he thought suddenly as he started for the elevator, pausing to snag his bow and quiver. If he was about to head down to a room filled with weaponized suits to antagonize their owner, he'd have to be an idiot not to bring something along the lines of self defense.
When he reached the proper floor and made his way into the lab, at first he wasn't sure Tony was even there. The place appeared to be empty. Until…
"Legolas! Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"
Nearly jumping out of his skin when Tony's voice echoed through the cavernous room, he instinctively sheathed an arrow and pointed it upward, raising an eyebrow when he caught sight of Tony purely hovering in midair. Slowly lowering the bow, his brow furrowed.
"How are you doing that?"
"Lightweight cotton particles, positively charged airborne electromagnet protons… You know what? It doesn't matter." Dropping down to the ground when he tapped a silver band on his wrist, the philanthropist raised an eyebrow as he walked over to Clint. "The important question is: how the hell are you in here? You don't have the passcode."
"Pepper gave it to me," Clint responded, and Tony heaved a clearly irritated sigh.
"Of course she did… Well, what do you want? You're interrupting the test run of an invention that's going to make me… even more… rich."
"Actually, she was the one who sent me down here," he stated, and Tony carelessly turned his back, bringing up data on one of the mobile computer screens that Clint didn't feel like deciphering.
"Oh yeah?" he asked, not fully listening, and Clint crossed his arms over his chest.
"Yeah; she's throwing a party tonight. Here. Wanted me to tell you because she's too busy setting up."
Tony cussed under his breath when the sudden distraction made him miscalculate the formula he was working on, gritting his teeth. "From the top, JARVIS."
"Restarting electropropulsion device database," the Al responded, and Tony turned on his heel to face Clint, his dark eyes narrowed.
"She's what?"
"A party," Clint responded, honestly not in the mood to deal with a Stark hissy fit. He should have just sent Natasha to handle him. "You know, where people get together to celebrate a holiday?"
"Valentine's Day is not a holiday," Tony snapped, shaking his head. "It's an over commercialized insult to people with better things to do than spend all their money on diamonds just for another damn day of the year. There is not going to be a party in my tower for it."
"Well, she's already planned it and likely invited everyone you know. So suck it up."
"I don't have to suck it up," Tony ground out rather smugly, turning back to his work. "My name is on the lease, not hers. Hence it's my tower. My tower, my rules. My rules; no damn party."
"Your rules? Your tower? Oh, I don't think so. Who spends day and night running your company while you sit hold up in here tinkering away like a science geek?"
Clint raised an eyebrow, turning around just in time to watch Pepper stalk into the lab, her red curls tumbling behind her back as her blue eyes flashed with obvious anger at Tony's words.
"You're CEO. It's your job to run the company. My job is to sit hold up in here tinkering away like the genius I am," Tony responded nonchalantly, not turning to face her as he continued to work on the formula before him, and Pepper scowled more furiously, her hair practically bristling as she scoffed.
"Oh, please. Just because you invented a shiny metal suit, it doesn't make you a genius."
"Really? That's not what the media says."
Backing up a few steps, Clint repressed his laughter. No one would ever admit it, but watching Tony and Pepper argue was more entertaining than most reality TV shows. Sometimes, if the fight lasted long enough, they'd even place bets amongst themselves about who would cave first. More often than not, it was always Tony; once Pepper brought out the sex ban, he'd lose it. Tony Stark couldn't go more than a week without getting in her pants.
This argument was escalating rather quickly, though. The stress of planning something so big on her own had obviously already been getting to Pepper, and Tony's rude, careless attitude was likely the icing on her thin cake of patience.
"You're being a pathetic, rude, arrogant asshole!" she snapped, and Tony quirked an eyebrow as he pushed some numbers to the side, still not meeting her gaze.
"How is that any different from how I normally am, Potts?"
"Because it's Valentine's Day!" she shouted. "Can't you just do this one small thing for me, Tony? For once?"
"I gave you my entire company!" he said with exasperation, throwing his hands in the air and turning to face her. "That should be enough for a thousand Valentine's Days!"
"You gave me the company because you're too lazy to run it yourself!" she retorted, and he scoffed, finally getting into the heat of the fight.
"Lazy? I'm lazy? I fly around the world on a daily basis saving people's lives and you call me lazy-?"
Pepper had opened her mouth to snap something undoubtedly witty in retort when she paused, her wide blue eyes locked on Clint over Tony's shoulder.
"Clint, why are you pointing your arrow at us?"
