Summary: Homura Akemi counted glow in the dark stars.
Once upon a time Homura Akemi could dream. She would dream of a world where she did not live like this. Reading books in the hospital room that had become her home. She would pray to God or whatever controlled the universe that she could be something more. That she could be anything but a pain, which at heart, is what she knew what she really was. She wished that she could be stronger, better, and fight for herself for once. But what she realized so long after is that this world is sadistic in its crushing of hopes. She wished to be stronger, and the universe replied with a wish, and a wish granting machine on hand. So she went back and back and back again, all to save Madoka. Maybe it was because she loved her, but more likely she just needed anything to love, anything to cling onto as her world fell apart at her feet.
Save Madoka. Save Madoka. It was all that mattered. I need to save Madoka. It became an obsession as well as a lost cause. Because somewhere in her soul she knew that saving her was a lost cause. Some things were impossible to stop. But still she continued. Always to save her. Still, maybe this cruel love that she had fallen into didn't have to remain unrequited. Maybe- No. She was deluding herself. It was impossible. But I have to save her. What would her wish be if she couldn't save her? She could live a thousand lifetimes, go back a million times and not deserve her. Why? So this is it, then? Almost a hundred timelines, but it all ends here. It can't be helped. This is what she deserved for still believing all those times. This is her payment for seeing hope when there was none.
Is this how Sayaka felt? But Sayaka was a better person then Homura was. She never once stopped believing in justice. She was always so angry. About that boy she liked. About how magical girls shouldn't fight with one another. But she still smiled. She still cared so deeply about this awful, awful world. Maybe that was how she finally broke. Because somehow, almost every time it was Sayaka that managed to die the same way. Maybe it was something about how stubborn she always was. But how she always died was she finally stopped seeing the good in people and realized at its core, the world was evil. Nothing is fair, nothing is just, and at the end of the day everybody lives in blissful ignorance.
No, this isn't how Sayaka felt. Sayaka fell into despair because she finally saw how awful the world could be. Homura had already seen this world too many times to ignore it. It simply became too much for her to bear for any longer. Her shoulders had buckled under the weight of all those timelines. She hated this world, and she had seen the same people die too many times for her to ignore it anymore.
In the corner of her eye she could see her soul gem, dark. She didn't care anymore. Let God or whatever there is take her. But magical girls don't go to heaven. Magical girls become witches, and witches go straight to the hell that all magical girls belong to. Homura felt a tear slide down her cheek. She didn't want to go this way. Whenever she imagined her inevitable death she always saw something heroic. Something less pathetic than attempting to do this alone. Her death was avoidable. And Homura Akemi detested avoidable things.
But, after so long, this was the time to weep. After so long forcing herself to be steel, emotionless, perfect, Homura could cry. There was nobody watching besides the dammed incubator anyways. This timeline was a mess. Everybody had died before she had the chance to save them. There was no point in last words if nobody hears them besides an emotionless rat, and Homura took a strange comfort in that. No reason for a forced confession when there was nobody here to talk to. There would probably be an echo if she wasn't in open space. Dying in a battle she knew was doomed from the start. It was a death fitting for Homura Akemi, in her eyes at least. Others would've argued that she deserved so much better, and as she lay dying she most likely wouldn't have argued. But nobody was there. This timeline it was just Homura to fix things, and truthfully, that scared her. Still, to her at least, it seemed fitting that the girl who used to have so many dreams would die with nobody to hear her final goodbyes and nobody to mourn her. A type of karma if you will.
As Homura Akemi glanced at her nearly black soul gem she couldn't help but think of when everything was so much simpler, and the only thing she was was sick and lonely. This world was awful and cruel, but so, so pitiful. Maybe it would be better if there was simply nothing.
While her eyes welled up with tears for the final time, she found that she loathed this world beyond belief. If everything ended because of her, so be it. This is the ending that she desired, and Homura knew with painful clarity that that ending would be brought
A glance towards a sky that she could barely see anymore. Back towards her now blackened soul gem. There was no point in last words with nobody to hear them, but she felt obligated regardless.
"I apologize."
And with one final tear, the short life of Homura Akemi was brought to a close.
A/N: So this was actually a thing that I abandoned and then came back to when the wifi was out at camp. Needless to say it turned out very different then what I originally intended. But I'm still satisfied with it. Anyhow, reviews are always appreciated.