I roll the small vial over my palm, watching the way the glass picks up the dim light from the lantern. The liquid inside tilts back and forth, so harmless inside its cage.
One or two drops are all it would take to kill a man.
It is then I wonder how much it would take to kill me. I am not a man, not if you ask anyone in power. I was robbed of that title before I ever had a chance to know what I'd lost. Perhaps it would take only a little less to end my life.
Or a little more.
When contemplating such ideas, I decide that it is best not risk failure. A little more then, just to be sure.
My own thoughts begin to frighten me and I place the vial back in its hiding place. If my master ever caught me with it, I honestly can't say what would happen.
He would be furious no doubt; my life belongs to him, I have no right to end it.
There is the darkest corner of my mind that hopes he would be
heartbroken.
That it would cause him to see what is right in
front of him. Me.
I love him with no strings attached. I do not thirst for power or position, merely his touch. And yet he takes that mountain whore to bed with him and he lets the General soothe his spirit.
And I? I am only a diversion. Something exotic, to be sampled a little at a time, lest I become too much for him. That thought is worthy of the derisive smile that crosses my face; a eunuch being too much for a great king?
Or perhaps, I am not enough. My ruined body cannot hope to compete with the others who are whole and complete. I pick up the vial again.
A little more than two drops. That's all it would take.
The door opens and I look up quickly, concealing my secret in the palm of my hand. I steel myself for whatever companions the King has brought with him tonight. And yet, when I briefly look up before I bow, I realize something.
The warmth in his eyes is for me alone tonight. As I walk slowly to douse the lamps, I slip the vial away again.
Tonight alone with him is enough.
For now.