Tony's annoyed expression melted to one of confusion as he turned, raising an eyebrow. "Do you have something you'd like to say, Katniss?"
Clint's eyes narrowed with annoyance at the nickname, and he let the arrow fly. If there was one thing he hated, it was Tony's endless nicknames. Legolas, Robin Hood, Katniss…? Honestly, did he look like a teenage girl with a braid?
He also hated Tony's lack of respect for his, quite literally, better half. The woman had put up with his shit for over a decade, and she couldn't even have a party? Like hell.
Plus, the arrow was blunt. The worst it would do was making him whiney for a few days about the twinge in his shoulder where it landed home.
A shrill gasp escaped Pepper when Tony yelped at the momentary stabbing pain, and she expected him to start cussing and yelling up a storm, if not to suit up and give Clint a run for his money. But instead, a peculiar look crossed his face. The pained expression seemed to melt away in replacement of wonder, and seconds later he plucked the arrow from his shoulder and let it drop. There wasn't a single drop of blood on it.
Had Tony been replaced by a cyborg and none of them had noticed?
"Tony…?" Pepper asked hesitantly, and a goofy grin crossed his face when she spoke his name.
"What can I do for you, love?" he asked, and she blinked with confusion. Love? Tony had called her a fair few nicknames over the past decade and a half, some more obscene than others once they became an item, but love? That was simply too cheesy, especially for Tony Stark. In fact, even Pepper wrinkled her nose with slight distaste.
"What…?"
"Anything you want, it's yours," he said, his grin only widening as he took her hands in his and pressed their foreheads together, gazing into her eyes with something that could only be classified as adoration. "A puppy, a million dollars, a golden bathtub, the Eiffel Tower; hell, do you want Mars? I can pull some strings; I know a guy who could-"
"What in hell did you do to him?" Pepper asked, cutting him off as she wiggled her head to the side enough to look at Clint with a wide-eyed, slightly startled expression. Tony Stark was being sweet. Agonizingly sweet; sickeningly sweet. He was never sweet. Charming? Yes. Seductive? When wasn't he? But sweet…?
"I don't know…" Clint muttered as he glanced at the arrow on the floor at Tony's feet. Hesitating for a moment, he quickly sheathed another arrow and drew back, releasing it and earning a startled squeak from Pepper when it hit her in the arm. Mere seconds later, she was a giggling, cooing mess, fawning over Tony more than any of his obsessive fangirls ever had. The most obvious difference was that he was fawning over her just as much.
"I love you…"
"No, I love you…"
"Pft, I love you more than positively charged atoms love a neutral base…"
"Well, I love you more than I love when Jimmy Choos go on sale…"
Then they were kissing, and Clint had to leave before he barfed all over the lab. What the hell was wrong with his arrows? They didn't even leave a mark, and they turned the victim into a lovey-dovey sap-
Freezing, his eyes locked on a particular form of decoration that Pepper had set up. A large, red heart with a cherub drawn in the middle, with arrows…
Blinking, he slowly glanced back at his arrows, then back to the picture, then to his arrows…
"You stop it…"
"No, you stop it…"
"No! I told you to stop being adorable first…"
The people he hit with arrows instantly fell in love. They turned into sappy, love-sick morons…
"Am I cupid?" he muttered, nearly shuddering at the thought. However, a few seconds later, his lips pulled into a grin. This could be fun…
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"Is Stark on drugs?"
Glancing up from the notebook he was working in, Clint caught Natasha's eyes on him and grinned for a moment before glancing over the balcony to peer down at the party. Tony currently had his arms around Pepper's waist, and he was happily sniffing her hair from behind, likely commenting on the fact that she smelled just like strawberries. Any other time, Pepper would have smacked him and reminded him that she was allergic to strawberries and would never smell like them. Now, all she did was giggle like a school girl.
"I think Potts is, too," Clint said simply, despite the fact that he knew perfectly well why they were acting like two puppies in love.
Natasha blinked down at them for another moment before shaking her head, downing her drink and turning back to Clint. He noted that she was wearing a gold, knee length dress that complimented her fiery hair perfectly, and only realized he was staring when she cleared her throat.
"Hmm?"
"I said; that isn't like her. Normally she'd be scolding him, not joining him. I think something's up."
"You always think something's up," he reminded her, returning to his notebook. "Maybe they just have February Fourteenth Fever."
"Oh, please," she scoffed. "Tony Stark doesn't do Valentine's Day. None of this adds up."
"Well, then go crunch the numbers again," he said, turning his gaze back to her with a slight grin. "Maybe if you solve the variables just right, you'll realize how ridiculous you're being."
Shaking her head, she turned on her heel and started for the stairs, pausing at the top. "You should come down; join the party," she commented as she clung to the railing. "There's a chocolate fountain."
"Ah. Like the one in Budapest?"
Grinning, she raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember there being a chocolate fountain in Budapest."
A smirk curling his lips upward, he shook his head. "I believe we've already established that you and I remember Budapest very differently."
Grinning at him for a moment longer, Natasha offered him a single nod and a, "That we do," before she went downstairs to join the party.
Glancing back down at his notebook, Clint observed his handiwork; an aim chart. The names of all the guests and where they were frequenting at in the room below. If he aimed just right, he could hit every one of them; and he never misses.
First on the list; a certain Captain in dire need of a lady friend.
Rising to his feet, Clint kept to the shadows of the balcony, scanning the room below until he caught sight of Steve, lingering on his own close to the dance floor, as if begging someone with his eyes to know some of his old moves. As much as he tried to adjust, the modern world wasn't exactly suiting him well at the moment.
Glancing around, the archer noted that another girl, around twenty-one, most likely, was staring longingly at the dance floor. She had mousy brown hair and plenty of freckles, and was obviously too shy to ask someone to dance.
The perfect girl for Steve Rogers.
Waiting until he was certain she'd glanced at the blonde across the room, he pulled back and aimed for her hip; a place that hardly anyone would notice the arrow hit. Releasing, the slim object flew through the air and hit home, earning a soft gasp followed by a noise of wonder. The girl got to her feet and wandered across the room, looking up at Steve with a small smile.
"Hi," she said quietly, her cheeks stained a faint shade of pink. "You're Steve Rogers, aren't you?"
"That I am," he said with a small smile, obviously a bit surprised that someone had finally approached him in the crowded room. "And you are?"
"Penny," she responded, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I work in accounting at SI. You probably don't know me, but I definitely know you; I've been a huge fan for as long as I can remember; my dad still has some old videos of you in your prime…"
Clint grinned as the girl began to chat happily, watching Steve's cheeks begin to flush with embarrassment at the flattery. There was a look in his eyes, though; almost nostalgic.
"You don't by any chance like to dance, do you, Penny?" he asked curiously, and her eyes lit up at the mention of the word.
"Oh, I love to dance," she said dreamily, and a soft laugh escaped her when Steve took her hand and twirled her.
"Shall we, then?"
"We shall…"
One down, Clint thought with a victorious smirk.
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If there was one person it was impossible to set up, it was Bruce. Honestly, Clint didn't know him well enough to set him up with a girl who would suit him; the only person Bruce really had a conversation of any length with was Tony. Not to mention, Clint didn't really enjoy long conversations; Natasha was the exception.
So, he decided to leave it to sheer luck. If he hit the big guy with an arrow, he was bound to spot someone interesting in the crowd. It was a longshot, pun intended, but it would have to do.
Clint hadn't expected the reaction he got. When the arrow hit him, Bruce jumped up right away and strode across the room, leaving Clint waiting curiously to see who he'd end up with.
He walked right up to Tony and Pepper.
"Tony," he said anxiously, tugging on his arm to draw his attention from Pepper for five seconds. "Tony, let's go do science."
"Hmm?" Tony said fuzzily, glancing up from Pepper's hair with a dazed expression, grinning and shaking his head. "Not now, Banner; I'm sniffing my Potts."
Bruce frowned, tugging on his suit jacket, pulling him away from Pepper, much to her dismay. She began to whine as soon as his arms were gone from around her.
"Tonyyyyy, why are you leaving me?"
Tony was horrified, and he quickly pulled her close again. "Never, Peppy Pie; I'll never leave you…"
"Peppy Pie?" Natasha remarked as she walked over, raising an eyebrow. "What are you on, Stark?"
"Tony!" Bruce grumbled angrily, tugging at his arm again. "Let's go to the lab and blow stuff up!"
"He's busy!" Pepper huffed; clinging to Tony's other arm, which was wrapped securely around her. "Go blow stuff up on your own."
Tony opened his mouth to agree, but Bruce cut him off, tugging roughly at his arm. "Tony's my Science Bro."
Scowling, Pepper grabbed Tony's other arm and pulled. "He's my boyfriend."
