A/N: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I claim to :)
I wanted to state that my one-shots could be possibly turned in a story, but I would want to see that people would actually want to read it. So, if you see any one-shot of mine that you think would do good as a full-fledged story, then please let me know whether in a review or a PM.
The character is an OC of mine.
-beccajoffical
I think-I think when it's all over,
It just comes back in flashes, you know?
It's like a kaleidoscope of memories.
It just all comes back. But he never does.
I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.
It's not really anything he said or anything he did,
It was the feeling that came along with it.
And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again.
But I don't know if I should.
I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?
Maybe he knew that when he saw me.
I guess I just lost my balance.
I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him.
It was losing me.
Sirius Black was more than I could handle. I knew this. But still, I got myself involved with him. Maybe it was the way he smiled at me. I knew about his reputation with the other girls. In fact, one of my friends had dated him. And he had done her like he had done every other girl he dated. When she had sex with him and he grew bored of her, he would move onto the next girl.
I was naïve to think that I would be any different. Then again, so was every other girl.
He made me feel like I was the only girl he saw. He would walk to me class, carry my books, and he never pressured me to sleep with him. He called me beautiful and wrote me sweet nothings. I had collected them over the course of the three month relationship, if you would call it that.
I felt like he loved me. He never said he did but I felt it. The way he made me feel…. I don't know if I'll be able to feel that way again. Then again, maybe I shouldn't.
As the 'relationship' went on, I started to change. I didn't believe it during the time but once it was all over, I stepped back and saw how obvious it was. I started slacking on my homework, skipping classes, and I did the one thing I swore I wouldn't do.
It was one night. He had taken me to the Room of Requirement for a late night date. The room was set up very romantically. There was candles lit, casting a soft glow around the room. That night, I lost myself. My virginity was gone.
After that night, I felt empty. He assured me that it was normal and shrugged it off. After a while, I started to shrug it off. We were supposed to be closer after that event so doubting him wasn't an option.
I then became like every other girl that he had dated. He started flirting with other girls, even in front of me. I would shake it off. Eventually, he stopped walking me to class. The sweet kisses stopped. The only time he seeked me out was to have sex. By this time, I had convinced myself that this was normal.
Then, I was doing my rounds of a Prefect with Amos Diggory when we caught a couple in a broom closet. I was shocked to discover that Sirius was shagging Taylor Mounts. When they had discovered that they had been caught, he didn't even look remorseful. I didn't stay around to wait for an apology. To this day, I never got one.
I lost myself when I got involved with Sirius Black. The memories would come back, quite frequently. I should have known that this was going to happen when I met him. Part of me did. The worst part was realizing that the entire relationship was fake. He never cared for me. He never cared for any of the girls he messed around with.
I watched as he did the same thing to Taylor Mounts and two other girls before we graduated Hogwarts. I had long accepted that all I ever was to Sirius Black was a notch in his belt. That year, he had added a total of five notches to his belt.
The best thing that came out of it was my daughter, Linden. She thankfully resembled my family but she had carried the mischievous eyes of the man who had destroyed me. Still, she was my saving grace.
I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.
Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me
I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me
And he's long gone when he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me
'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
No apologies. He'll never see you cry,
Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why.
You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning.
Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see
He was long gone when he met me
And I realize the joke is on me, yeah!
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in (you were right there, you were right there)
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble