There are some spoilers for Countdown, season 3 episode 17.

I don't own Castle but I sure wish I did.

Josh.

The name inspired anger but why should it, he thought. Because he came back, he thought answering himself but why should that bother me all he did was come see his girlfriend after she almost died. Any good boyfriend would, so why am I so angry about this.

"Because I love her!" he shouted. He slaped his hand over his mouth and blushed. After a few minutes of silence it looked like his mother and Alexis had either ignored his outburst or hadn't heard it.

He returned to his mind, being stuck in that freezer had left him feeling confused. He had been thinking about his feelings for Kate since his mother had first brought it a up weeks ago but being stuck there, certain that death was fast approaching he had almost said something. But, she had almost said something too right before she blacked out it almost sounded like she was going to say I love you. Not that he needed to hear it at that point he was content to just hold her, to have her be the last thing he saw. Not that he would have minded seeing his family both real and NYPD.

But Esposito and Ryan came through in the end, like they always do. Saving them in the nick of time, though it also meant that he lost her again to the handsome Dr. Motorcycle Guy who was supposed to be in Haiti. She ran eagerly into his arms not giving even giving him a passing glance. It was a low blow to the ego and it still stung to think about. He would leave her again; he thought Josh only stayed because he thought she was going to die. Once he was sure that she was fine he would leave again.

"I wouldn't leave her," he whispered and cringed when he remembered that he had left. He left her standing there all alone after she said she would go with him. He turned her down, he made other plans; with his ex-wife no less. To top it all off he almost didn't come back, he couldn't face her. She gave him the cold shoulder and that hurt even worse than her rushing past him to get to Josh. This way at least she was talking to him.

"We solved the case didn't we," he muttered. He knew it didn't matter; they saved the day whoop-de-do. Yeah he was glad that he helped everyone, really he was happier that he saved Beckett. She was right there and he managed to defuse the bomb, well let's be honest he thought I managed to yank a bunch of wires and we didn't all die, saving her and the rest of New York City.

But, what really mattered was he chickened out. If he was Rook or if it was one of his books then there would have been a profession of love, just in case the bomb really did go off. Sadly though he wasn't Rook and this wasn't a book. His Detective Heat was riding off into the sunset with her biker and he was stuck here. There were no rewrites, there was no editing, all that he had to hold on to is that maybe when Josh inevitably left again to go to Haiti, South Africa, or somewhere that he felt deserved his attention more than the wonderful, beautiful girl he was leaving; maybe she would get fed up and end it, giving him his chance.

Or maybe he should say giving him a second chance, Ryan had accedentaly let it slip that last summer she was going to tell him what he'd been trying to work up the nerve for weeks to tell her. He had tried talking to Laney, she was Kate's best friend after all, but the only advice he got from her was to hope for the best. "I can't betray Beckett's trust," he mimicked. Not even the ole Castle charm could pull it out of her; he just got more of the same. The only thing she said that was the least bit helpful he thought was when she placed her hand on his shoulder and said "Don't worry Castle, you should know better than anyone that true love has a way of coming through in the end."

"I should know better than anyone, I should know better than anyone," he muttered nearly shouting the second half. With a sigh he flopped into his desk chair, "True love, I have yet to see it so why should she expect me to know anything about it. Is it because I'm an author, because in a mystery the romance is added to sell books, James Patterson doesn't worry about whether or not the girl dies it doesn't matter. Hell, if she dies it just sells more now that the hero has to find and confront her killer. Or maybe, maybe it's just something I'm supposed to know, like breathing."

"Dad," Alexis said shaking her head as she walked into the room "Laney said it was something you should know better than anyone because that's what you and Detective Beckett have, she sees it I'm sure Detectives Ryan and Esposito see it too. Cause Gram and I sure do." She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck "I'm sure Kate will see it soon enough." She turned her head and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Good night Dad, love you."

He smiled "Love you to sweet heart."

Well, Alexis has done it again he thought she managed to answer the question that he didn't ask but desperately needed to hear the answer to. "I sure hope you right, kiddo," he whispered more to himself than anyone. "I sure hope your right."

Author's note

So this is my very first attempt at anything other than the Mentalist that is actually finished and getting published so anything at all that you see wrong tell me by clicking on the link below that says review. All flamers are welcome and some are appreciated. So anything at all that could be better or that you would have liked to see let me know!

One last note if you are a Mentalist fan check out my other stuff, go on do it! If you do read my other stuff like School Daze, shameless plug I know, then you have very little time to tell me where you want the final showdown to be. Depending on when you read this there might not be any time but, I'll take late votes if you feel like submitting them.