Tony blinked as the pulled him one way to the other, stunned. "Ladies, there's enough of me to go around-"
"I saved his life by roaring at him to start his heart again when he fell from the sky!" Bruce snapped, tugging.
"Well, I proved that he has a heart!" Pepper huffed, pulling him back.
"His heart that belongs to science!"
"His heart that belongs to me!"
"Science!"
"Me!"
"Bros before hoes!"
"I run his business!"
"I hang out with him in his lab while you run his business! A coincidence? I think not!"
"He loves me! Tony's mine!"
"Tony Stark is mine, bitch!"
All the while, Tony looked rather frightened they were going to rip him in half with all the pulling they were doing and he paled with terror when Bruce's last words mingled with a roar. Pepper squeaked with fear and pulled Tony away from him quickly when his form began to change, and up on the balcony, Clint gaped with disbelief, muttering a single word in response to it all.
"Shit."
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At the sight before them, all the guests started running like hell toward the elevator, some of them even desperate enough to flee down the stairs. Bruce Banner hulking out? Not exactly how they wanted to end their Valentine's Day.
"Move!" Natasha urged Tony and Pepper, pushing them toward the balcony staircase as Steve fled for the elevator's, clutching Penny's hand.
"Not exactly a traditional Valentine's Day," he stated over the noise, and she exhaled a shaky laugh, squeaking with surprise when he scooped her up and ran down the stairs with her in his arms.
Currently, as Tony, Pepper and Natasha scrambled up to the balcony, the Other Guy was tearing apart Stark Tower. They'd just gotten the place fixed…
"I'm calling for backup," Natasha stated, snatching Clint's cellphone from him and starting to dial. She looked up when she noticed his arrows, gaping at him like he was insane. "You have arrows? What are you just standing there for? Shoot him!"
Clint hesitated, shaking his head. "That's not such a good idea, Nat-"
"Why not? Take him down before he tries to kill us!"
"The arrows; they won't do much good. They'll probably just make everything worse…"
"What are you talking about…?"
"I see you got my gift."
Four startled pairs of eyes looked up when Thor walked over, as though nothing terrifying was currently happening, munching on a Poptart he'd snatched from the kitchen on his way up.
"Gift…?" Natasha asked, and Thor nodded toward Clint's arrows.
"I had heard Midgardian's believed in magic arrows that caused romantic feelings to bloom. It just so happened that an enchantress possessed such objects in Asgard. Have you been enjoying them?"
Slowly, Natasha turned to face Clint, about ready to go all Russian assassin on him. "You did this? Did you think it would be funny, Clint? Bruce is going to kill us all-!"
As if on cue, the great green beast leapt up onto the balcony, earning startled gasps and shrieks from its inhabitants.
"Stark mine! Hulk SMASH puny human girl!"
Pepper shrieked with terror from her spot on the floor, curled against Tony's side, and he clasped her protectively as Bruce charged.
"Well, that's unfortunate," Thor muttered, scratching his head before tossing Bruce off the balcony with mjolnir. "Are you not aware of how to cease the magic?" he asked Clint with a raised eyebrow, and the rather sheepish archer under Natasha's glare shook his head.
Shrugging, Thor made his way down the stairs as Bruce recovered and prepared to charge again, only stopping when a snap echoed through the room and Thor dropped the broken arrow to the ground.
"You simply snap the arrow in two!" he called up to the others. "Destroying the object vanquishes its power over the spelled."
Narrowing her eyes, Natasha pointed to the staircase. "Break them. All of them. Now!"
Trudging down the stairs, Clint obliged. Roughly ten minutes later, after he'd destroyed the arrows in the lab, Pepper and Tony both blinked away their haziness.
"What happened…?" he muttered, running a hand through his hair, his eyes snapping up when he was rewarded with a harsh slap in the face.
"You're an asshole," Pepper muttered, leaning back against the wall, their previous fight fresh in her mind again.
Glancing down at her upset, angry expression, Tony heaved a sigh and tilted her chin up. "I'm sorry for being an enormous jackass," he muttered, shaking his head. "If you want a party, have one. Who am I to stop you?"
Shaking her head, Pepper scowled more deeply and looked away. "It's a bit late for that now. If you hadn't been so impossible, none of this would have happened."
He couldn't argue with that. If he hadn't been such a douche, Clint wouldn't have shot him to begin with. Grinning slightly, he leaned forward until his lips hovered over hers, pressing their foreheads together again.
"I love you, Peppy Pie…"
Blushing, she looked away and shook her head. "Don't call me that. It sounds moronic."
Smirking more broadly, he wiggled his brows and tugged her closer to him. "Fine. C'mere, sex kitten."
Exhaling a laugh, she raised both eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"Too much?" he questioned, but his smirk didn't cease. Shaking her head, she leaned her lips close to his again, clutching his shirt.
"More along the lines of not entirely untrue…"
Giving a throaty chuckle, Tony proceeded to pin her to the ground and give her one of his patented panty-dropping kisses. Although, this one he'd perfected specifically with Ms. Potts in mind…
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Penny blinked, her foggy daze seeming to melt away as she listened to Steve chat across the table from her at the coffee shop they'd stopped at.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked quietly, a big foggy on the details of how she'd gotten where she was, or why she was there with Captain America.
His cheeks turning pink, he offered her a shy smile. "I said you're beautiful," he repeated quietly, and her smile brightened.
She didn't care how she'd gotten there. Penny wasn't going anywhere.
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Groaning, Bruce opened his eyes and rubbed his head, finding himself tucked into bed in his increasingly familiar room in Stark Tower. What had happened…?
"Ah! You've finally awoken!"
Nearly jumping out of his skin, Bruce's eyes snapped up to find Thor, eating yet another Poptart, perched in a chair across the room.
"Jeez," he muttered, shaking his head. "Ever heard of knocking?"
Thor looked puzzled at the statement. "Pepper Potts requested I watch over you while she and Tony retreated up to their chambers. I believe he mentioned something about handcuffs…?"
Shaking his head, Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. Thor really needed to learn what the term "TMI" meant…
"Why are you watching over me? What happened? Why are you here?"
"It's a Midgardian holiday!" Thor said cheerfully as he dug into another raspberry Poptart. "I wished to attend the festivities, and when I arrived I left a gift of enchanted archer's tools for you all. There appears to have been a few misunderstandings, however…"
Blinking, Bruce raised an eyebrow and sat up. "Enchanted archer's tools? As in magic arrows?"
Thor nodded, and Bruce frowned. "Like Cupid?"
"Who is this Cupid you speak of?" Thor asked, and Bruce shook his head again.
"Forget it. What happened?"
Shrugging, Thor continued to gorge on the sugary pastry. "When I entered the room, you had turned into the foul beast and had been plundering Stark's tower. You were howling on about your adoration for him, and threatening to… 'smash' Ms. Potts…?"
Bruce blinked and stayed silent for a long moment. Then he groaned, got to his feet, and got dressed.
"I'm going to the lab," he muttered, "and never coming out."
"I shall join you!" Thor boomed, trailing after him. "I wish to observe these 'explosions' you and Stark speak so fondly of."
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"So, you thought it would be a good idea to shoot people with arrows you knew nothing about?" Natasha inquired, and Clint gave a barely visible blush as they stood on the outside balcony, overlooking the city.
"It worked for Stark and Pepper; is it so wrong that I wanted everyone to have a decent Valentine's Day?"
Shaking her head, Natasha sighed and leaned against the railing. "I guess not. But it was still foolish, and reckless."
"Like Budapest?" he asked, and she offered him a knowing grin.
"Exactly like Budapest."
"You know…" Clint started, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Once you get past all the other stuff, Budapest wasn't that bad."
"Correction," Natasha stated, waggling a finger at him. "Budapest was incredible."
"Yeah, well; first missions always are," he remarked, and she took a step closer to him.
"You made mine pretty memorable," she informed him with a grin, tilting her head as she stood beside him, their arms brushing.
"I did my best," he responded, but she could see his grin in the faint glow of the city lights. Curiosity getting the better of her, she looked up at him and tilted her head.
"How come you didn't shoot me with one of Thor's magical arrows?"
Pausing, Clint's blush became more prominent, and Natasha grinned at his embarrassment. "Maybe I don't like the idea of you falling in love with some random guy," he said with a shrug, and she nudged him with her elbow.
"Oh yeah?" she asked, and he nodded, turning his head to look down at her.
"Yeah…"
They stared at each other with looks of wonder for a few pleasantly silent moments before he spoke up again. "Hey; remember that other thing we did in Budapest?"
Grinning, she flicked her red curls from her eyes. "How could I forget?"
Raising an eyebrow, he leaned a bit closer to her. "Want to do it again?"
Natasha didn't answer; she simply closed her eyes.
A moment later, Clint pressed his lips to hers.
~End~